DEFEND YOUR MOVES CLASSIC 2017 WEEK 5!!!!!
TOTAL MOVES THIS WEEK: 23 (great job!) DUMPSTER DIVER OF THE WEEK: Golden Richards Paul’s best move of the week was dropping New England D for Buffalo. We left a nice little breadcrumb trail for him to follow in Tuesday’s AFC East Analysis. He’s back in the good graces of DYM Nation as we think he’s learned his lesson after last Sunday’s senseless tragedy: Julio Jones was Paul’s best player but he was not a 2017 Fantasy Superstar. Unfortunately he is now not a fantasy starter either. Losing him to a groin injury is an absolutely devastating blow to the Golden Richards (groins are notoriously slow to heal) and he has only himself to blame. Paul is known to be an avid DYM reader, and he has normally been one of our most vocal supporters. But last week, he was the only person in this league to question the findings of first 2017 Power Rankings. Most people just read DYM and don’t comment. That’s for the best, because they know that our rankings are sacrosanct, and the Fantasy Football Gods do not look kindly on those that take the words of the Gospel in vain. Perhaps when WHO’S HOT?! comes out Paul will rejoin the captivated but silent masses. Then perhaps fortune will smile upon The Reigning Champs once again. BENCH POINT PANDEMIC As the President mentioned last Tuesday - Now more than ever, leaving points on the bench has become a major issue all around fantasy football. Except for Abby of course. No hard decisions on that roster cause her bench is all Zeros. Last week in Special Ed 3 games were decided by the losing team mismanaging a start/sit decision: The #1 blunder of the week was Matt Stafford over Cam Newton. The Baldwin Brothers were beaten soundly by Hunt and Cousins on Monday, but starting Cam on Sunday could have put the game out of reach. A missed opportunity for a major upset over one of the league’s top teams. Randy Cummingham was understandably upset with Terrelle Pryor. But the former Brown scored a TD on the bench while current Brown, Isaiah Crowell, is still on the Browns. Polk High’s attempts to wrangle Cooper Kupp have cost them two games already. This week they lost by starting the not-for-real Chris Thompson and benching DYM favorites Kupp and Frank Gore, either of whom would have won the game for PHP. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, EVERYBODY WEEKLY WILL FULLER UPDATE GUESS WHO’S BIZACK?! Speaking of points on the bench - We couldn’t be more excited to roster my man William Vincent Fuller the Fifth. He likely won’t crack our starting lineup until our trio of top-tier WRs go on their byes; Although it is tempting to run him out there this week in a stack with our Bye Week QB Deshaun Watson. Fuller Facts : The Full House is on pace for 26 TDs this year Check out my mans with the Brent Holmes dreads!! Killin em!! Saquons Heisman vs Polk High Panthers Special Ed’s colludingest best friends battle it out for a share of last place as the loser goes to 1-4. Both teams find themselves without core starters during the season’s first bye week: PHP will miss both their top two RBs including potential Superstar Davonta Freeman. Chris will start Eli over Matt Ryan for the bye week. This could actually be a blessing in disguise for The Commish since Eli has been much better than Ryan in fantasy for the past 2 weeks. Chris is also without Amari Cooper who has apparently retired. Probly wants to spend more time with the family which we are all for. But he’s still young and NBA preseason just started, I bet the Knicks have a spot for him. Saquon's is the league’s lowest scoring team this year. But PHP came in 10th place in the week 4 Power Ranks, plus I think the byes hurt PHP worse. Prediction: Saquons Heisman: 98.54 Polk High Panthers: 87.12 AGOTW Prediction Record: 1-3 SPECIAL ED MATCHUP PREVIEWS: DYM vs. BS: Can you fucking believe Allen Robinson is still on the Bitchslapped roster?!?!? It’s getting ridiculous and I'm obsessed. We had an idea for a segment this week where Sarah Huckabee Sanders is being asked for the President’s position on the day’s issues and she keeps changing the subject to Allen Robinson. NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT GUN CONTROL. ALAN ROBINSON IS STILL ROSTERED. ITS AN EMBARRASSMENT. DYM WINS!!!!! Meh vs. ???Que L???stima: It’s a revenge game special for week 5! Ertz’s Guy Desean Jackson has a tasty matchup with the Patriots. We think he and Jamis go big this week and hand ¡QL! their first loss. TEAM MEH WINS!!!!! RC Cola vs. W-Words: Can't believe Dave dropped Tucker. That was the face of the W-Words franchise. Dave’d better be careful or he could lose the locker room. RC picked up Carson Wentz to replace Mariota. For some reason Wentz has been better this year when playing against “Good” Defenses. This week the Eagles have a home game against Tyrann Mathieu and the Cardinals so the QB advantage goes to Randall. RC WINS!!!!! Golden Richards vs. Baldwin Brothers: It’s a rematch of SESB VI! But also a meeting of the injured would-be superstars. How the mighty have fallen! GR WINS!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!