DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2020 WEEK 5!!!!!
Can you fucking believe these motherfuckers, man?? What the fuck, you guys!? This shit would NEVER happen in the NBA. Lou Williams broke the Bubble Protocols to go to a strip club in Atlanta. These fucking dorks went to work overtime at a fucking high school. At least Cam had enough self-respect to catch that shit out at a restaurant with his friends. At least he had a good time. But these Titans. What the FUCK?!? Fucking Titans go 3-0 and all of a sudden they're fucking overachievers? FUCK YOU!! What, they think they're going to the fucking Super Bowl if they get these extra practices in?? Well, guess what? NOW THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A SUPER BOWL, YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!! Man, we JUST got Sunday Ticket hooked up for the Backyard Man-Cave last week!!!! Then the week 4 cancelations bumped the Bills/Raiders game onto national TV, now this week we’re gonna get the COVID bye, then probably the whole fucking season's gonna get canceled. And even if the league's not shut down, my Henry/Jonnu fantasy teams are gonna stay fucked for at least a few more weeks. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK seriously DYM PRESENTS: FOOD BEEF V WEEK 5 - HUNAN WOK of Morristown!!!!! Hunan Wok came highly recommended by our esteemed guest judges. Both Angelo and Maulbeck declared it their "go-to" during the scheduling process. Our experience at the DYM household has been more muted. We got Hunan once or twice and were not overly impressed. It was regular to us, so we generally opt for Bean Curd house (because it's better) or even the non-competing Good Taste (because it's closer). Overall we'd say all the judges felt the Hunan selection was hit-or-miss. We all found something we liked a lot, and some things that really dissappointed. MAULBECK & MB DISH SCORES: General Tso’s Chicken- 6.5 Beef & Broccoli - 7 Scallion pancakes - 8 Fried rice - 8.5 DYM HOUSEHOLD DISH SCORES: Honey Chicken - 9 Dumplings - 7.5 Pork & Snow Peas - 8.5 Tofu - 8 Egg Drop Wonton Soup - 5.5 The Honey Chicken was the best think we had. It was basically sweet-and-sour style chicken nuggets with thicker breading and covered in honey sauce. It was pretty much everything you could ask for from a chicken nugget. The nuggs were meaty and juicy and the sauce was just sweet enough, not overpowering. Amari and Marta, the Official DYM Mother-in-Law, were both unenthused when we placed the order but, surprisingly, they both LOVED the chicken. The Pork & Snow Peas was pretty regular but they get bonus points for extra veggies. A lot of places will make this dish with ONLY pork and snow peas, nothing else. And we get that that’s what we ordered, but it’s always boring. These guys threw in some watercress, carrots, and baby corn that really livened things up. The Soup was not good. The broth was very, very thick. Like they just put the cooked eggs in a bowl of uncooked eggs. Not appealing. The dumplings were somewhat unimpressive for dinner, but much better the next day for breakfast. HUNAN WOK TOTAL SCORE: 7.6 AMERICAS GAMES OF THE WEEK!!!!! AGoTW Prediction Record: 1-2 We missed last week's Special Ed Matchups due to technical difficulties, so we're going to pick TWO AGoTWs this week. And that's just fine by us cause there's two prime time matchups this week between Special Ed League RIVALS. That's right, it's... RIVALRY MATCHUP #1:
DEFEND YOUR MOVES 🥡 vs BRING IT ON HOME Somehow, BIOH and DYM are dead even statistically so far this season. We're both 3-1. DYM has scored about 3-4 points more per game, as have their opponents, not enough to swing any of either team's games. For this week, we should both have Yahoo! score predictions of about 115 by Sunday morning, but we both have moves to make before then. Mike Evans is very Questionable for tonights game against the Bucs. BIOH has 2 WRs in the flex spots, so most likely one of them moves up and Waller gets the start @KC. Not a bad situation actually. The bigger potential problem for them is having 3 players (QB and 2 RBs) in the Cardinals@NYJ game (o/u 47.5). We still have Kylo in the other league so we'll be praying the MetLife Turf Monster doesn't get a hold of him. Drake and Le'veon might be in trouble tho. Our biggest bugaboo this week is those fucking goddamn Tennessee Titans. The Titans Bills game is probably not gonna happen so we're gonna have to bench Henry and Diggs and start Viska @HOU. This would also force BIOH to go shopping for a D/ST this weekend as well. Our other RBs are still gonna get it done so we think we keep it close but, to be honest, but this doesn't feel great. DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!! RIVALRY MATCHUP #2: WHITE JESUS POISON vs PAULS AWESOME TEAM Up until last year The Commish held the title of Official Rival of DYM. But this year we've re-dedicated ourselves to the success of Special Ed The Team (3-1 in the other league), and now we hate Andy's team. So it's high time that we recognize the deep-seated animosity between The Commish and Golden Richards: No one roots agains Paul as loudly as Chris, and no one laughs at Chris's failures as heartily as Paul. Always have, always will. PAT has Devin Singletary in the starting lineup but he's probly not playing because the Titans just fucking love practice so goddamn much. jesus christ. Anyway, that'll put Tyler Boyd in the flex which is pretty much a lateral move in our opinion. Aaron Rodgers gets a traditional bye in week 5, so they still need to pickup a QB. We're thinking they probably go with one of the rookies. That'd be a big drop-off from Aaron Rodgers but there's a good chance both those kids outscore Matt Ryan. The Commish's team is only missing Julio Jones, but Chark came back strong last week so they could be OK there. Their RB stable is looking very strong since the additions of Mike Davis and James Robinson. Those guys are very Legit Starters, forcing the Commish to send the much funnier named Todd Gurley to the bench. This should be another very close contest, we think if Matt Ryan shows up then The Commish can get it done. But we're not counting on that. PAULS AWESOME TEAM WINS!!!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs I KNOWS PANDEMICS 👾 If Mostert really comes back this week, IKP could conceivably start both SF RBs since they're playing at home vs MIA. We definitely like the second SF RB this week better than Devonta Freeman @ Dallas. But WR2 is a big issue for IKP this week, Tee Higgins is the only option on the roster right now. They might wanna make a quick dumpster dive for Keelan Cole or David Moore. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!! PICKLE RICKS!! vs SHARON ERTZ We're seriously considering trading Lamar to Rob for Josh Allen. Probly have to get one of those rookie QBs for this week too, but fuck it. Honestly, we don't even know if Rob would accept it tho. His team should be pretty good, but they're floundering at 0-4. Maybe he wants to shake thing up. why not right? PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!! POLK HIGH PANTHERS vs ZOMBIE PATERNOS Hope the Paterno's weren't looking forward to AJ Brown coming back this week. He won't be playing this Sunday because he's such a fucking hard worker at practice. fucking piece of shit, goddamn it. Fuck. POLK HIGH PANTHERS WINS!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!