DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2019 WILDCARD PLAYOFF RECAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Updated: Dec 13, 2019
Holy shit, everybody got injured this week.
TEN guys on Special Ed playoff teams went down this week and are questionable or worse going forward:
Dak - hand
Mike Evans - hammy
Mark Andrews - knee
Derrick Henry - hammy
Patty Mahomes - hand
Jared Cook - bell rung
Lamar Jackson - quad
Calvin Ridley - tummy
Rashaad Penny - knee
Miles Sanders - hammy (ok. he's back, thank god)
Marvin Jones - ankle
That's a 1.7 injury per team average this week, and we’re only counting playoff rosters and that doesn’t even include the bench zeros like Lev Bell, Theilen and James Conner.
GOOD FUCKIN LUCK to all the semi finals contenders.
WILDCARD PLAYOFF RECAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TEAM MEH vs ALVIN & THESHITMUNKS
“Garbage time giveth and garbage time taketh away.”
As we predicted, Team Meh took advantage of some great matchups and The TheShitmunks were overwhelmed by some tough ones. But in retrospect it’s crazy that Team Meh won this game so handily cause for just a minute there it seemed like it was gonna go the other way.
The TheShitmunks started the week with some decent garbage time action from Dak and Amari, then got an early Mike Evans TD. By about 2:30 Sunday afternoon Team Meh looked beat: Mark Andrews was OUT with one catch for 14 yards, Mike Thomas had about 20 yards, Chubb had less than 10, and Watson was having a worse game than Dak - trailing the Broncos 31-3.
But the tables turned after halftime. Within the next hour Mike Evans went out, while Thomas and Chubb each had 50+ yard plays and Watson had his first of three TDs. The TheShitmunks were still in it all the way up until the Witching Hour when Watson and Golladay both scored late garbage time TDs in the final minutes. Tobin was conceding defeat by 4:00.
Team Meh moves on to face a battered DefendYourMoves.com squad who may have lost 4 starters to injury this week. Meh won their only regular season meeting this year, and beat DYM in their only postseason matchup in 2017.
PICKLE RICKS vs BOB BITCH TITS
For the second straight week Yahoo had Pickle Ricks as 20 point underdogs, and for the second straight week they pulled off the biggest upset of the season.
Aaron Jones was the only Packer who scored any fantasy points this week, and the only Packer not on Doug’s roster. Green Bay had maybe the best matchup of the week on paper, but Doug’s three Packers combined were outscored by Raheem “The Most” Mostert. They should have been done for by 4:00 just like Tobin. But then a big BIG game from Derrick Henry and a small game from Mahomes gave BBT the lead with 5 minutes remaining in the late games.
When the Patriots took the field for the game’s final drive Henry was done for the day and Pickle Ricks needed only one more Edelman catch for the win. Edelman got that one catch and gave PR a .74 point lead. Their miracles never cease.
As it is written in Genesis 1:31 - The Fantasy Gods saw everything that they had made, and, behold, it was very good.
This is the third Wildcard round win for Pickle Ricks, but they have never been to a Special Ed Superbowl. Only one team has ever beaten Doug in week 14 and that team went on to win the SESB that year (2016 Randall Cummingham).
THE 2nd ANNUAL SPECIAL ED BYE WEEK DFS INVITATIONAL
The only week 14 matchup hanging in the balance Monday Night was the bye week DFS showdown between Pauls Awesome Team and DefendYourMoves.com. Neither of us fielded powerhouse rosters but DYM pulled a rabbit out of their hat with Higbee on Sunday night. Paul would need 15 from Wentz to pull out the win.
Wentz was terrible for three quarters but then, that accursed beast called Garbage Time reared its ugly head once again.
Late in the 3rd quarter Wentz was sitting at 130 yards and 0 TDs and Philly trailed by 14. We were cruising.
When Miles Sanders went into the locker room with a leg injury, we think we had a stroke and lost consciousness for about 40 minutes. When we came to Paul was down by 5.38 and Wentz was lining up for first and goal from the 1.
Pass to Ertz. Touchdown. Game over.
Unreal. What a fucked up week, you guys. We cant fuckin wait til Star Wars.
We’ll be back later this week to find out Whos Hot?! And break down all the Semi-Final and Constellation Tournament matchups.
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!