DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2020 WEEK 16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Merry X-MAS Special Ed!!!!!!!!!! LETS GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! The SESB hype feels pretty subdued this year, which is a shame for PHP. They came a long way this season; It could be the greatest Cinderella Story this league's ever seen!!!! LETS GET IT GOIN!!!!!! WE WANNA SEE ALL THE NAMES CHENGED TO "LETS GO PHP" THIS WEEK!!! or better yet maybe use a reference to the Vermont State Motto - "Freedom and Unity" - which which is all the more aprospos now what with the new planetary alignments. Bart's already got the PS5 money banked heading into the SESB. Maybe you guys are kinda hoping he doesn't get the extra cash to spring for the new Madden too - that 11-year-old fantasy brain-trust might be unstoppable next year. Speaking of next year, we hope you guys are ready for a lot more of Miss Cleo. We had too much fun making that video. We even snuggled up with the wife last night and rewatched all the out-take videos where we fucked up the accent even worse, and we just laughed and laughed and laughed. Check it out!! It's great holiday family fun!!!!! FOOD BEEF V: CHINESE FOOD THE X-MAS CHINESE FOOD SUPERBOWL SMORGASBORD!!!!! THE X-MAS CHINESE FOOD SUPERBOWL SMORGASBORD was a true family affair here at the DYM Home Office, as for the first time ever we invited the Official Parents of DYM, Jill & Dave to sit in as guest judges. Their sage input was invaluable in such an expansive competition, as they are both unparralleled connoisseurs of the local Chinese food scene. REGULAR SEASON CHINESE FOOD RANKINGS: 1 - *Sunny Kitchen - 8.75 2 - *China Chalet - 8.33 3 - *Madison Wok - 8.33 4 - *Bean Curd Restaurant - 8.3 For the Chinese Food Super Bowl Competition we ordered 4 items from each of our 4 finalists: Hot & Sour Soup Dumplings Vegetable Lo Mein Chicken Wings (or ribs w/ a 1 point deduction) None of us had never been to Sunny Kitchen before we embarked on the Food Beef V Chinese Food Tour (It's on Ridgedale Ave; 1 mile north of rt. 10), and they still don't deliver. So, as the longest underdog in the competition, we slated them with the unenviable task of being the Tour's first stop. After 8 long weeks of venturing for Chinese Food, Sunny Kitchen finished the regular season as the #1 seed. It was an incredible accomplishment. Our Official Dad stated the nature of the disadvantage that comes with going first in this sort of competition quite well tonight: "We're like gymnastics judges, the first one sets the standard then they go up or down from there. If you give the first one a 7 then maybe nobody gets a 10 but it's all relative so it's fair." He really liked that analogy so tonight whoever went first every round got a 7 from Dad. That created some statistical anomalies that made the final scores a lot closer than we would have expected but, like the man said, it was fair. FINAL SCORES: SOUP: Chalet - 7.5 Bean Curd - 8.8 Mad Wok - 6.8 Sunny - 9.2 DUMPLINGS: Chalet - 8.3 Bean Curd - 6.0 Mad Wok - 6.7 Sunny - 6.6 NOODLES: Chalet - 6.0 Bean Curd - 7.8 Mad Wok - 8.4 Sunny - 7.4 WINGS: Chalet - 6.1 (no wings) Bean Curd - 6.3 (no wings) Mad Wok - 7.2 Sunny - 7.8 TOTAL SCORES: CHINA CHALET: 27.9 BEAN CURD HOUSE: 28.9 MADISON WOK: 29.1 SUNNY KITCHEN: 31 CONGRATULATIONS SUNNY KITCHEN - THE FOOD BEEF V CHAMPION!!!!! AMERICAS GAMES OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!! THE 3RD PLACE CHAMPIONSHIP!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs. PAULS AWESOME TEAM We had a good feeling where both Semi-Finals matchups were headed after the Saturday games, but they both ended up unexpectedly close on Sunday Night. PAT has been among the league's top scoring teams for the past few years, but they have a bad habit of letting their roster stagnate late in the season. PHP pulled a lot of the wrong strings in week 15 - like Hines over Gordon, or Cousins over Any Other QB - but PAT just didn't have the juice. A lot of people mighta thought PAT was cruising after PHP left a 20 Melvin Gordon on the bench Saturday afternoon. But Aaron Rodgers came through later that night and quietly put up his 2nd worst game of the season, setting the tone for the rest of the squad to follow on Sunday. Rodgers is a reigning DYM Award Winner, and the lone veteran leader in the PAT locker room. Rodgers is about 10 years older than any other player on PAT, and it's clear those kids really look up to him. The Rippers should've been toast after DYM got 80 points from three guys on Saturday. But their early game Sunday players were absolute BEASTS!!! 373 and 2 TDs for Watson, and a combined 450 and 3 TDs from DJ, Ridley, and D-Mont. They were only down by 30 at 4:30pm Sunday with Chubb, Butker, and Rams D left to go. Seemed to us like Rams D shoulda got all 30 themselves against the Jets, so we went out sledding with the boy. When we checked the score around dinner time we were pumped to see we still had most of that 30 pt lead, but we knew we had no choice but to go to bed early and NOT WATCH Chubb vs the Giants. Sorry, Rippers, you're the only team we wanted to see win SESB X (besides ourselves, of course). We would start you a gofundme or something, but you know we only have like 5 or 6 readers this time of year. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!!!!!! AMERICAS GAMES OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!! THE CONSTELLATION TOURNAMENT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!! ZOMBIE PATERNOS vs. PICKLE RICKS!! Dougy Tacos and Randall Cummingham are sad sack losers who lack the self respect to compete for a 7th place Championship. They both stubbornly refused to set a proper lineup and allowed the league's two lowest scoring teams to advance to the Constellation Championship Game. Since the season's wrapping up this week we took a quick look at the Yahoo! Record Book this morning. Pickle Ricks was the Fantasy God's Favorite Team just 13 months ago, but they've seen a tumultuous fall from grace since then. They were not only the lowest scoring team in the league this year but also had one of the All-Time bad games back in week 7 against The Rippers. Not sure how this slipped under our radar, to be honest. They only scored 49 points - 22 of those were from the Kicker and D/ST. The whole offense was healthy and active (including Pat Mahomes and DK Metcalf) and they totaled 27 points. Good lord that's astoundingly ugly. We kinda feel partially responsible, though, and we're not proud of this. Pickle Ricks took a VERY unfair trade from us back in week 3. We wanted to send him an RB in exchange for Stefon Diggs. To get the ball rolling we gave him the option of David Johnson or Darrell Henderson. Maybe neither of them would have helped much in the long run, they've both scored 119 fantasy points this year, and Diggs is at 235. But at least DJ would have got them over 50 back in week 7. That 49-point stinker drags PR's season scoring average down a good four points, so they might not be as bad as they seem on paper. They've scored over 120 five times and still have Pat Mahomes on the squad, so we think they get it done here. PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A MERRY X-MAS EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!