DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2021 WEEK 6!!!!!!
What's up, Special Ed?!?!?! The NFL Newswire is smokin today!!! About a million guys got hurt in week 5, there's bye weeks, AND we got a REAL-LIFE NFL TRADE!!!!!!! That's right! In a deal that was three years in the making, our beloved ex-league-mate's cousin - Zach Ertz - was finally traded. Ertz was sent to the Cardinals in exchange for a Cornerback and a fifth round pick. That's definitely not the kind of deal the Eagles wanted for the former all-pro, (especially since last night it looked like the D-line needed a lot more help than the secondary) but hopefully they'll learn a lesson from this: For the last couple years The Eagles have been very publicly trying to trade their best players. And in the in-between time they threatened to bench some of the same players they were trying to trade, and drafted replacements for players in their primes. This is anti-social behaviour. We're not convinced that trashing your guys in public is even an effective motivational tool, and we're sure it does nothing good for their trade value. It doesn't cost the team anything to say that they like their own players, and it might help them find other people that like them too. FOOD BEEF VI: BURGERS This Week: 5 GUYS!!!!!! Five Guys is an old-time favorite of ours. We've been going to Five Guys on the reg since they first opened up in NJ about ten years ago. The burgers are always high-quality and the peanut-oil-cooked french fries are among the very best. Our favorite thing about Five Guys is the toppings selection. Fuck BK if you really wanna have it your way you gotta go to Five Guys! Our choice topping combo is: grilled mushrooms, grilled onions, pickles, jalapeños, and mustard. All those grilled toppings leave us with a rather soft burger that’s easy to eat and slides right down the gullet. The jalapeños give it just enough flavor and kick. But otherwise this is much more of a comfort food burger than a real dank gourmet burger like we had last week. BURGER SCORE: 8.5 BONUS BURGER: NICKY'S FIREHOUSE!!!!!! We had Five Guys for lunch. Then when we picked up Cynthia from work she says "Are we getting burgers?!?" So we got another burger!!! Nicky's Firehouse is our hometown go-to for pizza AND wings. Their pies have the thinnest crust and tastiest sauce in town and their wings are big and beautifully crunchy. So we were not too shocked when we heard that their burgers were top-notch as well. People around town and in the google reviews swear the burgers are even better than the pizza, but we'll let FOOD BEEF be the judge of that!! We got the signature “Firehouse Burger” and added bacon. The burger comes with “firehouse sauce” on it which is kind of a smokey flavored tarter sauce. it’s a unique flavor, and it’s pretty good but didn’t blow us away. But the fries were really really good - better than five guys, so they’ll get a little bonus for that.
Cynthia had the jalapeño burger and although it was greasy she found it to be far too dry. Not a great combo. Cynthia: 7 DYM: 8 Fries bonus: +.5 BURGER SCORE: 8 MISS CLEO'S WEEK 6 PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!!!!! JULIO JONES!!!!!! Miss Cleo's Prop Bet Record: 3-2 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!! BRING IT ON HOME vs. PICKLE RICKS!!!!!!!! AGOTW Prediction Record: 4-1 There's no rest for the weary this week. Everybody's got injuries and/or bye weeks to deal with but there are TWO powerhouse matchups in this league that will separate the MEN from the BOYS!! LETS GOOO!!!!!! The #2 and #3 teams in our standings, BIOH and Pickle Ricks, have both been successful overall but highly inconsistent. BIOH has scored over 150 three times but also scored under 110 twice. PR has hit 130 twice but also scored less than 100 twice. So this gonna be a tough one to call. The last two weeks, injuries have forced Andy to finally start Leonard Fournette, something DYM had recommended back in week 2. Last night our guy Lenny went old school Beast Mode on the Eagles. Philly had no answer as he rumbled to 127 combined yds and 2 TDS. After that Yahoo! has Andy as a 30 point favorite, but we think this one is still far from over. Two weeks ago this team only scored 109 even though DJ Moore went off for 116 and 2TDs (30 fantasy points). BIOH has plenty of big names on the bench this week too: Carson went to IR, Kamara's on bye, and Mike Williams is very questionable. He's gonna need a lotta help from a TE and Amari "3 catches" Cooper in the FLEX spots. Pickle Ricks!! is off to a much less auspicious start this week. Stupid Mike Evans stunk last night. That guy is so annoying. They'll also have to wait at least one more week for C-Mac. But we really like a lot of the other matchups for this team: Ekeler is on fire the last two weeks, and he gets Baltimore who just let Jonathan Taylor run wild last week; Baker Mayfield is unexpectedly rejuvenated and could end up in another shootout with Arizona who will play without their head coach this week (covid); and Kupp has a great matchup vs the Giants, which could negate a lot of Stafford's points. Ideal situation is Kupp gets a couple big plays in the first half, the Rams take a two-score lead and just run the ball for the last 20+ minutes. Prediction: Pickle Ricks!! - 132.86 Bring It On Home - 108.77 PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS The other blockbuster matchup this week is #1 Team Tobin vs #4 PHP. Both these teams are relatively healthy, they have a few Qs but should all play. Tobin had the correct Bucs WR last night and it looks right now like Kareem Hunt is gonna be the man this week with Chubb injured. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!! JEDI LOLA BUNNY🐰⚔️ vs 🦆DOUBLE🐧 North Korea’s kinda killin it out here these days. Last month the western media gushed over Kim Jong Un’s Adele-esque body transformation. Now, this week The DPRK is really stuntin on us. The WWE Draft was held last week and not a single Korean Wrestler was selected by RAW or SmackDown. Obviously our new-look Skinny Jong-Un is not gonna let this kind of disrespect slide. So the Korean military held an absolutely insane martial arts exhibition that put our asses ON NOTICE! These dudes are breaking cinder blocks with their dicks, fuckin rubbin broken glass on their faces, lettin other dudes beat em with 2x4's... its NUTS! We used to watch ECW wrestling back when the matches were held in fuckin high school gyms and Lyons Club halls in Philly. Those guys were PSYCHOS but they aint got SHIT on these Korean dudes. North Korea's sending a message and we got it loud and clear: they're here to remind Fox Sports, and the entire western world, that when it comes to training mindless drugged-up supermen - Asian dictatorships still can't be beat. JEDI LOLA BUNNY🐰⚔️ WINS!!!!!! SHARON ERTZ vs DELTA BLUES Sharon Ertz took another TOUGH loss last week when they got stuck with a cursed, phony Player of The Week. Fortunately, this week they get the "FREE WIN" against The Commish. Delta Blues is the only team that's been unluckier than Sharon this year. They had a 15 point lead on Fay on Monday and lost when Michael Pittman caught his first TD of the year. That's a bad beat. But now, without Russell, there's only 2 players left on The Commish's squad that ought to be starting in this league - and one of em is the potentially greatly devalued DK Metcalf. The next two weeks DB is playing Tobin and then PHP. Congrats to those guys on the free wins. SHARON ERTZ WINS!!!!!! PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs NO AND THEN! Jalen Hurts scored 3 TDs last night to give NAT the early lead. But PAT is gonna come back - even though they got two deadbeat back-up scrubs for starting RBs - we don't think Paul is dumb enough to start two Giants this week against the Rams. He's gonna bench Toney and start that Monday Night HAMMER - THE PLAYER OF THE WEEK - JULIO JONES LETS GOOOOO~!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!