DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2019 WEEK 8 - WHO'S HOT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
This year we’re celebrating the 5th anniversary of WHO’S HOT?!?!?!?!?!
One fateful day back in week 14 of 2014 the DYM Imagineers created two special features which would go on to become our longest running and most beloved: The DYM Awards and WHO’S HOT?!
WHO’S HOT?! is DYM’s very own ranking system that measures each team’s relative ascent or decline without regard for their actual number of points.
Early in the season we assess teams’ strength in the POWER RANKINGS. Now as we approach the playoff run, and the weaker teams are all but eliminated, that assessment is moot. For the rest of the season it won’t matter how "good your team was supposed to be”, only how HOT they are right now. That’s why every year after week 8 we assess your momentum with the HEAT INDEX. In this league, there’s no prize for most points in a season, and no prize for most wins either. The championship can only be won in week 16, so it doesn't really matter how “good” your team is all year. The only thing that matters is “WHO’S HOT” at the end. Who’s Hot has correctly predicted the winner of the last 5 Special Ed Superbowls*.
Every year since 2014 we have used our proprietary algorithm to calculate the exact “Heat Index” of every Special Ed team. The calculation is deviously simple. We just divide your last three weeks’ average score by your season average and boom, that’s your HEAT INDEX.
Now, without further to do, DYM proudly presents - WHO'S HOT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
With less than half the season left Paul and MikeStanley have established themselves as the clear early favorites. They are the top 2 highest scoring teams on the season AND two of the top 3 HOTTEST teams. That means they’ll both be favored in their week 9 matchups.This is a common phenomena in mid-season Who’s Hot?! Rankings, but more often than not the Champion will be relatively cool at this stage of the season, before heating up after Thanksgiving.
The magic of WHO'S HOT is that we all only ever truly compete against ourselves, so no matter how many games they win it will be increasingly difficult to stay HOT in the postseason. They’ll have to find ways to stay motivated, lest they share the fate of that old hare who was outlasted and overtaken by the steady tortoise.
Team Meh is #1 with a bullet but they were in a similar position this time last year. They completely collapsed in the second half-season and lost in the first round of the playoffs.
Pickle Ricks’ resolve will be tested as they’ll have to survive the next few weeks without Mahomes. But the win over PHP last week proved they are still in the good graces of the Fantasy Gods. They’re season average is a modest 106 so they also still have room to grow down the stretch.
Paul’s season average is 156. That's insane. It can't be sustainable, can it?
FOOD BEEF PRESENTS: THE 2019 DYM BAGEL TOUR!!!!!!!!
Morristown Bagel & Deli, Morristown, NJ
We’ve got another contender, folks. This little hole in the wall across from the Morristown train station actually makes a perfectly decent bagel.
The image above is a textbook example of fine bagel craftsmanship. As you can see the bagel is very easy in the eyes. They're big and airy so you know the bagels were hand rolled with care they were allowed a long time to rise. The texture feels even better than it looks. The crust is tight as a drum, and the dough is super gluey so it pulls away from the crust entirely when you pinch it.
They were unfortunately sold out of lox when we went in on Thursday morning. That's a little concerning, to be honest. Cynthia docked them a point but none of the other judges had any complaints.
We’ll be back here again in the playoffs, but we don't think we’ll be able to crown them champion without reliably good lox.
BAGEL SCORE: 9
DYM: Whole wheat everything with bacon, double egg, salt, pepper, hot sauce: 9
CYNTHIA: Whole wheat everything with bacon, egg, cheese, salt, pepper, hot sauce: 8.5
DAVE MAULBECK: Whole wheat everything with cream cheese: 9.5
MB: Whole wheat everything with cream cheese: 9.5
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK: Pickle Ricks!! vs Sharon Ertz!!!!!!!!
AGoTW Prediction Record: 6-1
Battered but not beaten. Two wounded warriors struggle to remain in playoff contention.
The tiers have now solidified:
There are two 6-1 teams who have all but clinched. The next four teams all have 4 wins but #s 3 and 4 have a huge point advantage, so they are tier 2.
The bottom tier, Matt and The Commish, are basically eliminated already.
That puts Dave and Rob squarely in the third tier along with Doug and Andy. These are the four teams to watch this month, as they will be fighting for the last two playoff spots.
Both Dave and Rob have games remaining against Doug and Andy so the winner of this game should have a good chance to control their own destiny. For Dave, beating Rob, Doug and Andy would put him at 7 wins, and should get him in. Rob’s path to the playoffs would be winning those same three matchups and also knocking off the woe-begotten Polk High Panthers next week.
Rob is off to a good start with Diggs’ big game on Thursday, and Ty Johnson gets to ease into his new starting role with a nice home matchup against the Giants. The bad news is that everybody else on the Ertz squad has very bad matchups, and they’re ICE COLD.
Pickle Ricks is the #2 HOTTEST team this week. They’ll need about 117 to stay HOT and we think they’ll get it. This team has 6 green-light matchups including absolute smash-spots for Conner at home vs Miami and Lockett at Atlanta. They’ll just need to survive and advance to two more wins after this one and then look to get Mahomes back for the Playoffs.
PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!!!!
Paul’s Awesome Team vs 🔥 NOW KAKAROT!!!!!🔥
Paul has the third highest Heat Index this week on the strength of his 200 point effort in week 5. Next week that game will fade into memory, so he’ll need another big big score to stay HOT for week 9.
Doug appears much cooler this week but is coming off his highest score of the year. With Rodgers and Hopkins getting back on track they could stand a chance.
PAULS AWESOME TEAM WINS!!!!!!!!
DefendYourMoves.com🦒 vs Team Meh
We’re starting way too many Bills this week and all our other guys have real bad matchups. Just hoping nobody gets hurt this week.
TEAM MEH WINS!!!!!!!!
In Saquon We Trust vs Bring It On Home
They say the Falcons are about to fire Dan Quinn this week. We’re starting to think Devonta and Matt Ryan are gonna get their fantasy manager fired too.
BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!!!!!!!
Polk High Panthers vs Alvin & TheShitmunks
For the second straight week a starting fantasy QB has scored less than 10pts on Thursday. And once again PHP is playing against them. This time PHP has 5 greenlight matchups, but we just know he's still gonna blow it somehow.
ALVIN & THESHITMUNKS WINS!!!!!!!!
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!
*DYM writers eschewed the Heat Index in the 2017 Superbowl preview and picked that game incorrectly. The hotter team has, in fact, won every Superbowl since 2014.