DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2018 WEEK 3 HALL OF SHAME!!!
Sh’na Tova, Special Ed! Tomorrow is Yom Kippur so there will be no fantasy action for us after sundown tonight. We’ll be temporarily revoking all standing trade offers this afternoon so we can focus on repenting for our hubris. We’d also like to take this opportunity to apologize to New Guy Jeffery and to everybody that has been or will be inducted into the Hall of Shame. Jeffery has more important things to do than play fantasy football. GOOD FOR HIM! Maybe we shouldn’t make such a big deal out of this. Maybe we all should have something better to do (maybe?). Either way, we shouldn’t make fun of you guys. This isn’t nice, we know, and we sincerely hope you can forgive us. Thank you. HALL OF SHAME!! Now, let’s take a look at which teams SUCKED in week 2. Dave did not set a lineup and still outscored four of you losers. Unreal. You guys all gotta get your shit together so we don’t have to do this every week - but the fact remains that if you don’t outscore the team that didn’t set a lineup you Officially SUCK!! we knows football? – The only team to have SUCKED two weeks in a row. They improved enough this week to get a win and avoid the HoS thanks to Master Yoda’s RB advice. Polk High Panthers – Could have easily avoided sucking by benching former-dolphins Jarvis Landry and Lamar Miller. The dolphins have not had an interesting fantasy player since Ricky Williams and that absolutely includes these two. Golden Richards – In the eleventh hour, Russell Wilson’s garbage time “heroics” allowed GR to narrowly avoid an HoS induction. They only bested new-guy-jeffery by 1.2 points. iQue Lastima! Although Doug, Matt and Paul Officially Sucked, Jeff is the only Hall of Shame inductee for week 2. Just about everything went wrong for Jeff Ertz this week. The team had only 1 rushing TD and 1 receiving TD and the none of his RBs or WRs eclipsed 100 scrimmage yards. Bench, starters, all sucked. Their only chance to escape the Hall of Shame this week would have been to start Kirk Cousins. But Jeff’s autodraft LOVED Drew Brees at #15 overall so it’d have been hard to bench that guy in week 2. WEEKLY WILL FULLER UPDATE It’s sad that The Full House ended up on Jeffery’s team. We’ll have to wait until he gets dropped for a fourth QB cause there is a full TRADE EMBARGO on new-guy-jeffery. That team is sooooo bad. They’re basically un-trade-rape-able cause there’s just no way any of your players actually make them worse. They are now the lowest scoring team in the league. Let’s keep it that way. DYM sources were told The Full House held out last week after he found out he got drafted onto new-guy-jeffery’s garbage pail of a fantasy team. Sources say he even considered retiring from football completely to avoid being a part of this fantasy calamity. But our representatives implored him to play at least one more week so that we could bring back our all-time-favorite DYM segment – FULLER FACTS!! Week 2 Stats: 9 targets - 8 recs - 113 yds - 1 TD. OK. Pretty normal day Post-Game Quotes: “He did a good job” – Bill O’Brien “I just ran fast” – Will Fuller Fact: Desean Watson has thrown 21 passes to Fuller and 8 of them have gone for TDs. So, basically, The Texans score 2.29 points every time Fuller catches a pass. That’s real life points, not fantasy. They should do that every time!! WE'LL BE BACK THURSDAY TO PREVIEW SPECIAL ED RIVALRY WEEK 2018!!!