DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2019 WEEK 12!!!!!!!!!!!!
DYM AT THE MOVIES: Ford v Ferari!!!!!!!!!!! DYM & THE COMMISH MOVIE SCORE: 2 Thumbs UP!! The Commish and us are on a 2-game winning streak in the other league, so we celebrated by checking out this new Christan Bale flick. And we loved it!! Just a solid feel-good film for the whole family (rated PG-13 for cheeky British cuss words). Director James Mangold (Walk the Line, 3:10 to Yuma, Logan) hit all the fairy tale plot points and overt symbolism like he was auditioning for Benioff and Weiss’s old Star Wars job. Like, there's a man on fire in the first scene. Then another guy catches on fire right in the middle of the second act - right before the proverbial “Atonement with The Father” scene. I mean, they are checking ALL the boxes:
There’s cool ‘60’s outfits, fast cars, and Christian Bale making all sorts of funny faces. And it’s got wall-to-wall great acting performances, including that guy from Walking Dead, that guy from Homeland, and that guy from that other thing. Their characters were all so great that we kinda feel bad for Matt Damon. He was one of the worst actors in the movie and the only one who had to do an accent. Christian Bale getting to play a British guy is just unfair. Great movie tho, check it out!!
FOOD BEEF PRESENTS: THE 2019 BAGEL TOUR PLAYOFFS: Semifinal #1 CHATHAM BAGEL vs. MORRISTOWN BAGEL & DELI The bagel playoffs are a head-to-head bagel-off format: We select three bagels from each shop and serve them to our esteemed panel of judges at the DYM home office. The Judges score each bagel blindly (Pepsi-challenge style). We all sample each bagel with shmeres of plain cream cheese, veggie cream cheese or peanut butter. This week’s selections were: marble rye, cinnamon raisin, and whole wheat everything. Chatham Bagel entered the competition as the overall favorite, and Morristown B&D was a total unknown. MoTown took us by surprise the first time and took home the #1 regular season bagel sandwich score. But Chatham Bagel’s reputation is unimpeached so we still didn’t expect this round to be as close as it was. MoTown brought their A-game, and we really enjoyed everything they had but it was not quite enough. All the judges had the ryes and cinnamon raisins at a near dead-heat, but the WWEs were the clear differentiator that put Chatham ahead. Chatham’s WWE was truly flawless, and rightly earned 10s from two judges. The bagel dough was soft, sticky and tasty; and the crust was hard and jam packed with seeds - including just the right amount of salt. Chatham’s average score was still below 9.0 because of one fatal flaw with the rye: All four judges agree that while we like a good amount of caraway flavor we don’t like whole caraway seeds in the dough. That leaves the door open for either of next week’s semifinalists to take down Chatham in Thanksgiving’s Bagel Superbowl. Both Summit Bagel and Jersey Boy got into the playoffs on the strength of their perfectly cromulent ryes, so this competition is still far from over.
PLAYOFF SCENARIOS!!!!!!!!!!!! The next two weeks will be the most contentious season finale this league has ever seen: There have never been three 10-win teams in any season in Special Ed History. But there is an incredibly clear path this year - Tobin beats Team Meh and DYM, and PAT loses to DYM and beats Pickle Ricks. There are four teams who have clinched the playoffs and they’re all within 2 games of 2nd place with 2 games left to play. Four real, legit contenders. That means the week 14 bye is more important this year than ever before, because nobody’s gonna want to face these guys in the first round of the playoffs. There’s always a couple teams fighting for their playoff lives this time of year. This year Stanley, Rob and Doug have yet to seal their postseason fate and two playoff spots remain. So any of them could, theoretically, land anywhere from 4th to 7th. We can thank the Fantasy Gods for all this standings-volatility. For it has been made possible by sublimely poetic scheduling; wherein our current 10th place team (PHP) will play his last two games against the two teams tied with him at 2-9, while the 1st place team (PAT) finishes with games against the current #2 and 3 teams. Every game in the next two weeks will shake up the standings. Every contender controls his own destiny. No one knows what will happen next. All we know is WHOS HOT?!?!?! WHOS HOT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! PAT, the most frigid icy cold team in this league, is still clinging to first place. Bad news for them is the Patriots D has two more tough-ish matchups left before the playoffs. Pats D is averaging 7.5 points per game over the last two games after averaging 21.5 per game before week 9. PAT has plummeted back to earth in those recent weeks. They’re averaging a relatively pedestrian 123.83 over the last 3. The door is now very officially OPEN for the other locked-in playoff teams to sneak into 1st or 2nd. DYM, The TheShitmunks, and The Pickle Ricks have all had the look of a Team of Destiny at some point this year. Now, they are the three HOTTEST teams in the league, and all three get a shot at PAT in the final three weeks. Tobin already got his “upset” in week 11. PAT is now running ICE COLD at this critical point in the season. If they take these next two losses as well then the league will look very different than it did just a few weeks ago.
KEEPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before we get to the big BIG week 12 matchups, we wanted to give everybody a friendly reminder about next year’s keeper situation. ( We were a little unear ourselves so we chopped it up with the Commish ) Special Ed League’s 2019 keeper rules state that a player drafted in the 8th round or later, and were never dropped or traded, can be kept for next year. Each team can only keep a maximum of one player. A keeper’s cost will be your draft pick in the same round the player was drafted in the previous year (ie if you choose to keep a player you drafted in the 10th round, you will skip your 10th round pick next year). This is a decision you don’t really have to make until August, but it’s also something we all should be mindful of as we make moves in these last few weeks of the season. As of week 12 Tobin, Andy, Doug, and Paul still have more than one potential keeper on the roster, and only Mike Stanley has none. A Lot can change before next season, but these all look like pretty good values to us at this point. We’re pretty amazed that there are 3 RBs on this list and none of them are Darrius Guice. A viable late round RB is an extremely rare and valuable asset. These years, even the rookie RBs are off the board well before the 8th round so Hunt, Singletary, and Breida could be absolute steals for 2020. Here's the List: Doug : AJ Green (8), Matt Breida (10), Kareem Hunt (14) Tobin: Robby Anderson (8), Butker (11), Dak (12) Andy : Kylo Murray (8), Larry Fitzgerald (9) Paul : Russell Wilson (9), Devin Singletary (10) DYM : Lamar Jackson (8) Rosenberg : Manny Sanders (9) Dave : Justin Tucker (10) Matt : Evan Engram (10) Rob : Carson Wentz (8) Stanley : (none)
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK: SHARON ERTZ vs 🔥 I HAS NOTHING 🔥!!!!!!!!!!!! AGoTW Prediction Record: 11-4 The Battle For The Last Playoff Spot!!!!!!!!!!!! Rob and Doug are tied at 5-6 and Doug has about an 80 point tie break advantage. That’s not insurmountable given how wacky the scoring has been this year. But we’re not even thinking about those points cause Rob’s just gonna win both of the next two and cruise into the playoffs. Doug’s gonna lose this week because he’s got that Packers stack going up against the Niners. Then he’s gonna shoot himself in the foot by starting Niners D against his own guys. And he’s still starting a Dolphin. Rob is STILL undefeated when Zach Ertz scores 10 or more fantasy points, and winless when Zach scores less than ten. The good news for them is the next two matchups for Ertz are ripe: Seattle has faced 6 TEs who got at least six targets (which is about Zach’s floor), and 5 of them scored at least 12 fantasy points. Then in week 13 Philly plays the Dolphins. SHARON ERTZ WINS!!!!!!!!!!!! BRING IT ON HOME vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS Andy benched Kyler AGAIN last week. He’s gonna keep Kyler and then draft Sam Darnold next year isnt he? Goddamn it Andy POLK HIGH PANTHERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!! TEAM MEH vs ALVIN & THESHITMUNKS MIKE vs MIKE!!! It's the AGoTW runner-up!!!!!!!!!!!! Right off the bat we wanna pick Tobin cause he’s HOT and he’s got the eye of the tiger right now, but this is a tough matchup. Both these teams have all their key starters available. Both will start 3 WRs and a TE. And they will have nearly even yahoo projections. Tobin’s Cowboy stack could be in for a tough week on the road at New England. Amari Cooper has only had more than 50 yards in one road game this year (@NYG week 9), that was also the only Amari road game where The TheShitmunks scored over 111 points. At 6 wins, Team Meh needs one more win to clinch, and they cannot get a bye. But with a 130 point cushion over Doug (and 300 over Rob), it’s very unlikely that they miss the playoffs. The Whos-Hot-O-Meter says Mike Stanley is ICE COLD, but he’s had a stud player on bye each of the last three weeks. They’re at full strength for only the second time since week 6, so this could be a bounce-back game opportunity. The bounce-back should start with Watson, he’s scored less than 15 three other times this year and followed them all up with at least 27 the next week. Plus, Nick Chubb, A-Rob, and Mike Tom all have super smash greenlight matchups this week. TEAM MEH WINS!!!!!!!!!!!! PICKLE RICKS vs AMBASSADOR OF SAQUON Despite some shitty injury luck, Dave’s just been chugging along all year long. He’s been periodically playing without Conner and/or Mahomes since week 7, but still managed to get a win 5 of the last 6 weeks. Week 12 is Mahomes bye, and Conner’s probably out again. But the good news is he catches The Commish on Hill and Gordon’s bye and Manny Sanders probably won't play either so The Commish will likely have to dumpster dive for a starting WR. Survive and advance, baby. PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!! DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs PAULS AWESOME TEAM FIRST PLACE IS ON THE LINE!!! It's the AGoTW second runner-up!!!!!!!!!!!! PAT’s recent slump actually goes much deeper than just the Patriots D matchups. Russell, Kupp, and Julio have all hit slumps of their own, each only having 1 good game over the last 5 weeks. Leonard Fournette’s usage has trended down over the last three weeks, so Aaron Jones looks to fill the RB1 slot this week with Dalvin on bye. Unfortunately, Aaron’s got that buzzsaw matchup with the Niners. Our guys don’t really have good matchups this week either but, I don't know, I think we got this. DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!