DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2021 WEEK 9!!!!!!!!!
What's up, Special Ed?! The NFL trade deadline came and went this week without any offensive players changing teams. This was a huge disappointment for all of us Watson and Mack fantasy owners. But most people forgot all about it by late Tuesday when Henry Ruggs committed vehicular manslaughter. But even that nearly-unprecedented happenstance had a short stay in the news cycle. On Wednesday teams' injury reports came out and like half the league got mid-week injuries and COVID. It's absolute carnage across the NFL in week 9. Seeing as we're just half-way through Quetelcoatl Week right now, we're bracing ourselves for another wild one between now and week 10 Thursday. Montezuma's revenge sent SEVENTEEN (17!!!!!) big-name fantasy players to the injury reports this week, and Miss Cleo's Tarot Deck is in shambles!!!!!!!!! Now sometimes we just don't get around to writing DYM until Friday night cause we had a busy week and just don't get around to it. Sometimes there's just not much to write about and we wait til late in the week for breaking NFL news. This was not one of those weeks. Just the other day we were talkin' to The Commish about how much fuckin content we had for DYM this week, but then we just put like 15 prop bets on the Colts and didn't get a chance to publish before Thursday night. Then, just when we were wrapping up work early Friday afternoon, The NFL's reigning MVP Aaron Motherfuckin Rodgers made a surprise appearance on The Pat McAfee Show and all of a sudden Ruggs, Henry and the 16 other new injuries this week all just hit the DYM cutting room floor. We might touch on these guys' fantasy impacts in the matchups section but we got 1,000 words easy on this knucklehead right here. Good lord. That shit was THE WILDEST!!!!! A-Rog is fuckin 10,000x crazier than Kyrie and we're gonna break it all down for you guys, but first we gotta run down the aforementioned SEVEN FUCKIN TEEN players that are on the wrong side of questionable for week nine. Rodgers COVID Henry busted foot Jameis busted knee Ruggs 5 felony charges Saquon false positive COVID + ankle J Rob questionable foot AJ Green COVID Noah Fant COVID Stafford back Rob Woods foot Dak shank CeeDee ankle (mid-week) Calamari ankle Nuke hamstring Odell got fired Ridley got the twisties Mike Tom is really not tryin to play for the Saints anymore AJ Brown knee (mid-week) AARON RODGERS RED PILL SPECTACULAR!!!!!!!!! We caught this joint live on SiriusXM Satellite Radio Friday afternoon, but to be honest it's way better on youtube. The entire convo is hilarious and triggering and eminently quotable, but you gotta see how pale and tired Rodgers looks when he says he's completely recovered and has no symptoms. Then you got him flanked by McAfee with his "smart guy" glasses on and fucking rocks-for-brains AJ Hawk. It's an absolute work of art on youtube. On the radio we didn't even know Hawk was there, he has NO CLUE what they're talking about so he just keeps his fuckin mouth SHUT for the whole 45 minute interview. Now he's definitely out favorite part of the YT version. Like we're pretty sure Hawk's not vaxed cause this might be the first he's heard of the vaccine. He's way out of his element here. But we're not sure that McAfee really knew where this thing was gonna go beforehand either. He tries to get a couple words in edgewise but A-Rodg just shuts him DOWN. This is HIS SHOW NOW! Like McAfee's just chitchatting with him at the start and all of a sudden he starts reading off a fucking prewritten speech (another nugget the radio listeners weren't privy to), and McAfee was just fuckin blindsided. The interview literally starts like this: MCAFEE: "Hey Aaron, how's it goin? You feelin OK?" A-RODG: "I realize I'm in the crosshairs of the woke mob right now..." And we're off. Rodg starts out talking about how much "research" he did on vaccines and shit and how he "spent so much time researching this, just like I do for Jeopardy ... or every week for the Packers." That's a pretty important tidbit for us fantasy players to be aware of - football is MAYBE the #3 thing he spends time thinking about. Also we thought it was pretty funny how he talked so much about the fuckin team of internationally reknowned doctors he consulted with in the course of his "research", but ultimately took the medicines recommended to him over the phone by his "good friend Joe Rogan." Yikes. Then he talked about how he presented the findings of his research to the NFL to try to get exempted from COVID protocols. McAfee asks how the league officials responded he says "They thought I was a quack." Which is almost certainly not what they said to him cause, like, a quack is still a doctor. A-Rodg says he's "allergic" to some "ingredients" in the mRNA vaccines; but ALSO there's a propaganda campaign and conspiracy to humiliate and disenfranchise unvaccinated people. It's a very Trumpian juxtaposition of stances. He goes on to insist that he's "not anti-vax" while also contending that the vaccine is actually quite dangerous. Weird takes. Then he puts the real dog whistle out there talkin bout "I'm not some crazy COVID denier" and "I'm not some flat-earther" and we were like HOLD UP. I know he's not sendin subliminals at OUR GUY KYRIE?!?! Oh he fucked up. Kyrie was campaigning to get his stupid antivax I mean allergic ass paid for stayin home last year. Kyrie shoulda been his best fuckin friend. We don't hear Kyrie crying about his ass getting conspiratorially discriminated against. He's chillin. Plus New York got a new mayor who's chill as fuck and Kyrie's coaches and teammates actually seem to like him and want him back. Maybe being a flat-earther isn't the fucking worst thing you can be? There's A LOT of scenarios right now where Kyrie plays again before Rodgers. So the "mvp" can eat a fuckin dick. Aaron Rodgers disowned his own family so he wouldn't have to buy them christmas presents. Kyrie loves his family so much that he broke COVID protocol, and missed a month of games, so he could go to his sister's 30th birthday party. Who would you rather have on your team? S M G D H FOOD BEEF VI: BURGERS This Week: Prospect Tavern OK, so we like Prospect Tavern. It's a good bar. Quiet local spot. Good beer, good food, but nothin' spectacular. Jeff Ertz does open mic there sometimes, and those are their liveliest nights by far. So as we might expect the burger was very average. It pretty much tasted like a burger we'd make on the grill at home for lunch on a tuesday. Nothing special to it whatsoever. We got bacon and avocado on top, and the avocado was cut in chunks - not slices - so it didn't really stay in the sandwich very well. We ended up eating avocado with french fries which is really not a great combo. Cynthia: 7 DYM: 7 Burger Score: 7 WHOS HOT?!?!?!?!? Team DYM hit an El Niño style cold snap these past couple weeks, but we're 2-1 in the last three and wins is wins. Plus, as our readers all know, it's always dangerous to get too hot too early in the season. Steps 5 and 6 of the Hero's Journey are The "Road of Trials" and the "Belly of The Whale", so we'd actually say we're on pace to be exactly where we wanna be 5 weeks from now. Some of you are aware that we've been working the trade phones pretty hard this week although we're yet to have our "Meeting with The Goddess" or "Atonement with the Father" as scheduled for weeks 8 and 9. ...to be continued... MISS CLEOS PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!! JULIO JONES!!!!!!!! Miss Cleo's Prop Bet Record: 4-4 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!! DELTA BLUES vs. NO & THEN!!!!!!!!! AGOTW Prediction Record: 5-3 IT'S AN ELIMINATION GAME IN WEEK 9 -- LETS GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! That's right, party people, THE COMMISH could be ELIMINATED from playoff contention THIS WEEK!!! Three teams in this league already have 6 wins, and 3 more have a chance to earn their 6th with this week. These teams will all play each other over the next 5 weeks so they can't all lose out. It's already very unlikely for a 7-7 team to make the playoffs and impossible for a 6-8 team. Delta Blues, at 1-7, cannot afford even one more loss this season. Unfortunately, DB's two best players - Swift and DK - are both on bye this week, Russell is still hurt and Davante is coming back with Jordan Love at QB. But his RB room is the fucking WORST, as of now he's starting McNickles, Boston Scott, Mark Ingram, and Mike Davis. YUCK! 🤮 On Monday we texted The Commish to tell him he was gonna be Dumpster Diver of the Week for that McNickles scoop. Of course we mushed the fuck out of that move, cause like 3 hours later they signed the GOAT Adrian Peterson. That sucks, but we're actually trying to help. We've been offering him pupu platters of starting RB trades all week, and he's acting like he's too good for them and then turning around and picking up Boston Motherfucking Scott. We don't know what the fuck he's thinking honestly. On the other side we have No 'n Then who still have only one (1) qualified starting RB on the roster. N&T has no bye week issues but they are gonna be without Hopkins and/or Robert Woods who were both among this week's surprise injurinos. Another fun problem for this squad is their two QB's are playing each other so they might actually start Herbert for once. Even though N&T is 5-3 we still feel like everybody they face has a chance to beat them, we just hate that lineup so much. But still, if The Commish can't make some major roster moves in the next 24 hours he's still gonna be a FREE WIN. Prediction: NO & THEN: 108.46 DELTA BLUES: 99.01 NO AND THEN! WINS!!!!!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS 🗑 vs PICKLE RICKS!! Pickle Ricks!! started the QB and WR on Thursday night which, as we always say, is the very best night for Fantasy Football. Both Kupp and Jeudy could get a boost in targets this week with Woods and Noah Fant both likely out. But the BIG story for PR this week is the potential return of our guy C-Mac. The football news media is really trying to speak this into existence but obviously we're not holding our breath. We've gotten little-to-no actual practice reports on McCaffrey. He was seen riding a stationary bike on Friday which sounds pretty fucking far from being game-ready to us. For his own sake we hope C-Mac gets held out another couple weeks. He's a LOCK for re-injury if he plays week 9. We absolutely love 🗑 benching Mahomes, btw. Ah man. Any other week we woulda had A LOT to say about that. PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!!!!! BRING IT ON HOME vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS PHP got the full Montezuma Revenge this week losing Derrick Henry on Sunday and then CeeDee catching the dreaded in-practice ankle injury. He's gonna have to slide Melvin Gordon or Travis Kelce into the flex this week when CeeDee is ruled out. This is another guy who thinks he's too cool to trade for Javonte Williams. We'll see how that goes. BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!!!!!!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs. MARSHAWN LUNCH🍔 Tobin has some flex issues this week. AJ Brown and Eli Mitchell are looking very questionable. Julio, Marvin, and Waddle are all OK options, but clearly a step-down. DYM's honestly not sure who's gonna start for us cause we're still trying to swing a trade before tomorrow. But no matter what happens we like our chances because JOSH ALLEN is the #1 QB and NICK FOLKS is the #1 kicker in fantasy!!!!! LETS GO0O0O0OOO!!!!!!! MARSHAWN LUNCH🍔 WINS!!!!!!!!! PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs. SHARON ERTZ PAT still hasn't picked up a new QB. In fact they haven't made any moves at all since A-Rodg tested positive on Wednesday. We texted Paul yesterday to see if he's alright and he never got back to us. Slightly troubling. SHARON ERTZ WINS!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!! brrrrrah!