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Jeffery Roth has not signed his franchise tender and has still not reported to the Special Ed league ahead of his Week 2 match-up with The Commish. The league has no choice but to prepare to be without the player for the foreseeable future.

Chris might be happy to notch the “free win” but truly there are no winners here. Off-Season readers know the game offers a vital life-affirming joy, but only to those who play earnestly. A win against an absentee player is as valuable as any other - it still counts - but it is lifeless without the spirit of competition and thus it cannot be enjoyed as a fantasy win is meant to be.

He has stolen the joy of victory from Dave Fay and he threatens to do the same to The League's Commissioner next. That’s why we think absentee fantasy owners are among the lowest, most despicable creatures on earth. They are slothful, disingenuous and uncaring. They are not to be trusted. They are a detriment to the well-being of their entire community. Our league’s honor has been besmirched; this season’s records will be forever marred by the asterisk that is the absentee owner. He makes us all look bad. And we should all feel bad - especially those who were outscored by him.


The good thing about having an absentee owner in this league is we all have an easy-to-read barometer for how bad we might suck. If you didn’t outscore the guy who didn’t set a lineup, you officially SUCK.

This week we had 3 teams that did not reach the Suck Threshold of 101.92 points. They should all be ashamed of themselves. Sadly all three of this week’s DYM Hall of Shame inductees are illustrious Special Ed Champions, so we’re sure better days are ahead. Let’s take a look at this week’s worst players, and what went wrong:

we knows footballs? – 77.02

This team's second highest scoring player was on the bench, but their problems are bigger than start/sit decisions. All three starting WRs and LeSean McCoy had tough week one matchups, and they still have not firmed up the RB2 role, but the biggest problem this week was the TE. It feels like Jimmy Graham’s been washed up for about three years now. Also feels like he’s been on Doug’s team for at least that long. Most years Doug drafts at least two potentially-washed TEs, the squad is back to full strength now after adding Jared Cook.

Randall Cummingham – 94.02

RC made all the correct start-sit decisions, including sagaciously starting Pat Mahomes over Jimmy G. The QB was their only “good” player of the week, but they wouldn’t have really sucked had it not been for an early Leonard Fournette injury. Even before week one RC had entered into talks to acquire an RB from the DYM squad. We expect those talks to heat back up soon. – 101.38

Marquise Goodwin’s injury bottomed out an already shallow WR group for the DYM team. Reached for comment, DYM Team Management tell us they have yet to name starting WRs for week 2:

We didn’t do enough as a fantasy team to win this week. And that’s on me, as a coach. We’ve got to have our guys prepared. We’re going to continue to evaluate where we are as a team. We’ve got to really go through the tape and take a look at every position. Not just the receivers, we need to get better in all phases of the game.



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