• DYM Editorial Staff

DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2018 WEEK 9 part 2!!!!!!!!!


FOOD BEEF: 2018 SANDWICH TOUR!!!!!!!!!

Mimi’s Delicatessen 114 Park Ave. Madison NJ

Mimi’s Deli is a hidden gem on the outskirts of Madison.

Nestled in a neighborhood about half way between downtown and Farleigh Dickinson University*, Mimi’s gets very little foot traffic from either and largely flies under the radar of the Morris County food scene. Inside this nondescript, sparsely stocked storefront father and son chefs Paul and Paul Jr. are serving up Sliced MAGIC on Rye from 7am til 3pm Monday thru Saturday. Their yelp.com profile is the perfect metaphor for the place itself. Only 41 total reviews, but every single one is FIVE STARS.

This place is easy to miss, because it’s so typically Jersey. It looks like every deli you’ve ever been in but smaller and less remarkable. The grease-weathered, off-white walls are decorated only with fading autographed pictures of Rudy Giulliani and Tino Martinez from 1998. The antique coolers were mostly empty except for about three Snapples and two Red Bulls, the racks of chips and even the deli counter were equally bare. Definitely a roll of the dice, we’ve had some of our worst sandwiches ever in places that look just like this.

While we waited for our order we overheard another customer complementing Paul Sr. on his home-made corned beef hash. This perked our ears up immediately and we had to know more. “Paully makes the BEST corned beef!” He said, “That stuff at the diner looks like cat food! Can’t eat that shit!”

Oh shit, son. There are two elusive delicacies in this world that FOOD BEEF is constantly in search of:

1. Calamari with tentacles

2. Home-made corned beef hash

At that moment, we could swear it stopped raining outside and a beam of pure bright light came streaking in the window. It was as if God Herself had sent down a loud, fat Angel with tattoo sleeves and an Italian accent to deliver Her Good News.

And he was absolutely right! Nautilus Diner is TRASH!!!

Mimi’s sandwich presentation, like the entire experience, was decidedly no-frills. Sauces are exactly as you’d expect, and the sandwiches don’t come with any sides, not even a pickle. But the bread and the veggies were fresh, and they really do prepare almost all their own meats in-house. That’s why there’s nothing but sausage and cheese in the deli counter, because all the beef and turkey is in the OVEN!! And it is delicious! Everything we had was piled high, and packed with flavor:

  • Amari had a Turkey Club. He ate almost ¾ of it, which is a lot for a 3-year-old, and said it was much better than last week’s sandwich.

  • Cynthia went off-menu with a Corned Beef & Turkey Joe. The turkey was moist and tender.

  • We went with the house special “COMBO #1” which is Pastrami and Corned Beef on Rye. Both meats were immaculate – rich flavor, but not over-spiced or over-salted.

The only disappointing thing about going to Mimi’s was that we did it too early. It was EVERYTHING that we wanted and nothing more. We dare say that finding Mimi’s was the reason why we embarked on the Sandwich Tour to begin with, and now it feels like it’s already over. We’re going to give them a prohibitively high score that should guarantee them a playoff spot. To be honest, they’re probably going to win; and if nothing else the bar has now been set much higher than we ever expected.

Congratulations to Paul and Paul Jr. We’ll see you week 15.

SCORE: 9/10

*Note to The Commish: This is probably the closest deli to your new place. And they deliver.

WHO’S HOT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

  • Russell Wilson has turned his season around and led Beleiveland all the way to the #1 spot for week 9. Our son now has 3 straight 20+ point games with an incredible 3 TD’s in each game on only about 20 attempts. Seahawks up-coming match-ups are an appetizing mix of potential shoot-outs and bad defenses for the rest of the season.

  • Back in week 6 The Commish put up the highest weekly score of the season with 186. It’s a great feat, but that big number gave him an unsustainably high Heat Index last week. Next week that big score will only count toward his Season Average and not his Last 3 so he’ll need at least 168 this week to keep pace and avoid falling even cooler.

  • It looks like that Watson-Mahomes trade was a lose/lose after three weeks. Weird, there were some good players in there. The new-look-RC and new-look-Gentrifiers now join the stagnant QL as the league’s most frigid teams.

AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!

TEAM MEH vs [REDACTED]

Prediction Record: 6-3

The biggest blowout in Special Ed history came in Week 3 of 2015 when The Commish beat Abby 184.56 to 64.54. We think there’s a great chance that record falls this week. The projected spread is Team Meh -115. But Team Meh has outscored his Yahoo projection in all but one game this year. On the other side [REDACTED] has only two players in the starting lineup and they have both scored less than their Yahoo projections in 2 of the last 3 weeks.

There’s almost no chance that [REDACTED] makes the 5 requisite moves in the next 3 days, and actually sets the lineup. So we'll be predicting about 130+ point blow-out.

We’re feeling neighborly today so we’re going to take a look at the waiver wire for the new guy and try to piece this lineup back together. We’ll assume he’s sticking with Dion and Ingram at RB and will start Rodgers at QB and Buck Allen at Flex. That leaves 5 positions to be filled. Let’s run down the ACTUAL best options at each position and what we think he’s more likely to do (if anything at all):

WR1:

What he should do: Marquise Goodwin (drop The Full House). Goodwin had a 30 point game two weeks ago and burned Arizona for a 55-yard TD last week. He’s got a shot to do it again against a sad Raiders D.

What he would do: Terrelle Pryor. [REDACTED] probably doesn’t know that Pryor actually plays WR, but he might be looking for a 4th back-up QB.

WR2:

What he should do: Marquez Valdes-Scantling (drop Agholor). MVS has collected 21 targets for 216 yards over the last 3 weeks. He has emerged as the new #2 WR in Green Bay.

What he would do: DeVante Parker. Parker’s had one good game in a row now.

TE:

What he should do: Ed Dickson (drop Goff). Dickson has also had just one good game in a row now, but that’s better than most bye week TE options.

What he would do: Vernon Davis. This is a player he has heard of.

K:

What he should do: Tavecchio/Matt Bryant (drop Elliott). The ATL Kicker position has scored 49 fantasy points in the last 4 weeks. The Falcons are the only NFL team with two capable kickers, so which ever one starts should be picked up this week.

What he would do: Sebastian Janikowski. Seems obvious.

D:

What he should do: Carolina (waiver) (drop Philly). HOLY SHIT!! ROB DROPPED CAROLINA!!! THEY’RE PLAYING TAMPA THIS WEEK!!!! OH-SHIT-OH-SHIT-OH-SHIT-OH-SHIT!!!!!

What he would do: Seattle. Seahawks D is still good right?

PREDICTION:

TEAM MEH: 145.50

[REDACTED]: 10.12

SPECIAL ED MATCH-UPS!!!!!!!!!

IN SAQUON WE TRUST vs. QUE LASTIMA

This would be the sweetest upset of the year if it happened. Man. But even without Barkley Chris’s team is still pretty good this week.

IN SAQUON WE TRUST WINS!!!!!!!!!

EAT A SNICKERS BITCH vs. GENTRIFIERS

We’re picking Doug on the condition that Cooper Kupp plays. If he has to hit the waivers or start Amari this looks a lot closer.

EAT A SNICKERS BITCH WINS!!!!!!!!!

DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs. RANDALL CUMMINGHAM

Fitz is BACK! We think he out-scores Watson this week. Jalen Richard is strong in the force but he is no match for Master Tarik Cohen.

DYM WINS!!!!!!!!!

UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!

BELIEVELAND vs. POLK HIGH PANTHERS

Having PHP favored in this game must be some sort of system error at Yahoo. PHP’s projections are way too high and Paul’s are way too low. Brady 8 points better than Russell is a JOKE!

Paul suddenly has an embarrassment of riches at RB. Even with Mixon on bye he still could conceivably bench future-super-star Aaron Jones. They are also at full strength at WR with Tyreek apparently not hurt.

BELIEVELAND WINS!!!!!!!!!

HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!