DEFEND YOU MOVES 2019 SEMI-FINALS AND CONSTELLATION TOURNAMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TYROD TAYLOR DAYS TIL STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
We bought opening day tickets (Thursday 7:30pm) for ourselves and all the Food Beef judges a while back; but MB is very VERY pregnant. Right now it looks like there's 50%+ chance that she'll go into labor before Thursday, which would leave us with 2 extras. Jeff Ertz has dibs on one of them, but if anybody else wants to get on our waiting list for the second ticket let us know soon.
Man we are soooo fuckin' amped for Star Wars right now. The internets are flooded with dubious leaks and spoilers, and we can't get enough of em. Of course, there were a ton of "leaks" before The Last Jedi too, and 90% of them were waaaaay off. We don't care though, we're still eating it all up. It doesn't really bother us if they're not "true" - accurate factual statements aren't really on-brand for us anyway. The way we see it, the gay teenagers we follow on twitter have been writing ReyLo fan-fiction for years anyway. At this point we've just accepted that r/starwarsleaks is basically a cis-male fanfic and we just imagine that their purported "sources" are all just part of the AU. It's like online performance art. We get it. But the fact that we take unsubstantiated "leaks" with such a large grain of salt gets us extra psyched for any content we actually get from Disney.
Earlier this week Disney posted clips from the film score on an official "for your consideration" website, but momentarily left the page open to the public. We won't spoil anything for you guys here in this space, but just know that the themes and the track titles line up VERY well with our big predictions we made last spring.
The crux of most of our predictions was that this film would incorporate some of the major elements from our favorite Star Wars - Episode I. Coincidentally, as longtime Star Wars guys will remember, there was a similar debacle just before the release of The Phantom Menace. In 1999 Lucas Film released the Episode I soundtrack album a few days before the movie hit theaters. Fans who picked up the album were largely confused and disappointed to see a track entitled "Qui Gon's Noble End", thus spoiling the fate of a character no one even knew existed yet.
We don't get anything quite that concrete in the TROS score, but there are some pretty big reveals. So now, our only question is: Can you still call it a leak if Disney put it out themselves and they probably did it on purpose?
After some crazy week 13 garbage time action and a HUGE 63-point Thursday nighter, this is shaping up to be the barn-burningest post-season in Special Ed history.
For the first time this year more than half the league is HOT🔥 including 3 of the 4 competitors in the Constellation Tournament. On paper, Polk High Panthers are the second hottest team in the CT, but it's worth noting that if they had played last week they would have had the league's highest score and would have posted a 1.116 Heat Index for this week. Brees had a huge game and Gurley is finally turning it on, so we've actually got PHP as the Constellation Tourney favorite right now.
Doug had the lowest score of the Wildcard round, but not by much so they are still technically the league's hottest team and the Heat-Index-favorite for this week's Fifth Place Championship match.
AMERICAS GAMES OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AGoTW Prediction Record: 14-5
YOUR JOURNEY NEARS ITS END...
Everything we have done this year has lead us to this point. The offseason research, the mock drafts, the gifs on the group text, the moves, the trades, all the laughter and the tears. All these things have come to pass for one purpose: To win the final game of the season.
The fantasy season will come to an end for each of us over the next two weeks.
Seven teams will lose in week 15 or 16. Only three will win their final game, and they are all, therefore, CHAMPIONS. The triumvirate of Special Ed Champion, Special Ed Fifth Place Champion, and Special Ed Constellation Champion are the three most sought after achievements in all of fantasy sports.
May the force be with you always, everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FIFTH PLACE CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALVIN & THESHITMUNKS vs EMU UP IN THAT ASS
FIFTH PLACE: THE SECOND GREATEST SPECIAL ED CHAMPION!!!!!
Mike Evans being out for this one could be addition by subtraction for The TheShitmunks since Tyler Boyd has actually been better than Evans over the last month. Evans hadn't had a 20 point game since week 11 and he's been dragging the whole team down with him. They're now colder than they've been all season. But things are looking up for Tobin this week. Mark Ingram got the party started with 2 TDs on Thursday, snapping a 2 game TD drought.
Even with Tobin on pace for his best game of the last month, we still think Doug's got the firepower to take them down. Derrick Henry is probably the hottest player in all of fantasy right now: he's averaging 24 points per game over the last four after putting up just 16 per game in the first nine games of the season. He should be able to match Ingram, and Hunt has actually been about a point per game better than Kamara this month. We also like Austin Hooper this week even against the Niners, he should get a lot of the targets vacated by Calvin Ridley.
EMU'N YO ASS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE 2019 SPECIAL ED CONSTELLATION TOURNAMENT:
🌟🌟🌟WHERE EVERYBODY IS A STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🌟🌟🌟
SHARON ERTZ vs BRING IT ON HOME
The Cowboys have lost 4 of the last 5 games and Jerry Jones was out there telling everybody how mad he was about it last week. It seemed Jason Garrett was on the hottest of hot seats. He managed to forestay his execution by using the oldest trick in the NFL Coaches' book - cutting the kicker. It seems like the primary purpose of the kicker position in the NFL is to be a scapegoat for bad coaches. Look around the league, all of the most under-performing teams have cut at least one kicker this year: The Bears, Jets, Titans, Falcons, Colts, and Cowboys were all expected to improve this year but have not, and they have all cut a kicker this year. But only one disappointing team (The Panthers) have fired their Head Coach.
That's a problem for Sharon Ertz entering the Constellation Semi-Finals. It's considered poor form for non-playoff teams to make roster moves after week 13 so they're stuck with former-cowboy Brett Maher on the roster. They'll have a Zero in the starting lineup this week, which means Andy is in danger of being placed in The Hall of Shame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like we always say: The only thing more disgraceful than not setting your lineup is losing to the guy who did not set his lineup. We think Andy will get it done though. Kyler Murray has been cold the last few weeks, but still better than Brady. Malcolm Brown was a pretty good start on Thursday, and Robert Woods has been very very hot.
BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE COMMISH vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS
Melvin Gordon has only outscored Austin Ekeler in two of the 10 games they've played together this year. Getting Ekeler for Miles Sanders should have been the most profitable trade in the league this year, but Matt was not able to capitalize during the regular season. That's mostly Todd Gurley's fault, but he's turned it on the last two weeks. Plus Godwin is the week's #1 smash spot start at WR with Mike Evans finally out of the way. PHP has a Ben Solo-level shot at redemption in the Constellation Tournament, just so long as he moves Chark to the bench.
POLK HIGH PANTHERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs PICKLE RICKS
Pickle Rick still refuses to lose. Under the protection of the divine providence of the Fantasy Gods they are immune to all bad matchups and questionable start/sits. We've been talking about the blessings being bestowed on Pickle Rick for weeks now, but Crowder's first TD on Thursday was a true Revelation: Crowder had just dropped one of the easiest TDs you'll ever see. He walked back to the huddle visibly murmuring to himself, looking absolutely distraught. But the Gods sent a muse down to whisper in Sam Darnold's ear, telling him to go back to Crowder again. Crowder was covered much more tightly the second time and, against all odds, completed the much more difficult catch. Crowder would go on to score a second TD and compile 90 yards. This was Crowders best fantasy game of his entire career. He has never scored 2 receiving TDs, and has not reached 90 yards in a game since November 2017.
Normally we'd say Julio is in a great spot to blow up this week with Ridley and Richard Sherman out, and we would love Fournette against Oakland, but not this week. PR has the greatest fantasy defense the Special Ed League has ever seen, so no one is safe in this matchup.
PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TEAM MEH vs DEFEND YOUR MOVES
Paul and Dave are both content to play week 15 with Zeroes on the bench. That's fine cause its a foregone conclusion that Pickle Rick is gonna win. The other Semi-Final matchup will be much more hotly contended and appropriately these are the only two teams that made moves this week.
DYM had one of their busiest weeks of the year, making 7 moves (so far). As the dust settles, they now have THREE rookies in the starting lineup AND the force ghost of Master Duke Johnson. That's a risky lineup, but they'll need all the juice they can get from those fresh legs to compete with Meh's GREAT week 15 matchups. The best one being Golladay vs Tampa with Mavin Jones out. Golladay was not that great last year when he was forced into the alpha-WR role, but if there's any defense that might not be able to defend a team with only one WR it's definitely Tampa. Same goes for Carson, he'll be the only real RB for Seattle and the Seahawks haven't had 300 yard passing since week 9. It's pretty obvious they're gonna run the ball a lot this week too but we bet Carolina still can't stop it even if they see it coming every down. Our only hope is that Patrick Laird brings in enough Dolphin-stink to corrupt the Team Meh locker room.
Obviously Lamar's 5 TDs (FIVE!!!!!) gave us a big leg up, and Mark Andrews may have been useful but was left on Team Meh's bench. But there's still a TON of points left to be scored in this one.
DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!