DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2020 WEEK 11!!!!!!!!!!!
WHATS UP SPECIAL ED?!?!?! We hope you guys all made the most of that Thursday Nighter, cause it’s gonna be the only interesting game of the week. Just look at all these stinkers we got on tap for today. Is this the ugliest slate of games you guys have ever seen? We can’t really imagine it being any worse. There is not a single watchable game on today. NONE!!! Seriously, are you guys even a little interested in ANY of these games? These are all objectively terrible games. Plus G-men and Bills are on bye, the Steelers get a free win, and none of the Falcons’ games matter anymore. ATL-New Orleans is the only divisional game today, and they might both be tanking. 8 teams this week are on their (at least) second QB of the year. Indy-Green Bay is the only o/u over 50, and we’re starting Indy defense in the other league, so we’d really prefer an under in that one. Maybe Rob might still be tuning in as long as the Eagles are in playoff* contention; and Cousin Mike probably has a G on Steelers -10.5, but that's about it right? There’s only one more month til the NBA starts up again and, man, we cannot wait. NBAtv Channel ought to fire up a special presentation of Shaqtin’ a Fool for this week’s NFL games. The choicest bad games of the week for us are Eagles-Browns, Bengals-Washington, and Dolphins-Broncos. 5 of the 6 QBs in these games are Special Ed free agents, and DYM is STREAMING QBs THIS WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! Normally we relish the opportunity to stream QBs. We love scouring the bad games for under-the-radar exploitable matchups. In fact, just a week ago we were pretty psyched to stream this week. Because two of our VERY FAVORITE players that most of y'all have never heard of had been penciled in as week 11 NFL starters: Garrett Gilbert and PJ Walker !!!!!!!!!! WHO? Long-time readers will remember that the whole DYM staff were once very big fans of the now defunct Alliance of American Football . The AAF was meant to be a true Minor League for the NFL. Thy recruited the very best undrafted college players, and NFL practice squaders to compete under a national spotlight. It gave hundreds of players an unofficial audition for the Big Leagues. It was a beautiful dream; a bud that sprouted in an October indian-summer, that hadn't time to bloom before November's first frost. Despite critical acclaim from its small cult following, the league was not financially viable and declared bankruptcy after 8 weeks. The following year Vince McMahon resurrected the previous best attempt at an NFL minor league - the XFL. After 3 years of planning, and a failed merger with the AAF, the XFL began play just 5 weeks before the national sports shut-down in mid-march. But despite their ostensible operational failure, both leagues may have accomplished their human resources goal of matriculating players into the NFL. The top QBs from both league's entered this year on NFL benches: Garrett Gilbert was AAF's top QB, and captain of the unofficial AAF Champion Orlando Apollos. Gilbert entered the season as the 3rd string QB for the Cowboys. He started week 10 with both Dak and Andy Dalton injured, and was not wholly unsuccessful. A week 11 matchup with the shitty, shitty Vikings was VERY appealing on paper. The pride of Elizabeth NJ - PJ Walker - was the #1 QB in the XFL. Leading the immaculately named Houston Roughnecks to a 5-0 record. This would be PJ SkyWalker's first NFL start, but did you know that he is the Temple Owls all-time leader in passing yards, passing touchdowns, completions, attempts, total yards, total touchdowns, and wins for a QB?? AND did you know that his college coach, Matt Rhule, is now the head coach of the Carolina Panthers???? This pair of VERY EXCITING potentialities has been all but dashed in the last few days as Dalton has regained the wherewithal to suit up this week and Teddy Two-Gloves is planning to " test the knee " during pregame warm ups. So fuck me, right? But streaming still ought not to be too hard in this 10-team league, there's still a few other veteran journeyman making a spot start against a league-worst D. The Saints have not one but TWO bench veterans going up against the league's worst defense but, jesus christ, we know those crazy fucks are gonna play both of them for like 30 snaps each and they're both gonna throw two picks. We just fucking know it. Then there's also Joe Flacco in a similar spot against the Clippers. But that might be another double-tank game, and we absolutely can't fuck with any Jets until Adam Gase gets fired. Which brings us back to our SPOTLIGHT STINKERS of the week. Our best streaming candidates now are probably Burrow (@ was), Wentz (@ cle), or Lock (vs miami). YUCK 🤮. All three of those defenses are just not-bad enough to be annoying for a QB streamer, and Lock is the only one at home but also the one we trust the least in a vacuum. Fuck, man. We're gonna lose. NO CHINESE FOOD THIS WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! We're gonna be a week behind on the Chinese Food Tour 'cause, to be honest, we needed a week to recover from Lin's Palace. That was brutal. For Week 11, Food Beef would like to send a very special breakfast shout-out top the animus Bring It On Home. They clued us in to a secret menu item at out favorite bagel spot. Bagel Cafe in New Providence is still the #1 bagel in our area; Chatham Bagel (the 2019 Food Beef Champ) is more than acceptable but to be honest we still prefer to make the trek back to Bagel Cafe. The cool thing there is you can get a McDonalds-style hash brown patty on your bacon-egg-and-cheese sandwich and MAAAAAAN, we gotta tell ya, there's nothing better. Might be our favorite sandwich anywhere in the world. THANKS FOR THE TIP, BIOH!!!!!!!!!!! AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs PICKLE RICKS!! AGoTW Prediction Record: 4-5 These two are both Giants fans, and they have five players each in late games, so they can treat themselves to a 1:00 nap this week!!!!!!!!!!! Yahoo is predicting a solid PAT victory, but we think it'll be a lot closer. PAT has Dalvin Cook with a ++ matchup against Dallas, but we also like Mahomes matchup at Oakland a lot better than Rodgers at the Colts. We think the deciding factor will be the Packers' and Colts' respective game plans vis-a-vis Aaron Jones. When it looked like Davante Adams was gonna be out we figured it would be a 20+ carry day for Jones, but the Colts would likely not have a hard time stopping that one-dimensional attack. Now, if Davante the Savante is actually decoying this week he could distract enough defensive attention to open up some lanes for Jones at least early on. But the fact that everybody's gassing up Nyheim Hines and Mike Pittman might suggest a higher scoring affair ( and maybe we should stream Phil Rivers? ... Nah. ) Darrell Henderson is still an x-factor in the Monday Night capper, but The Ricks will certainly hope they've already got a lead by then. Close one. PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!!!!!!! DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs SHARON ERTZ 60 minutes til Kickoff and we still don't have a QB. But Ekeler is not back so Sharon is starting La'Mical Perine. If Perine weren't a Jet he'd be a very sexy under-the-radar guy for DYM. Perine was like the 4th most NFL ready player on an OK 2019 Gators team, and he's Samaje Perine's brother (not necessarily an endorsement). But, fuck that, no way we lose to a team with a Jet on it. DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!!! THE WHITE JESUS POISON vs BRING IT ON HOME Man that breakfast sandwich was soooo good, you guys. We were even almost gonna pick BIOH this week as an act of good will. But he's still starting Leveon Bell and two white WRs in the flexes. Just can't do it. Great sandwich tho. THE WHITE JESUS POISON WINS!!!!!!!!!!! ZOMBIE PATERNOS vs TOBIN & THE RIPPERS Tobin lost last week when Chubb went out of bounds instead of scoring a TD with :53 remaining. In the previous two weeks Penn State and the Falcons had RBs score when they shouldn't have (with their team up 1 or two points) and thus allowed the opponent enough time to come back and win. But that was NOT the case here!!!! The Browns were up by 3, so a Chubb TD would have put them up by 9 points at minimum. When you're just one hail-mary away from losing, you don't wanna give Deshaun Watson that shot (and, btw, a Deshaun hail-mary would have also won it for Tobin). But 9 points in less than :50 seconds would necessitate multiple miracles that Cleveland should have been confident in averting. Very unfortunate for The Rippers. TOBIN & THE RIPPER WINS!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOWS PANDEMICS vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS Fun Fact: Our Guy Russell was averaging 32 points per game through week 8. But in that week 8 game against San Francisco the Seahawks had 3 offensive lineman and 2 running backs go down to injury. Since that time Russell has been sacked at least 3 times per game, has 7 total turnovers, and has not scored more than 21 fantasy points in Special Ed.
DeAndre Hopkins also played on Thursday and had his 4th inexplicably unimpressive game. Kylo got pretty banged up but we're sure he'll shake it off like he always does. POLK HIGH PANTHERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!! LIVE UPDATE 12:15pm - IT LOOKS LIKE PJ WALKER IS STARTING!!!! LETS GOOO!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!