DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2018 WEEK 13!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLAYOFF SCENARIOS Everybody was still in it last week. But not everybody is still in it this week. Here’s where we all stand in the Regular Season Finale: 1. The Commish is locked into #1. He has a 140 point cushion for any potential tie-breaker. 2. DYM sits in second, they can keep the bye with a win this week. 3. Team Meh can move into second with a win AND a DYM loss. They cannot finish worse than 3rd. 4. Golden Richards is not technically clinched but with a 100+ point lead on any potential ties, they can’t realistically finish worse than 6th. 5. snickers can be 4th with a win AND a Believeland loss. 6. Gentrifiers can also be 4th with a win AND a Believeland loss AND a snickers loss. 7. Randall can get in, and could move as high as 5th, with a win AND outscoring snickers and Gentrifiers. Almost half the league will be rooting against The Champ this week - if he loses then all 6-win teams are in regardless of their own week 13 results. 8. Polk High was eliminated by Gentrifiers and snickers winning in week 12 9. ¡Que Lástima! was eliminated in their loss to The Champ in week 12 10. There are only nine teams in this league WHO’S HOT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? The Champ is flying up the charts this week with a second straight 130+. Their last bad game was more than 3 weeks ago so they are officially HOT now. The Commish’s last-three-game average has fallen below 140 for the first time this year. His 129 average the last three weeks is dangerously beatable heading into the playoffs. They’ll take sanctuary in the bye week. Team Meh still has the second highest season average but is SEVENTH in scoring over the last three weeks. They have also never looked more beatable. FOOD BEEF 2018 SANDWICH TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!! Green Village Deli, 536 Green Village Rd, Green Village, NJ 07935 There’s a massive propaganda campaign right now propping up Green Village Deli as Greater-Madison’s best sandwich purveyor. We’ve received reports that Russian Intelligence agents have set up troll farms for the sole purpose of generating Yelp reviews for other local delis saying things like “ …it’s ok but Green Village is better. ” This disinformation campaign has taken hold of hearts and minds throughout Morris County. The place was PACKED on Sunday. Even DYM’s own next door neighbors were there, lured in by promises of “ the best taylor ham egg and cheese in town. ” They were surely disappointed. Here at DYM we have very strict campaign regulations and poll monitoring that normally dissuade any foreign influence in our electoral system. Our reliance on Yelp may have been exposed as a gap in our intelligence gathering process. Green Village Deli is the Manchurian candidate of delis. But they will not prevail. DYM Nation will not be swayed by word-of-mouth or anonymous reviews. Food Beef is our most sacred institution, and it shall not be corrupted!!!!! We don’t care what anybody says. GREEN VILLAGE DELI SUCKS!!!!! The worst sandwich AND worst service we’ve had anywhere this year. And not just the worst of the “Sandwich Tour” – we mean the worst ANYWHERE. We went to Goddamn Scottie’s after this and the entire experience was heavenly by comparison. We feel especially bad for Richie’s Country Deli on South Street. They were unfortunately bumped from the top eight so we could make room for Green Village. We had chicken salad with bacon and “hot” peppers. We generally order this sandwich with jalapeno peppers, but we’ll accept banana peppers. They told us the only peppers they have are “sweet” or “hot”. jesus christ. The bacon was thin, fried hard, and chopped up into little shitty flakes. The chicken salad had a sweetness to it that was kind of unsettling. Cynthia’s Italian sub was average at best. Amari’s grilled chicken took over a half-hour and 3 requests to get it made. After a looong weekend of drinking we were really not in the mood for this kinda bullshit. It looked like ass when it finally did come out so Cynthia yelled at the manager and got our money back. Unreal. We also owe an apology to the Gentrifiers family who came along and had joes. The joes might’ve been good - doesn’t matter, Green Village officially gets a score of “ Did Not Complete ” and we will likely never be back. SCORE: 0/10 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!! Prediction Record: 10-7 RANDALL CUMMINGHAM vs TEAM MEH!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s a SPECIAL ED SUPERBOWL VII REMATCH in the regular season finale!!!!!!!!!!!!! All eyes will be on RC and the Chimp Squad in the most pivotal of all week 13 match-ups. The outcome of this game could impact the playoff seeding of six different teams. DYM is rooting for Randall to win and secure our week 14 bye. Paul, Dave and Doug are hoping for Randall to lose and guarantee their own playoff berths. We didn’t do The Champ any favors by dropping Ekeler two hours before he became useful. Big mistake on our part. Ekeler will certainly be an improvement over old ass Adrian Peterson. Master Yoda loves Austin Ekeler, a long time we have watched this one. But we’re not so sure he steps into Melvin Gordon’s entire role. He’s much better in space than running up the middle. When he started against the Titans in London he clearly struggled with the workload and looked sluggish in the second half. We think Justin Jackson gets more work this week and Ekeler doesn’t outscore Phillip Lindsay. The biggest key to the game for The Champ will be Watson having another big game at home, and outscoring Ben. Deshaun got back to running the ball last week, which we love, and Ben has been throwing some very untimely picks recently. Watson also has the much better match-up of the two QBs. The weak link on the RC squad is our guy Trey Burton. They should drop his ass and pick up a new TE – especially if Trubisky doesn’t play. We recommend Denver’s Matt LaCosse. Jeff Huerman went on IR last week and the rookie LaCosse had a breakout game playing extended snaps in his stead. He’ll be the full-time TE down the stretch for Denver and gets the JUICIEST of all match-ups this week at Cincinnati. PREDICTION: RANDALL CUMMINGHAM – 131.52 TEAM MEH – 128.01 SPECIAL ED MATCH-UP PREVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!! IN SAQUON WE TRUST vs 3 – 28 Paul’s worst game of the year came against The Commish in week four. But Julio Jones scores TDs now so this is a completely different team. GOLDEN RICHARDS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! POLK HIGH PANTHERS vs GENTRIFIERS Back in week 7 Polk High Panthers scored 170 points. Since then they’re averaging a paltry 92 points per game. This has been a lost season for The Polk High Panthers. GENTRIFIERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs EAT A SNICKERS BITCH The Special Ed Super Bowl V rematch is always a huge game for us. And much like that classic show-down, this will be a REVENGE game for Doug’s team. Our guy Amari Cooper should get the start after turning his season around in Dallas. They’ll also likely start Eric Ebron, the only other guy besides Ekeler that we regret dropping this year. The last time these two met we saw the league’s first 300 point shoot-out. Both teams have several green-light match-ups so get ready for another fireworks show. DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! ¡QUE LASTIMA! vs [REDACTED] The league’s hottest team gets to finish the season on a high note with the free win. Ertz’s team has been legit good recently, so they may be our favorites to win the Constellation Tourney. ¡QUE LASTIMA! WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!