DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2020 WEEK 7, LATE EDITION!!!!!!!
NOSTRA CULPA, SPECIAL ED!!!!!!! We had meant to put off writing your Week 7 DYM until Saturday, mostly because we had a whole shindig planned for the Food Beef crew. We had the Commish and the whole Maulbeck fam over to the Backyard Mancave around lunchtime. We got a huge haul from China Chalet, carved up some jack-o-lanterns and watched some B1G Football action. Everything was going great until about 4:45. We promised the Maulbecks we’d write the Food Beef Review on Saturday night “no matter how drunk [we] get”, but as it turns out we had greatly underestimated our capacity for Yuengling once the Nittany Lions took us on that fucking ROLLERCOASTER of a 4th quarter. Imagine having the Penn State moneyline AND -6.5. We lost it all, won it back, and lost it all again in the span of about 20 minutes, fucking nuts. So, yea, that sucked. Plus our neighbors (also Penn State fans) were having a party too, cause we all thought there was a UFC on Saturday night. For some reason the fights were actually Saturday MORNING. By about 6:30pm all we had left was a bunch of pissed off dudes and a lot of beer, so we got hammered instead of writing. We’re on hangover day 2 right now, but we gotta power through this Food Beef and a couple other hot Special Ed News items to wrap up WEEK SEVEN. DYM WINTER FASHION SPECIAL!!!!!!! Earlier today we decided we’re gonna rock baklava ski masks this winter. Should be an especially functional look this year since it’s like a built in chin diaper mask too. We picked out a few different styles on amazon, all the while picturing ourselves rolling out the crib like this: But check out amazon’s “Products Related to [Our] Purchases”: The goggles - sure; And the flag and the chain are funny, but we get it. But the gaming chair makes us think that Amazon has a different demographic in mind here- We’ll let yall know when we get our Proud Boys Newsletter in the mail next month. 2020 HALL OF SHAME!!!!!!! Not setting your lineup is SHAMEFUL. But, if you didn’t outscore the guy who didn’t set a lineup, you officially SUCK. We don’t want to put any of you guys in the Hall of Shame. We don’t like doing it. We don’t like when somebody doesn’t set their lineup, because it makes us ALL look bad. It’s a black eye on the league - an asterisk week. But if the guy who didn’t set his lineup is NOT the lowest scoring team of the week, then whomever they outscore MUST be entered in the HALL OF SHAME!!!!!!! Last week The Polk High Panthers appeared close to entering an incomplete lineup, acquiring the requisite RBs (at DYM’s behest) less than 24 hours before Sunday kickoff. The 21 pts they got out of old ass Peterson and Gore were enough to take down Sharon Ertz. This week Sharon thought maybe they could recapture that magic with a 2pm QB swap. They were understandably excited to pickup Perine after he scored 100% of the TD's in the Jets/Bills game (1 TD). But they had to work fast to shore up the roster mid-game. They’re looking for 34 points from the Rams D to pull out a win. But the MOST SHAMEFUL player of the year thus far was this week’s PickleRicks!!. PR ignored three days of reports that Aaron Jones had been injured in practice, and just sleepwalked through Sunday without picking up any backup RB. The Ricks now need a pretty big game tonight from Darrell Henderson, and pretty small games from Tobin & The 3 Bears to send this league’s first place team to the 2020 Hall of Shame. FOOD BEEF V: CHINESE FOOD!!!!! CHINA CHALET of Florham Park!!!!!!! We’ve got a new contender here folks!!! China Chalet brought the motherfuckin HEAT this weekend. We considered Chalet to be a middle-of-the-road place like Hunan Wok. And it may well be, but this is why we post the entire Food Beef Tour schedules online. Sometimes we know these guys are expecting us and they make sure to bring their A Game that week. Like how we never expected Coppola’s to reach the Pizza Super Bowl but every time we called their number they stepped right up to the plate and knocked it out the park. We can’t point to any one item, or any one aspect of China Chalet that made this lunch so delicious. But everything was above average, and nothing was bad. And we got a HUGE selection this week: Sichuan Steamed Pork Buns - 9 Dough was just thick enough and very moist. Held up well as a cold leftover. Pao-Pao Platter - 8.5 We LOVED the chicken satay and shrimp toast, ribs were kinda dry. Hot & Sour Soup - 9.5 Nice spiciness, and we love the finely shedded "angel hair style" meats. House Fried Rice - 8.5 Pork Fried Rice - 8 Home Style Tofu with Black Mushroom - 9 Spicy AND delicious!!! General Tso’s Chicken- 8.5 Beef & Three Vegetables - 7 Scallion Pancakes - 7 Total score: 8.33 HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!