What’s up, Special Ed?
Lot going on in the news these days huh? We had been singularly focused on this league since about Labor Day, so to be honest we were a bit caught off guard when we started looking at the regular news again this week.
Somebody’s gonna have to explain to us why bitcoin is a thing now. First of all, what’s the difference between cryptocurrencies and, like, a bank account? Almost all of our money is already electronic, right? We barely ever use real physical cash money. There’s “money” that goes into our account via direct deposit, and “money” leaves our account through debit card transactions and transfers to other banks. There’s no actual exchange of currency, just digital communications. Assuming that banks encrypt the information they send each other about our money, isn’t the dollar a crypto-currency? And why do people think this is a good thing to invest in anyway? Last time we checked, bitcoins were just for buying drugs or guns on the internet, and we heard Russia pays contractors in bitcoin to avoid US sanctions. If you ever got paid in bitcoin before 2016 you’re almost definitely dead or in jail right now. I don’t get it.
The other thing we heard around the watercooler this week is everybody’s gonna have to pay to use websites now. Kind of amazing since we just started our own website this year. We’re gonna cut the sweetest deal with all the ISPs, son, we’re bout to get PAID! LETS GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CONSTELLATION TOURNAMENT
The Constellation Tournament is a battle for HONOR and PRIDE, and in this life there are no greater rewards. This is a time for teams to LEAVE IT ALL ON THE FIELD, because regardless of the outcomes in the next two weeks, there will be no more fantasy football. After next week DefendYourMoves.com will mostly only cover the NBA and Star Wars, so this is the last chance for some Special Ed teams to see their names up in lights.
WHITE WALKERS vs SAQUONS HEISMAN
Kenyan Drake is the Commish’s best player right now. That is so sad, nobody's best player should ever be a Dolphin. Lev Bell might win this game single-handedly. I can honestly see Commish's team not scoring 50 this week. Why is Matt Ryan projected at 20.04 points? That’s nonsense. Ryan has not yet scored 20 points in a Special Ed game this year, and he barely has more than 20 in the last three weeks COMBINED! Yahoo is a joke, you guys. If they try to net neutrality our asses next year we gotta get off of there. If we host the league here on DYM.com next year the one thing we can GUARANTEE is better projections.
WHITE WALKERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
POLK HIGH PANTHERS vs BITCHSLAPPED
Looking at PHP’s roster right now it’s hard to believe they're not a playoff team. Dede Westbrook was a very smooth pickup for PHP, he could be the key to taking home the Constellation Crown. We were listening to XM Fantasy radio last week and somebody called in to ask if they should start Westbrook or Mike Evans. Crazy. But a good question. Evans probly couldn’t start for PHP right now, he’d be the WR5 on that team after Nelson Agholor. Tom Brady will start for the Bitchslapped, so she’s screwed. You can look it up, Brady almost always has sub-par games in weeks 14 and 15. It’s a fact - Tom Brady hates fantasy football. So disrespectful, so ungrateful. Smh.
POLK HIGH PANTHERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE FIFTH PLACE CHAMPIONSHIP
DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs -10 YARDS OF ELI
So, we were pretty disappointed about being knocked out of the playoffs last week, but we found a great deal of solace in the fact that Doug lost too. Now we will face off for the third time this year, and the winner will be crowned THE 2017 SPECIAL ED FIFTH PLACE FINISHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We see Doug is being a cute-ass little bitch right now putting all his guys on the bench. That's some Carmelos Revenge style bullshit. BUSH LEAGUE! Don’t think for a second that we won’t add up his players’ scores by hand though. You can run but you cannot hide from the all-seeing eye of DYM.
DYM WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SPECIAL ED PLAYOFF SEMIFINALS
RANDALL CUMMINGHAM vs GOLDEN RICHARDS
RC’s fantasy and real-life teams are both reeling after the loss of their most valuable player during their respective week 14 wins. We are big advocates of streaming QBs, even in the playoffs, but Wentz will be very hard to replace. RC is also looking likely to start Mike Evans again without a lot of reliable options to come off the bench. Both these teams have players in tonight’s game and will be smart to leave them on the bench. Thursday night is where football comes to die.
GOLDEN RICHARDS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
¡QUE LáSTIMA! vs TEAM MEH
Team Meh proved last week why they are the scariest team in the Special Ed playoffs despite only winning 7 regular season games. This week they’ve got four players with GREEN LIGHT matchups and a lot of action in the HUGE Saturday primetime game that could decide the AFC West. But Ertz has come a long long way this season on nothing but pure luck, so anything is still possible.
TEAM MEH WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
