DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2019 WEEK 9!!!!!!!!!
DUMPSTER DIVER OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!
Drop: Benioff and Weiss
Add: Disney+ (pre-order)
DISNEY FIRED THE GAME OF THRONES GUYS, and WE CALLED IT!!!!!!!!!
There’s actually only one earnest, specific prediction in our Ultimate Star Wars Theory, and it does not appear in the thesis at defendyourmoves.com/star-wars.
Last spring, before Star Wars Season officially opened, we ran a highly controversial Game of Thrones Death Pool and blogged the weekly results right here at DYM. Then as a segway to our main off-season project we authored a short introduction to the USWT exclusively for Special Ed Nation. Therein we noted Lucas Film’s then-recent hiring of GoT’s idiot show-runners. The avid waiver-wire aficionados at DYM immediately recognized this as a short-term add.
Sometimes when your team is in transition you need to bring a lot of guys in for workouts - kick the tires, see how they fit in in the locker room. We don’t think anybody at Disney really thought these guys were gonna be a long-term solution for Star Wars, but they had some upside in the change-of-pace role.
When we wrote this six months ago, we initially predicted they’d hang around the Lucas Film Facilities for the rest of the 2019 Star Wars Season and be dropped around March or April, before the Episode IX home video release. Kudos to Disney for pulling the trigger on this big-time move right in the heat of peak SW Season. That’s a tough move to make but it could go a long way in securing the future of the franchise. GREAT JOB!!!
WHO HATH TRESPASSED AGAINST THE FANTASY GODS???
The human mind is reticent to accept that some aspects of life are simply beyond our control. Throughout history man has concocted a myriad ways to cultivate good fortune and harness the power of the unknown. Tribute, sacrifice, and penance are paid to the gods. Through these rites we humble ourselves and recognize our place as the gods’ faithful servants. In ancient times the gods demanded a literal sacrifice: the death of an animal or even a beloved fellow man. Today the Jews and Muslims call it Tsedakah, for the Christians it is confession and tithes, for the Hindus it is called Karma, and in Fantasy Football we must abide the unwritten rules of The Game as given to us directly from the Fantasy Gods.
Thus when people say there’s a lot of luck involved in fantasy sports, they may believe still that “luck” is not entirely capricious and is not beyond their control.
There’s a lot of ways one can go about creating their own luck - some folks have to watch games in a lucky chair; some have to wear a lucky shirt or hat, last season from weeks 10 through 16 we did edibles every Sunday just before 1:00 kickoff - We had a few other lucky charms for our championship run last year, but we won’t divulge all of the sacred mysteries just yet. Suffice to say that there’s a lot more that goes into a fantasy championship run than just setting an optimal lineup.
The best way to curry the favor of the Fantasy Gods is simply playing the game the right way. There are certain unwritten laws of respectful fantasy team management which are our covenant with the Fantasy Gods.
Polk High Panthers are the only Special Ed team with a season long curse on their house for running completely afoul of the Fantasy Gods’ decrees. The auto-draft and the extra TE’s were sins that could have been atoned, if he had sought atonement. Even now, nearly the entire auto-draft roster remains in place, including the TEs. He did accept one great trade but has yet to deal any of the surplus TEs. Matt’s fate was truly sealed in week 6 when he committed the cardinal sin of all fantasy: Starting a player on their bye week.
The only thing more disgraceful than not setting your lineup is being outscored by the team who did not set their lineup. In week 7 Rob managed to score even fewer points than Matt in week 6. Rob’s team clearly has a hex on it right now, but the reason why is not nearly as obvious. Drafting both DJ Moore and Curtis Samuel was weird, but not necessarily a sin; dropping Samuel and trading away Lev Bell should have appeased the Gods. They may still be displeased with his team name which pays homage to a former Special Ed member and a player who’s position we no longer acknowledge.
Defend Your Moves the team also ran afoul of The Gods last week by conceding defeat to Team Meh and making zero roster moves. We are repenting this week by shuffling Arizona RBs and shopping Odell aggressively before the deadline.
We have now moved Odell (but in exchange for a dreaded Patriot), and added a new Rookie RB. We pray our works this week are favorable in the eyes of The Fantasy Gods.
WOKE WEDNESDAYS WITH KYRIE IRVING!!!!!!!!!
Everybody in the shop this week's been goin crazy talking about the Jets. Adam Gase seems to have completely lost control, and the team is in a tailspin. We keep bringing it up so they don't talk to me about all the games the Nets lost last week.
Anyway, Gase had just got done tanking in Miami and as soon as the Jets bring him in he goes straight in the tank again. He just traded their best player on defense, and now he's even trying to trade Leveon too.
Why would anyone do this? What does he have to gain by systematically decimating AFC East teams one by one???
There's only one man who could be responsible for such a diabolical plot:
JUST CONNECT THE DOTS PEOPLE!!!
In the mid 90s Belichick was the head coach of the Cleveland Browns. His Defensive Coordinator was another future football overlord, Nick Saban.
Although they would only have one winning season in Cleveland, Nick and Bill concocted an intricate plan to dominate all of football for a generation:
A “Manchurian Candidate.” An avatar of themselves that could work within their enemies' organizations, sewing discord and doing their bidding.
In 1994 they spit ways, Saban would scour the college coaching ranks for prospective scions, and Belichik searched amongst NFL coaches.
Bill was the most successful initially. During his time with the Jets Belichik took a number of coaches under his wing who would later go on to sabotage a number of AFC teams. Romeo Crennel, Todd Haley, and Eric Mangini authored some of the most humiliating losses and most complete implosions of the 2000’s. They all directly contributed to the early phases of the Patriots dynasty.
But in the year 2000 Saban got his first SEC Head Coaching job at LSU; there he would find the Chosen One - Adam Gase.
Gase was a scouting assistant under Saban in 2000 and 2001. Saban brainwashed Gase and twisted his impressionable, obsessive mind into the perfect implement for their master plan. Gase went from LSU to a series of low-level assistant roles in the NFL. After five years ascending within the Broncos organization he was finally ready to have his prime directive protocol activated. Once he was hired by Miami, the code word was spoken and he has been on a single minded mission ever since: Destroy every AFC team.
There’s reason to believe that certain other influential football figures played a hand in Gase’s meteoric rise. It is entirely possible that John Elway was brought in to Denver for the express purpose of promoting Gase. Step one was to bring in Peyton Manning in 2012 and allow him to install his own offense. Then, the next year, he promoted Gase to the figurehead position of “offensive coordinator.”
The only question remaining is who will be next? The razing of the Dolphins and Jets is nearly complete and it's not hard to imagine that Gase could already be on the hot seat in just his first year in New York. Unfortunately the NFL Coaching Carousel never stops turning.
HAVE A HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!