DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2021 WEEK 11!!!!!!!!!!!
What's up, Special Ed?! The trade deadline is TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!! Every single one of yall need to be working those phones tonight cause this league is PATHETIC right now. Not a single one of us is getting HOT heading into the playoff stretch. WHOS HOT?!?!?!?!?!? As we predicted last week Pickle Ricks!! is the only HOT team in the Special Ed this week, and he's just barely above 1.0 on the Heat Index. This whole damn league so frigid, we can't even talk about it. So who the fuck IS hot this week?!?!?!?!?!? 🔥🔥KYRSTEN SINEMA CAN FUCKIN GET IT🔥🔥 Unlike all of us here in Special Ed, Senator Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ) is smokin hot. We had no idea. Literally just found out a couple days ago. The DYM research department still tries to keep up with news and politricks, even during Special Ed Season. But we get the vast majority of our news from podcasts and print media so, although we knew a lot about Kyrsten Sinema as a politician (not a fan), we had no idea that she's the sexiest Senator of all time!!! Earlier this week we bought this sexy lavender color wig for The Wife (Stuntin On My Family Part 3 coming soon!). We're gonna get her to wear it when we party at the home office later tonight. She's gonna look TOO FINE!!!!! We figure it'll be a good way to keep Team DYM feelin loose as we close in on the Playoffs. We were super amped. Been looking forward to this wig party all week, until we saw this article on apple news with a picture of a goddamned US Senator (the least sexiest class of human beings) rockin the exact same lavender wig we just bought. We've stated many times here on DYM that we have never liked any US Senator (except Bernie Sanders cause he's literally our grandfather); And Sinema, the former Green Party candidate turned staunch moderate, is one of the least popular Senators among us Leftists these days. For just a second there we were extremely turned off. Dick so soft. At this point we're thinking we'd made a horrible mistake, but at least we'll have something funny to write about on DYM so we read the article. Apparently Kyrsten's been showboating around Capitol Hill lately - and its triggering the lamestream media real bad. She's straight stuntin on the Senate. Going in to work rockin knee high boots, Star Wars-style dresses with the sleeves, and - worst of all - sexy purple wigs. Now the problem here is that every time she's been seen in the wig she's also been wearing one of those shitty blue hospital masks - and NOBODY looks good in those. So it wasn't until we scrolled about half-way through the article when we saw what the Senator is really workin with. DAAAYUM!!!!! She is so thick. We've said some extremely unkind things about US Senators as a group and about many, many individual Senators - and we're not necessarily gonna stop - but goddamn, you guys, we think we're falling in love right now. DYM has never been ashamed to admit when we're wrong. It doesn't happen often but we do make the occasional error in judgement. We never thought we'd be attracted to a goddamn US Senator, but here we are. And DYM is here to say: SENATOR KYRSTEN SINEMA CAN FUCKIN GET IT!!!! All we gotta do now is get our frumpiest suit ready for our party tonight with The Wife. 🔥🔥RESPEC YO CLEOS!!!!!🔥🔥 Gal Gadot is waaaaay hotter than any Special Ed team this week. We fuckin LOVE us some Gal Gadot. She's the undisputed #1 HOTTEST actress in Hollywood - and we've got her ranked as the #2 hottest Jew in the world today, now that The Wife got this sexy ass wig. We watched the new Netflick RED NOTICE the other day. The movie sucks real bad but it stars Gal Gadot, Ryan Reynold, and The Rock so it's eminently watchable. We've been looking forward to this Netflick since we first heard about it back in January. We had heard this podcast about how Gal Gadot had like a million other movies lined up before Wonder Woman 3. Check out this IMDB. This is a FASCINATING list of projects, but the podcast guys were pretty dubious that they would all actually get made - what with the pandemic and all. Ten months later and she's got one released, one more in the can and still SIX to go in the next two years, supposedly. The one we we're by far the most intrigued by is "CLEOPATRA", Although we were also pretty curious what the "Untitled Hedley Lamarr Project" is gonna look like. We really wanna see Gal Gadot's Cleo Movie, but it still seems like the least likely to see the light of day. The most obvious reason being that it's cursed. Egyptian mummy curses are VERY real: Earlier this year 22 pharaonic mummies were unearthed and moved to The Egyptian Museum's new facility. That same week a train crash killed 20 people in Cairo and that boat got stuck in the Suez Canal. True Story. And of course the original Cleo picture in 1963 was one of the greatest disasters in movie-making history. It was the most expensive movie ever made at the time and nearly bankrupted 20th Century Fox and Elizabeth Taylor almost died of pneumonia. Both her and Richard Burton got divorced during production which is not too surprising but still kinda eerie. So, we're not holding our breath for Gal Gadot's Cleo, but it looks like old girl is really fuckin serious about it. Just last week Gal said “Cleopatra is definitely still happening. We have an amazing script and I cannot wait to celebrate and bring her story to the big screen.” It still doesn't have a release date yet and Gal has a writing credit now on the imdb, which is not too reassuring. But they made a couple posters, and we gotta admit, they are waaaaay hotter than any Special Ed team this week. Goddamn she's fine. Of course if the Mummy's Curse does end up tanking this project, she still has other options. In fact, at this very moment, there is another female world leader using her beguiling good looks to insinuate herself into her enemies' inner sanctum... FOOD BEEF VI: BURGER PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!!!!! THE PLAY-IN-GAME!!!!!!!!!!! 5 GUYS vs NICKYS FIREHOUSE vs BOTTLE HILL TAVERN The Burger Tour regular season came to an anti-climactic end last week with the TKO elimination of Waverly Diner. We had really hoped Waverly could show up with a B+ level burger because otherwise we'd be left with a 3-way tie for 4th place. Cest la vie. 5 Guys, Nicky's Firehouse, and Bottle Hill Tavern all registered an 8/10 Burger Score in the regular season. Fortunately we did two burgers in week 6 so we have an extra week built into the schedule this year that we can use for this post-season play-in-game. We hit up all three spots for take out and brought the burgers back to the DYM Home Office. We got an illustrious panel of post-season judges on hand tonight: The Commish The Wife DYM Editor-in-Chief The first stop of the night was Bottle Hill Tavern. They were packed and the hostess was like "eh I don't think we do takeout..." which was weird, but honestly we didn't feel like arguing and we were gonna buy too much food tonight anyway so we said "Aight then. Peace" and walked out. Bottle Hill Tavern Burger Score: 0 Nicky's Firehouse was our town's representative in The Star Ledger's "Best Burger in NJ" competition back in 2015, and they are still among the best around. Nicky's is our household go-to for both pizza and wings but we've only gotten into the burgers recently. They were badly snubbed on the Food Beef Wing Tour back in 2017. They were not even nominated for best wings, but in retrospect we think maybe they coulda beat 54Main. So Firehouse is out for REVENGE on this burger tour, and they dominated the play-in round. Normally, we love five guys. But they just couldn't match-up with Nicky's beautifully charred, high-quality beef and secret Firehouse Sauce. There's a lesson to be learned here for all of you Special Ed League competitors: This is what it looks like when a true contender brings their A-Game to the postseason. Nicky's Firehouse is coming in HOT!!!!! Next week we're going back to the Firehouse, as they face-off against their bitter around-the-corner rival -- 54Main!!!!! NICKYS FIREHOUSE WINS!!!!!!!!!!! MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! Kenny Golladay!!!!!!!!!!! Miss Cleo's Prop Bet Record: 5-5 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK DELTA BLUES🦠 vs. BLUE BROTHERS🐳🦕🧞♂️!!!!!!! AGOTW Prediction Record: 6-3 The DREAM KILLERS are back!!!!!!!!!!! With only 2 wins so far this year, The Commish is all but eliminated from Playoff contention. Yet somehow this does NOT look like a free win for Team DYM. Delta Blues will have their full squad active and healthy for the first time since week 4. Russell was out for six weeks and the Commish did not win a single game without him. Russ played like shit last week, but his presence in the locker room really lifted the team's spirits. The Commish's squad is very young - Russell and Davante are their only starters over 25. Normally, we'd say that's a good thing in fantasy but it's clear that this team is dependant on Russell's veteran leadership. The real strength of this squad is the names. They could potentially start D'Onta, DaVonta, Davante, D'Andre, David, and DK. Incredible. That's a fuckin formidable lineup right there. Team DYM got another "bad" trade done yesterday. Tobin told us we overpaid for Gibson, but to be honest the fact that we didn't trade for Damien Harris and Tobin started his shitty ass already feels like a win to us. The Trade gives us at least 3 starting RBs for the rest of the year. (Jeff Wilson makes 4 for this week.) We're gonna be real thin at WR but we don't give a fuck cause every WR sucks except for Cooper Kupp this year. We might be able to start a Bills double-stack a couple times down the stretch. Should be fun!!! Prediction: BLUES BROTHERS🐳🦕🧞♂️: 135.99 DELTA BLUES🦠: 119.87 BLUES BROTHERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS Bring It On Home vs No And Then! Last week BIOH had to face the commish without both starting RBs and their QB got steamrolled by Miss Cleo's Defense of the Week. This week isn't starting off any better. They started a Thursday QB, which is always the worst. Plus Kamara's still not back and now they're gonna be without Amari Cooper's three catches for a couple weeks cause he just tested positive for cooties. NO and Then! WINS!!!!!!!!!!! Paul’s Awesome Team vs Polk High Panthers The fantasy Gods are smiling on Pauls Awesome Team. They're just one game out of Playoff position and are being gifted a veritable Free Win against a PHP squad with literally ZERO running backs. None. Fucking not even one RB. This is not just bad luck either, it's a complete abdication of fantasy management responsibility. PHP has made three moves all year. THREE!!! Look at this. This is how our negotiation with Rob started the other day: We'll tell ya - We want more RBs just so Matt can't get any. The pressure's on Paul now to avoid The Hall of Shame. PAULS AWESOME TEAM WINS!!!!!!!!!!! 🥴 massive painful turd 💩 vs Tobin & The Rippers Is Pat Mahomes good again? We don't fuckin know.
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!! Pickle Ricks!! vs Sharon Ertz These are DYM's two favorite trade partners. We get a blockbuster done with one or both of these guys every single year. Rob drives a hard bargain but we like that he's always game to shake things up. We were really hoping to get Bateman on waivers while we were angling to trade away Hollywood, great move there by Fay. Sharon Ertz is imporved now after the trade deadline, but we don't think Calamari is gonna be 100% yet this week. PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!