WHOS HOT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
So Paul scored 200 again last week and honestly we were pretty nonplussed. That’s like the fourth time now so it’s like whatever, ya know. We’re just not even thinking about that team anymore til the playoffs.
That might sound like sour grapes but we’re pretty sure most of the rest of Special Ed is with us. Paul will clinch this week or next so everybody knows he’s not gonna play a meaningful game for a while. He’s just not on our radar right now.
And therein lies the sublime ingenuity of Who’s Hot?! Pauls Team is “scoring a lot of points” but they’re old news!! The team everybody's talking about right now is The Commish aka THE RISE OF SAQUON!!!!!!!!!Last week The Commish doubled up his cousin Andy in a huge statement game. He got a couple big individual performances from Coleman and Saquon but more importantly he had every position player score double digits. That means this whole lineup has some firepower even if their studs do have a bad day. They're off to that type of a not-bad start this week with a good Manny Sanders game making up for a bad Coleman game in the Thursday nighter.
ANOTHER BONER OF A TRADE FOR DYM!!!!!!!!!
WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THEY THINKING?!?!?!
The red-hot Commish will have to contend with new-found powerhouse Alvin & TheShitmunks here in week 9. Tobin wasn’t very hot coming into the week but they’re a whole new team now after the trade.
At the moment it looks like TheShitmunks won the Big Blockbuster Trade. But we were bound to look foolish this week either way because, as DYM Scholars know, we have ALWAYS hated Kenyan Drake and we wouldn't have ever started him anyway, but, man. Can you imagine if we had started Drake instead of Kirk? Jeez. I fuckin hate Thursday night football.
When you have a bad Football Sunday, there’s a lotta little things you can do to cheer yourself up on Monday. But when you have a bad Thursday, man, you just gotta sit with it. That feeling’s staying over for the weekend. You get a new roommate and his name is failure.
We were beside ourselves by halftime Thursday, so we just put the game on mute for the second half and turned on our “Sad Songs” playlist that we made for when the Nets traded DAngelo Russell. We’re at a low point right now, but the worst part about it is that stupid fucking Yahoo didn’t let us change our team logo picture since fucking Tuesday.
Switching up my picture and team name emoji has been a foundational part of our weekly fantasy routine this season. Not seeing our Official DYM logo on the yahoo app at gametime got us all kinds of fucked up.
We tried to stay busy today, we can't even look at the yahoo app so we filed some insurance claims and went out to lunch… but every now and then, when its quiet, our mind always drifts back to Drake and Kirk, and we get that pit in the bottom of our stomach. Fuck. Some day we'll get over it, maybe not soon tho.
FOOD BEEF PRESENTS: THE 2019 BAGEL TOUR!!!!!!!!!
Jersey Boy Bagels, Morristown, NJ
Nobody likes Jersey Boy Bagels and we don't really get why. We always liked this place. When we worked in Morristown in 2005 it was the go-to. I guess now that we think about it, the fact that nothing about the place has changed in 20 years should be a bit concerning. But hey, if it aint broke dont fix it, right? But its got 2.5 stars on Yelp and Cynthia did not like her lox one bit (pictures below).
We were in the mood for a little something different this week so went with a pumpernickel bagel with turkey bacon. AND IT WAS GOOD, OK? It was tasty, and even that dense pumpernickel passed our scrupulous crumb texture tests with flying colors. The coffee was good too and very strong. We had a large iced and got it topped off before we left, which was unnecessary cause we were like BINGBING!
The only thing we never really liked is the bagels are the “large hole” style. We prefer the fluffier style bagel with a closed hole that looks like a belly button.
In every great journey there is a path that one must walk alone. When our mentors’ words ring hollow and our muses fall silent, we must look within for answers and someday we all must eventually blaze our own trail. So, since we’re the only ones who like this place we’re eschewing all Guest Judge scores this week.
Next week is the end of the Bagel Regular Season, and folks, as we approach this threshold we just gotta say that if loving Jersey Boy Bagels is wrong then we don’t wanna be right. We’ve always liked this place and we still do so they're going to the playoffs no matter what yall say.
BAGEL SCORE: 8.5
DYM: Pumpernickel bagel with double egg turkey bacon and hot sauce: 8.5
Cynthia: Whole wheat everything with lox, cream cheese, tomatoes and capers (n/a)
Amari: Strawberry Bagel with cream cheese (n/a)
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!
ALVIN AND THE SHITMUNKS vs THE AMBASSADOR OF SAQUON!!!!!!!!!
AGoTW Prediction Record: 7-1
The league’s HOTTEST team and the winner of the Big Blockbuster Trade are both going wire-to-wire in week 9!!!!!!!!!
This is a very fun matchup because they have guys going Thursday night and Monday night. Tobin made a splash on Thursday but this one will be decided by Saquon vs Dak and Amari on Monday.
Everybody knows we’re gonna pick The Commish but the shitmunkers have a lot going for them. This team is a veritable whos-who of DYM Legends. There are now 7 of OUR GUYS on this team: Odell, Ingram, Kamara, Amari, Robby, and Tyler Boyd were all pieces of some DYM’s very best teams. We've even rostered Cousins a few times if only to ritualistically drop him. These guys have some juicy matchups this week too - especially Amari and Mike Evans.
But The Commish is gonna win because Stafford is gonna smoke Oakland and Tyreek has a sneaky good matchup against Minnesota AND Cleveland is our DYM certified #1 streaming D of the week.
THE COMMISH WINS!!!!!!!!!!
PICKLE RICKS!! vs TEAM MEH
Golladay vs Marvin Jones!!
PR got a Mahomes-esque performance from Jimmy G on Halloween and Team Meh’s best player, Mike Tom, is on bye - that should be enough to give Dave the edge.
PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!!!!!
SHARON ERTZ vs PHP
Alright here we go. We keep picking Matt and he keeps losing but this is the one, we just know it.
PHP WINS!!!!!!!!!
BRING IT ON HOME vs PAT
Andy benched the chosen one Kylo Murray AGAIN so he doesn't have a chance in this one.
PAULS AWESOME TEAM WINS!!!!!!!!!
RESPEC YO RUSSELLS vs DEFEND YOUR MOVES DOT COM
We just wanna take a moment here to acknowledge another landmark Respec yo Russells moment:
Joshua Motherfucking The Flash Gordon is back in the building!!! WELCOME HOME!!! LETS GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Swear to god everytime we pickup Josh Gordon it feels like the first time. Imagination just runs wild all over again every time. Guy is such a beast, people forget he's better than Calvin Johnson.
Were gonna beat dougs ass this week, then we’re gonna for sure beat Pauls ass in week 12 when my dog comes off bye to play Philly. Calling that one right now. give a fuck whos hot. lets go.
DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!
