DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2020 WEEK 6!!!!!!
What's up, Special Ed? It’s Week 6 Saturday, and we're still mad!!!!!! The Bills got fucking hosed last week. Like BIG time hosed, talkin' about Iowa Caucus level HOSED. The League pulled out all the stops: changed the date of the game, let all the Titans players off COVID IR, the refs were in the bag and the announcers too. It was a weird thing to watch. We'd love to say “this would never happen in the NBA” - but we all know it would. To be fair, in retrospect, Gooddell and ‘em didn’t have much choice but to fix that game for the Titans. Much like our old boy Donny, the NFL abdicated all responsibility really early in the pandemic response process, which, at the time, probably seemed like wise moves for each of them. Neither Trump nor Goodell is anywhere near capable of dealing with this shit. Not that anybody really is, but these two were already STRESSED THE FUCK OUT back in like 2017. Neither of them has any interest in managing a fucking pandemic, nor a revolution in the streets. The President checked out in about early June, he jumped on twitter like “Who the fuck is the Mayor of this town?? How’d they let this happen??? SMGDH”. And he BOUNCED. State's Rights, son, peace. Goodell sees that shit, and he sees baseball not do a damn thing and still finish the season, and he gets himself an idea. He draws up some quick PROS and CONS columns and writes a lotta sad, scary things in the CONS. Then he writes “I DO NOTHING” real big in the PROS column and circles that shit with a highlighter. Then he hands that motherfuckin' paper to his secretary and tells her to schedule a press conference. Deuces. Summer of Rog, baby!!! Of course the NFL now has a league-wide COVID testing and return-to-play protocol. But they just wrote that shit last week. Back in August, every team had to write their own “Infectious Disease Emergency Response Plan” and all the stadiums and facilities were told to operate in accordance with their own State’s COVID laws. Back then, SOME PEOPLE were real quick to point out the potential for competitive disadvantages in this ad hoc setup. Smart ass motherfucker probably shoulda kept his mouth shut, cause as it turns out this is a fairly nuanced situation. Or like they say down in SEC-Country: “Freedom Ain’t Free” - cause a lotta the teams with the “home field advantages” are also now at a far higher risk of catching this second wave of the 'rona and getting their whole shit shut down entirely. Just look who’s shut down this week: Atlanta, Tennessee, Indianapolis, Jacksonville... All these fucking southern-midwest college towns never shoulda had NFL teams in the first place!! Now look at 'em. We think canceling several Titans games might, theoretically, not be that big a deal. Nobody’d really miss em. Roger would just sweep Tennessee under the rug and move on if he had too. Wouldn’t take much. Could get that Toronto expansion poppin' again. But when the Patriots sat out week 5 too, people started asking questions. Sean McVay and 'em out here telling people they wanna shut it down and bubble up for nine games of whatever. Fuck that. See, that’s the one thing about Goodell’s COVID Non-Plan™️, he’s NOT trying to be in charge of this shit at all. The Bubble would just be everybody that works for him all in one place, talking to him everyday, and making him do shit. Fucking Nightmare. Rog is not tryina hear that ANY of this bubble shit. He couldn’t let those stupid Titans miss another game, it’d fuck everything up. He had to put some lipstick on this pile of dog shit and get her ready for Tuesday Night Primetime TV. He had to put on a show. They sold 10,000 tickets to this clown rodeo, and guess who’s coming to town? That loud mouth Sean McDermott. Motherfucker had a lot to say about Rog’s Non-Plan this summer, huh? Think there’s a competitive disadvantage in MY LEAGUE? Huh? Yea, ok, watch this, motherfucker. First, he calls up ANOTHER press conference. Just to let y’all know, officially, that Roger Goodell ain't doin' SHIT this year. Nada. There will be NO punishments for COVID Protocol for anybody, but especially not the Titans. And furthermore, all previously positive-tested Titans are now returned to the active roster, just in time for tonight’s completely normal Tuesday Night Football game: “Congratulations, Tennessee. You did it. You beat coronavirus. This whole ordeal just goes to show how healthful 60 Minutes of vigorous outside play everyday can be for young people. As we speak, scientists around the world are working to develop vaccines and treatments for COVID-19. But the NFL’s PLAY60 Initiative is still the most effective known cure for Coronavirus.” - Roger Goodell After that, fixing the game for Tennessee was actually the easiest part of all. Nobody thought this game was gonna happen, so all the regular refs had already worked this week. They were back at home doing fucking Zoom Kindergarten and shit, 'cause it was Tuesday for fuck sake. Rog had to bring back some of those scab refs from the 2012 Ref Strike. Those sad-sack motherfuckers probly got booed out of their own homes after that shit. Ain't had a job in 8 years. They got Rog’s back 1000%. Just say the word. Then just to grease the skids a bit, they got CBS’s Westminster Dog Show commentators in the booth for this game. Those guys had no fucking clue what was going on, they were gonna say anything the league PR rep put in front of ‘em. Dude was like - “Ryan Tannehill is immune to COVID now, at least that’s what the doctors tell him anyway. Some of the greatest doctors in the world are a part of this Tennessee Titans training staff. Not a lot of people know that, but they're brilliant. Absolute miracle workers.” Fucking ridiculous. FOOD BEEF V - CHINESE FOOD!!!!! COTTAGE II of Morristown!!!!! Cottage II one of the standard, middle of the road Chinese spots that we've been to a million times because it's conveniently located. It's on South St. in Morristown, about two block off the green, right near Dublin Pub. We ordered this spread just now for Saturday lunch, Overall we'd say it hit the spot. All the meat dishes were excellent, but the rice, soups and fried dishes left something to be desired. Unfortunately, unlike our first two competitors, Cottage won't get left-overs factored into their scores. HUNAN STYLE BEEF - 9 - This was surprisingly good. Very hot and spicy and not too oily. Didn't need any extra sauces, just perfectly seasoned. Served over lo mein noodles. SOUPS: Wonton Soup & House Special Soup - 6 - Both of these soups had the same problem as Hunan Wok's egg drop - just way too thick for our taste. We prefer a much more viscus soup. The House Special was like a chowder broth with undercooked veggies. Not good. PUPU PLATTER - 9 - It's got Shrimp pancakes, spring rolls, ribs, curry chicken, and curry beef. The deep fried stuff was OK, but the meats on this platter were the real stars of this whole meal. We could have had a main course of just those chicken and beef sticks. The deep curry flavor is outstanding. Not overpowering with heat, but the spices cleared out our sinuses big time. We can still smell it. DANK. CRAB RANGOON - 7.5 - It was alright. We generally prefer the hamentashen shaped ones better. HOUSE FRIED RICE - 7 - Rice was also undercooked, but the meats save it from being a total disaster. COTTAGE 2 TOTAL SCORE: 7.7 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!! AGotW Prediction Record: 2-3 Tobin & The Rippers VS. Paul’s Awesome Team The #1 and #2 teams from just two weeks ago are both badly depleted heading into week six. Tobin lost their Superstar QB, but they managed to get COVID Cam off waivers. If he plays he should be a serviceable replacement. PAT struggled mightily last week without Aaron Rodgers at the helm. This week could be even worse as their only Superstar RB nurses his groin. They'll roll the dice with either Damien Harris or Dev Singletary, both low ceiling/low floor options. Pick-up of the week Chase Claypool fills in for Lockett (bye). Claypool gets Cleveland this week, a much tougher matchup than he had in the breakout week 5. In fact, it looks like everybody on PAT (except Amari) have worse matchups this week than last. Aaron Rodgers gotta put this team on his back if they wanna break 100 this week. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!! DEFEND YOUR MOVES 🥡 VS. Zombie Paternos The ZPs are getting healthy this week and have some tasty matchups in week six. They could keep it close against the defending Champs. Our beloved Port Magpies lost to Richmond yesterday in the AFL semi-finals. Tough game for the fellas, it was poring rain and they just could not catch the ball for about 3 quarters. Still had a shot at a go-ahead goal with 4 minutes left, though. Anyway, the funny thing about these Aussie rules playoff games is they spent the entire season in bubbles, with no fans most of the year, but the playoffs came and AFL just said "fuck it". They got home games, packed stands, no fuckin' masks. Don't give a fuck, like what. Really hope Goodell doesn't see this. DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!! THE WhiteJesusPoison VS. Pickle Ricks!! If we were The Commish we wouldn't start Julio this week. Julio is one of the league's all-time great Decoy WRs. This game has Julio Decoy written all over it. PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!! Bring It On Home VS. I knows pandemics 👾 Big shoutout to the Madison Mario Kart Club. Andy smoked our ass in Mario Kart Rivalry Week, so we’re even for now.
The MMKC has been super fun, it’s still the best free iPhone game ever, but this week we’re getting an absolute fucking GAME CHANGER delivered to the DYM home office: 😲HO😲LY😲SHIT😲 You guys gotta get Nintendo Switches. It's gonna be a HOT winter!!!!! BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!!!!! Polk High Panthers VS. Sharon Ertz Sharon has their three best players on bye this week, which normally would be a Free Win scenario. But, we‘re 24 hours from kickoff right now and PHP has ZERO active RBs on the roster.
We got a feeling PHP's non-plan for this week isn't gonna work out as well as Goodell’s. We guess they’re just counting on the NFL being cancelled entirely. That’s not a bad bet, in our opinion, but it’s pretty unsportsmanlike for a fantasy league player. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, ABBY!!!!!! SHARON ERTZ WINS!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK, EVERYBODY!!!!!!