DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2019 WEEK 3!!!
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!! PICKLE RICKS!! vs IN SAQUON WE TRUST AGoTW Prediction Record: 2-0 This week’s most interesting game is a VERY evenly matched one between guys who’re both just hanging in there at this early stage of the season. We wouldn't say either of them really suck, as they're both 1-1 and both scored right about 100 points in each of the first two weeks. Those are very average, very not bad numbers. But both these teams are starting TEs and both were highlighted last week for having the league’s weakest benches. Dave’s injured guys last week came through but now he’s gotta deal with James Conner as well. We’re not too too worried since JC’s probably a fast-healer IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN. The TE Cook is in a precarious position with new QB Teddy Two-Gloves. Sometimes new QBs are good for the TE as they may be more prone to look for the easy underneath completions. Other times they're just bad for everyone. Speaking of “fast-healers,” we totally blew it by not targeting Emmanuel Sanders in the draft. He's 32 and just blew out an achilles in December. He really just missed THREE GAMES with a torn achilles. Are you kidding me? Guy should barely be walking right now, but he looks as fast as he’s ever been. You don't get those results from no damn TB12. That’s that Zeke-Elliott-Mexican-pharmacy-style rehab. The other good news for Chris’ WR group is Antonio’s got multiple new accusers this week. That should ensure that these league investigation(s) drag on for several more months. The bad news is Tyrell Williams is banged up and questionable for Sunday. If he sits, it could be a big game for Darren Waller, who is available. Could we really see two different teams start 2 TEs this week??? Prediction: PICKLE RICKS WINS!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!! Hey, you guys like Star Wars??? BRING IT ON HOME vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS In the first act of Kyler Ren’s rookie year journey, he demonstrated incredible fantasy powers by passing for over 300 yards in his first two games. But in the Special Ed league, he was disrespected and embarrassed by Old Man Brady. Despite all his power and potential, Young Solo has been benched and Bring It On Home sits at 0-2. Kyler Ren lost the week 2 battle but the war is far from over. At night, his dreams bring him visions of juicier matchups. He has felt the matchups awaken. Suddenly he feels strangely drawn to them, and somehow he knows they are drawn toward him as well. The Time of Destiny is at hand in week 3. BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!! DEFEND YOUR MOVES DOT COM vs PAUL'S AWESOME TEAM DYM’s hero Rey McCaffrey passed the first two trials of 2019, but in order to reach the final threshold of her journey, she would have to leave her trusted mentors and guides behind. Cam Solo’s preseason foot injury has resurfaced and we fear he may never be seen again in this year’s saga. Little C-Mac From Nowhere never wanted to be the Panthers’ hero. She could see herself as Cam Solo’s co-pilot, living a smuggler’s life, a life of anonymity. But the war had already begun. And now that Cam was gone everyone would turn to her and her alone if Kyler Ren’s dark army was ever to be stopped. So C-Mac sought guidance from legendary pass-catching RB Master Duke Skywalker. But she was too late. Not only was Duke refused the 3-down role in Houston, but he had cut himself off from the pass-catching force altogether. In the mystical cave, Master Duke explained to C-Mac that it is the destiny of all great pass-catching RBs to one day “become one with the passing game.” When an offensive line is in its most desperate hour, they will turn to their “only hope” the Pass-Blocking RB. “This is your fight now,” he said, “there is nothing more we can teach you. My purpose now lies beyond the fantasy game. My QB is in grave danger, and I must protect him.” Then Duke disappeared onto the bench and his robes slowly fell to the ground. But at DYM, we know the pass-catching RB will never die. So there is still hope that our fantasy teams will find eternal life as well. Somewhere, perhaps on our very own roster, we may find that the next great PPR RB has already been born. As long as passes are thrown, some RB somewhere will catch them. And as long as the darkness of work-horse grinders looms in our midst, the pass-catchers will always meet them to restore light to the league. DEFEND YOUR MOVES DOT COM WINS!!! HO...HO...HO vs SHARON ERTZ OK, so it turns out Matt Breida doesn't suck. If Mason Rudolph does suck then Breida could get a lot of work again this week. And hopefully he will, because Derrick Henry is playing tonight and Thursdays are just the worst for fantasy. So we like Rob in this one if he can capitalize on the week 2 QB bloodbath: DJ Moore is a TE-esque guy that might be OK with a backup QB cause they like to throw him a lot of screens anyway. Cam being out also may set up some positive game-script for David Johnson. And of course Lev Bell is the entire Jets offense right now. SHARON ERTZ WINS!!! ALVIN & THE SITMUNKS vs TEAM MEH It's absolutely nuts to us that Dak Prescott is the #2 fantasy QB through two weeks. Dak's last game before we make our annual league Power Rankings is at home against the dolphins. He’s definitely gonna score 30 again and Tobin’s gonna get all mad when we don’t name Dak a Superstar. We’re not looking forward to it, it's gonna be a whole thing. ALVIN &THE SHITMUNKS WINS!!! POWER POWER RANKINGS Tommy Dream Angela Jason the Serbian Vincent the Italian Tariq Lala Councilman Tate 2-bit Turtle from Entourage Ghost NOT RANKED: Tasha, Cristobal, Blanca, Tariq’s roommate, Turtle’s ex-wife, Lala’s son, Andre, Cooper Saxe, Tommy’s mom, Effie, Tasha’s new BF Turtle rejoins the list this week with a shockingly devious power move. But, damn, they aint have to do Turtle’s Ex like that. They actually got us to root for her for about 5 minutes there. smh. Tariq took a page out of Kanaan’s book this week with a low-down-dirty-no-good power move. It almost paid off too, but Tommy’s not having any of that shit. At this point we’d be pretty shocked if Tommy ever gives up that number one spot going forward. If this season is the late third act of Tommy’s “hero’s journey,” then the ambulance assassination was his “magic flight.” Tommy finally understands who he is now, and what he must do. Now he just needs to survive the trip back home. WEEK 3 BETTING TIPS!!! Once again the best bet in all of sports is the HALFTIME TIE!!! In week 2 the DYM SYSTEM(™) paid out $52 on a $24 investment. Our highlighted games went 1 for 3, and low-spread games altogether went 2 for 6. Bills/nyg - 2nd half (+2700) Chi/den - x Min/gb - x Cle/nyj - (off) Sf/cin - x Lac/det - x Atl/phi - 2nd half (+2500) The DYM SYSTEM(™) works like this: We identify games with spreads under 3 and/or totals under 45 that are most likely to have a tie in either the first or second half. Place 4 bets on each identified game by parlaying the first and second half TIE with each team’s moneyline. CASH OUT!!! For Week 3 there are 10 games that fit in our initial model. That's way too may, but seven of those games are under-45 totals with big spreads, so we’re just not gonna touch em. The other three, though, look very VERY tie-worthy. Our featured game looks especially mouth-wateringly low scoring: Ten @ Jax tonight is a tie just waiting to happen. Our only hesitation is that we could imagine this game ending in an ACTUAL 0-0 tie which would fuck our moneyline parlays. TIE GAMES OF THE WEEK: TEN@Jax , Atl@IND, CAR@Ari HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!