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HAPPY THANKSGIVING, SPECIAL ED!!!!!!!!!!!! We fucking LOVE Thanksgiving you guys. Somebody remarked to us yesterday that Thanksgiving Wednesday is the best day of the year cause everybody's super chill before the four day weekend. It hadn't really ever occurred to us before, but it's true - no other holiday has a legally mandated four day weekend. That fuckin' rules. Now, there are bound to be other four day weekends throughout the year - like we almost never work on Memorial Day Friday - but the fact that Thanksgiving is ALWAYS a four-day, and that everybody gets it, makes the vibe super chill. Institutionalized chill. Fuckin love thanksgiving, you guys. LETS GOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! NEW TRADE DEADLINE!!!!!!!!!!!! There's still been no trades yet in Special Ed this year and that's kinda sad. There's never been a Special Ed Season with no trades and we'd prefer there to never be one. So we pushed the deadline back to 12/2 (end of week 13) to give you guys a little more time to get your shit together. Right now there's three weeks left in the regular season so there are a few teams in this league that need to WIN NOW to secure a playoff spot. Lets take a look at some trade options: TOBIN & THE RIPPERS (6-5) Justin Jefferson & Charbonnet <--> Puka Nacua & Christian Kirk Justin Jefferson is still "questionable" this week and has a bye next week. He might be coming back right around the new deadline, so the trade window on Jefferson might have just been re-opened. Tobin's biggest problem right now is they only have 3 healthy WRs. So they could look to swap Just Jeff's busted ass for a serviceable WR or two. But of course he'll have to engage the teams that already have 8 wins - who could theoretically spare a starter and be able to stash Jefferson. Paul's Phenomenal Team has a plethora of WRs, and two of the sexiest - Josh Downs and Puka Nacua - were waiver wire pickups. Everybody loves trading away pick-ups for established players, so we think this deal could get done. If Paul still doesn't want to trade away Puka, Tobin should definitely be asking about Downs too . HAMBURGLARS (7-4) Breece Hall <--> Brandon Aiyuk The 'Burglars also need an upgrade at WR, but we don't think they're gonna be able to sell any of the WRs they have now: Chase and Hopkins are stay-aways with questionable QB situations, and Deebo is himself questionable - he's been playing hurt all year and hasn't had a good game since week 3. That's exactly why Kull should trade for Aiyuk - the Niners are still gonna Niner, and Kull's gotta bench Deebo right now. Flip flip. While The 'Burglars are talking to Matt they should be asking about Michael Pittman too. And if that doesn't get done they should hit up Andy to get Nico Collins or DK Metcalf. I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING! DK Metcalf & Just Herbert <--> Saquon & Goff Nico Collins & DK Metcalf <--> Breece Hall & DeAdre Hopkins IAWTGG is probably the most trade-ready team in this league since the have two pairs of WRs on the same teams (DK & Lockett and Nico & Noah Brown). They should definitely be looking to sell DK and Nico. Even if its a lateral move on paper, diversifying the roster should help them be more consistent down the stretch. JOE BRADY (AMERICAN FOOTBALL COACH) This is nondescript motherfucker right here is "Joe Brady" - the Bills' new offensive coordinator. We're kinda fascinated by this guy cause he looks like the one white guy from Nick Cannon's Wild N Out, and nobody really knows if he's a good football coach or not. He's only been an OC for three seasons: One was an undefeated National Championship at LSU - but with Joe Burrow, Justin Jefferson, Ja'marr Chase, and Clyde Edwards-Helaire all on the same team, so it's hard to give him a ton of credit in retrospect. Then he had two really bad seasons as OC for the Panthers - but that was right after they cut Cam Newton, and McCaffrey got hurt, and there was no preseason cause of COVID. So there's not a lot to take away from that stint either. Now Joe Brady is on his third NFL coaching staff but he's still a tabula rasa to us. We don't know a lot about Joe Brady except that he grew up in Miami and went to Everglades High School - which is a public school in Florida, so he's probably not all that smart. Also his sister Jacey used to be a Dolphins' Cheerleader. So there's that. He also has a hilariously on brand twitter feed for a dimwitted football-guy. Every time the Bills win he posts "1-0" after the game. And that's the ONLY thing he posts during football season. Which is how you can tell that he's laser focused and totally dedicated to his craft. Reminds us of Lebron's "Zero Dark-23" campaign where he went on instagram to announce that he was gonna not be on instagram during the playoffs. It's fucking dumb as shit if you ask us, but from what we can tell, Joey B's been doing this since the LSU days at least, and he's been hired by two different NFL teams since then so he is fooling somebody, apparently. Godspeed, Joe Brady. WHOS HOT?!?!?!?!?!?! Believe it or not, we've actually been keeping track of Who's Hot for the last couple months even though we haven't been blogging. And it sucks that we've been so busy with work cause we really wanted to write a Who's Hot?! a couple weeks ago when we saw how hot Doug 's team had gotten. That was wild for just a second there. They were by far the hottest team after they beat Paul in week 9. That was the same week when some weirdo posted on reddit about trading Christian McCaffrey in exchange for the opportunity to bang his friend's wife... That stupid shit went viral, and a disappointing number of people believed that it was real. But anytime someone shared it to us we'd just be like " Woah. Huge tits? Pull the trigger, bro! " At the time we didn't point out to anyone that "Simple_Ad8433" was an obvious troll account which had just been created that week (now deleted). We also didn't tell anyone that we'd already gone through "Jmufranco"s social media history, and found out he studied Criminal Justice at James Madison , so we're like 90% sure that he's s ome sorta spook ... That blog woulda been a fuckin banger, but unfortunately Doug's pretty much done-for now. He's still got the second hottest team in this league, but they're just one game away from mathematical elimination. The best they can do now is 6-8. Although it's technically possible, we don't even think any 7-win teams will get in the playoffs this year. Which means that Not Friend Time is gonna have to run the table - again. Back in 2014, when we won our first Special Ed chip, the OG Not Friend Time had a pretty rocky start to the season. We were 4-5 heading into week 10, averaging a measley 106 points per game -- just like we were this year . Obviously, after week 10 we turned it the fuck on - hero's journey third act style - and reeled off 7 straight wins, averaging over 130 per game -- just like we are right now. You guys should all try to hang with your families as much as you can this holiday season, cause the next six weeks it's NOT FRIEND TIME motherfuckers!!!! LETS GOOOOOO!!!!!! FOOD BEEF 2023: FRIED CHICKEN SANDWICHES!!!!!!!!!!!! Namkeen Chicken & Waffles - Chatham, NJ The FOOD BEEF regular season comes to an close today. We ate our eighth chicken sandwich of the season at Namkeen Chicken & Waffles -- and it was the fucking BOMB!!! Namkeen were preseason favorites in this competition, and they lived up to the hype today. Both the sandwiches our judges sampled checked all the boxes: Crispy fried skin, juicy breast meat, fresh toppings, and a nice soft bun. It's definitely the best we've sandwich we've had in NJ this year. The proprietors of Namkeen are from Pakistan you know they make their shits spicy as fuck. We ordered "hot" once and we almost died, so usually we get the "medium" heat and it still gives us a nice little sweat. They make two styles of hot chicken: Tikka masala, or Nashville hot. We got the Nashville and the wife got the tikka and they were both excellent. The Nashville was hot and tasty, and the tikka had a great depth of flavor with a lot of cumin and curry. You can also get tikka sauce and shredded chicken on french fries or mac and cheese (also the bomb), and they make big fat Belgian waffles too cause, why not? NAMKEEN SANDWICH SCORE: 9 Now the field is set for the Chicken Sandwich playoff tournament!!!! Next week, in the Classic Fried division we've got Marie's Chicken Joint vs. Tony Boy's Sandwich House. Then in week 14 we'll judge the Hot Chicken division finalists, Super Chix and Namkeen . The winners of each division will face off in week 15 for the FOOD BEEF FRIED CHICKEN SANDWICH CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!! AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT FRIEND TIME vs. ERIN ERTZ Just a few weeks ago Erin Ertz was the toast of Special Ed. They were all alone in first place at 8-1, scoring 138 per game. But the last three weeks EE hit a wintry cold streak. They've lost their last two and haven't scored over 110 since week 8. On the other side is Team DYM who were fucking lucky to get three wins out of their pitiful first 8 weeks. We scored about ten points per game less than Dave and about 20 less than Matt and they each only got one win in that span. Since then we've won two of the last three and we're the hottest team in the league, scoring over 140 per game. The weird thing is that we're both starting pretty much the same teams this week that we started in week 1. Only now Rob's team is playing like shit and our team is balling out of control. We don't really know why this is happening, and its kinda weird, so let's just say it's ghosts. Prediction: NOT FRIEND TIME!!!🏆🏆🏆🏆 - 169.93 Erin Ertz - 112.46 NOT FRIEND TIME!!!🏆🏆🏆🏆 WINS!!!!!!!!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!!!!!!! Tobin & The Rippers vs. I ❤️ Auntie Cynthula It'd be really cool if Matt and Luca could get a fucking win here. Would be huge for us. But, on the other hand, we can't help but think how funny it would be if Tobin let Matt nail his wife for a McCaffrey trade. TOPIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!! Dumb but Pretty vs. Paul's Phenomenal Team These teams are both really good right now - the two highest scoring teams in each of the last two weeks. What's annoying is that they both have some sexily over-producing players that they should trade, but they won't. These teams have been good all year long and they don't have much injury problems right now, so they're probably not gonna rock the boat. But they should . Whatever. We'll see you fuckers in the playoffs. PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM WINS!!!!!!!!!!!! The Hamburglars vs. 🧨 I-R-f00tbols!!! 🏈🤕 There's a new Godzilla show on AppleTV+ right now. It's in the same universe as Godzilla vs. Kong and all those other new shits. Those flicks are all bad movies but very fun to watch, we're pretty into em. But unfortunately Apple is only giving us the first episode for free, and it was kind of a snore. Mostly just a bunch of people who have problems with other people, and Godzilla didn't show up. We're pretty sure he's gonna show up soon tho, so holler at us if any of yall have an appletv+ password. HAMBURGLARS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!! Blank Space vs. I also want to go golfing It would also be pretty cool of Dave got a win this week. Probably not gonna happen tho cause his team is playing like absolute dog shit since Taylor went on the international tour. I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING WINS!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's up Special Ed? It's raining today. They say it's gonna rain all weekend - for like the fifth week in a row. Weekend rain is bullshit. Kids get all antsy, wife finds chores for us to do, and we gotta smoke in the basement like we're in fucking high school. The weather's generally been nice during the week but it's really hard to get 18 holes in on a weekday. So we got a couple new hobbies - The first is FREE MOVIES ON YOUTUBE . As you might imagine most of the movies available for free on youtube are BAD MOVIES. Which makes them perfect rainy day watches. It's pretty much the 21st century version of WPIX Saturday afternoon movies from the 80s and 90s. There's been free movies on youtube since 2018, but there weren't all that many until recently. In March 2023 youtube added 1,500 movies and 100 TV shows to the FREE collection - but with a fun twist: You can't find them!!! You can't just browse the entire free collection. Instead the "FREE" section on YouTube Movies only shows you a few hundred titles at a time, hand-selected just for you by Al G. Rhythm himself. " YouTube is personalized to users, so instead of seeing the entire library at once in the links, users see personalized selections for them. Once users begin watching or when new titles cycle in or out, the makeup of the selection in the shelves will change. " Everybody here on the DYM Staff are huge algorithm guys. We love a good algorithm. It's always been fun to surf for bad movies, it's such a crap shoot - Sometimes bad movies are the best, but obviously sometimes they're unwatchable. But now, not only do we have to avoid those landmine movies, but we also have to make sure we don't interact with any content that might lead to other landmine recommendations. For instance, we're getting close to being bored enough to watch all three Twilight movies, but we're definitely NOT gonna do it on youtube. And then we're not even letting our mouse hover over any of these flicks here cause we get enough government propaganda watching CNN: On the other hand we immediately opened all of these flicks in new tabs. Even if we don't watch em right away, we gotta get those clicks logged in the algo: The first free movie we watched was the cult classic Equilibrium . That one was wild. The plot is fucking swiss cheese, but its got that Gun-Kata which was truly groundbreaking. Its awesome that guys like Liam Neesens and Christian Bale exist. They are legitimate very good actors, but they just don't give a fuck how bad their movies are. They are a gift. Next, we watched Guy Ritchie's King Arthur: Legend of the Sword . We almost didn't get through it. You know it's at least mostly bad cause it stars Charlie Hunnam in the titular role, and he's probably in the bottom 5th percentile of working actors today, but he gets to speak in an English accent in this so he's tolerable. Hunnam just eats shit for like the first hour-twenty. It took three days but we stuck with it cause it's got Jude Law and Blood Diamond and like half the cast of Game of Thrones . We watched the last 40 minutes today and holy shit. It was awesome. Soon as Hunnam finally gets that magic sword workin, he fucks shit the fuck up crazy. Lightsabers are trash, magic swords rule . Also there's this one scene where Jude Law hangs out with some octopus-mermaids, which, as you know, is the #1 sexiest mythical creature of all time. It's too bad nobody went to see this movie back in 2017 cause at one point Warner Bros had a plan for a 7-film " Arthurian Extended Universe " which could have been crazy bad and also crazy sexy. Missed opportunity for sure. Right now we're watching 2017's Sunshine . It's an ASTRONAUT MOVIE!!! " In the year 2057, Earth's last hope lies with a spacecraft whose mission is to deliver a nuclear device designed to reignite our fading sun. " The astronaut crew includes Captain America, the bride from Bridesmaids , The Scarecrow, Wong from Dr. Strange , and that gangster with the mustache from Training Day . It's a whos-who of "that guy from that thing" actors, but we're not sure any of them are convincing astronauts. Danny Boyle is an Oscar winning director (Slumdog Millionaire), but in this flick it's like he's trying to do a pastiche of Stanley Kubrick, and it's kinda hard to follow so far. We'll let yall know if it gets better. Our other new hobby is something we're not sure we should talk about too much online. We can follow up on this in the group text if you're interested - We definitely wanna hear some feedback on this from Andy and Dave and the other math guys on the chain. It's called " N3gat!ve Č0rrel@tiön S@me-g@me-p@rl@ys " -- Don't google it!!! We really don't want Al G. to find out that we're doing this. It's pretty simple. You just build a p@rl@y, and then add a pick that has a n3g@tive č0rrel@tion with your other picks. In the example below we have Arizona (dog) and two TD scorers. Logically, any set of 2 TDs are more likely to happen in a game with more than 44.5 points than a game with less than 44.5. So, when we pair those TDs with the over, we get 5% better odds, but if we go with the game under we get an over 300% bump. Even though there's worse odds on the under, it still blows up the p@rl@y. So it's clear that the book is calculating the č0rr3l@tion somehow. It makes sense for the book to deflate the odds for pô$!tively č0rr3l@ted legs - as you can see between the original SGP and the "with OVER" - because it's more likely to happen... But is it really 60x more likely? Probably not. In our experience NFL OU's are a pretty tight market, where those lines are very often within 3 of the actual result -- and a 3-point NFL game is a coin flip. But the thing is that the pô$!tively č0rr3l@ted b3ts are also the ones that square-ass public b3ttors are more likely to take. So the book has to reduce their stake in that scenario by deflating the odds drastically. The upshot is that the odds get skewed just as badly on the n3g@tive č0rrel@tion side as they do on the pô$!tive. So that's where we're trying to be at. If you pick dodgy TD scorers (like a D/ST or a backup TE) then it gets really crazy. We had one on Sunday night with Giants+Hodgins+Bellinger+Under that was paying 1,250:1 . For real. $15 for $18K seems like a good investment. And it doesn't have to be unders, of course, it works the other way too - with, say, QB yards or passing TD unders and an OVER for the game - that's definitely in play for PSU-OSU tomorrow. Lets go. We're gonna be rich, you guys. FOOD BEEF 2023: CHICKEN SANDWICHES!!!!!!! HANGRY JOE'S - Florham Park, NJ (hot) We got Hangry Joe's regular sandwich - "The Chicken Sando" - and it was ridiculous. It just seemed poorly thought out. They put a whole-ass chicken breast on a little round potato roll. Then there was a shit load of coleslaw on the sandwich end, and it had like no flavor. The slaw had a rough texture too that really only served to make the bread even more crumbly. It was extremely cumbersome. Almost impossible to operate, like we were trying to drive a backhoe drunk. By the time we got a couple bites into the bread part it was a total mess. We would have needed a spoon to finish it, so we eventually gave up. HANGRY JOES SANDWICH SCORE - 6 TONY'S BOYS SANDWICH SHOP - Madison, NJ (regular) The chicken sandwich is Tony Boy's signature. But we have to point out that although the chicken is fried this is technically a Chicken Cutlet sandwich, not a traditional fried chicken sandwich. That being said, this is an AMAZING chicken cutlet sandwich. The bread is soft and gluten-y and the chicken is delicious - as are all the optional toppings. The editor-in-chief got bacon, avocado, swiss; and the wife got roasted red peppers, mutz, and balsamic. Both were delicious, and the sub-style sandwiches were a very welcome change-of-pace after the disaster that was Hangry Joe's. Judges Scores: Auntie Cynthula: 9.5 DYM: 9 (minus .5 for not being a "traditional" chicken sandwich) TONY BOY'S SANDWICH SCORE: 8.75 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!! HAMBURGLARS vs. BLANK SPACE A record-setting Special Ed team is on UPSET ALERT in week 7!!!!!!! Just two weeks ago The Hamburglars had the highest scoring game in Special Ed history, putting up 213.66 against Team DYM. But now, thanks to a confluence of injuries and byes, only THREE of the eight players on that juggernaut team will play in week 7 against Blank Space - and it's not the good ones. Gabe Davis has no hands, and he's already had his one good game for the month. D'Andre Swift is good, but he's gonna score exactly 14 points every game, no more no less. The best matchup for this squad, on paper, is Hurts vs Miami. But Miami's points-against-QB numbers are not what they seem -- Josh Allen blew them out and no other QB has really done shit against them. Also, we don't think Deebo plays, so we're looking forward to Kull picking up Rondale Moore on Sunday morning. It's a big opportunity for Team Pfizer. They've scored 120 on average the last two weeks but lost them both and now sit at 1-5. They need to start stringing some wins together, and we think that starts this week. We feel like the bye weeks will just make the choices simpler for Dave, and may even be addition-by-subtraction. He's left a lot of points on the bench, mostly due to a few dud weeks from Tee Higgins and Derrick Henry - who are both on bye this week. This team has missed out on the biggest games from Pickens, Amari, and Jakobi Meyers, so we like that he's being forced to start them all. There's no superstars on either of these teams, but Dave's squad is solid and we think Sam Howell has a big one against the Giants. It's go time for this squad. PREDICTION: HAMBURGLARS: 119.52 BLANK SPACE: 131.39 BLANK SPACE WINS!!!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!! I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA vs. LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️‍♂️ It's wild that Josh Jacobs didn't get busted for PEDs this past off-season. 2022 Josh Jacobs was the most juiced person since Sammy Sosa. He was clocking a steady 85-100 yards per game for three years, then outta nowhere he breaks off 2,053 last year (120 per game) -- And now he's right back to that 85 per game again. Yea. OK, Josh. LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️‍♂️ WINS!!!!!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs. 🧨 I-R-f00tbols!!! 🏈🤕 We finished Sunshine . Do not recommend. We have no idea what that movie was even about, it was very confusing visually. But, yo, check this out - They got both Nicolas Cage Ghost Rider movies on YouTube Free!!!! That's awesome. Those flicks sucked bad! We remember hearing there was gonna be a third one, but Nic Cage quit cause they were so terrible. Cage recently said he'd be down for Face/Off 2 , and Con-Air 2 might be happening, so we gotta assume Ghost Rider is gonna be much worse than those. LETS GOOO!!!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!!! DUMB BUT PRETTY vs. ERIN ERTZ It's looking like a pretty light week around the NFL. Lotta byes, lotta injuries, and a lotta weird matchups (like Raiders-Bears, that shit might be a 0-0 tie). There's only two good games with OUs above 46: Miami/Philly and Clippers/Chiefs. Somehow Rob has a double-game stack with 5 players in those two games. Kinda unfair. ERIN ERTZ WINS!!!!!!! I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING vs. PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM Andy got a big Kamara game last night, and he's gonna need it cause Eli Moore, Jaleel O'Laughlin, and Davante Adams all might be DOA this week. We don't like how this team starts both Lockett and DK but at least its against Arizona this week. Paul doesn't have great matchups this week (but who does?), but we don't think they have any duds either. So we're gonna keep riding Team Puka. PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM WINS!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!

AHSOKA FINALE RECAP!!!!! Ahsoka is the Justin Fields of Star Wars. The first few weeks of the season are so fucking bad they'll make you question all your life choices cause you can't believe you ever thought it would be good in the first place. Then, right when you're about to stop watching the motherfucker, they put up four touchdowns against Washington on a Thursday night. The last episode of Ahsoka was AWESOME. They packed all the weirdest aliens, all the coolest magic, and all of Ahsoka's sexiest tank tops in to this finale. Unfortunately our girl Hera wasn't in it until the last scene - but of course she did walk away from the camera in that scene and her ass looked amazing. Our heroes spent most of this episode fighting against a witch and a bunch of zombie stormtroopers. The zombie troopers were cool. A platoon of regular stormtroopers usually aren't much of an obstacle for a Jedi, but the zombie troopers don't go down when you stab em and the Jedis can't cut all of their heads off cause it's PG-13. The witches - called the Nightsisters - first appeared in The Clone Wars cartoon show, and they are among the very weirdest motherfuckers in all of Star Wars. They have all the same basic force powers that Jedi and Sith do but they also have a lot of freakier magic powers too - like bringing people back from the dead (zombie troopers) and making swords out of literally nothing. We lost it when they made the Sword of Talzin . So cool. It's way better than a lightsaber, as this episode clearly demonstrated: Lightsabers are made out of rocks by children and robots, and The Sword of Talzin is made out of magical aether by freaky-ass witches. We think it's important to note that although Ahsoka defeated the witch, she lost one of her lightsabers in the process and had to use the Sword of Talzin to take the witch out. The season ends with Ezra hitching a ride back to the regular galaxy on Thrawn's ship, leaving Ahsoka and Sabine alone together in the weird other galaxy. Ahsoka and Sabine are 1000% gonna hook up out there. No doubt. The only question is if they can get sexy ass Shin Hati to ditch the zombies and join their party. The ending sets up perfectly for a remake of the classic SW Legends novel Heir to the Empire . It's mostly about Thrawn being sneaky and having red eyes. Luke Skywalker runs a Jedi montessori school - just like the one Ahsoka took Baby Yoda to. There's no witches in the book, but Trawn does get an undead zombie Jedi on his team, so there's that that. So a lotta people are gonna be talking about whether they should recast Luke or keep doing that CGI thing that makes him look extra gay. We're not sure if we care that much either way to be honest. CGI Luke is bad, but the original Luke was kind of a doofus anyway. As long as there's sassy robots and lesbian aliens, we're in. FOOD BEEF 2023: CHICKEN SANDWICHES!!!!! Marie's Chicken Joint We had a schedule change cause Sterling Tavern was closed today for a "private event", so we went to Marie's Chicken Joint and we'll move Stirling back to week 7. Marie's is pretty good. They were on an episode of Triple D several years ago, and Guy Fieri has never given a restaurant a bad review. We hadn't been there in a while so we were happy to see they had added "Southern Fried Chicken Sandwiches" to the menu this year. They have four chicken sandwich offerings which are all actually the same thing but with different sauces - Original, Nashville hot (Buffalo sauce), Kansas City BBQ, and Carolina BBQ. We got the original and the wife got the Nashville. Both were very good. The meat was tender and delicious, and both of the sauces were plenty tasty. And they have TATER TOTS!!! Fucking love tater tots, you guys. The only real problem is that the chicken is pounded thin so it feels kinda wimpy in your hand and we ate it real fast. MARIE'S CHICKEN SANDWICH SCORE: 8.5 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!! I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA vs 🧨 I-R-F00TBOLS!!! 🏈🤕 We have a couple general rules when it comes to writing about Special Ed matchups. (1) We generally won't ever put a team in AGoTW two weeks in a row, and (2) we generally never write about Doug's team at all because they're a disgrace - again. But we're breaking both those rules this week because that Thursday night game was weird as hell for fantasy. There were 60 real life points in that game and only two players scored more than 10 fantasy points in Special Ed - and they're playing against each other. DJ Moore and Justin Fields each scored more points last night than they had in weeks 1-3 combined. And there's a few more choice matchups on the slate for Chicago - they have Vikings, Raiders, and Clippers the next three weeks. So it's still possible for Doug and/or Luca to put together a little run here -- but of course one of them will be 0-5 after this week anyway, so... Luca's team probably shouldn't be 0-4, but they've played some terrible fantasy defense. They're sixth in points scored, but first in points against by A LOT. They've allowed 660 fantasy points in 4 weeks. That's crazy. Team DYM is the second most scored-on team and we've allowed 546 points. Their stream-against-Arizona plan hit a speed bump this week with the Cardinals facing the eminently unstartable Joe Burrow. They have Purdy in the lineup right now but he's got a very tough matchup against the Cowboys. If we were them we'd pick up Zack Wilson. Denver is horrible, everybody kills Denver. We're gonna start Zack over Trevor Lawrence (vs Buffalo) in the Class of '99 league. Of course Josh Dobbs himself is a hilarious and sneaky-serviceable option this week too. Dobbs scored 22 points in two of the last three games, which is more than Purdy has had in any game in his NFL career. And he's good for about 30-40 rushing yards a week which is not bad. The good thing about Purdy tho is he never throws picks and he's never scored less than 10 fantasy points in a start. But we think Luca's gotta swing for the fences this week to avoid a fifth straight loss. Doug's team is absolutely moribund. They've scored just 311 points in four weeks, that's 130 points less than the second lowest scoring team (Team DYM). We're not sure we could reliably score less than 80 a week if we tried. Somehow Doug is setting his lineup every week, and every week he comes up with garbage. It's just incredible. But of course this is the week they've been waiting for -- It looks like Johnathan Taylor and Kooper Cupp are both gonna play this week, so they can finally bench Jackson Smith-Njigba and Josh Reynolds. They still have a TE in the lineup which is not ideal, but we're very confident that Doug's gonna turn this thing around and post their first 85+point game of the year. PREDICTION: I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA - 135.32 🧨 I-R-F00TBOLS!!! 🏈🤕 - 111.77 I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA WINS!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs. PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM Paul had one of the biggest weeks in Special Ed history with 193.4 last week. But they're on pace for about half that this week. They've got two stinkers in the books already with Brian Robinson and Kahlil Herbert scoring 13.9 combined on Thursday, and three guys in the London game Sunday morning. Tobin is looking to bounce-back from a horrible week four where only two of their guys scored more than 10. They have some much better matchups this week with Waddle and Mostert at home vs the Giants. We're not sure why they're benching Mark Andrews tho. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!! LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️‍♂️ vs. HAMBURGLARS We tried to watch the new Loki but it was tough. We think we liked season one - We definitely liked the alligator Loki, and the girl Loki. That was cool. But a lotta shit musta happened at the end of the last season that we didn't really pay attention to cause we had NO CLUE what was going on in this new episode. They just jumped right into an action sequence right at the start, followed by a couple scenes of people yelling at each other about time travel. It's too much, honestly. It's like, Ahsoka had five whole episodes of exposition, and this show had literally zero. We're not tryina Goldilocks this shit but there's gotta be something in between. Disney+ is schizophrenic right now LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️‍♂️ WINS!!!!! DUMB BUT PRETTY vs. I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING Andy's in a tough spot. Davante Adams hasn't practiced all week and the Raiders play the Packers on Monday night, so he's just gotta wait it out. If Adams doesn't play (and Stanley has a lead heading into Monday), then they're gonna have to dumpster dive for Musgrave or Dontayvion Wicks. That would be amazing actually. IAWTGG also has a QB on bye so they picked up Dak. He might wanna consider Dobbs or Zack Wilson too. Denver sucks bad. I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING WINS!!!!! BLANK SPACE vs. ERIN ERTZ Dave's team had their best week on the year so far thanks to a much needed team name change. It's a pretty good name too. Nuanced. A lot of people are saying there's been too much Taylor Swift in their NFL product the last couple weeks. Some are even calling the Travlor phenomenon a "marketing stunt" and concocting wild conspiracy theories . Not us, of course. The fact is - Taylor Swift is very easy on the eyes. We're not huge fans of her music but if she wants to just be on our TV screen and not sing or talk, that's just fine with us. No complaints here. BLANK SPACE WINS!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!

What's up Special Ed?!?!?!?! Week three was a very good week for guys named Mike. Except Mike Williams, of course, but he had 121 and a TD before his knee blew out so that's still a good fantasy week in a vacuum. Kull, Tobin, and Mike Stanley all got big, BIG wins - all scoring over 145. Mike Evans scored a TD - like he does ever week. Michael Pittman, Michael Gallup (FA), and Michael Wilson (FA) all had over 75 yards, and Michael Thomas was just OK with 50 yards on 9 targets. -- Even Mike Fuckin White got a TD last week!!! GREAT JOB MIKES!!! It's so sad tho, you guys. Funny names might be dead in fantasy now. Kenneth, Christian, Justin, and various Mikes are probably the best players this year - and DYM is gonna take some 4pm Sunday naps!!!! LETS GOOOOOOOO (back to bed)!!!!!!!!! WU-TANG CLAN IS SOMETHING TO FUCK WIT We used to go to a lot of rap concerts in the 2000s and 2010s. Yet, last night was only the second time ever that we had seen Nas or Wu-Tang; and we don't think there'll ever be a third for either of them. This was one of the worst shows we've ever seen by almost any conceivable metric. Sometimes, you would think this was the first concert these folks had ever put on: The sound was horrible; One of De La Soul's mics was turned off for like three songs; and most of the rappers cuffed the mic and alternated between shouting and mumbling off-beat so it was impossible to follow along. We've seen better karaoke renditions of most of these songs. And the crowd was NOT feelin it. this was like maybe one level up from a Disney Broadway show in terms of audience rowdiness. Play this video --> Listen to this pathetic attempt at crowd work by Nas and DJ Green Lantern. SMGDH. They never had a chance. We wanna give them the benefit of the doubt because they're all over 50 and they've been performing 5-nights a week since May. That's gotta be tough. But they were clearly just going through the motions last night, and it's still hard to forgive the overt laziness. We didn't get a RZA verse until over an hour in and we think he only did like 3 or four songs total - and he SUCKED . It's like, OK, we get it - it was a Wednseday night, everybody was drunk - but it's times like this when the RZA and the GZA need to lead by example. ODB's kid is great, sure, but you can't expect him to carry the whole set. There were a few highlights tho: Method Man showed up and did the whole Wu-Tang set and a solo set. That's big because he's shooting a movie right now (locally) so he hasn't actually been on the tour thus far. Meth was good, he always brings the energy. Raekwon, who we've long contended is the best rapper in the Wu, is a consummate professional and still a very very good rapper. Also, big shout out to Inspectah Deck, he's a fucking professional rapper too. NY State of Mind Tour Power Rankings : 1 Method Man 2 Raekwon 3 Inspectah Deck 4 Pharaoh Monch 5 Cappadonna 6 Ghostface 7 Biggie's verse on 'The What' 8 Nas 9 Little Dirty 10 Talib kwali 11 GZA 12 RZA 13 De La Soul (DNP) FOOD BEEF 2023: CHICKEN SANDWICHES - SPICY DIVISION!!!! Wingstop - Morristown According to wikipedia: " Between 2014 and 2016, Wingstop was the third-fastest-growing restaurant chain in the US as measured by both system-wide sales and unit growth. " Cool! The very first Summit-metro-area Wingstop just opened this past year. It's OK, but it's a welcome addition to the local chicken variety since it's pretty cheap (~$1 per wing), and very easy to get (delivery to the DYM Home Office), and it's a lot better than Cluck-U. Overall the judges were underwhelmed. The chicken was a bit too heavily breaded and there weren't enough pickles for a satisfying crunch. But the sauce ("classic hot") was pretty good. It burned all the way down the gullet and gave us a nice little sweat. JUDGES SCORES: DYM - 7 THE WIFE - 6 (+1 bonus point for buy-one-get-one coupon) WINGSTOP SANDWICH SCORE - 7.5 A 7.5 is about right we think. We wouldn't mind eating this sandwich again but we think they'll be hard pressed to stay in the playoff hunt. FUN FACT - Rick Ross owns 30 Wingstops, but not the Morristown one. That's good because last year he got sued by the federal government for not paying his Wingstop employees. Also, while we were researching this we found Rick Ross's LinkedIn page ! HA!!!!! LinkedIn sucks, yo!!! AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!! FISTO KIDDS vs 🧨 WEEK 5 FÚTBOLS It's DO OR DIE in week four!!!! We used to say that if a team goes 0-3 they are officially FUCKED. But now that the regular season is one week longer, 0-3 teams making the playoffs is more mathematically possible than ever before!!! Check out what we found on the internets today: 20%?!?! That's not bad!!! In theory!!!!! Of course this hypothetical 20% chance is operating under the assumption that the hypothetical 0-3 team in question is not total trash -- And its very possible (over 20%) that both these teams are in fact trash. We've been looking around for trade options this week and we gotta say - Doug and Dave's rosters are probably the least trade-withable in this league. We feel like Doug is probably the most likely team to willingly take Najee from us but we don't want to get any of his guys back. At all. Like, maybe Najee<>Tucker? or maybe Johnathan Taylor? Taylor doesn't really have over a 20% chance of being a league winner this year does he? Dave's team is a hot mess too. It looks like they're gonna bench 2022 Special Ed Champ Trevor Lawrence for a Thursday night Goff. Zack Moss is literally their best player right now. Thats crazy. Moss could not get shit done on the Bills, and now he's Johnathan Taylor (and somehow Latavius fucking Murray on the Bills is useful now). We did not saw that coming. Oh maybe we could get Moss<>Najee? That's pretty nuts. Moss might lose his job next week anyway (maybe?). Our only other tip for Dave is it might be time for a team name change. May we suggest - LETS GO GOFFING🏌️‍♂️!!! PREDICTION: FISTO KIDDS - 138.82 🧨 WEEK 5 FÚTBOLS - 119.22 FISTO KIDDS WINS!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs DUMB BUT PRETTY UNDEFEATED TEAMS BATTLE FOR RIGHT TO BE NAMED MIKE!!!! LETS GOOOO!!!!!!! This one is the real game of the week obviously. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!! LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️‍♂️ vs PUAL'S PHENOMENAL TEAM We're probably both benching our guys in the 9am Toy Story game. We really don't know what to expect from that shit, but we think it's a good idea to show as little of the London crowd as possible. We're not really mad at the weirdos who wear other teams' jerseys to the Jaguars games but, to be honest, it's pretty distracting for us American viewers. Plus, maybe Slinky Dog and Forky and 'em can be fucking quiet when the offense it on the field. LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️‍♂️WINS!!!! HANBURGLARS vs ERIN ERTZ You guys. Adam " i before e " Thielen is the #10 WR in .5PPR fantasy. SMGDH. The boring name era is truly upon us. The rest of Rob's squad is a little too cute for 2023 tho - Rhamondre, Tyreek, and Isaiah Pacheco don't have a chance against Gabriel and Kenneth. There's a few funny names on Kull's team, but two of them are named DeAndre so that makes the whole squad that much more boring. HAMBURGLARS WINS!!!! I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA vs I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING Big shout out to Matt for fading Wu-Tang/Nas. It would definitely have not been worth the trip. Just catch em at the Vermont State Fair in 2025. We still haven't watched this video that Kull posted on the text chain yet, but we think Matt and Luca should. Not that they need the advice - they're way ahead of the Cardinals fade, as we documented last week. But it's always nice to see some fantasy advice that confirms your prior assumptions. In our experience "Fantasy Football Research" is about 75% an attempt to satisfy our confirmation bias . Pretty much everybody has their own private preconceived expectations for players and their own pet theories. Then we just seek out stats and analysis that supports those preconceptions. It sounds dumb, but it's not wrong. Fantasy football is, ultimately, a ' being right about football ' contest. We all make a bunch of complicated, loosely contingent predictions, and at the end of the year whoever's predictions were the most right wins. That's how the game works. If you're hedging and adjusting your priors -- if you do objective research every week and every season -- then you're a fraud in our book. You're not really playing fantasy. You're doing math. And math can eat a fucking dick. I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA WINS!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!

WHAT'S UP SPECIAL ED?!?!?! We’re not gonna lie - We completely fell asleep at the wheel on Monday. We missed out on Jerome Ford cause we FORGOT that Chubb was on our team. It’s so stupid. We saw the injury happen, Pierre Strong got picked up in The Joe Rogans’ League, and we went outside to smoke a bowl. Then we saw Tobin pick up Ford and thought “ Huh. OK. Nice pickup, Tobin. ” 🤦‍♂️ 🤦‍♂️ 🤦‍♂️ 🤦‍♂️ 🤦‍♂️ So yea, Team DYM sucks, and it’s week 3 and we’re finally getting around to writing the first blog of the season. It’s disgraceful but we got mad excuses tho. We’re in five leagues this year (which is too many), and we did barely did any pre-draft research cause we spent the whole summer doing a bunch of shit that seemed important at the time but we definitely regret in retrospect: Right around draft time we built an app at our job that’ll never see the light of day (it works tho!!!). Before that we wrote 50 pages of the CJ novel that’ll also never see the light of day. Plus we spent a couple hundred hours playing golf - and we still really suck at golf. AND lest we forget that Team DYM is now beset by The Commissioners Curse: No Special Ed commish has ever won this league and perhaps they never will!!!!! FUCK IT LETS GO GOLFING!!!!! NEW STAR WAR!!! One other reason we hadn’t written a DYM yet this season is cause we were apoplectic about the new Star War. Ahsoka was by far the most highly anticipated Star Wars television product ever. We wrote a blog about the potential for an Ahsoka spin-off about five and a half years ago . Rebels had the sexiest and weirdest aliens and the wackiest space magic of any Star War. We were EXTREMELY amped for this show. But the first few episodes were so fucking bad we couldn't even talk about it. Episodes 1-5 of Ahsoka are just non-stop, blatant, out-of-context fan service. It’s like just a bunch of stuff that already happened in Star Wars Rebels , but now you get to see it in real life . Ugh. We don’t get why anyone is excited by that kinda shit any more now that AI and deepfakes exist. You don’t actually have to wait for Disney to make “live action” versions of these shows, they've already been made and the ones on the internet have POV blowjobs so they’re actually way better. Anyway, the story so far was just not interesting - it’s slow, the characters are not engaging, and above all the whole thing just seemed pointless. But credit where credit's due - it has been consistently low-key sexy. We appreciate how often they have Hera Syndulla walking away from the camera - you can always count on Disney for some tasteful back-shots. So last night we ate a handful of mushrooms and put a $100 FAAB bid on Jerome Ford in the Class of '99 League before we watched episode 6. And we THINK it was actually good. In this episode we see most of the action from the perspective of the show's new bad guys Baylan Skoll and Shin Hati. We're pretty sure Baylan was in Game of Thrones, and Shin Hati is a Ukrainian dime piece with a sexy accent - they rule. They go to this weird new planet which is actually in another galaxy. Leaving THE GALAXY should be a super big deal and could have some huge impacts on the SW Canon. People are saying maybe The Force doesn't work the same in this galaxy, or maybe there's some power even greater than The Force... but we're pretty sure they're not actually gonna have anything original happen in this show because it's Star Wars. This episode also (finally) re-introduced Grand Admiral Thrawn, who's very cool looking and very scary, and we like that he's kinda fat now. So now we're once again cautiously optimistic about the rest of the Ahsoka show. But we're definitely gonna eat mushrooms again the next two Tuesdays. FOOD BEEF 2023!!! FRIED CHICKEN SANDWICHES!!!!! We love a fried chicken sandwich!!! We love a classic crispy fried chicken sandwich with pickles AND we love a spicy hot chicken sandwich with pickles. But which one do we love more??? We've selected EIGHT local chicken joints that will compete in one of two divisions - Fried Chicken Sandwiches and Hot Chicken Sandwiches . The top two sandwiches from each division will advance to the Chicken Sandwich Playoffs, and then the best hot chicken sandwich will face off against the best classic fried chicken sandwich for the chance to be named the 2023 Food Beef Chicken Sandwich Champion!!! LETS GOOOOO!!!!! Wingstop - Morristown - 3.5 The Stirling Tavern - Morristown - 4 Hangry Joe’s Hot Chicken - Florham Park - 4.5 Marie's Chicken Joint - Chatham - 3.5 Super Chix - East Hanover - 4 Tony Boy's Sandwich House - Madison - 4 Namkeen - Chatham - 4.5 stars La Rosa Chicken & Grill - Madison - 4 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!! DUMB BUT PRETTY vs. PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM!!! TWO UNDEFEATED TEAMS FACE OFF IN A WEEK 3 MIRROR MATCH!!! This is a super weird match up. They have two sets of WR teammates facing off - Ridley vs. Kirk and Godwin vs. Evans - plus Bijan Robinson will face Brian Robinson to decide, once and for all, who is the NFL's #1 B-Rob. Right now Mike has Mongomery in the FLEX but he's not gonna play. So we're also pretty sure they're gonna end up starting Terry McLaurin, making three intra-team matchups. Fascinating!!! Jerome Ford not withstanding, Paul has been the biggest benefactor of DYM's lackadaisical approach to the early season. Puka Nacua and Kyloren Williams could both be league winners. We're beside ourselves right now. Can't believe we missed out on Puka Nacua. It's the fucking best name ever!!! It's fucking totally made up - like just a bunch of sounds - but it fucking rhymes and its soooo fun to say - PUKA NACUA!!!!! PUKA NACUA!!!!! Oh my god. Fuck us. We shoulda fucking drafted him!! Idiot. Anyway. Even without Saquon we think DBP will make this an interesting game. They have the #1 QB and the better side of the B-Rob Showdown. Pittsburgh D will probably have another field day this week against the Raiders. We like Kirk>Ridley this week as Houston is tougher against outside WRs than they are against the slot. Paul definitely has the better Tampa receiver as well. We don't think Ekeler plays this week but we think Christian Watson will. And, of course, we're never gonna pick anyone over Puka ever again. PREDICTION:
PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM: 143.59 DUMB BUT PRETTY: 130.22 PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM WINS!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs. I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA Tobin is 2-0 and scoring over 140 per game. That's good. But still, we're always underwhelmed when we look at his roster. Like, Mostert? and a Tight End? really?But it's working because there's no holes in the starting lineup. Tobin has pulled the right strings and put together extremely consistent squads over the first two weeks. They've only had 1 dud in the starting lineup so far (Lamar's 3-pt stinker in week one). No other Special Ed team had fewer than 4 players score less than 5 points. If Waddle doesn't play then Flowers is a lock for 10+ points. Luka Nacua made a very smart move this week dropping Daniel Jones for Dak. They're streaming QBs against Arizona. Which is actually ingenious and we wish we had thought of it first. Arizona D stinks obviously, but the beauty of this plan is that The Cardinals are playing Stafford, Purdy, and Geno twice each, and they all happen to be not bad QBs who are all Special Ed free-agents. Plus they get Ridder, Pickett, and Burrow (who's almost definitely getting dropped) - They could stream against ARI for 10 of the next 11 weeks. Thats crazy. And it just might work too. Nice move, Luca. I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA WINS LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️‍♂️ vs. ERIN ERTZ Rob has some banged up RBs, but who doesn't? Miles and Pacheco weren't all that good the last two weeks anyway. He could end up with a 2-TE lineup this week, and he'll still probably win cause our team SUUUUUUUCKS. This team is such a shit show right now. Tutu Atwell is the poor man's Puka in every fucking way. James Cook is never gonna score a TD. We got no QB. And Najee. Fucking goddamn Najee. It's just the worst. ERIN ERTZ WINS!!! FISTO KIDDS!! vs. I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING We know they've been in the league for a few years now but we still get Trevor Lawrence and Justin Herbert mixed up in our head. They're basically the same guy. White guys with blonde hair and two first names, and they play somewhere hot and their teams are both light blue sometimes. Someone drafted Justin Herbert in the Rogans' League and we were like " ooooh nice pick " cause we thought it was Lawrence. Pretty sure Lawrence is the one we like. Jaguars right? Yea, Jaguars. FISTO KIDDS WINS!!! THE HAMBURGLARS vs. 🧨 WEEK 5 FÚTBOLS There's a hacky bit at the beginning of Ahsoka Episode 6 where the droid tells a story that starts with " A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... " ugh. That scene was as awkward and cringy as anything in the first 5 eps, but there was a shoutout to the DYM Scholars - which is the only kind of fan-service we want. #1 IS #1 MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! LETS GOOOOO!!!!! HAMBURGLARS WINS!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!

WHATS UP SPECIAL ED?!?!?! We know. It's been TWO MONTHS since the last DYM OFF-SEASON blog post. But don't worry, we've been hard at work in the lab writing a big new CJ story. For real this time! It's HUGE!!! We got over 9,000 words down so far (about 30 illustrated pages), but unfortunately it's not done yet. Couple more weeks ... we hope. (We pasted the first part at the bottom of this post to whet your appetites!!!) In the meantime, we got some grave news for you guys: This week, in an interview with People Magazine , Padma Lakshmi said that this will be her last season as the host of Bravo's TOP CHEF . The entire DYM staff is devastated right now. We love Top Chef. We've been dedicated Top Chef watchers ever since Padma joined as host in season 2. But now we're not sure what the point of the show even is. Padma was more than a host, she was truly the star of the show. No other game show host is more passionate about their show, or more compassionate for the contestants. Plus, she's more opinionated and more worldly that most of judges on Top Chef. Padma is the GOAT. She's irreplaceable as Top Chef host. But alas, there will be a Season 21 , and there will be a new Top Chef host. As the nation's foremost Top Chef Scholars, the Defend Your Moves Research Department has taken up the search for the NEXT host of Top Chef. We defined several criteria that each of our candidates must meet, and went through a thorough search of the very hottest female models, actresses, celebrities, and entertainers. And now, we have narrowed the field down to 10 finalists: MODELS Obviously the next host of Top Chef will have to be a thoroughbred DIME PIECE . So like Padma herself, some of the very best candidates are (former) fashion models. Models travel around the world so they get to try lots of exotic foods, which is also why we'd prefer a non-American woman - she has to have a diverse palate. Also - in order to appeal to Top Chef's middle-aged target demo, we're primarily looking at women age 35-45. 10 - ADRIANA LIMA Age 42 Model (Victoria's Secret) Brazil Adriana Lima was maybe the hottest chick ever in 2007. Since then she married former Clipper/Timberwolf Marco Jaric (now divorced), and had three children. At age 42 Adriana is still outrageously hot and her ass, legs, and titties got way bigger since she had kids. She has a very unique look, and may even be "too hot" for this job. Plus we have no idea if she can act or even read shit out loud. She was in an episode of How I Met Your Mother in 2012 where she only said one word (and was pretty unconvincing at that). 9 - Bar Refaeli Age 38 Model (Victoria's Secret, SI) Israel Bar Refaeli is maybe best known for having dated Leonardo Dicaprio from 2005-10. Like Adriana Lima she is now a mother of three. The good news is Bar is very charming. She has acquitted herself nicely in interviews over the years , so we know she can talk good on TV. But, she looks like she's still in modelling shape even now at age 38 so we're not sure if she's a big eater. ACTRESSES Actresses have a slight advantage over models, since they're professionals at talking in front of a camera. The problem with big-name actresses is that they can still get plenty of work in their late 30s and early 40s. We'd love to get like Scarlett Johansson or Charlize Theron in here, but we doubt they'd commit to working on this show for several months a year. So now we're looking for middle aged dime pieces, who can act a little, AND they're not involved in any ongoing franchise-type projects. 8 - Christina Hendricks Age 48 Actress (Mad Men) USA At 48, Christina Hendricks is the oldest Top Chef Host Finalist. She's a very good actress, has a smart and sophisticated vibe, and she's SMOKIN hot. The only problem with Christina, for this role, is her tits are gonna be very intimidating for Gail Simmons. Ever since Gail had her second kid in 2018 she started putting the girls on display almost every week, and they look AWESOME. We feel like adding another white chick with huge knockers to the show would put a lot of undue pressure on Gail. Fun fact - Christina Hendricks has no kids, and said in an interview ten years ago that she doesn't want any cause " they're a lotta work. " That's a shame in our opinion, cause she looks fuckin MILKY. 7 - Jordana Brewster Age 43 Actress (Fast & Furious) Panama We love Mia Toretto. She's a tough chick who commands respect and isn't afraid to speak her mind. In real life, Jordana Brewster has all the bonafides we're looking for in our next Top Chef Host: She was born in Panama, and lived as a child in Brazil, London, and New York City before attending Yale University. She has two kids (surrogacy), and is currently divorced. She's never really in anything these days except FAST movies and they only make those every couple years. Although, much like Bar Refaeli, she doesn't look like she eats a ton of food. 6 - Jessica Alba Age 42 Actress (Spy Kids, Fantastic Four) USA 90210-veteran Jessica Alba is one of the very hottest chicks of the early 2000s, but she hasn't really been in any major movies or TV since 2014 - and we can only pray they don't decide to make another Fantastic Four or another Spy Kids - which theoretically leaves her available to host Top Chef next year. Alba is from California and her family is Mexican, so we definitely trust her taste in food over Christina Hendricks' (from Knoxville, TN). She's also the founder of the Honest Company, which makes organic household products that are used throughout the DYM Home Office. 5 - Morena Baccarin Age 44 Actress (Homeland, Gotham, Deadpool) Brazil Morena Baccarin is impossibly hot. In fact she's one of just a few women on this list who are objectively as hot as Padma. We lost our fuckin mind the first time we saw her in Homeland , and she was great in Deadpool too, but now she actually hasn't been in anything good since Gotham ended in 2019. So she might be available. Fun Fact - She's married to Commissioner Gordon from Gotham (Ben McKenzie) and they had their second kid in 2021. PUBLIC FIGURES Now, honestly these next two are long-shots. It's pretty unlikely that either of them would want this job, but we really feel like they'd each be uniquely fascinating hosts. 4 - Kate Middleton Age 41 Princess of Wales England Princess Kate is very easy on the eyes, and she's an actual Princess - so she's used to eating some high quality grub. We feel like cooking for, and getting criticized by, an actual Princess would be pretty nerve-wracking for the chefs - and pretty dramatic for the audience. Plus she's got a British accent which always makes chicks sound much more severe and intense. It'd be like The Weakest Link but with food. 3 - Ivanka Trump Age 41 Presidential Advisor (?) USA Ivanka would be a way more amiable host than Kate. She honestly seems like a nice person in interviews, although she is aggressively hot. She lived her entire life in New York City which is not great, but it's better than having lived your whole life in suburban England; and unlike Kate she has always had access to fine cuisine even as a child. We would think Ivanka has very high standards for food, but then she'd be really sweet about telling folks to pack their knives and go. Maybe the most fascinating thing about Ivanka, visually, is that she has a really really long neck. Like crazy long. She wears high-collars and turtlenecks pretty often too and like half her neck sticks out the top. SINGERS Our top 2 finalists are musicians. The good thing about musicians is they have a lot more control over their schedule than models, actresses, or politicians. Both of these chicks might could go on tour next year, but they certainly don't have to. Like models, musicians get to travel a lot and they can try a lot of weird foods on the road. Plus, as artists, we feel like their aesthetic opinions will carry more weight than those of the actresses and politicians. 2 - Alicia Keys Age 42 15x Grammy winner USA We had no idea Alicia Keys had 15 Grammys. That's a lot. Holy shit. She's definitely the most accomplished person on our list, but she also performed at our work Christmas party a couple years ago and she did a song with Kanye just last year - so we know Alicia Keys is all about a dollar. Alicia co-wrote an autobiographical Broadway show that's premiering in a few months . If that joint's a hit and she crushes it as Top Chef host, she could be one step away from an EGOT by this time next year. 1 - Rihanna Age 35 9x Grammy winner Barbados Obviously, our #1 choice for Top Chef host is Rihanna. Rihanna is only 35, which is the same age Padma was when she started on Top Chef so we could potentially get another 15+ seasons with her as host. Rihanna checks all the boxes - Not only was she born in another country but she's a Princess there too . She's also a billionaire so she probably eats VERY good food. And she's pregnant - about to have her second kid in two years - so she's gonna be fuckin HUNGRY . Obviously she doesn't need the money, but she might take this job just to get out of the house and get that free food. HAVE A GREAT SUMMER EVERYBODY!!!!!! CUM JESUS IN THE YEAR 360!!!!!!! PREVIEW!!!!!!! CJ WAKES UP Jesus opened his eyes and sat up suddenly. He looked around the room checking for tigers. He's safe at home, in his bedroom. He's not dreaming anymore, which is a relief, but his heart was still pounding as he wiped away the cold sweat that had pooled between his tits. "Craziest fuckin dream ever." He muttered to himself, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Jesus had been having prescient dreams of the future for some time now. At first many of the dreams had been confounding - especially the dreams of the distant future. But no dream had ever affected him as profoundly as this one. Jesus reached for the Dream Journal on his bedside table and wrote as much as he could remember: The tiger ... the cow pasture ... the boat ... Seahorse ... the box ... Lil Genie ... something called "fantasy football." It was all so confusing and foreboding. Especially the seahorse. Many gods and spirits had visited Jesus in his dreams -- But Seahorse seemed strange. So desperate. So thirsty. He’d never seen a god act like that before and he couldn't help but think that Seahorse’s death could be a sign. He said to himself - "I gotta talk to Solomon." Ever since Jesus was little, whenever he had a problem he always went to talk to his great-great...(26x)...granddad King Solomon . Solomon was cool as shit. He was the original King of Kings. He was welcomed and revered in every nation in the known world - Jews, African Jews, Arabs, Persians, Romans, Mongols, even the Russians - everybody sang the Songs of Solomon . Solomon had been everywhere and he'd seen it all. As far as anyone knew Solomon was the only person around who was older than Jesus - in fact, he was almost 1,000 years older, and that millennia of experience was invaluable. Which is why he stayed the king all this time - even now that Jesus' Word was spreading far and wide. In the year 360 Solomon had been King of Israel for 1330 years. Solomon became immortal back in the day when he won a bet with the demon king Asmodeus . For a while Asmodeus tried sending various ghosts and cryptids to fuck with Solomon and steal his powers back. But Solomon was such a fuckin smooth ass pimp that most of the demons ended up staying on earth and just hanging with him instead. My man had succubus falling in love, genies giving away freebie wishes, ghosts haunting his enemies - anything he wanted. Every ghost, demon, and monster was on Team Solomon. At one point he was married to 2,000 chicks and only about half of them were human. Since long before Jesus was born all the demons on Earth had been living in Solomon's castle. They did whatever he said, and were forbidden to leave. Occasionally, Solomon sent demons to do shady errands or fight other king's armies, but that was about it. It was very important to Solomon that the monsters not interfere with the lives of regular people. That's because the people of Israel, he had found, were much easier to control if they thought ghosts and monsters don't exist. Really this was for the best for everybody tho - 'cause they're fucking demons . Which is exactly what Solomon had always told Jesus when he asked about ghosts or djinns when he was younger: " They're no good, CJ. Stay away from those fuckers, even the cute ones, even Robin fucking Williams, they were all born in Hell and they hate us. " Jesus sought love and kindness at all times, so in his heart of hearts it was difficult to accept that humans and demons could never live in peace; But Solomon's argument resonated because the demons - all of them - really did hate Jesus. When Jesus was a baby demons used to sneak out of the castle all the time and try to kill him in his sleep. But he always woke up the next day, no problemo. The devils never gave up tho, they kept trying Jesus every now and then throughout his adult life too. Even now - when the demons knew Jesus couldn't die - they still tried to make his life difficult when they could. Fortunately Solomon came up with a trick to keep Jesus safe: Solomon was a prolific writer of hymns and holy music, which he found had a peculiar effect on most demons. The psalms were like a snake charmer's flute to them, they became entranced and docile. Sometimes they just fell asleep when he sang. This is about all Jesus knew of demons, devils, djinns, and ghosts in the year 360 , and none of it was particularly helpful in deciphering the symbols in his dream. If anybody was gonna know what this genie dream is supposed to mean it's gonna be Solomon.

SHOUT OUT TO PLAXICO BURRESS!!!!! We just read   the funniest fuckin shit ever , you guys. The cops claim that their guns are just shooting people all by themselves now. A months-long investigative report by The Washington Post found more than 100 people willing to claim, on record, “that they had experienced an accidental firing - all involving the same weapon, the Sig Sauer P320.” It was super-helpful of The WaPo to go the trouble of finding all those totally credible witnesses, cause it just so happens that a bunch of police departments had already filed a class action lawsuit against the gun manufacturer. You might think the cops are making up these stories so they can say they're not shooting civilians on purpose. But if you think that, you're giving the cops way too much credit, cause the article is full of stories of cops shooting THEMSELVES  in the ass and thighs. And holy shit it's soooo funny: " In September 2022, an officer’s P320 sent a bullet into the thigh of his partner while he searched an abandoned vehicle. " HAHA!!! " Michael Parker, a welder, said his holstered P320 fired a bullet into his thigh... " HAHA!!!   " Police officer Brittany Hilton said her holstered P320 fired while inside her purse ...  The bullet entered her groin and exited her back just inches from the base of her spine." Entered her groin?!? Oh damn, that's kinda hot. " Navy veteran Dionicio Delgado said his P320 fired a bullet through his thigh and into his calf after he holstered it... " HAHA!!! " In April 2022, a surveillance camera captured Officer Ashley Catatao, 35, carrying equipment bags to her car in the Somerville Police Department’s parking lot in suburban Boston. With her hands full, her holstered P320 fires, striking her thigh. " HAHAHA!!!!! OH SHIT!!! THERES VIDEO?!?! Oh yea there's video: Here's a slow-mo video of a school security guard shooting himself in the leg in front of a bunch of kids in the lunch line. It's so good. This is the kinda shit that makes people believe in Karma right here. Musta been the best day ever for those kids. This story is a treat, but we especially enjoyed the extra-dramatic photos these cops posed for. They're all trying to look so resolute, Like they're survivors. These cops are out for justice now and they're never gonna let a gun shoot them again. HA!!! Fuck cops, yo!!!!! Obviously the official DYM take on this story is that it's actually ghosts shooting these cops in the ass. ( Case closed. You're welcome. ) But there's another angle here that's very worth mentioning: Sig Sauer - the maker of the gun that shoots itself - just announced last month that they have acquired General Robotics - maker of the US Army's drones and tactical robots. That's cool! Definitely nothing can go wrong there!!! Then, just yesterday Mayor Adams announced that the NYPD is looking to add robots to the force later this year. The "digidog" robot cop was originally slated to roll out in NYC in 2021, but DeBlasio shut it down when activists pointed out that robot cops weren't equipped for social work and community outreach. But now that these idiot human cops sued the gun company that also makes police robots, we think there's gonna be a big push to get robocops rolled out nationwide. That way, in the future it'll just be stupid fucking robots shooting themselves in the ass and groin. SEXY SEXY STAR WARS!!!!! Mandalorian Season 3 wraps up next week and we still feel more or less the same about it as we did last month . They're still cramming a bunch of unrelated story arcs together just so they can preview characters from other new Disney SW shows. We still don't really get why they decided to do this, but they did, and once you accept it it's a lot easier to cope with the defects in storytelling. None of the important things that happen in this show actually happen to Mando. One could argue that Mando isn't even the protagonist anymore (or that there isn't one at all), because his problems have such low stakes and he doesn't work very hard for his accomplishments. The important things in this show are when they introduce new characters or new themes that are portentous for the future of Disney Star Wars. With that being said, last week's episode " Chapter 22: Hired Guns " portends very well, because Star Wars is SEXY again!!!!! This was another Starbuck -heavy episode, which is always welcome. Starbuck could get it from way back in the Battlestar Galactica days -- and age-40 Starbuck is still smokin hot. She knows what she's workin with too. Every episode this season has at least a couple shots of her walking away from the camera like this. 🥵 Episode 6 starts off hot and heavy with this freaky squid chick giving her boyfriend a tentacle job, right before he gets absconded by the sexiest of all Mandalorian mercenaries - WWE's Sasha Banks!!! After that Mando watches Starbuck walk for a bit. Later they meet Lizzo who's the queen of a planet and has a very physical relationship with Jack Black. As soon as the Mandos arrive, Lizzo and Jack Black invite them to an alien swingers party. The party is a who's-who of the grossest and slimiest Star Wars aliens, and they're all getting wasted sucking on something JB calls " secretions ". It's all gross and highly suggestive. Next they met the first ever confirmed female Ugnaught. This was a categorically unnsexy scene. To be honest we're pretty disappointed to learn that Ugnaughts as a species have almost no sexual dimorphism. SMGDH. Yet another unjustifiable writing decision. This one's gotta be Favreau's idea. That guy is extremely low-T. We feel like Jon Favreau hasn't had a boner since the 90's. Later, they happened upon a "droid bar" which has got to be the most degenerate shit ever in Star Wars. Droids gettin all sloppy on "lubricants". There was even a droid hooker outside!!! Gotta think there musta been a bunch of stupid droid cops in a spot like that -- and they all shot themselves in the ass later that night. That was hot, but the announcements out of Star Wars Celebration last weekend were fuckin SMOKIN !!! We finally got a trailer for the long-awaited Ahsoka show. We were super hyped to find out that the show would feature Ahsoka's very sexy crewmates from Star Wars Rebels . We already knew that Rosario Dawson as a grown-up Ahsoka was undeniably sexy, and the rest female characters in the trailer look fine as fuck too. We've always wanted to see Sabine Wren (a Mandalorian) and Hera Syndulla (Twi'lek 🥵) in live action. This is gonna be incredible. Sabine is played by this hilariously-named young woman - Natasha Liu Bordizzo. You might remember her from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon , which is one of the low-key sexiest movies of all time. Natasha is half-Chinese and half-Italian and she's from Australia, and we wanna marry her now. She's gonna wear all kindsa different color wigs in Ahsoka and we're gonna lose our mind!!!!! The Twi'lek space captain Hera Syndulla will be played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead , who happens to be married to Ewan McGregor. There may be a bit of Star Wars nepotism at work here, but MEW has serious hot-chick bonafides. She's 38 now, and when she was a teenager she was on Passions - the very sexiest of all American soap operas. By far the biggest Star Wars news of the week is the imminent return of Rey in Episode X - The New Jedi Order . This was a pretty big surprise for us. We like to joke about Episode X, but we never really thought it was gonna happen. The announcement was pretty light on details - there's only two things we know for sure: REY IS BACK and THERE'S GONNA BE GHOSTS!!!!! LETS GOOOOO!!!!! We feel like Daisy Ridley is pretty underrated in the pantheon of sexy Star Wars women. That's partly because she was only 21 when they made The Force Awakens, and she was playing a teenager, so they didnt sex her up much in that first movie. But now that Daisy and Rey are both over 30 we can loudly proclaim that DAISY RIDLEY CAN GET IT!!!!! We love you, Daisy! Given that there are like 50 Star Wars movies now, these announcements shouldn't really be this surprising to us anymore. But we really thought Episode X wasn't supposed to happen. We seem to recall that George Lucas had once said that he originally envisioned a nine-part Star Wars saga. We're pretty sure he said that ... and for some reason we thought the new Disney-Star Wars group was sticking to that basic format. Guess not! Since it looks we're in for the long haul with DR, we popped open our old AI-generated Art app and got it to make some pictures made of older, middle-aged versions of Daisy Ridley as Rey. 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 During the process of making those pics we got to thinking -- with her wide jaw and tough chin, Daisy Ridley might also make a very sexy Batman someday. Not sure if Warner Bros is interested in hiring actual actresses for their Batman shit, but we might as well take a look-see anyway. 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 HAVE A GREAT OFF-SEASON EVERYBODY!!!!!

BEING OLD We're feeling old these days. Joints are aching, tired all the time. Being over 40 sucks. If any of you guys haven't turned forty yet, you should definitely avoid it, if at all possible. Our younger brother turned forty a month ago and now he has gout - true story. The Commish had the right idea - don't ever turn 40. We wanted to write a thing about how old we feel and wanted to use this picture of Clint Eastwood from that one movie. So we went to google image search and typed “c lint eastwood el camino ” which was actually an autocorrect cause we thought the movie was called “ El Dorado .” Turns out the movie is called “ Gran Torino ”, and it came out FIFTEEN YEARS AGO!!! Holy shit we're old. Like, not as old as Clint Eastwood obviously but like, old tho. Anyways, we fuckin lost it last weekend cause our kid didn't wanna go to the dump with us. We could not fucking believe that kids don’t like going to the dump. Throwing shit into the big dumpsters and watching the compactors crush shit was the number one most fun thing for a little kid to do in the 80's. The dump fucking rules. We gave the kid the whole " when we were your age " speech --- then we smoked a doobie and played giant basketball at the dump by ourselves. The other thing that made us feel old recently is this story we saw on twitter about how cops were entrapping leftist organizers in Colorado. Allegedly, the feds infiltrated this ANTIFA group and didn't find any crimes being committed so they set the organizers up on bogus charges. SMGDH. Back when we were leftist organizers, we used to just do crimes right there in the office. There was no need to entrap any of us. These kids should be embarrassed. They're getting played by the cops and they didn't even do anything cool. We went to jail one time back in the day and one of our co-workers was already there!!! Another time, one of our guys got busted selling guns during the work day, except he didn't need cops to trick him into doing it!!!!! Folks, if the cops are entrapping you, that just means you're not doing enough crimes. THE WORST BATMAN EVER?!?! In general we haven't gotten into any DC Universe shows on the CW Network. Even though a lotta people said The Flash and the other " Arrowverse " shows were worth watching, we never tuned in cause we know The CW only makes garbage TV. But when we heard this new Batman-adjacent show Gotham Knights was pulling the lowest rotten tomatoes score of any DC television series - we had to check it out. After four episodes the RT critics score has actually dropped from a pre-premier score of 33% all the way down to 18% as of today (4/5/23). Technically Batman & Robin (1997) still has a lower RT critics score at 12%, but in our professional opinion, Gotham Knights is definitively THE WORST BATMAN EVER . This is Batman history in the making, and DYM is here for it!!! Right at the start of the first episode we learn that Bruce Wayne is dead. Only this time, apparently, none of his friends know about the Lazarus Pits so he's all the way dead. Like dead dead. The main character is this kid named Turner Hayes (they made him up for the show, don't bother googling him). Bruce Wayne had adopted Turner several years earlier and never told him that he’s Batman. Turner just thought Bruce was working late every night and he was somehow unaware of the like half-dozen other kids that Bruce adopted. The best part in the Pilot is where Turner realizes that there's been a Robin in the house with him the whole time and he never noticed. Robin takes off her mask and he goes “ Hey! I know you ”, it's so dumb. Anyways, now this kid who knows nothing about Batman is gonna be the new Batman to avenge his adopted father, with whom he had a distant and impersonal relationship. This is the first 15 minutes of episode 1. It's truly the worst Batman ever. Later, Turner has to team up with the Robin and a bunch of other teenagers who also have dysfunctional familial relationships. So every episode is like 50% bad Batman story and 50% bad afterschool special. The writing is shit, but the acting is HORRENDOUS . The principal cast is about half Disney Channel or soap opera veterans, and half actual teenagers with shorter IMDB resumes than Dave Maulbeck . Like this chick who's supposed to be the Joker's daughter, so she tries to speak with a weird cadence and have little tics like Heath Ledger did, but it comes off more like a Jeff Goldblum impression. She's awful. The girl that plays Robin is actually 17, but she's the among most seasoned actresses in the cast, having appeared in 5 seasons of That's So Raven . The funny thing about her is the Robin character is often frustrated by the other kids' incompetence - and you can tell she's channeling some very real emotions in those scenes. The Robin in this show is the Frank Miller " Dark Knight Returns " version. It's the same backstory where Batman fights the Mutant Gang in her neighborhood, then she puts on green goggles and follows Batman around for a while. In the first few eps the Mutant Gang and green goggle Robin have been heavily featured. That's cool cause " Dark Knight Returns" is one of the all time best Batman stories. Ronald Reagan and the chick with swastikas tattooed on her ass and titties haven't showed up yet but we'll definitely let yall know if they do. Elsewhere, there are a few of-age women on this show who CAN GET IT , even though they can't act for shit. This is Anna Lore , she has 37 IMDB credits, all for things that you have definitely never seen. She plays Stephanie Brown who's supposed to become a very sexy Robin and also a Batgirl someday. Obviously they already have a Robin, but we can't imagine this show will be around long enough for that to become an issue. This is Fallon Smythe , she's fine but she might not even be an actress. She plays Harper Row , who later becomes a Batman-allied superhero called Bluebird in the comics. Hopefully once this show gets cancelled they'll let Fallon get a Bluebird spin-off cause this chick is a DIME . Pretty much the only legitimate reason to watch this show is because Fallon Smythe is in it and she has blue hair 🥵. THE NIKE BURROW!!!!! Shout out to Cool Joe Burrow for getting his own Nike b randed shoe . Joe is clearly a DYM scholar. He'll be stuntin on his family this off-season in these COVID-era house shoes. NFL DRAFT PREVIEW!!!! Ever since Chad Johnson became Ochocinco, funny names have been predominant among young NFL players. The names have just gotten funnier and funnier the last few years. And this year - with names like Bijan Robinson , Zay Flowers and Jaxon Smith-Njigba at the top of the board - we could be in for the funniest named draft class in NFL history. Here's a few of the other ridiculous names that Roger Goodell is gonna have to say out loud on draft night: YaYa Diaby- DL - Louisville YaYa ran a 4.51 forty and is considered the most athletic defensive lineman in this year's draft. According to wikipedia both the Y's in YaYa are capitalized. Izzy Abanikanda - RB - Pitt Israel "Izzy" Adewale Abanikanda , what a name. Izzy went to Lincoln High School in Brooklyn. Other notable Lincoln alumni include Lee Mazzilli, Marv Albert, Neil Sedaka, and Stephon Marbury. Xazavian Valladay - RB - Arizona St. We love almost any name with an X or a Z in it, and Xazavian has BOTH!! It's the unlikeliest of names. O'Cyrus Torrence - OL - Florida For real? O'Cyrus?? With the apostrophe?!?! Incredible. Rejzohn Wright - CB - Oregon St. We just stared at the name Rejzohn for like 10 minutes, it's mesmerizing. We have some theories about how it might be pronounced. Kyu Blu Kelly - CB - Stanford This guy's dad played in the NFL for 11 seasons (won a SB with Tampa in '02), and his name is " Brian " so he knew exactly what the fuck he was doing when he named his kid Kyu Blu . That's how you set your kid up for success. Dontayvion Wicks - WR - Virginia Wikipedia says that Dontayvion " played wide receiver and quarterback in high school. " We like to imagine he just threw the ball real high then ran under it and caught his own passes like Bugs Bunny. Dontayvion fuckin rules. HONORABLE MENTIONS: Mohamoud Diabate (DE) - This guy could play in the NFL for a decade and we're still gonna think it says "diabetes" every time we see his name. Carrington Valentine (CB) & Demario Douglas (WR) - These woulda been first-tier funny names in the Danny Woodhead days. They're kinda pedestrian by today's standards tho. Henry Bainivalu (OL) & Henry To'oTo'o (LB) - Henry is a trash first name, but both of these guys are making the most of it with outright hilarious last names. Tank Bigsby (RB) - Gonna be fun to cheer for this guy. LETS GO TANK!!! HAVE A GREAT PASSOVER EVERYBODY!!!!

Whats up, Special Ed?!?!?! The news is fuckin wild these days. To be honest we really shoulda had more than one DYM this past month cause there is some fuckin shit goin on. All the DYM Off-Season staples have made headlines recently: NBA trades , Politricks , conspiracy facts , third-world countries in chaos , internet weirdos , Jews , idiots , mummies , ghosts , mermaids , UFOs ( not aliens ), ALL THAT SHIT !!! We're gonna break it all down real fast here so we can focus on Hoops Tourneys and finally go see Cocaine Bear this month. POLITRICKS!!! The Democrats are on their bullshit again. Mayor Pete and Merrick Garland went on the news shows this morning talking about how they're gonna stop JetBlue from acquiring Spirit Airlines. Their claim is that Spirit's "unique" and "disruptive" business model fills a necessary niche in the competitive airline market. But during the announcement it became abundantly clear that neither of these clowns had ever flown Spirit before. Everybody who flies Spirit will, at some point, wish that they hadn't flown Spirit; and they would NEVER defend it's unique/disruptive business model. SPIRIT IS GARBAGE!!!!! Motherfucker really said " allowing the merger would significantly harm consumers ", which is fucking ridiculous because nobody does more harm to Spirit Airlines' customers than Spirit Airlines. Spirit fucking BLOWS . They charge extra for fucking everything, they get delayed all the fucking time, and even if you get all the upgrades you're still gonna get seats that are mad small, mad old, and have bare-minimum amenities. They just put wifi on some of their planes last year !!! The last time we flew Spirit they sold us wifi, then the plane lost satellite service when we flew over the ocean🤦. On the other hand, JetBlue fucking RULES . Every JetBlue flight we've been on recently has been silky smooth. The seats are roomy, clean, and have cool interactive screens, and chargers and all kindsa good shit. Everytime we fly somewhere our kid asks if it's gonna be JetBlue - it's just the coolest. Fuck this anti-trust bullshit. JetBlue should be the only airline. MORE POLITRICKS!!! Ron Desantis is a cuntrag. Total piece of shit. There's a bill on the docket for the upcoming Florida legislative session requiring bloggers to register with the state when they write about Desantis or other florida politicians. Of course DYM's not going for that shit cause it's probably unconstitutional, and cause Ron Desantis sucks pig dicks. This is just one of many proposed Florida laws that, according to MotherJones.com , are modelled off the policies of Hungary's Viktor Orban. Basically, Desantis is trying to turn Florida into a Catholic Ethnostate: HB 7 : Prohibiting abortion and travel to other states for abortion HB 29 : Tax exemption for diapers and incontinence products CS/SB 52 : Prohibit and prevent students from accessing social media HB 91 : Prohibits any releasing of balloons SB 1223 : Restricts the use of gendered pronouns in schools SB 78 : Designating the Florida scrub-jay as the official state bird (replaces mockingbird) HB 999 : Bans Gender Studies, Critical Race Theory, and Intersectionality at state universities SB 932 : Prohibit drivers from allowing dogs to stick their heads out of the window WTF!!! Dogs love sticking their heads out the window!!! Fuck you, Ron!!!!! NEW STAR WAR!!! Mandalorian Season 3 just came out. It's aight. The first episode was corny and the story didn't make a lotta sense -- but it seemed like most of the awkwardly written scenes were just there to shoehorn in weird alien characters and sassy droids, and our girl Starbuck is back, so we're cool with it so far. The continuity police on twitter are losing their minds tho. Jon Favreau said on a podcast recently that Mandalorian takes place " over several years " which makes no fucking sense, for a lotta reasons. They definitely don't have this whole storyline ironed out yet cause as of today (3/7/23) wookiepedia.com still says that all three seasons of Mando and the whole Boba Fett show take place in the same year - 9 ABY. We've always suspected that The Mandalorian show only existed as a platform from which they could spin-off other shows like Ahsoka and Boba Fett. But now there are two more SW shows in the works after Ahsoka - " Skeleton Crew " and " Rangers of the New Republic " - and wookiepedia says they're also set in the year 9 ABY. We fully expect to see tie-ins to these shows sometime over the next season or two of Mando. Hopefully Favreau won't have too heavy a hand in those new joints cause he's a fucking cornball. We can't stay mad at him tho. ¡¡¡BEISBOL!!! The World Baseball Classic starts tonight and DYM is here for it!!!! We were pretty tuned out of baseball last year - what with all of deGrom's bullshit. We weren't particularly looking forward to baseball this year either, but we do love us some international competitions. Plus it's March, and we're in the mood for Tourneys anyway, so why not? LETS GO!!! There's six Mets playing in the WBC: Alonso, McNeil, and Adam Ottavino are on Team USA. Lindor and Timmy Trumpets are playing for Puerto Rico . Mark Vientos is playing for Nicaragua The team to watch this year, obviously, is Team Nicaragua . They're the Cinderellas of this ball. Nicaragua does not produce much MLB talent but they have a fairly competitive professional league and it's the most popular sport in the country. Mark Vientos (3B) has been in the Mets minor league system since 2017. He played like 6 games or so in the majors in '22 - which is more than any other position player on the Nicaraguan team (they have 2 major league relief pitchers). They played their asses off in the qualifiers tho - going 3-0 and outscoring their opponents by a combined score of 23-6. The bad news for Nicaragua is they got slotted in the same group with Puerto Rico and Dominican Republic . Nicaragua plays Puerto Rico on Saturday and D.R. on Monday (both at noon eastern). That's fuckin rough, but we still think Nica's being undervalued right now at Draftkings Sportsbook. We just got +5000 odds on Nicaragua to qualify (top two in the group). That's by far the longest odds in Group D, and second longest in the whole tourney. If they lose to P.R., they'll be underdogs against Israel on Sunday, which is absurd (Israel +1200 to qualify). There's definitely gonna be value on Nicaragua spreads every day, and we think they have the potential for a Morocco-like run. ¡¡¡VAMOS!!! GHOSTS IN THE NEWS!!! -NOT ALIENS IN THE NEWS- Quote-unquote UFO's were all over the news last month, but nobody was talking about aliens!!! Even famed alien enthusiast (and known illuminatus) Steven Spielberg is starting to walk back his previously held beliefs on extraterrestrials. Spielberg went on Stephen Colbert Show last week and posited an alternative UFO theory that DYM's been pumping for a few years now: " What if they’re not from an advanced civilization 300 million lightyears from here? What if it’s us, 500,000 years in the future, that is coming back to document the second half of the 20th century and into the 21st century because they’re anthropologists? " Boom. Fuck aliens. GHOSTS are what's really poppin in these streets right now. MURDAUGH GHOSTS!!! This goddamn Murdaugh trial got an outrageous amount of coverage from every news outlet in this country. We were pretty turned off by it -- the entire True Crime genre is kinda distasteful in our opinion. On Friday morning the sentencing hearing was broadcast live on every local network and cable news channel, they even interrupted our girls Hoda & Jenna!!! We were pissed for just a second but then the judge just real casually started talking about GHOSTS right there on national TV. And we were like WHAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?! My man said: " And I know you have to see Paul and Maggie during the nighttime... I'm sure they come and visit you ... and they will continue to do so. " Look at the bailiff, man. He knows what's up. This is some deep ass shit for him, he's really taking it in. 👻🍴 DYM's Favorite 2023 Met: KODAI SENGA!!!!! 👻🍴 Kodai was a dominant force in the Japanese League: 5x champ, 3x all-star, 2x Gold Glove winner, 2x league leader in ERA and strikeouts (2019 and 2020). But his true claim to fame is a pitch he invented called The Ghost Fork 👻🍴. It's a disgusting pitch . Totally unfair. Unfortunately Kodai won't be appearing in the World Baseball Classic this month, so we don't get to see the full speed Kodai filth until opening day. For now the Kodai youtube highlights are pretty fucking nasty. Fuck with Kodai, you guys. ¡¡¡NOVIA ESPIRITUAL!!! OK, last one. So this guy in Peru was drinking in the desert. The cops pick him up and find an 800-year-old mummy in a DoorDash bag. It's not totally clear if the guy got arrested cause a news crew interviewed him right there on the scene and he's not handcuffed. Homeboy says he's had the mummy for years. He named it "Juanita", and he keeps her right next to his bead at home. He considers Juanita to be his - "novia espiritual" - ghost girlfriend. Peru is one of the craziest and most haunted places on earth. There's mummies and ghosts everywhere and drugs just grow out of the ground all over the place. So, we would think this is probably a pretty common occurrence down there. Incidentally, scientists have said Juanita is actually a male skeleton - so don't tell Ron Desantis!!! 🤫 HAVE A GREAT TOURNEYS EVERYBODY!!!

What's up Special Ed? Super Bowl's coming up. That's cool. No disrespec' to Rihanna but we're not super hyped for SB LVII, and it's mostly because the Bills aren't in it. It was way easier to get agnostically excited about postseason games when our team wasn't competitive. When the Bills sucked we would just switch gears after week 17 and become a bandwagon Ravens or Saints fan, but nowadays it's hard to not be jealous and spiteful of the teams that actually make it to the SB. This past month we've spent a lotta time thinking about where the Bills' playoff loses fall in Bills Simmons' old "Levels of Losing" * , trying to cathartically contextualize the experience. The entire Bills Mafia was pretty listless for a week or so after the Bengals game. Fortunately, after the Bengals lost to KC, " NFL is rigged " became a trending twitter topic for the first week of February. That made us feel a lot better.
We were really starting to think maybe the '22 Bills weren't actually that good, and we were stupid for not acknowledging their flaws earlier. But the great thing about conspiracy theories is they absolve the audience of all responsibility for their circumstances. Conspiracy theories are soothing. They tell you you're not wrong, they tell you there's nothing that could have been done differently because Great Unseen Forces control your reality. Tomorrow night we're gonna wrap ourselves in that warm cozy blanket of conspiracy theory and bet it all on Mahomes to win MVP. Lets go. * - The 2021 Chiefs game was a " Gut Punch " and a " Sudden Death " game; this year the Bengals was a " This Can't Be Happening " game. SUPER BOWL LVII PROP BETS!!!!!!!!!! We're almost done with the fifth Dune book and this year's Super Bowl is gonna be played in THE DESERT so you know these props are all 100%-Guaranteed DYM-Certified LOCKS!!! 🔒🔨💰 CROSS-SPORT SPECIALS Usually we get at least one NBAxSuper Bowl prop in, but the NBA games this Sunday are pretty uninteresting (Grizzlies/Celtics and Pistons/Raptors) - and since World Cup betting is the only thing that made us any real money this year - we're going with Soccer props!!! Manchester United goals>Gainwell recs (-115) Eagles sacks>Man. U goals (-105) Manchester United vs. Leeds kicks off at 9am eastern on Super Bowl Sunday. This will be the second half of a home-and-home series - they tied 2-2 at Manchester on Wednesday. We're looking for ManU to score 2 or 3 goals in this one, which should be the sweet spot between Gainwell's 1.5 recs and the Eagles' 3.5 sacks. Since Cristiano Ronaldo's departure from the club in December they've scored either 2 or 3 goals in 10 out of their last 11 games, and Leeds has not allowed more than 3 this year. SUPER BOWL NONSENSE PROPS Coin toss - Tails (+100) Coin toss - Chiefs (+100) Gatorade color - Clear (+750) " Chiefs to win coin toss " will be an early test to see if this game is actually gonna be rigged. If the Chiefs win the coin toss we'll probably double down on some Chief's bets in-game. If the Eagles win the toss we'll be a bit more cautious with the in-game betting. First Score Field Goal (+170) This is a classic Super Bowl lock. Nobody wants to go scoreless for too long in the big game. Most teams play a bit more conservative - and will "take the points" - early in the Super Bowl. CHIEFS BETS 1st TD Jersey Number o11.5 (+105) Kelce 1st TD (+700) We got these cause we thought Kelce had the most total TDs this year of all Eagles and Chiefs players. But then we looked it up and it turns out Hurts had 13 rushing TDs and Kelce only had 12 receiving. Woops. Hopefully it's rigged. Mahomes MVP (+120) Draftkings Special Chiefs Parlay (+450) If you like Chiefs Moneyline (+105) then you're probably gonna want to get Mahomes MVP at +120 too. EAGLES BETS Hurts o50.5 rushing (-115) There were 8 total games this year where the Eagles allowed 20 points, or won by less than 4, or lost - in 7 of those games Jalen ran for more than 50 yds. Eagles o12.5 1st Half (-125) o24.5 total 1st Half (+100) Eagles 1H ML + o24.5 1H (+260) Both Philly and KC are first half teams, but especially Philly. The Eagles and Chiefs are 1st and 2nd in the NFL this year in first half points at 18.2 and 15.5 respectively. But while KC is only 3 points worse in the 2nd half (12.7; 4th in the NFL), Philly averages a middling 10.8 points in 2nd halves. If this script holds we like Philly to win the first half and KC to come back win the game. HAVE A GREAT SUPER BOWL EVERYBODY!!

WHATS UP SPECIAL ED?!?!?!?! Playoff football starts TODAY and DYM is fuckin AMPED!!!!! The schedule is a little wacky this year tho. Wildcard Saturday used to be reserved for the Bengals and Titans. So we feel like the NFL kinda fucked up by not scheduling Bengals-Ravens for today. They probably thought Lamar was gonna play, which woulda made this the first interesting Bengal Wildcard game of our lifetime. But alas. Coming into 2022 the Titans had missed the playoffs just once in the last six years, and although we're more than happy to not be watching a Titan game today, we will, unfortunately, have to watch a Dolphin game tomorrow. Fuckin hate the Dolphins, you guys. CONGRATULATIONS FISTO KIDDS!!!!!!! DYM NATION HAS SPOKEN!!! Fisto Kidds won their first Special Ed Super Bowl this year, and became the first team to win an SESB and a DYM MVP Award (with no co-MVP(s)) in the same season. GEAT JOB, DAVE!!!!!! Interestingly, although PAT did not receive a single vote for MVP despite owning both the Best Pickup annd Best Draft Value award winners. Justin Fields was the unanimous choice for BEST PICKUP. Josh Jacobs was nearly a unanimous winner as well. Kenneth Walker III was the only other player to receive a vote for BEST DRAFT VALUE. Big shout out to The Hamburglars who now have the #1 best keeper in the league for 2023. ¡¡¡FACTOS CONSPIRACIÓN!!! We got a little update on the Teorias Conspiración we told yall about a couple weeks ago. Our homeboy Daniél was featured on the cover of a new study from National Defense University entitled " Russia's Strategic Inroads in Latin America ". It's a scathing and terrifying report. This passage is on page 1: "A key hub of Russian activity is in Nicaragua, under the protection of the Daniel Ortega/ Rosario Murillo regime. In addition to allowing a permanent presence of some 250 Russian military personnel on the ground ... Nicaragua also houses a multimillion-dollar vaccination plant that produces no vaccines, a police academy that does little of what it advertises, a cyber warfare and training center in the state telecommunications building, and a Russian Ministry of Interior building that enjoys the diplomatic status of an embassy." In the main section on Ruso/Nica activities they discuss some of the things that we had heard about down there - like the militarization of special police forces; And also some things we hadn't considered that are way scarier - like the implementation of a state-of-the-art nationwide digital surveillance system, and plans to build intercontinental missile depots and strategic naval bases that the Russians could use to attack the USA. The report makes these things sound very real and very threatening, but DYM is not here to fear monger. We're personally not too worried about the web scraping operation cause the report says they only analyze Spanish-language content, and our Spanish is horrendous. We also don't think you guys should be too worried about a Nicaraguan-based invasion of the US, cause we know it takes fucking FOREVER to get shit done down there. Many other unscrupulous nations have tried to establish a strategic presence in Nicaragua and they all, without fail, have left within a few years expressing frustration with the incessant graft and logistics issues. 2023 is gonna be fuckin NUTS, tho. We are in a golden age of conspiracy theories. We got sucked into a deep-ass rabbit hole this week. We found some new post-Q conspiracy theories that are beyond bat shit. We actually found that Nicaragua report by accident while we were reading about how soldiers in Vietnam saw ghosts in their night-vision goggles. And we gotta tell you guys, that's not even close to the craziest thing we read this week. The new-look-twitter is really good at surfacing the stupidest and craziest content. Twitter is creating some of the deepest and most accessible nutjob rabbit holes that we've ever seen ... which may or may not be a part of the conspiracy itself. Kyrie is definitely coming back next month. MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK - SUPER WILDCARD EDITION!!! DK Metcalf u60.5!!!!! DYM SUPERWILDCARD PREDICTIONS!!!!! SEAHAWKS (+9.5) vs. NINERS One of the consequences of the expanded playoff format is there are going to be a lot more intra-division matchups in playoff games. We're not sure that's a good thing tho. There are three intra-division games this year and they are decidedly the least competitive matchups. All three have spreads of 8.5 or more and the other three all have 3 point spreads or less. Seattle is probably undervalued here in our opinion. The Seahawks started the season 6-3 against the spread. That drove spreads up against them the second half of the year, and they've gone 1-6 ATS since week 12. At this point we think Seattle is a legit playoff caliber team and 9.5 is just too high for a real playoff game. DYM PICKS: Seattle +9.5; Kittle o3.5 recs; Ken Walker TD CLIPPERS vs. JAGUARS (+2.5) The Chargers have maybe the worst run defense in the NFL. They allow 145.8 rush yds per game (ranked #28) and and incredible 5.4 yards-per-carry (#32). That being said, Ettienne o76.5 at -130 is a little too rich for us, but we're definitely getting Travis into ALL our DFS lineups this week. DYM PICKS: 1st Qtr Tie (+360); 1st Half Tie (+1000); Ekeler o51.5 ru yds.; Kirk o22.5 longest rec. BILLS (+13.5) - DOLPHINS Fuck the dolphins, yo. DYM PICKS: Bills +13.5; Skylar o0.5 ints; Josh o1.5 TDs GIANTS (+3) - VIKINGS The Vikings actually suck, so we're all over NYG +3 and probably a little Danny Dimes in DFS. But, be advised - NYG are almost as bad against the run as LAC. (5.2 per carry, 144 per game). So maybe try to get some Cook in your lineups too. DYM PICKS: NYG +3; KJ Osborn o3.5 recs RAVENS - BENGALS (-8.5) Yuck. This game's gonna stink. DYM PICK: Bengals -8.5 COWBOYS (-2.5) - BUCS Both these teams have been listless the last couple weeks, so we have a parlay with Cowboys -2.5 and another with Bucs ML. We don't like either very much, Dallas probably gonna win by 1. DYM PICKS: Cowboys -2.5(?); Mike Evans o23.5 longest rec. HAVE A GREAT SUPER WILDCARD EVERYBODY!

What's up,Special Ed? Back in 2009 Carson Palmer predicted that someone, someday, would die in an NFL game. Fortunately that still hasn't happened yet - well, technically it did, but he came back to life. Anyways, the Bills-Bengals game was cancelled so we're giving Joe Burrow a do-over in week 18. He still needs 43 points to put Sharon Ertz over the top, which would be the best fantasy game of his career by far. GOOD LUCK SHARON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2022 DEFEND YOUR MOVES AWARDS!!!!!!! CLICK HERE TO VOTE NOW !!!!! We went on vacation during the fantasy playoffs which is always a bad idea. Our teams all crashed and burned, but the worst part is that amidst all the holiday hubbub we TOTALLY FORGOT to announce the Annual DYM Award Nominations!!! WOOPS!!!!! Fortunately there's still one more week before OFF-SEASON, so we can wrap up the league business right now. BEST DRAFT VALUE: Josh Jacobs - Round 7 - Jacobs was the second to last starting RB drafted in special Ed (only Singletary went later) and he finished as the #2 overall RB in the league. - Scored over 120pts in 5 weeks (w9-14) leading Pauls Awesome Team to a 5-game winning streak. Tony Pollard - Round 10 - #7 overall RB - 200 more combined yards than Zeke. Chris Olave - Round 9 - #2 Rookie WR - 986 yds (so close!) Kenneth Walker - Round 11 - Rookie got off to a slow start early in the season before a week 5 breakout. After that he racked up over 1100 yards in 12 games!!! BEST PICKUP: Justin Fields Fields actually kinda sucked until week 7 but finished with the 5th most fantasy points for QBs. PAT picked up fields Nov. 1, just before his back-to-back 40 burgers in weeks 8 and 9. Isaiah Pacheco - NJ native and Rutgers graduate. - Pretty useful RB for the second half of the season Daniel Jones - Picked up and dropped more times than any Special Ed player this year (4 adds 4 drops). - #8 overall fantasy QB (not bad). Garrett Wilson - #1 Rookie WR - only rookie with over 70 recs and only rookie with 1,000 rec yds. - Crazy that he wasn't drafted. DYM MVP: Hamburglars - New Guy - Most roster moves (50) Pauls Awesome Team Paul was in the bottom half of the standings all year until an incredible 5 game rally to end the regular season. Owner of Jacobs and Fields. Fisto Kidds If Burrow doesn't pull off a miracle this week Fay will win his first Special Ed Chip this year. That would leave Fingerbang!! as the last Original Special Ed Member (8-team era) without a chip. Bring It On Home - Best draft, and really the best team in the league up until last week. - 1st place reg. season and most total points. CLICK HERE TO VOTE NOW !!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, SPECIAL ED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We took a trip to The Wife's homeland for the last couple weeks. The internet's not very fast down there and we didn't have a lot of free time to just sit in front of the computer, so we missed a couple weeks of DYMs. Fortunately, Nicaragua is a pretty wild place so we think we came back with some decent content for you guys. But first, some official business - KEEPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Special Ed Teams have one more day to roster their Keepers for 2023. This year, anyone drafted 8th round or later can be kept - even if you dropped them during the season. Right now every team has at least one potential keeper rostered (✅), and there are still a few potential keeper free agents left ( FA ). We think most of you guys did a good job with this new set-up. There's only one pickup left to be made, in our opinion, that's Dak Prescott (for Doug) and he's actually on waivers til tomorrow. ¡¡¡TEORÍAS CONSPIRACIÓN!!! Nicaragua is crazy right now. For those that don't know - the " President " has been in office since 2007. He was also the first President of Nicaragua after the socialist revolution in the early 80's - so this is his second decade-plus administration. 2021 was his fifth consecutive election win - all of which were allegedly fraught with irregularities and fraud. There was a series of violent protests in 2018-20 that seemed to portend an all-out civil war. But with the memory of the last Nicaraguan civil war still fresh in most adults' memories, a true insurrection never materialized. Then, in the lead up to the '21 election, the government began arresting rival political party leaders, journalists, and even Catholic priests who challenged the ruling party. At least 300 civilians were killed by the military/police and another several hundred political prisoners are still being held indefinitely. Right now it's a police state. Cops are fuckin OUT HERE. There's random checkpoints on every major road, they got big guns, and sometimes they wear ski masks during the day which doesn't seem to be making people feel more safe. Dissent is now illegal and also logistically difficult because the party controls every branch of federal and local government; AND Presidente's family owns a whole bunch of TV stations, telecoms, oil refineries and distribution operations, real estate companies, and transportation/logistics companies. So you can't really boycott them if you ever want to like drive or have a home or talk to people. Everybody's pretty up tight right now, which of course is the ideal environment for CONSPIRACY THEORIES!!!!! #1: The hottest teoría conspiración right now is that Daniel is actually dead . A lot of people hopped on this one a couple years ago when COVID first went real crazy and he didn't appear in public for a month or two. He did reappear around election time in late 2021, but now he's in the midst of another month+ absence from public view so the teoría is resurfacing. He made a radio address on Christmas Eve that a lotta people said sounded pre-recorded, and didn't really address any timely issues. It's a little confusing tho, cause people still talk about the COVID episode and they kinda conflate it with the fact that he has lupus that he has to get treatment for in Cuba. It's probably just wishful thinking. But we think it's also pretty telling that so many people really think he might be dead and also can't really do anything about the fact that he's President. #2: Another teoría that's more wide-spread, but maybe less politically impactful, is that Rosario - the First Lady/Vice-President - is a witch . Like a real witch. She gave a home tour to a TV station once where she talked about her power crystals and shrines (2:50 in the video above). She also looks like Cruella Deville so we totally get where this one is coming from. Interestingly, Rosario also led the recent effort to reestablish diplomatic ties with Israel . Like most Socialist governments, they've historically been nominally pro-PLO, and subject to sanctions from the US and Israel. Which leads us to our personal favorite - #3: There are probably more Jews in Summit High School than in all of Nicaragua. Yet, for some reason, the Star of David has become one of the most ubiquitous logos in the entire country. It's fuckin everywhere - on buses, taxis, t-shirts, hardware stores , you name it! They sell Israeli flags in stores right next to the Nicaraguan flag and the red & black FSLN party flag. We've been told that some Pentecostal Churches down there have claimed the star as their own, and people just rock Israeli flags cause that's where Jesus was born. We don't totally understand this one, to be honest. It's just kinda funny how many "Jew-ish" latinos there are these days. AMERICAS GAMES OF THE WEEK FISTO KIDDS vs SHARON ERTZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1pm Games just kicked off and we didn't write your game previews. Woops. Fisto is down by 5 and projected to lose by 11 Bad News: Taysom Hill just scored on Fisto's bench. Good News: Travis Etienne already has as many rushing yards as Zeke did on Thursday. There's gonna be three guys left on each side after the 1pm's including both QBs. Justin Herbert has a much better matchup (vs LAR) than Burrow (vs BUF). But most of the action is gonna be in the MIN vs GB game. If Justin Jefferson has a big game, and especially if Aaron Jones doesn't, then Sharon Ertz is gonna run away with their 2nd Special Ed Championship. SHARON ERTZ WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs BRING IT ON HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The two prohibitive favorites entering the playoffs are now matched up in the 3rd place game. PAT already got 100yds from CeeDee on Thursday and now Justin Fields just went over 100 rushing in the first quarter. This is looking like another PAT smash performance. They might go over 160 today. PAULS AWESOME TEAM WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT 2023 EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's up Special Ed?!?! Welcome to the FIRST EVER " Defend Your Moves Week 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "!!! This 18-week NFL schedule is gonna take some getting used to. It seems like Special Ed League's internal clocks are still set to 2021 time cause we wrapped up the fantasy regular season in a tidy 13 weeks like we always do. All six playoff spots are now clinched and Andy has a 100+ point tie-break advantage. Paul could still sneak up to 2nd and claim the week 15 bye but otherwise the playoff field is set. The second highest scoring team - Defend Your Moves - is eliminated and DYM's 2022 will go down as the one of the unluckiest season in Special Ed History. This is only the second time that a team has scored over 1600 (or finished with more total points than points against) and missed the playoffs. Only Chris's 2015 - "Yatcha Bitch!" - was more unfortunate: Chris scored 1604 points (123.4 avg - great number!!!! ) and only got 5 wins. 😎🤜🤛👻 Coincidentally, we believe Chris played a hand in our downfall this season. Last week when we were looking for free agents with funny names we came across Saints' WR " K. Merritt " and we thought it would be funny to take him along with us for the playoff run. Paul astutely pointed out that " Chris would fucking hate that. " And he was right!!!!! Chris absolutely did hate that. So much so that he placed a ghostly curse on Team DYM!!! Lamar went out after 2 plays and 1.12 fantasy points, and it's a significant knee injury so even if we had won we'd still be fucked in the playoffs. We managed 117 points even without a QB (that's pretty fucking good!), but Paul still BEAT OUR ASS DOWN with 133. Fortunately we've done a lot of research on ghosts over the last couple years. We know that ghosts work in mysterious ways - their intentions are often misunderstood - and curses almost always have a silver lining. In this case, Team DYM's loss was Special Ed The Team 's gain. As many of you know, we are co-managers with Chis in another Summit High School alumni fantasy league. Every member of that league are PURE degenerates and, admittedly, it's way more competitive than our league. We've been in that league for six years and never made the playoffs. UNTIL NOW!!!! We entered week 13 tied for first with Chaz Carey -- and Chaz had Lamar at QB. We tried to warn those guys: if Chris were struck down he would become more powerful than they could possibly imagine. Having a ghost-co-manager gave our squad literally unlimited upside. No one could predict how Chris would extend his supernatural influence over our squad or, perhaps, over the the entire NFL. We have no doubt Chris was with us on draft day. We gathered at the Galloping Hills Country Club the day before the season began. Moments before the draft kicked off we took one last look at the NFL futures odds on DraftKings. It was then that The Commish's divine influence guided our hand to take The Eagles NFC Championship at 10:1 odds (it's less than 2:1 today). Then, in the draft itself, we simply followed our rankings sheet and walked away with a core of Jalen Hurts, AJ Brown, and Eagles D. 🙏 All season long we've felt Chris's petty, spiteful presence among us, and our wins and losses have come at his whims. In life, Chris was always reluctant to change our team name in that league -- it had to be " SPECIAL ED🚌 " -- so we promised him that we wouldn't change it this year. Of course we broke that promise around Halloween when we changed the name to " Spooky Buddies👻 ". That was hilarious, and worth it, even though we took our first two losses of the season on 10/31 and 11/7. Since then we've cycled through a series of Philadelphia-related avi pictures and emojis but we remain " SPECIAL ED " -- and Chris has blessed us with seven wins in the last eight weeks. Anyways, we just thought we should let you guys know -- Chris finally has a team that does NOT suck. " Fly Merritt Fly!!! " WHOS HOT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Bring It On moves back up the ranks this week after scoring a league-high 168 in week 13. They are exceedingly likely to finish in first and with the highest season-long point total. But Pauls Awesome Team is the league's HOTTEST team for the second straight week. In week 14 Paul just needs the two coldest playoff teams to lose ( Burglars and Fisto ) to earn a first round bye. With Josh Jacobs running wild, Paul's Awesome Team looks like the most dangerous team heading into the playoffs. FOOD BEEF: EMPANADA PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Old Havana (westfield) vs. Cafe y Canela (morristown) This first empanada playoff matchup was a fundamental clash of cultures. Cafe y Canela was the very best South American representative on the tour. Their cornbread crust was super thin and still soaked up all the grease and came out nicely crunchy. The filling is like a slow-cooked stew. Full of stringy meat, soft potatoes, and delicious spice. Old Havana represented the Caribbean empanada style. They had a crispy, bubbly, fried filo dough crust. The filling was simple but tasty - just two ingredients: meat and flavor. In general we'd probably take an average Cuban empanada over an average Colombian one. It's easy to mess up a Colombian empanada. The corn crusts are often too thick or hard, and the stewed filling is complex. There's a lot of room for error, but Cafe y Canela accepted that challenge, and gave us a nearly flawless empanada. Even the boy loved it and he hates potatoes and almost all flavors. CAFE y CANELA 🇨🇴 WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next week: Pan Casero (Morristown) vs. Delikositas (Madison) AMERICAS GAMES OF THE WEEK FISTO KIDDS vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS and HAMBURGLARS vs PAULS AWESOME TEAM THERE'S ONLY TWO GAMES THAT MATTER IN WEEK 14!!!!! Fisto Kidds can stay in second place with a win, but that's far from a lock even against the lowly Polk High Panthers. Fisto has lost 2 of the last 4 and they are the COLDEST playoff team. This could be a low-scoring affair; both teams having two starters on bye. They also each have players on both sides of the Chargers-Dolphins game Sunday Night. That's good for them because it's one of the precious few compelling NFL matchups this week. There's six teams on bye and the whole NFC is trash so there's just not that many games we're looking forward to watching in week 14. Dave started a Thursday D who only got 7 points. That's OK. But Baker Mayfield getting a win in an under-40-point-total Thursday Night game is definitely an inauspicious sign for the rest of the week. Fisto Kidds: 98.43 Polk High Panthers: 82.34 FISTO KIDDS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Josh Jacobs went out of the game last night with a broken finger. That musta been pretty scary for PAT. But of course we all know Josh Jacobs is The Wolverine and he never stays injured for more than 10 minutes. JJ will be good to go for the playoffs, but he came up short of 100 yds and 20 fantasy points for the first time in four weeks. Paul also has Jonny Taylor and Justin Fields on bye so PAT may be more vulnerable this week than they have been lately. Even though this is the most important matchup in Special Ed this week, it still doesn't look very exciting. There's three Lions in this matchup - not fun to watch - and if Paul does get the win he certainly won't enjoy it since he's starting a Cowboy stack. At the moment, Kull has Gabe Davis starting over Garrett Wilson. That seems like a bad idea to us. In week 9 Wilson put 92 yards up against the Bills and Davis had a lowly 33. The Bills have been sneaky bad against top tier WRs this season. The secondary is still in shambles, and we're not sure Tre White is really all the way back (or if he'll ever be this season). The Bills have allowed 20+ points to a fantasy WR four times in the last six games (Juju, Jefferson, Amon-Ra, and Amari). Plus, Wilson is HOT right now with Mike White pitching to him - 250 yards and 2 TDs in the last two weeks. Gotta start Wilson, dude. Pauls Awesome Team: 117.28 Hamburglars: 110.44 PAULS AWESOME TEAM WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRING IT ON HOME vs. DEFEND YOUR MOVES Superhero Movies are CANCELLED. A couple years ago DYM celebrated the originality and creativity of recent DC Comics movies on HBO. Warner Bros released dozens of animated DC features during the Trump administration that we fuckin loved. We know that they weren't super popular but they weren't expensive to make either so it seemed like a decent plan. More recently DC shifted their strategy toward much more expensive movies that were also unpopular. So now, cutting their losses, Warner has completely dismantled all plans for future DC Extended Universe content. Batgirl - cancelled , Aquaman - cancelled , Superman - cancelled , Wonder Woman - cancelled . Every future DC movie is cancelled right now except The Batman 2 and Flash . That's kinda weird to us cause we were sure they woulda cancelled Flash after Ezra Miller caught a statutory charge and started a cult . Who are we to judge tho? The good news is that the cancellation of Wonder Woman 3 brings us one step closer to Gal Gadot's long-awaited CLEOPATRA . We first heard about the plan for a Cleopatra flick almost 3 years ago, but the rumors are still swirling. It's important to remember that The OG Cleopatra started production in 1958 and didn't release until 1963, so Gal is still on pace. We're also not mad about Aquaman getting scrubbed because Jason Momoa is gonna have his hands full making the next eight Dune movies. Dune is the only IP that matters now. FINGERBANG! vs. 🫙 Shout out to everybody that played against Doug this year. We stopped writing previews of Doug's games back in mid-October cause his team is just unbearably awful. So fuckin bad, you guys. Doug scored just 62.76 points last week, the second lowest score of the year league-wide (Matt - week 3 - 57.68). This week they left Van Jefferson on the bench with 11.4 points - which would have been their highest scoring position player last week. Somehow Yahoo still has them projected for over 100 even though they've missed that mark 3 of the last 4 weeks. Empty jar emoji indeed. FINGERBANG! WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHARON ERTZ vs. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS Week 14 is basically a bye week for these two. Neither of them can finish higher than 3rd or lower than 6th. They're just waiting to find out who they play next week. They both have a lotta guys on bye, but they have quite respectfully set their lineups this week in order to avoid putting anyone in The Hall of Shame. Great job, fellas!!! SHARON ERTZ WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TRIPLE-DEMIC!!!!!!!!!!!!! What's up, Special Ed? Sorry we missed y'all last week, we're havin' a rough one. There were a buncha family gatherings and shit around Thanksgiving which sucked cause we got hit with that TRIPLE-DEMIC . We keep looking at this symptom chart trying to figure out if it's COVID, or bird flu, or MVS or whatever. Could be all of em -- alls we know is it fuckin SUCKS . We're still sick as a dog right now, but we think last Sunday-Monday was the worst of it, so we're fighting through it today. Big apologies to any members of DYM Nation we came in contact with last weekend. OUR BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOS HOT?!?!?!?!?!?!? Not a lot has changed in the two weeks since our last WHOS HOT check-in: Paul is still BLAZIN' HOT . Dave is still FREEZIN' COLD. Defend Your Moves seems to be heating up, but we're still in 7th place!!! With only two weeks left, NOBODY has clinched and there are still 7 teams that could get a playoff bye-week. THATS CRAZY!!!!! Tobin & The Rippers are the coldest and lowest scoring team in the top seven. With a 1-game lead over DYM , they still control their own destiny - if they get to 9 wins they'll be in. But if The Rippers lose one of the next two then all the current 8-win teams ( Bring It, Sharon, Fisto, and Burglars ) would be IN ; and if they lose both then Fingerbang has a chance to move ahead of them with 2 wins and a +24 point differential. FOOD BEEF: EMPANADA PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!!!!!!! We need a few more days of green tea and chicken soup, so the Empanada Playoffs will have to be postponed til next week. Oh, btw, Cynthia just got tested. It's THE FLU!!!!! COCAINE BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! The HIGHLY ANTICIPATED " Cocaine Bear " film is set to release in February, and the first trailer just came out yesterday. It looks amazing. There's an ALL-STAR cast featuring the late Ray Liotta, Senator Clay Davis , Ice Cube Jr., young Han Solo, the living legend Keri Russell, and, of course, a bear that eats cocaine. LETS FUCKING GOOOOO!!!!!!!! This is a huge " can't believe Chris isn't here to see this " moment. The Commish basically modeled his whole lifestyle after that bear. Drugs, hibernation, picnic baskets, the whole nine. RIP COMMISH MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!! George Kittle o45.5 rec yds & o19.5 longest rec Miss Cleo's Prop Bet Record: 9-6 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!! PAUL'S AWESOME TEAM vs. DEFEND YOUR MOVES PLAYOFF LIVES ARE ON THE LINE IN WEEK 13!!!!! Paul will clinch a playoff spot with a win. If Paul loses and Tobin wins then Paul moves down to 7th place. Team DYM would be in pretty big trouble if we lose. Paul would be the fifth team with 8+ wins so we'd be stuck battling Tobin and/or Fingerbang for 6th place . Week 14 would be a must-win and we'd also need Tobin to lose at least once. Paul's Awesome Team has two absolute BEASTS that both might not play this week: Justin Fields was the #1 player in fantasy football for just a minute there. Fields scored 113 points in his last 3 games, that's about the same as Josh Allen's total over his last 6 games. Crazy. We have Fields in the Class of '99 League, so we'd prefer if he plays, but it's very likely that he takes another week off to rest that AC joint before the Bears' bye in week 14. Josh Jacobs was supposed to be injured coming into week 12, but found his way to forty (40!!!) touches and 300 total yards. Supposedly, Jacobs aggravated his whatever late in the game so he's not practicing and will be questionable again. We really doubt Jacobs misses this choice matchup with the Chargers (#3 matchup vs RBs), but it would be HUGE if Paul has to late-swap Pacheco. Team DYM is mostly healthy, but Hopins is on bye. That might not even be a bad thing tho, cause Christian Watson has actually been better than Nuk the last three weeks. We're also not sure if it matters if Aaron Rodgers plays or not, since he kinda sucks and Watson got a TD from Jordan Love last week anyway. Elsewhere, we kinda hate all of our guys' matchups except Kittle vs Miami. Tony Pollard and Rachaad White both have red-light matchups on yahoo (IND and NO, respectively), but it's possible the Bucs and Cowboys get up to big leads early and turn to their youngest RBs to run out the clock in garbage time. We have guys in every time slot this week, but we'll know a lot about where this is headed after Diggs plays Thursday Night. Pretty much everytime Diggs has 100 yds or a TD we get a win. There was one game where Diggs had 74 and 0 (week 3) and we won; and there was one game where Diggs had 77 and 1 (last week) and we lost. If Diggs goes over 100 and scores a TD tonight then we're definitely gonna win. PREDICTION:
DYM: 162.23 PAT: 160.54 DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS HAMBURGLARS vs. 🫙 We hope you guys followed our World Cup Futures bets, cause our picks are ON FIRE right now!!!! The group winners we gave y'all for Groups A, B, and C (Netherlands/Senegal, England/USA, and Argentina/Poland) all hit, plus we snuck in some action on Morocco🇲🇦 to win Group F right before the matches started last weekend. Our other favorite squad, Serbia , is 4th in Group G right now with one loss and one tie, but they're not dead yet. They can still get through with a win over Switzerland (and a Brazil win or tie) on Friday. Argentina lost their first game but still won the group. That's good news for you guys cause Argentina's still at +500 to win the whole shebang (Brazil OR Argentina is down to +120 on Fanduel). Get that in before they run roughshod on Australia on Saturday afternoon . ⚽️🔒🔨💰🌎 HAMBURGLARS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRING IT ON HOME vs. SHARON ERTZ These guys are tied for first at the moment, along with Fisto and the Burglars. The winner should clinch and will be competing for a first-round bye, the loser could fall as low as 5th going into next week. Davante Adams is the #3 overall player in fantasy over the last four weeks. That's weird cause now the top two non-QBs (Adams and Jacobs) are both on the Raiders. BIOH has some pretty concerning injuries. McCaffrey got hurt last week and Fournette was out last week already - they're both HIGHLY questionable. If both of them end up missing this week then BIOH is probably fucked. There's no good free agent RBs right now, and since they have tie-breakers on everybody they're probably better off with the goose-eggs (and potential Hall of Shame loss) than blowing up their bench to go get Kenneth Gainwell or whatever. SHARON ERTZ WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! FISTO KIDDS!! vs. FINGERBANG! Fisto could move up to 2nd place with a win, and could drop to as low as 6th with a loss. Fingerbang! needs to win out to have a chance at the last playoff spot. Both teams are starting a Brown and it'll be interesting to see how the return of Deshaun Watson will impact Amari and Chubb. Houston is the #1 matchup for RBs so we gotta think Chubb still has the advantage at least this week. We also really like Hurts against the Titans, but the rest of the FB squad is very shaky. Fortunately they probably only need to muster about 100 points to take down the ICE COLD Fisto Kidds . FINGERBANG! WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! POLK HIGH PANTHERS vs. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS The Rippers will remain in playoff position with a win, and could fall to 7th with a loss. Tobin's been pretty shitty for the last month or so, but most of that time was when Ja'Marr Chase was out - and he's back now - so maybe this is where they turn this thing around. Maybe. The other problem is Kamara and Cook have both been underperforming for a few weeks, but you gotta start em regardless. Like, you'd never start Brian Robinson over Kamara right? Would you? Nah, you won't do it. Bet you won't do it. For this week Tobin is gonna need a QB to fill in with Calamari on bye. If we were him we'd go with Mike White. RESPEC' YO MIKES!!!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT'S UP SPECIAL ED?!?!?!?!?!? The World Cup is coming up next week and the DYM Staff is HYPED!!!!!!!!!!! Between Miss Cleo's cold snap and the Bills losing streak we've been taking a bath at the sportsbooks the last few weeks. So this week we decided to just switch gears and focus on soccer instead. We got a 2-phase plan for World Cup betting preparation: (1) Listening to lots of soccer podcasts to find out which teams are good and which players have the funny names; (2) Read the Dune novel(s) to figure out who's best equipped for survival in the desert. Dune fucking rules, by the way, it's easily the best Star War. WORLD CUP TEAMS TO WATCH!!!!!!!!!!! QATAR Qatar is the host nation this year, presumably because they offered exorbitant bribes to FIFA officials. The bribes were so exorbitant that FIFA decided they'd rather hold the World Cup in the winter than accept Japan or the US's lesser bribes. FUNNIEST NAMES: The dudes with the funniest names on Qatar are actually Europeans. Karim Boudiaf was born in France and Ro-Ro is Portuguese. Everybody on Qatar plays in the Qatari Pro League, so don't assume those guys are good just cause they're European. Also they might be slaves. DESERT SURVIVAL: In Dune - bribery, slavery, and graft are fundamental elements of the galactic economy. The very survival of the Fremen people of Arrakis depends upon their forced labor and exorbitant bribes to the Space Guild. The galactic monarchs are jealous and petty, and they are beholden to the whims of religious extremists. They hold generational grudges and invest fortunes in sabotaging their enemies. -- Which is all reminiscent of politics on the Arab peninsula today. QATAR BETS: Qatar ML v. Ecuador +225 Qatar +.5 v. Ecuador -170 Saudi Arabia to Lose all Group Games +175 The World Cup host nation has NEVER lost their opening round game. EVER. There have been several ties, but the home team has never lost their first game in WC history. So, Qatar moneyline +255 is extremely attractive, and Qatar +.5 i s one of the biggest locks of the whole tournament. A few years ago Saudi Arabia was beefing with Qatar. In 2018 the Saudis got so sick of their shit they hired contractors to build a canal along the Qatari border that would have turned Qatar into an island . They never really went through with it, and tensions seem to have cooled since then. But we doubt Qatar forgot about that petty-ass shit, so if you really think Qatar is paying off refs and pulling strings around town, then the sneakiest bet is Saudi Arabia to lose all their group games (+175) . Saudi has to play Mexico, Poland, and Argentina so they're gonna be huge dogs anyway, plus we think Qatar'd be pretty happy to send Saudi Arabia home with no wins even if they can't get one themselves. SERBIA: Two fun facts about this Serbian team: Almost every player on the team was born in Yugoslavia. Even their youngest player, 21-year-old Ivan Ilić, was born in a country that doesn't exist anymore. That's crazy. Really makes ya think. Serbia has two left-footed wingers: Ivan Ilić and Dušan Tadić (the squad's oldest player at 34). That actually could give them a little advantage in corner kicks and penalties. FUNNIEST NAMES: Saša Lukić and Uroš Račić DESERT SURVIVAL: The Fremen in Dune built their cities in caves deep underground. They only travel at night in small, ninja-like bands, so they are almost never seen. Many have heard rumors of the Fremen warriors' strength, ruggedness, and ingenuity; but the size of the Fremen population on Arrakis is entirely unknown to the monarchy. Just like the Fremen, Serbia is dangerous and flying under the radar this year. They're sneaky hot over the last two years: They lost a couple of dumb friendlies, and they played in relatively weak groups in Nations Cup and WC Qualifiers - but they only lost 2 of their last 17 competitive international games, including a tie and a win over Portugal. Serbia is in Group G with Brazil, Cameroon, and Switzerland. Brazil are the prohibitive favorites, but we like Serbia to beat Switzerland who are probably the least desert-ready team in the tournament. SERBIA BETS: Brazil/Serbia - Group G Straight Forecast +190 Serbia to Reach Quarter Final +350 Serbia ML v. Cameroon -125 (11/28) Serbia v. Switzerland will be the very last match of the group stage on Dec. 2. That's a long way off, a lot could happen between now and then so we're not gonna lay any bets on that yet. We are gonna lay a Group G straight future bet with Brazil first and Serbia second . Then, if Serbia is second in the group they'll most likely face Portugal in the round of 16. Portugal are gonna be favorites but Serbia beat them 2-1 in WC Qualifiers last November, so +350 seems like great odds to us. NETHERLANDS: The Netherlands is weird. They came in 2nd in the 2010 WC and 3rd in 2014, then they didn't qualify in 2018. But they're back now!!! The Dutch Masters haven't lost an international match since September 2020. Right now they might be the hottest European squad, going 11-0-4 over the past year in World Cup Qualifiers and Nations Cup matches. They'll win Group A, but then if they advance to the Quarterfinals they'll have to face the hottest team in THE WORLD - Argentina . FUNNIEST NAMES: The Dutch are always good for some funny names. This year's squad has got some doozies - they got Cody Gakpo , Memphis Depay, Daley Blind , Jeremie Frimpong , and our personal favorite - Teun Koopmeiners DESERT SURVIVAL: In Dune there's all these people who have weird psychic powers. There's a few different types - super-soldiers, witches, dudes that can see the future, and autistic human-computers. Like the Jedi, these special people are bred, or recruited, and trained from a young age; and they are revered by society for their abilities. But unlike the Jedi, their powers require HEAVY drug use. It's wild, it's just non-stop-drugs out there in the desert. We're 3/4 of the way through the first book and we think Paul has been tripping balls for about two straight years now. The Dutch's cultural drug tolerance probably makes them the most desert-ready European team. NETHERLANDS BETS: Netherlands/Senegal Group A Straight Forecast +225 Quarter-finals Netherlands Stage of Elimination +300 Argentina or Brazil Winner Double Chance +175 Argentina Winner +500 Senegal is the best African team right now so we're going with a straight Netherlands(1) Senegal (2) for Group A at +255 . Then we're also betting Netherlands to lose in the quarterfinals (+300), assuming they'll have to play Argentina. Our favorite World Cup champion bet is Argentina +500 , but since they'll probably play Brazil in the Semi-Finals we also took a double-chance Brazil or Argentina (+175) as well. Argentina is on a legendary 36 game undefeated streak dating back to July 2019 - including a win over Brazil in the Copa America Finals. They're the world's hottest team, and maybe the hottest team ever entering a World Cup. This will be the last tournament for Lionel Messi (underrated funny name), but at 35 he's still at the top of his game - Messi has scored in each of Argentina's last three games (international friendlies). Now, he just needs to stay hot for one more month to claim Soccer GOAT status. WHOS HOT?!?!?!?!?!? Heading into the last four week of the season only two games separate first and seventh place, and there is no clear favorite in the Special Ed League. THE PLAYOFF RACE IS WIDE OPEN!!!!!!!!!!! The two highest scoring teams overall - Bring It On Home and Defend Your Moves - sit in 4th and 6th place respectively, and they are both getting hotter after week 10. The league's hottest team - Paul's Awesome Team - is still in 7th place. The top two teams in the standings - Sharon Ertz and Fisto Kidds!! - have both gone cold in recent weeks. Sharon has scored below league average in two of the last three, while Fisto just put up their lowest score of the year this past week. The sneakiest bad teams are Hamburglars and Tobin & The Rippers . Both teams are still over .500, and in playoff position, despite scoring below league average over the last ten weeks and getting even colder over the last three. Those two play each other this week, and while it's not a must-win on paper we'd bet the loser of that game ends up missing the playoffs. NEW-LOOK WHOS HOT NOTES: For the second week in a row the NEW WHOS HOT formula pushed the highest scoring team of the week to the top and the lowest scoring team to the bottom. This is a potential flaw in the new system and something we had wanted to avoid. We may have to tinker with the formula again next week. But for now we can accept these results because this was another pretty unusual week of scoring league-wide. This was the first time all year that the highest scoring team scored a full 100 points more than the lowest scoring team. Fisto's 67.72 was the second lowest raw score of the year, and Paul's 168.54 was the third highest raw score and #1 highest adjusted score of the season. Also, we still think the new formula is preferable because we don't have to admit that the very worst team in the league - Polk High Panthers - is actually the hottest. PHP averaged a pathetic 87.19 per game in the first 7 weeks, so although their 99.60 last week was five points below league average it still raised their OG Heat Index by +.08 . The new formula had them -.05 cooler this week which seems right. FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS!!!!!!!!!!! Old Havana Cuban Cuisine 🇨🇺 - Westfield, NJ Old Havana was a late entry to the Empanada Tour. They've only been open for about a year and we just found out about it a few weeks ago. Westfield is technically outside the traditional 8-mile-radius we set up for Food Beef contestants. But we really wanted to get some caribbean representation. Plus Westfield is a nice town, and it's still part of the Morris-Union-Jointure-Commission so we're gonna allow it. Old Havana has three empanadas: Chicken, Beef, and their special - "Empanadas con Lechon" - that's suckling pig pulled pork. They all come in filo dough that was fried hard and very crispy👍. The Chicken was meh - the meat was kinda dry and it had a ton of garlic that overpowered any other flavor. The Beef was pretty good - no veggies but it was very juicy and savory. The pork empanadas were THE BOMB!!! Very juicy and a more subtle mix of spices than the others which let the meat flavor shine through. One of the very best flavors we've had on this entire tour. That Empanada Con Lechon earns Old Havana a trip to the EMPANADA PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!!!!!! Here's the final standings for the Empanada Regular Season: Big honorable mention shout-out to Patria Station Cafe. The lady that runs the place is super friendly and it's a really cute little shop. Unfortunately all Argentinian empanadas we had were baked, not fried, so the shells were all very bland. The Empanada Playoffs will kickoff after Thanksgiving with Ecuador vs Colombia : #1 seed Pan Casero facing our local favorite Delikositas of Madison. LETS GOOO!!!!! MISS CLEOS PLAYER OF THE WEEK Miss Cleo's taking a week off to focus her energy on our World Cup futures and gear up for Thanksgiving. CALL ME NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs SHARON ERTZ THE FIRST PLACE TEAM MEETS THE LEAGUE'S HOTTEST TEAM IN WEEK ELEVEN!!!!!!!!!!! CRUNCH TIME: Right now Sharon Ertz is in first and Pauls Awesome Team is in seventh but, with only two games separating them, either one could end the season in first and either could miss the playoffs entirely. Sharon Ertz is having a weird season. The team got much worse on paper after they traded Josh Allen for Burrow and Javonte right before Javonte went on IR back in week 3. But somehow the Burrow team turned out to be much better, they were the second highest scoring team in weeks 4-7. The really wild thing about that streak is they haven't picked up or dropped any position player since week 3 (nine moves but only kickers and defenses). It's a real tortoise and hare scenario - with Sharon Ertz showing no hustle whatsoever but cruising to six wins in the last seven games. The schedule down the stretch gets very tough for Sharon Ertz tho. They face DYM next, followed by BIOH and Tobin - all games where they'll likely be underdogs. This is an under-the-radar must-win game for the Ertz's. PAT was one of the very best teams in the first four weeks and then lost four out of six since. But they're definitely trending back up now. They've scored over 120 in both games with Justin Fields at QB. Fields is gonna be the #1 fantasy QB for the rest of the season - he's an absolute league winner. It also seems possible that Jonathan Taylor isn't a bust afterall. With Nyheim Hines out of town and a whole new coaching staff on board they might have no choice but to give JT the ball 25+ times every week. This squad is a little thin this week with Mark Andrews and Gus Edwards still questionable. As of today (Saturday) it looks like Andrews is gonna try to play through a sprained ankle and shoulder. That's a 1pm game so he'll be able to swap in Pacheco if need be. Yahoo! thinks this one'll be a barnburner with less than a point difference in projected scores. We're tempted to agree. This is a really tough one to call. But Fields is playing in the dome at Atlanta, we'd say that gives Paul a slight advantage regardless of what happens in his second flex. Prediction: PAULS AWESOME TEAM: 129.98 SHARON ERTZ: 127.32 SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!!!!!! Hamburglars vs. Tobin y Los Rippers The trade market is ICE COLD right now. Nobody's really tryin to make moves this week and that's bad news for The Hamburglars and The Rippers. Both have averaged under 100 per game the last two weeks; They both have shitty QB situations; and lots of guys on bye and injured dudes on the benches. These teams both need a trade BAD. We think Tobin should offer Ja'Marr Chase to Paul for Dak. And also Kull should offer Marquise Brown to Paul for Dak. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!! Fisto Kidds!! vs 🫙 We got Team USA to make it through the group stage ( England/USA dual forecast +100 ), but if they finish second they'll have to play Netherlands in the Round of 16. For the opening games we got USA moneyline vs. Wales +155 , and a super-smooth parlay of Qatar+.5, USA+.5, and England ML for +207 . Easy money. FISTO KIDDS!! WINS!!!!!!!!!!! Bring It On Home vs Fingerbang! BIOH is averaging about 30 more points per game than Fingerbang. This is gonna be a blowout. BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!!!!!!!!!! Defend Your Moves vs Polk High Panthers DYM is also averaging about 30 more points per game than PHP, but PHP did have that one good game two weeks ago. That was weird. DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!

C.R.E.A.M. There's a thing that happened this week. From what we understand these nerds here lost several Billion dollars in a big-ass cryptocurrency scam. We're not really big crypto guys here at DYM, so we're not 100% clear on all the ins-and-outs but we do know that there are some hilarious sports-adjacent consequences. But first, just get a load of these fuckin nerds. HA!!!! Now, it just so happens that this bankrupt crypto company - FTX - had a lot of sponsorship deals throughout American professional sports. Their logo was displayed on MLB umpires' uniforms last year; Steph Curry, Shohei Otani, and Trevor Lawrence did ads for them; And their most notable celebrity partnerships by far were with Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen . Last year the power couple were announced as " Brand Ambassadors " for FTX, taking an equity stake in the company and investing in their crypto-currency FTT. Nobody knows exactly how much money Brady and Gisele actually put in to the company or how much FTT coins they still owned ( some reports are in the hundreds of millions ), but this is definitely gonna impact their already very expensive divorce. Of course, if Tom Brady loses a shit load of money this year, that's really good news for all of us, cause it'll behove him to stay fucking retired after this year. The Bucs are playing like shit and Brady is on a one-year contract. We know that Fox already offered him Troy Aikman's job on a 10-year, $375M deal . That's a lot more than he's making now, so we figure he's gonna be more motivated to make that career change this coming off-season. Last but not least, the Miami HEAT just played their final game at the soon to be renamed FTX Arena. Check out this press release : To us, the most fascinating revelation here is that the HEAT's official team name is in all-caps. That's amazing. But obviously if we were them we woulda thrown in some exclamation points and/or emojis too. This way it just kinda looks like an acronym ( High Energy Awesome Team? Humans Encounter Aliens Today?? HomoErotic And Tasteful??? ). NEW LOOK WHOS HOT?!?!?!?!?! This week's HEAT INDEX doesn't feel right. DYM seems to be holding steady with a .98 rating. But we gotta tell you guys, we just posted the lowest score of the week and lost 4 out of the last 5, and it feels ICE COLD . A team having the highest score and lowest score in back-to-back weeks is a rare situation. And it just so happens to expose a couple structural flaws in the WHOS HOT?!? formulae that we've been meaning to address: 1: Because WHOS HOT?!? uses teams' raw scores as inputs, it fails to account for league-wide scoring fluctuations . For instance - the league average score in week 3 was 100.01. That week Paul's Awesome Team scored 120.48 which was the 2nd highest score of the week and they won. THAT'S GOOD!!! But in week 9 the average score was 116.01. Paul scored 121.86 which was the 4th best score of the week and they lost. THAT'S NOT GOOD!!! Therefore, sometimes, 120>121 . To solve this problem we converted each team's score to a % of the league wide average for the week. So PAT's 120.48 in week 3 is represented as 120.5% (of 100.01) and his 121.86 in week 9 becomes 105.0% (of 116.01) -- see below. 2: The original formula simply compared the last-3-week's average to the season-long average, making a teams most recent score just as important as their score from three weeks ago . For the most part the original formula worked because it's rare that a team will score twice as many points in week 8 as they did week 9 (like DYM just did). A team like that might be "LUKE WARM" on average despite an obvious downward trend, and in all honesty it'd be hard to argue that they are anything but cold. So, for WHOS HOT 2.0?!?! the " LAST 3 AVG " is now weighted so that the most recent week's score is worth 50% more than two and three ago (). The weighting pushed Tobin down to third, and DYM down to 10th, which we think is appropriate because they were both so bad last week. On the other hand, Bring it On and PHP appear hotter in the new formula, which also feels right to us. Most other teams weren't impacted too much (even PAT, who had their highest score in 5 weeks, stayed ICE COLD ) so we don't think the weighting is too heavy. Shoutout to the DYM Data Science Department for all their hard work behind the scenes this week!!! Now, without further to do, Defend Your Moves is proud to present - WHOS HOT 2.0?!?!?!?!?! In the new formulation, most teams got a slightly lower HEAT INDEX because the league average score over the last three weeks is ~3 points higher than the season average. The most notable exception is Polk High Panthers (+.08). PHP is legitimately RED HOT after scoring 162.74 last week. That was the 4th highest raw score of the year league-wide, but at 40.3% above the league average it was the 2nd highest adjusted score overall, and by far the highest of the year for PHP. It was the first time PHP scored above league average since week 1. PHP is still by far the lowest scoring team in this league overall - a team this bad having a week this good is yet another pretty unusual happenstance - and again we think the new formula better represents the objective reality - PHP IS SCORCHING HOT!!!!!!!!!! FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS Patria Cafe, 🇦🇷 Berkeley Heights, NJ Patria Cafe is a cute little spot nestled into an alley between Springfield Ave and the Berkeley Heights train station. They just opened about a year ago. The empanadas are lovely. Probably the best looking empanadas we've had so far. The shells were as light and thin as you like but maybe not flaky enough. They have an impressive variety, including two vegetarian options (mushroom and eggplant). The "Criolla" (steak, eggs, and olives) was a unique taste sensation. The marinated steak filling tasted like wonton meat, and the "Argentina Style" (ground beef and onion) tasted like our thanksgiving stuffing - very satisfying. The wife said: " It's really good; but when I want an empanada, this isn't what I'm looking for. " She doesn't want them in the playoffs, but we both agree they were the better of the two Argentinian offering on the tour. For next week we found a new Cuban spot in Westfield called Old Havana and we've got very high hopes for it. The Cubans will need to score an 8.5 or better to knock Patria out of the playoff picture. EMPANADA SCORE: 8 MISS CLEOS PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!! TREVOR LAWRENCE u254.5 & u1.5 passing TDs Miss Cleo's Prop Bet Record: 9-4 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!! FINGERBANG! vs. DEFEND YOUR MOVES AGOTW Prediction Record: 4-4 IT'S A MUST-WIN GAME IN WEEK 10!!!!!!!!!! Back in week five Fingerbang and DYM were tied for first place at 3-1. Since then, both teams lost four out of five games. FB has been the league's lowest scoring team over the last three weeks and DYM is 8th - THAT'S NOT GOOD!!! They both DESPERATELY need a win this week - a 6th loss would bring them perilously close to playoff elimination. DYM is looking for a backup QB this week with Lamar on bye. We have Case Keenum on the bench. If Josh Allen doesn't play we'll start Keenum in the REVENGE GAME against Minnesota. If Josh does play then we're going with Jacoby Brissett at Miami. The Dolphins are one of the very best matchups for mobile fantasy QBs, and we don't think Brissett will have as much trouble with the climate since he grew up in South Florida. The HOMECOMING GAME is a pretty underrated fantasy narrative these days, but we think they're actually a lot better than REVENGE GAMES. Everybody loves going back to their old stompin grounds; but for guys like Brissett, that spend most of the year in the fuckin Rust Belt, getting that hot Florida Sunshine on your skin is absolutely invigorating. We dropped Danny Dimes for Brissett cause Houston is just terrible against the run and basically nobody ever passes the ball on them. Which incidentally means this is gonna be a great matchup for Saquon. Fingerbang is in a tough spot having already started a very bad Thursday RB to the tune of 1.8 points. We're up by 20 right now, but with Hurts playing on Monday Night no lead is ever gonna feel safe. FB's underwhelming WR corp (Courtland Sutton and Canada's Josh Palmer) both have plus matchups. The Titans secondary is all injured and so are the Chargers WRs. Courtland Sutton is from Houston, but unfortunately the Oilers don't play there anymore. Prediction:
DYM: 121.34 FINGERBANG: 100.93 DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!!!!! PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs. FISTO KIDDS!! Justin Fields is the fuckin TRUTH. He might be the fantasy football MVP for the rest of this year. But Paul's playoff run is gonna have to wait one more week cause Amari Cooper is from Miami so he's gonna go OFF!!! FISTO KIDDS WINS!!!!!!!!!! POLK HIGH PANTHERS vs. SHARON ERTZ Sharon Ertz are big favorites according to Yahoo! projections, but Miss Cleo's got Trevor Lawrence UNDERS and Polk High Panthers are BLAZING HOT!!!!! POLK HIGH PANTHERS WINS!!!!!!!!!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs. MIRACLE WHIP🫙 Andor is fuckin awesome. Probably the best show of the last few years. They even brought our girl Bix back a couple weeks ago!!! But we still think it's not really a Star War. There's still no funny robots, not many call-backs to other Star Wars, and no weird aliens - Which is crazy cause Andy Serkis was the main character in the last few episodes but he was a human, no CGI. Serkis crushes it tho. Riveting performance. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!!!!!! HAMBURGLARS vs. BRING IT ON HOME Bucs/Seahawks is about to kick off right now in Munich. Hamburglars are still starting Tom Brady for some reason. He fuckin stinks right now, and we can't confirm if he's from Germany. We really hope he takes that Fox job next year. Since we just watch the Bills (AFC on CBS) and RedZone it's usually pretty easy for us to avoid the Fox studio shows and in-game audio. We'll still probably have to check in on his SiriusXM show but at least we won't have to look at his stupid gaunt no-carb-eating face anymore. BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!

What's up Special Ed?!? The Curse of WhosHotStradamus has returned. Yet another of the dumb-ass things we wrote on this blog has become reality. This time the curse has claimed one of our most beloved DYM characters - Kyrie Irving. The very first edition of Kyrie's Woke Wednesdays (2019 week 2) referenced " the Black African Jews who are the original man ..." which is apparently how Kyrie honestly identifies now. (Guys our age who grew up in the NY-metro area are familiar with this ideology cause those African Israelites used to sell bootleg DVDs on Canal St in the 90s.) At the time when we wrote the Kyrie character he was claiming to be Native American and also observing Ramadan, which is an odd juxtaposition, so we figured 'black jew' could also be in his wheelhouse. And, well, we were right. So Kyrie is cancelled now. He's suspended from the Nets, Nike dropped him, and he will no longer appear on Defend Your Moves. It's a shame tho. Cause we had a really good bit about how Kyrie & KD were tanking to get Steve Nash fired; and Joe Tsai/the Chinese Government really run the NBA; and how they planted fake accusations against Ime Udoka so he'd have to leave Boston. They called it a " Tsai-op ". It was really funny. Of course, since DYM is actually run by white jews we're definitely gonna take all of Kyrie's ideas and claim them as our own. There's a ton of politricks goin on right now on the new-look-Twitter so we're scouting a new Woke Wednesdays host; Ghosts vs. Aliens III is already in the works; and Cum Jesus, the story that will never end, was originally a Kyrie joint. There's even a couple ideas from that schitzo documentary that we might revisit: Their (brief) explanation of the origins of white jews was remarkably similar to the origins of Greek Mythology that we wrote about last year in the Ultimate Star Wars Theory Part II . The doc also referenced an African myth that's the exact same as the Garden of Eden story except instead of a snake it's a pregnant woman that tells Adam to eat the fruit - which is basically the whole fucking thesis of that Star Wars essay. We're pretty disappointed in our research department for not surfacing that earlier. Anyways, no matter what happens next with real life Kyrie, we'll always remember how he honestly believed he could beat Kobe 1-on-1 in 2012. That's crazy. In retrospect it mighta been a red-flag . WHOS HOT?!?!?!?! The biggest mover this week in the Heat Index ranks is Bring it On!! who fell from #3 down to #8 after a loss to Fisto Kidds. The once-mighty BIOH has been eminently beatable over the last three weeks, averaging 117.78. For the first time this year DYM has overtaken BIOH as the highest scoring team overall. Fingerbang is still ice cold on paper, but they got a much needed win over PHP last week. They're 117.28 in week eight was somehow their highest scoring week of the year. We see FB out there making some moves this week and they still got nowhere to go but up this week. FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS Y Canela Cafe 🇨🇴 Morristown, NJ Cafe y Canela is our second Colombian representative on the empanada tour. The distinctive feature of Colombian empanadas is the corn shell. In general the filo dough shelled empanadas have scored better than corn so far, most because corn empanadas tend to be so much thicker and less crispy. But not anymore!!! as you can see above these shells were paper this and they were ever so crunchy. The fillings had potatoes and veg and the flavors were off the hook!!! Our kid even liked it!
We also got an order of arroz con pollo which was delicious and satisfying. EMPANADA SCORE: 9 MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK Kyler Murray o261.5 pass yds. Miss Cleo's Prop Bet Record: 9-3 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK Fisto kidds!! vs Tobin & The Rippers AGOTW Prediction Record: 3-4 The league's hottest team has a chance to move into first place in week 9!!!!!!!!! The byes are out of control this week. Six teams on bye the same week is TOO MANY!!!!! The schedule makes no goddamn sense. There's six teams out this week, but none in week 12 (Thanksgiving week), only two in week 13 and then SIX AGAIN in week 14. It's BULLSHIT!!! THERE'S NO FUCKING RUNNING BACKS!!!!! The two teams least affected by bye-week-pocalypse are Fistos and Tobin. Amari Cooper and Dallas D will be the only regular starters in this matchup on bye. Dallas D is the #1 fantasy defense this year so Tobin won't be dropping them for a 1-week replacement. If we were them we'd drop Jeff Wilson - there's no need to have two Dolphin RBs on the same team if neither of them in Ricky Williams. Tobin has won 3 weeks in a row and they're by far the hottest team in the league. But still we think the Fisto Kidds might have the juice to take them down. We love the matchups for Fisto's RBs this week. Aaron Jones @ Detroit and Etienne at home vs The Raiders could be the top two RB plays of the day. Our Aaron Jones prop (under 1300 combined yds) is dead in the water right now cause AJ Dillon has been phased out and the Packers just stopped throwing the ball recently. Aaron Jones could get 20+ touches every week going forward. FISTO KIDDS WINS!!!!!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!!!! DEFEND YOUR MOVES🚬 vs The Hamburglars Coincidentally we're also playing against Kull this week in the SHS Class of '99 league, which is our other Stefon Diggs team and his other Garrett Wilson team. AND coincidentally the Bills are playing the Jets this week and the DYM Staff will be in attendance!!! Wilson probly won't get the start in Special Ed as he'll be matched up with Tre'Davious White in his first game since week 8 last year. We're most interested in seeing how Jets rookie Sauce Gardner fairs against Diggs this week. Sauce has been money this year so far. DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!
Bring It On Home vs miracle whip 🫙 One more thought on the Kyrie drama: We really don't think the NBA handled this thing the right way. Like they had him do half a dozen press conferences before he was even suspended, and he was predictably defensive and argumentative and made things worse. Because that's what Kyrie always does. Adam Silver said he wanted Kyrie to "formally apologize". Which is like, honestly, what's the point of getting him to say sorry? Our wife fuckin never says "sorry" for anything, and some people are just like that. A lotta people just don't like being criticized. They're just gonna get all fuckin defensive and deflect the blame, like every time. But maybe that's OK!!! See, if somebody's defensive or they got excuses that means they know they're wrong. They know they fucked up but they just wanna tell you why they fucked up. Some people won't ever admit that they were wrong, but the fact they're even arguing with you means they're acknowledging the same problem you are. At the end of the day, apologies don't get the fucking dishes done. Sometimes you just gotta do em yourself, but make a lot of noise with the pans and be real passive aggressive about it. BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!!!!!!!! Fingerbang! vs Sharon Ertz FB got hit bad by the super bye week. With Sutton, Najee, and Chubb out they'll have to start three guys that they just picked up this week. Palmer was a pretty smooth pickup tho. Everybody else on the Chargers is hurt so he's locked in to about 35 targets. Kenyan Drake looks like he'll be the Ravens starting RB on Monday night. Plus they could get another good Jamaal Williams game with Swift dealing with a lingering ankle. FINGERBANG WINS!!!!!!!!!
Paul’s Awesome Team vs Polk High Panthers This is a disgusting matchup. We got the ice cold PAT who scored a league-low 76 points last week vs the 1-7 PHP who are about 100 points behind the ninth place team in total points. All of their flexes are tight ends and backup RBs, yuck. Can they both lose? POLK HIGH PANTHERS WINS!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!

Happy Halloween, Special Ed!!!!!!!! The big thing that happened this week was Elon Musk finally bought Twitter, so you're allowed to just say anything on there now without consequence, apparently. We could see how that might become a problem in the medium-to-long-term but as long as ESPN's Mike Clay is on the platform there's still gonna be plenty of accurate and actionable information mixed in with the various hate-speeches. UNDISPUTED!!!!!!!! We could not have made a better ranking ourselves. Off the top of our heads we probably woulda put Snickers in the top 5 but we completely forgot about twizzler nibs. For some reason they are 10x better than regular shaped twizzlers which is already a very not bad candy. Our favorite thing on twitter this year is Big Cat's weekly NFL power rankings. Barstool Big Cat has been a first tier twitter user for a long time now. We're gonna miss him. In this week's rankings our guy Russell Wilson was quite disrespec'fully entered dead last, behind the rest of the Booty Cheek Broncos and behind three other Russells. Russells worldwide are ice cold right now. Westbrook's coming off the bench now and putting together his own episode of shaqtin a fool. Russell Brand is getting smoked by Kanye and Kyrie in the crackpot-conspiracy-theorist-influencer rankings. Russell Crowe was probably the #1 Russell for a while this summer after he convinced Taika Waititi to let him do a Greek accent in the Thor movie - which was HILARIOUS - but Westbrook's blooper reels are actually way funnier right now. Also this week on twitter, we found out that the guy who tried to kill Nancy Pelosi the other day has a wix blog that looks just like ours except it's mostly racist memes and holocaust denial. And he wrote a scathing review of The Last Jedi like two days ago. That hit kinda close to home. Really made us take a step back, ya know, reassess. Like, why are we even doing this? A couple weeks ago we laid out the history of DYM, and big picture it really does seem like a downward spiral. Is this where we're headed? We got a lot to think about, but Corey Booker's husband better sleep with one eye open. WHO'S HOT?!?!?!?! What's going on with Fingerbang?! They started out 3-1 and have lost three straight since. They haven't scored over 100 since week 4. We know they're not entirely asleep at the wheel because they did make a move this week (Allen Robinson - league winner), but it was only their third move all year and they're still sitting on 2 defenses and 2 QBs. TIME TO MAKE SOME MOVES, FB!!! Sharon Ertz has made an incredible comeback over the last four weeks. They have now won four straight games since trading away the #1 QB and losing Javonte Williams. Somehow, Dameon Pierce and Rhamondre Stevenson were both top 5 RBs over the last four weeks. It's a cinderella story!!!!!!!! FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS Pan Casero 🇪🇨 Morristown, NJ These are really good empanadas. The fillings were very simple ingredient-wise (just ground beef and shredded chicken, no veg) but they make up for it with SPICE. These bad boys are packed with flavor. The pastry is not too thick and just as crispy as you like, and the meats were soft and juicy - a flawless texture. We're pushing these guys straight through to the playoffs. We were pretty hungry the other day so we also ordered the "Super Burger" which is a burger with LTO, a fried egg, and queso fresco. It was excellent! Not the very best burger in town but coulda been in the running for sure. EMPANADA SCORE: 9.5 (+.5 for El Super Burger) MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!! Christian McCaffrey 🕵️‍♂️🕵🏻‍♂️ u60.5 rushing Miss Cleo's Prop Bet Record: 9-2 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!! HAMBURGLARS vs SHARON ERTZ!!!!!!!! AGOTW Prediction Record 3-3 FIRST PLACE IS ON THE LINE IN WEEK EIGHT!!!!!!!! Coincidentally, all four of the over .500 teams are playing each other this week. So theres a chance that one of these two teams could take over sole possession of first place. They are both on four game winning streaks, but Sharon Ertz is waaay hotter. Over the last four games Sharon put up an and incredible 132 points per game and defeated the other two over .500 teams (BIOH & Fisto). Over the last two weeks, Joe Burrow was the #1 QB and Jefferson was the #1 WR overall. This is the undisputed hottest team in Special Ed. Th Hamburglars are Mama Bear's porridge. Not too hot not too cold. They only had one really good game (127 pts in week 4) aside from that they just score between 100 and 115 ever week. That's OK. We guess if you're a little lucky that could get you to 5-2. They're starting 4 WRs this week and they're all OK, none are superstars. Aiyuk, Higgins, Waddle, and Davis all came into this season as the WR2 on their respective teams. Brady played on Thursday and got them 15, putting them on pace for another OK week. This squad is perfectly mediocre. Prediction: SHARON ERTZ: 135.43 HAMBURGLARS: 112.01 SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!!! Fingerbang! vs Polk High Panthers The Booty Cheek Broncos are playing the Jaguars in London right now. We're told it's on ESPN+ and we're not sure if we have that. Honestly we don't care to check cause Broncos/Jags might be the least watchable game of year so far. We're watching Spooky Buddies on Disney+ right now instead. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!! POLK HIGH PANTHERS WINS!!!!!!!! DEFEND YOUR MOVES🐈‍⬛ vs miracle whip 🫙 Doug has J. Meyers and J. Myers in the lineup this week. That's weird!!! DYM WINS!!!!!!!!
Bring It On Home vs Fisto kidds!! Bring It On are pretty heavy favorites even with Kirk Cousins starting (🤢). The good news for BIOH is both their questionable WRs are gonna play; the bad news is Miss Cleo is FADING our guy McCaffrey!!!!!!!! He's gonna get bottled up this week - with Deebo out it'll behoove the Rams to put extra defenders on CMac. Gotta try to force Jimmy G to pass today you'd think. We're still gonna be detectives tomorrow tho 🕵️‍♂️🕵🏻‍♂️ . FISTO KIDDS WINS!!!!!!!!
Paul’s Awesome Team vs Tobin & The Rippers We made a very low-octane trade this week with the Rippers. It's kinda amazing when a trade goes down in this league and there's just fuckin crickets on the text chain. Nobody cares about the Panthers right now. It'll make a difference for Tobin cause he might not have any other options at WR, but once DK and Mike Williams come back DJ Moore won't start for this team. The two highest over/under lines this week are Saints/Raiders and Vikings/Cardinals at 48.5. That's kinda weird to us in a vacuum since none of those four seem like they're actually good right now. It's great news for The Rippers cause they have four guys from those two contests (Murray, Olave, Kamara, and Cook). But still we think we're gonna bet a lotta unders today. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!

What's up Special Ed?!?!?!? Next week our guy John Fetterman is finally gonna bring his big Pittsburgh vibe to the debate stage against TV's Dr. Oz. This race has been morbidly fascinating to us for a long time now. Even in this post-Trump political era we were still genuinely surprised to see these two win their respective primaries. THEY'RE BOTH NUTS!!!!! Usually when one party nominates an amateur/psychopath for national office the other party will roll out their most inoffensive career politician - pitting "the establishment" against a "radical" outsider. In that way the races in Ohio and Georgia are much more traditionally compelling (with psycho/amateurs JD Vance & Herschel Walker vs. incumbent congressman Tim Ryan & Raphael Warnock). But this Pennsylvania race is an unprecedented disaster: We got a fucking fake TV doctor and a guy who dresses like the Wu-Tang Clan before they were rich. For the most part we tend to support inexperienced leftist idealogues - we need some fresh liberal voices on the national stage. But something about Fetterman kinda rubs us the wrong way. A lotta people are getting turned on to Fetterman's white-collar background these days: He used to be an insurance underwriter for Chubb (his dad owns an insurance company); he has two masters degrees ($$) one from Harvard ($$$$). But if you can't compartmentalize that then you gotta just stop voting for Senators. Plus, DYM was way ahead of that narrative. We knew Fetterman was secretly rich as soon as we saw those Carhartt sweatshirts. That's a fucking $70 sweatshirt you guys. This motherfucker isn't gonna be relatable to us unless he's rocking some fuckin Champion, some Russell Athletic, some fuckin AMAZON BASICS!!!!! Bernie's suits look cheaper than Fetterman's sweats. Fetterman's sartorial choices caught our eye early on because we happen to know a guy from high school who dresses like that - expensive sweatshirts, shorts all through the winter - and he's NUTS!!! This is the guy we told y'all about who had a traumatic brain injury then got red-pilled and turned into one of the most prolific MAGA facebookers. His dad owns an insurance company too, for what it's worth. Of course, Fetterman's brain problems are front-and-center right now cause he had a stroke in May. But it's important to remember that those pics of him wearing shorts in the winter were BEFORE the stroke. The thing a lotta people DON'T know about Fetterman is he played Offensive Tackle at Albright College (D-III). DYM Scholars are always on the lookout for politicians who played College Football (especially lineman and tight ends) since we told y'all a few years ago that brain injuries are known to impair the social judgments and beliefs of players later in life . That study showed brain injury victims had difficulty identifying and mitigating "radical" political opinions, and were unwittingly attracted to more radical positions. That's super interesting considering Fetterman grew up in a rich white community with parents he called "conservative Republicans", and now represents the most radically left-leaning policies of any 2022 senate candidate. It's ALSO super interesting considering Fetterman had a stroke a few months ago and this new study found that even minor TBIs result in an increased risk of stroke later in life. That being said, we still like scrambled eggs Fetterman way better than Dr. Oz, cause at least he didn't murder a bunch of dogs!!! DYM PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: McDONALDS BOO BUCKETS ARE BACK!!!!!!! Right now at McDonalds you can get a Happy Meal served in an old school 80's style halloween bucket!!!!!!! We used to love these buckets when we were kids. They make great beach toys in the summer time too!!! GET YOURS NOW WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!!!!! WHO'S HOT?!?!?!? At week 7 we are over a third of the way through the season. We have all endured the proverbial road-of-trials and we've likely learned something about our teams that we may not have known before the draft. From here on our pre-draft analyses will fade into memory. Ever-changing opportunities, usage, and matchups will become far more important than prior talent evaluation. Every week it will matter less and less who is "good", and matter more and more who is " HOT ". That's why we use a DYM proprietary algorithm to calculate the exact “ Heat Index ” of every Special Ed team. The calculation is deviously simple: We just divide your last three weeks’ average score by your season average and boom, that’s your HEAT INDEX. The Heat Index is the most predictive measure for fantasy success in the industry today. Who's Hot?! Rankings have correctly predicted the winner of 6 of the last 7 Special Ed Superbowls. So without further to do -- let's find out WHO'S HOT?!? Last week Tobin defeated DYM in a classic tortoise vs hare scenario: DYM🧊 came flying out the gates with three straight 130+ scores in weeks 1-3 (and we still have the 2nd highest season average). But we completely ran out of gas after the Miami trip. Since then we've just been awful - two sub 90 scores and even those teams had precious few points available on the bench. Tobin🌶 on the other hand started slow - they didn't score over 105 until week 4 - and they haven't gone over 120 yet. But we think they're on their way to some big BIG scores. They've steadily improved over the last month scoring 112% over their yearly average, which proved enough to overcome the ice cold DYM in week 6. Bring It On Home🏜 in 2nd on the Heat Index is very scary. They were already the highest scoring team in week one, and have gotten even BETTER since. Plus now they got a way better offensive line for McCaffrey. They might be unstoppable. MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!!!!!! TREVOR LAWRENCE o229.5 Miss Cleo's Prediction Record: 7-2 FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS!!!!!!! Mexican Spice 🇲🇽 (Chatham, NJ) Mexican Spice is known for their tacos but they're like the third best taco place in town. So it's somewhat unsurprising that they ran into a similar problem as we found with Maria's last week: taco-flavored-empanadas. This time we can confirm that the beef empanadas do in fact have the exact same fillings as the beef empanadas. To their credit, the ingredients and flavor profile here was actually closer to what we would want from an empanada than from a taco (potatoes, peas etc), but we were still pretty disappointed with their lack of imagination. And as you can see in the first photo above, the shells were hard, overcooked, barely stuck together. The ends were thick and crusty like a flavorless fortune cookie. Empanada Score: 7 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!! HAMBURGLARS vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS ITS A FANTASY REVENGE GAME IN WEEK 7!!!!!!! Sure, Tom Brady hasn't been that good for the last couple weeks but this week he's gonna go crazy. Nobody holds a grudge like Tom Brady. So when The Hamburglars picked him up a few weeks ago we know he circled this week on his calendar. PHP have flatly disrespected the GOAT twice this season - first by keeping Brandin Cooks over him and then by dropping him after week 2. We think Brady takes out the last few weeks of pent up frustration on the Carolina and Polk High Panthers. PHP are the only team in this league averaging less than 100 points per game on the season and still averaging under 100 over the last three games. They are 1-5 and have had the lowest score in the league 3 of the last 6 weeks. Yahoo! is projecting 105 for this squad which would be their highest score since week 1. AND IT'S NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION!!! Right now they're on a one-game-winning streak and they're undefeated in the Geno Era. For this week they get Keenan Allen back, an all-time smash matchup for Kelce, and Godwin is coming off his best game of the season. We think PHP has enough juice to break 100 this week, and keep moving up the WHOS HOT?! charts. But we don't think it'll be quite enough to take down the Burglars. PREDICTION: Polk High Panthers - 105.01 Hamburglars - 118.52 SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!! BRING IT ON HOME vs. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS Ya gotta love this McCaffrey trade for the Niners. Everybody's been saying the 49ers are just an RB away from a championship... smgdh. We're a little bit salty cause we had hoped C-Mac would end up on the Bills. On the other hand we're OK with not giving up 4 draft picks for him after we already drafted Cook this year. Whatever. RBs Dont Matter. Bring It On Home Wins!!!!!!! FISTO KIDDS vs. BIG PITT ENERGY👷‍♂️ Here's another Fetterman Fun Fact: He went to Harvard's Kennedy School of Government in the early 2000's. His classmates there included future Presidents and Prime Ministers of six countries (Somalia, Mexico, Mongolia, Bhutan, Zimbabwe, Tanzania). Kinda interesting considering the US is engaged in a war in Somalia as we speak . PITTSBURGH VIBE 👷‍♂️ WINS!!!!!!! SHARON ERTZ vs. MIRACLE WHIP🫙 It just so happens Dr. Oz went to Harvard too, and he was their starting safety. True Story. MIRACLE WHIP🫙 WINS!!!!!!! PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs. FINGERBANG! Paul is screwed for the second straight week cause he benched his Thursday running back AGAIN!!! If we said it once, we said it a thousand times - Always start your Thursday guys , Thursdays RULE!!!!! FINGERBANG! WINS!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!

DUMPSTER DIVER OF THE WEEK: Polk High Panthers!!!!!! Pickup of the Week: GENO SMITH!!!!!! This week the season OFFICIALLY began cause we've got QB STREAMERS in the Special Ed League!!!!!! Hamburglars have been swimming upstream for a few weeks but Trey Lance was the last starting QB drafted this year, so he was prepared for this eventuality. Right now we're hyped 'cause there's no team we'd rather see drop their QBs than the one that considered keeping Brady, then drafted him at sub-keeper value, AND drafted Matt Stafford. We've been saying for years that if you have 2 QBs you don't have a QB - and the team that drafts two QBs is the team that drops two QBs. ( Sharon Ertz also non-auto-drafted two QBs. He's already traded one and we can't imagine he's gonna ride through the bye weeks with Trevor Lawrence on the bench.) There's no shame in streaming of course. Most of this league should be streaming!!! In this 10-team-league there's ALWAYS quarterbacks to be had. And this year there's only like 4 good fantasy QBs in the whole league. Geno is #5 on paper. So there's AT LEAST five other teams that shoulda been trying to pickup Geno this week. Pauls Awesome Team missed their shot at Geno, they shoulda cut Russell Wilson last week. We think they pull the trigger this week tho. Russ is the #16 QB and he's scoring 7 points per game less than Geno. The next best available QB by points-per-game is Wentz, but he's playing Thursday so he's out. The true best available streamer of the week is DANNY DIMES!!!!! Baltimore D is, in our opinion, the very best matchup for fantasy QBs this season. They don't pressure much and they lead the league in passing yards allowed at 305 per game. Even Mac Jones threw over 300 against them, and that was maybe Baltimore's best defensive game (3 INT's 0 TDs). FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS!!!!!! Anita's Baked Wonders 🇦🇷 (Summit, NJ) Anita and her husband are from Argentina. They make these empanadas at their home in Florham Park and sell 'em at farmers markets and delis throughout the Summit-metro area. We were VERY amped for these cause, as you can see from the pic above, every one of Anita's empanadas are hand wrapped with a loving, delicate touch. Each is a work of pastry-art. Just beautiful. Unfortuantely, they did not taste nearly as good as they looked. They all had a Tex-Mex sort of flavor profile that we found unpleasantly surprising. The beef ones tasted like beef tacos; the chicken tasted like chicken fajitas; and the ham-and-cheese had cheddar(?) not swiss like a proper Cubano. Anita's is far from a lock for the Empanada Playoffs. Empanada Score: 8 MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!!!!! DeVonta Smith u53.5 😰 Miss Cleo's Prop Bet Record: 6-2 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!! SHARON ERTZ vs FISTO KIDDS!!!!!! AGOTW Prediction Record: 2-2 Sharon Ertz is back for the second week in a row!!!!!! We needed a win to get our Game of The Week Prediction Record back up to .500 and Sharon came through for us late Sunday Night with a .5 point win over The Rippers. The new-look Ertz squad is now over over .500 too, and things are looking up - Last week's running back injuries turned Rhamondre and Ken Walker into legit starters. So even after losing Javonte this team got real strong at RB all over again. We loved the idea of trading one of those new-found RB1s for a starting WR, but unfortunately the trade will go down as another loss for Sharon since DeVonta is now fated to have less than 53.5 rec yards this week ( CALL ME NOW!!! ). Regardless, a "Smith" is a welcome addition to this formerly all-polysyllabic receiver corps (" Jefferson and McLaurin" is a real mouthful!). On the other side we've got The Fantasy Gods' Favorites - the luckiest team in Special Ed - Fisto Kidds!! The FKs are only the third highest scoring team but sit in 1st place at 4-1 thanks to some incredible fantasy defense. So far this year, FK are the only Special Ed team holding their opponents to less than 100 points per game (96.14 average points against). Both these teams started Thursday night dudes for some reason and FK came out with a 2 point lead. The rest of the matchup seems to favor the FKs as well: They have the superior Eagle WR, Cleo's pick for NFL passing yards leader, and the super-smooth Amari Cooper/Cooper Kupp combo. By the way, we wouldn't be mad if they changed their name to Hangin with Mr Coopers . Prediction: Sharon Ertz: 96.14 Hangin with Mr Coopers: 113.78 SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!! BRING IT ON HOME vs PAULS AWESOME TEAM PAT still has moves to make this week. Gonna need a kicker, probly a QB too. It won't matter tho cause PAT is cursed this week for benching America's Favorite RB Brian Robinson in prime time. BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!!!!!
HAMBURGLARS vs FINGERBANG! These guys should trade Jalen Warren for Aaron Rodgers. Seems like a win-win to us. FINGERBANG! WINS!!!!!! DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs TOBIN & THE RIPPERS Kudos to The Rippers for dropping Allen Robinson. But we don't really get why they picked up Rondale Moore. They're probably not gonna start Rondale this week and they know he's gonna get bumped down the depth chart next week when Hopkins comes back. What they should've done is picked up Geno for a spot start since they know Kyler is gonna keep playing like shit until next week --- when Hopkins comes back. DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!! POLK HIGH PANTHERS vs MIRACLE WHIP🫙 Oh man, you guys. It looks like MW might start Taysom Hill. That's a fuckin ballsy move that we 100% endorse. They're playing with house money right now anyway since PHP started a dud Thursday WR. MIRACLE WHIP WINS!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!

What's up Special Ed?!?!?! Can't believe it's already week 5, this season is flying by!!! That special edition DYM #200 was invigorating, but we got a lotta shit to catch up on now. Since our last regular DYM: we went to Miami, ate about a million empanadas, saw about a million NFL injuries - including 2 top-10 RBs and 2 Giants QBs, the Mets got swept, there were a couple dozen moves made in Special Ed, and whichever fantasy team Josh Allen is on keeps losing!!!!! But, most importantly - WE GOT A NEW STAR WAR!!!!! ANDOR is a pretty good show, but it might be the least sexy Star War of the entire cannon. Just look at all those mid-grade caucasian shitbags. There's only one busted-ass droid (in maybe 2 episodes) and NO ALIENS, not even one, swear to god. When Disney started publishing Star Wars stories like ten years ago one of the first things they retconned was they made the Empire explicitly racist, so it was no accident that only white-human-men were officers. But the rebellion was supposed to be a lot more diverse, or so we thought. Whatever, maybe it's cause this crew is going " undercover " so they're just " disguised " as a bunch of ugly white people. We're five episodes into what will be a 24-episode arc. so There's definitely still a chance for Andor to redeem itself. Especially since the first couple episodes started out WAAAY HOTTER!!! Episodes 1-3 of Andor featured a supporting character by the name of BIX CALEEN. You might remember this actress, Adria Ajona , from the laughably terrible movie MORBIUS with Jared Leto ( netflix garbage, obv ). She plays a scientist who works with Jared Leto's titular Dr. Morbius, and she's stupid hot . Like, she's way out of Jared Leto's league and he's already unrealistically sexy for a scientist. Now, she is undoubtedly the sexiest human female in the entire Star Wars galaxy. That's a hot take, sure, but we took some time to think about this one and we're positive Bix is actually finer than Padme, Jyn Erso, and even Q'ira. We pulled up a bunch of pictures of Adria Ajona off IMDB and the wife walked by the desk and said " Damn, who is that ?!" We said " It's this chick from the new Star Wars. Name's Adria Ajona, she's Puerto Rican I think. Might be the hottest chick ever in Star Wars."
She said "No doubt. Wait. Arjona... like Ricardo Arjona ?" "Yea that's her dad." "Oh shit!!!" she said "That's my jam, I love that guy. He's way uglier than her tho." True story. Her dad is a famous Spanish singer from the 90s. We're really hoping Cassian can wrap up this bullshit spy mission he's on and get back to Ferrix to check in on Bix again before the season ends. SHE-HULK CAN STILL GET IT THO!!!!! She-Hulk Attorney at Law is moving along as well. There's only two episodes left and we've enjoyed it so far. We dig these low stakes, off season type MCU shows on Disney+. Like, we loved the Hawkeye show cause it was really just about Christmas and there was no sensible way to ever tie that story into the fucking stupid ass MCU Multiverse. Anyway these first seven episodes have been relatively low-key sexy. We're big fans of the human version of Jen Walters. She can get it. We think it's real fucked up that Josh turned out to be a bad guy cause it seemed like somebody was finally gonna love her for who she is, and she deserves it!!! But did you know that when they film the She-Hulk scenes, there's an actual 6'5" lady-giant model on set that plays She-Hulk?!?!? It's true!!!!! Her name's Malia Arrayah and, in case you were wondering, she DOES have feet pics on her onlyfans. Good lord. 🥵 NEW GAME OF THRONES!!!!! The new GoT is tight. Somehow one of the main characters in this show was also in Jared Leto's Morbius (Matt Smith). That's weird cause this show is good, and Andor is good, but Morbius fuckin suuuuucked bad. We almost checked out last week tho. We were bummed when they recasted the princess and the queen after episode 5; and their kids all turned out useless, boring, and variously-autistic. We're not even a little bit invested in their success. Fortunately the second half of episode 7 really turned shit around. One of those asshat kids stole a dragon, then got beat down by all the other kids and he lost an eye. That was refreshing. Dragons and kids-getting-mutilated is Game of Thrones' bread and butter. With all the bullshit going on at HBO these days they gotta just stick to what works. Give the people what they want, ya know? FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS!!!!! WEEK 3: Cafe Versailles 🇨🇺 (Miami, FL) Shout out to the Sunshine State. We highly recommend taking in a game in Miami. Hard Rock Stadium is really nice, and Miami has gotta be the best NFL city to be disappointed in. Your team loses and you just go straight back to the beach. Like, after Tua got double-concussed in Cincinnati we were slightly concerned when we heard that he was flying back to Miami with the team. It didn't seem like a prudent medical decision, but we TOTALLY get it. After a rough game like that, we know Tua couldn't wait to get himself a margarita and slip into that infinity pool - that shit'll make your troubles just drift away. Now obviously there's plenty of Latin food to be had in Miami, and we went out of our way to only eat really good food down there. So it was very surprising that the best empanada we found was an the airport on the way out. These empanadas were fucking DELICIOUS!!!!! Cafe Versailles at Terminal E had some interesting varieties (like the "Cuban" style ham and cheese), but the classic beef and chicken ones were the best, they had veggies and potatoes mixed in -- the chicken ones had olives too, which really put the flavors over the top. All the judges agreed that this might end up being the best empanada we eat all year. The crust was immaculate. Look how thin and crispy it is!!! You can practically see through it!!! And look at all those crispy fried blisters!!! You know it was crunchy!!! EMPANADA SCORE: 9 WEEK 4: Delikositas 🇨🇴 (Madison, NJ) Delikositas' empanadas are OK. They're very greasy and very thick so they put a dent in your stomach. On the plus-side they have an outstandingly diverse and consistent variety. We loved getting the baked corn shell, baked flour shell, and the fried style. We also liked that the fillings had soft, stringy pulled meats (not the dry minced meat like at Raul's) and they added potato which gave them a shepherd's pie type of texture. They also have some EXCELLENT side dishes. We're not sure if Delikositas is gonna make the playoffs, but it's worth going just for the chicharones and chorizo. Colombian-style chicharon is actually a big ass slab of pork belly, fried hard with all the skin and all the fat intact. It's fucking decedent. Jesus, look at that skin. Fried to perfection. The skin gets sooo crispy and the fat just melts in your mouth. Delikositas' empanadas got a 8 from our judges and we're adding a bonus .5 for the slammin side dishes. EMPANADA SCORE: 8.5 MISS CLEO'S PLAYERS OF THE WEEK!!!!! Christian McCaffrey - o52.5 ru/o92.5 combined Matt Ryan - u231.5 pa/u1.5 TDs AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!! SHARON ERTZ vs. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS!!!!! AGOTW Prediction Record: 1-2 The only Special Ed Matchup with NO THURSDAY PLAYERS!!!!! Lets GOOOOO!!!!! Tonight we got Colts vs Broncos and it's gonna SUCK!!!!! We're pretty sure that when they made the schedule the league thought this was gonna be one of the "good" Thursday night games. Indy and Denver were among the most anticipated up-and-coming teams in the already loaded AFC. As it turns out these two have been maybe the two biggest disappointments of the early season. With only 6 TDs each in four weeks, these are the two lowest scoring teams in the NFL. For comparison, Josh Allen has scored 12 TDs this year and Lamar has 14. This game is gonna be disgusting. The most disappointing team in Special Ed has gotta be The Rippers. Last week they had their highest score of the year with 115.94. That's not great. It was also the first time all year they'd outscored their Yahoo! projection. Coming into week 1 this squad looked like it had superstars at every position. But so far Kyler is scoring about 4 points per game less than Jared Goff ( pick him up?! ), Ja'Marr Chase isn't the best WR on the Bengals, and Dalvin Cook and Kamara are both outside the top 25 RBs. Yuck!!! The sexiest player on this team is rookie Chris Olave. Olave is 10th in receiving yards over four weeks (83.8 ypg) and is commanding a ridiculous 18.7 ADOT. That's the highest depth of target for any WR with over 20 targets. Olave is gonna be a super-DUPER-star. On the other side, Sharon Ertz has their own rookie diamond in the rough - Dameon Pierce. After being relegated to Burkhead-backup in week 1, Pierce seems to be getting stronger every week since. In week 4 the young man took 14 carries for 131 yards - that's 9.4 yards per carry. Holy Shit!!! It sucks that this team lost Javonte, but Pierce mighta been their best RB all along anyway. And he might be the best player overall in this highly-mediocre matchup. This week Pierce has a smooth matchup against Jacksonville, and Joe Burrow could have a nice bounce-back game against Baltimore (maybe the worst pass-rushing defense in the NFL). Tobin's guys have some good matchup spots too - like Kamara vs Seattle, Cook vs Chicago, and Kyler in a shootout vs Philly - but even so, we just don't trust these guys to get it done. PREDICTION: Sharon Ertz - 127.68 Tobin & The Rippers - 101.52 SHARON ERTZ WINS!!!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!! Fingerbang! vs. Miracle Whip 🫙 Fingerbang! might be our favorite team name in the league this year. Everytime we look at the league page we get that song stuck in our head and we fuckin love it!!! Also, FB has a pretty big advantage on us all this week since, as Western-Pennsylavians, they're the only Special Ed team who's favorite baseball team did not make the playoffs. We can tell Doug is already pretty distracted cause he picked up Isaiah McKenzie who's still in concussion protocol. The correct Bills WR for this week is Kahlil Shakir . The rookie out of Boise State was DYNAMITE in the pre-season. He was originally gonna be the backup slot WR, but the kid showed great vision and great hands, and made big plays out of every WR position. He could play a ton this week with Crowder, McKenzie, and Davis all banged up. FINGERBANG WINS!!!!! FISTO KIDDS vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS Both these teams have Thursday guys in the flex right now. But they've got options too. If we were them we'd much rather start Christian Kirk over Pittman and AJ Dillon over Jerry Jeudy. Pretty easy fix. Not a huge deal. FISTO KIDDS WINS!!!!! HAMBURGLARS vs PAUL AWESOME TEAM This is a weird matchup. Two of the best players here are Lions and they're both hurt this week anyway. Kull is starting Mark Ingram (yuck) over Swift. Gabe Davis is in the flex for now, but he might think about rolling out Doubs instead. Davis has looked like absolute shit since week 1, he needs to take a week off and rest up. Waddle is probably the 'Burglars best player and he's got Teddy 2-Gloves throwing to him now. -- All not great. Paul's in an even worse spot tho, with BOTH of his best players (Amon-Ra and JT) injured. He's gonna start Damien Harris, a Thursday QB, and Philly Defense in maybe the highest scoring game of the week. HAMBURGLARS WINS!!!!! DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs. BRING IT ON HOME It's the 2020 champs vs the 2021 champs!!! And we're going WIRE-to-WIRE!!!!! We love when we get a matchup that has guys in every timeslot - even the London Game!!! Andy has Mel Gordon going tonight and he'll close out the week with Mahomes and Davante on Monday night. DYM made a buncha moves this week. At one point we were holding both Hines and Mike Boone, but we never really wanted to start either of em - that backup RB on a short week is ALWAYS fools gold, we've seen this movie before - no thanks. DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!! LETS FUCKING GO METS EVERYBODY!!!!!

lfg ITS THE 200th POST at DEFENDYOURMOVES.COM LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After watching Tua get his eggs scrambled TWICE this week, the last thing we want to think about is NFL Football. We fucking hate that shit. We don't even watch violent TV shows and movies anymore so it's the worst when we have to watch dudes get real life-threatening injuries during sporting events. It's always tough to watch, but especially for DYM Scholars who know we came up with an elegant solution to this problem about four years ago. What we really wanted to do was skip DYM this week and just repost that blog from 2018 Week 7 where we posited that chimpanzees are probably smart enough to play NFL football now and they're way more athletic than humans anyway. It's honestly one of the most poignant things we ever wrote: But when we went to the archives page to find it we saw that last week's post was #199 on this fair weblog, and that means this week is a CELEBRATION!!!! What a fuckin time to be alive, you guys. Five years ago we bought our own website just so we could talk shit about your teams every week. Now here we are, 200 blog posts, almost a half a million words - all for you, Special Ed. We mostly don't talk too much about ourselves since this is Defend YOUR Moves not Defend MY Moves. But not today. Today is all about us. We're gonna take a trip down memory lane and recap the funniest and weirdest shit we ever published on this site - ITS THE BEST OF DEFEND YOUR MOVES!!!!! DefendYourMoves.com was established in May 2017 but the origins of DYM go all the way back to December 2011 on the Yahoo! league message board. At the conclusion of the inaugural Special Ed season the Commish's ex-brother-in-law (team name CARMELOS REVENGE) posted the corniest and douchiest thing any of us had ever read on an internet message board. Carmelo's Revenge had named himself "Manager of the Year" and wrote a mock press release announcing his made up award. It was so fucking bad, me and Paul fucking DIED laughing. You can still read that OG shit post right here at DefendYourMoves.com/fuckshit . So the next year we started doing little fake-bloggy things like interviews and
"Power Rankings" every week in the message board. We're not even sure if Carmelos Revenge knew we were making fun of him but it didn't matter once DYM took on a life of it's own in 2013. By 2016 our weekly message board posts were regularly clocking 1000+ words. And we had already developed many of the regular segments that are still our touchstones today (Food Beef, DDOTW, Whos Hot?! etc). That year we introduced the three pillars of fantasy WR success: funny name cool haircut low jersey number The funny names theory was first posited in the 2016 week 2 edition of the WEEKLY WILL FULLER UPDATE . (BTW, its fucking hilarious that we were trashing Allen Robinson like that back in 2016, we were way ahead of the curve on that one.) We kept doing "Weekly Will Fuller Updates" (aka "Fuller Facts") until mid 2018. To this day it might be our all-time favorite recurring DYM segment: In week 7 of 2016, we wrote a post that would change DYM forever: Somehow we kept that Trump schtick going for THREE YEARS, which seems crazy to us now. But you guys fuckin LOVED fantasy Trump back in the day, and it was a useful device when like Zeke was gonna get suspended and Antonio Brown went crazy. Trump could sympathize. And to be honest, he did have some pretty good takes sometimes. We had some fun in 2017 and 18. It was an innocent time tho. The blog was more routine back then, more predictable. We were streaming QBs and making trades. We did Trump bits like every other week, and we had just started to dabble in some other characters. The weekly DYMs were still very fantasy-football-centric and overall a lot more focused than they are now. the only really off topic shit we did during the season was Food Beef and a couple of TV show recaps (like " POWER Power Rankings "). But even back then our jokes were always thoroughly tasteless. Probably our greatest innovation over those first two years was THE HALL OF SHAME . Back in 2018 Jeff Ertz's brother-in-law joined the league and just went AWOL. Dude shit all over the draft (3 QBs etc.), then made no roster moves until like week 6. It was fucking disgraceful. But of course the only thing worse than not setting your fantasy lineup is LOSING to the guy who didn't set his lineup. So in 2018 any team that scored fewer points than the absentee team got inducted into the HALL OF SHAME!!! We've had a few close calls lately, but no one has been inducted since 2018 and hopefully no one ever will again. 2019 In 2019 we started to get a little weird. The tone of the blog became a bit more frenetic, and we posted some experimental pieces like the poem above that we wrote for Fay when Pat Mahomes got hurt in week 7. One could argue that Off-Season 2019 was the beginning of the ongoing "batshit" era of DYM. We kicked off that off-season with the legendary BANGER entitled - "ALIENS AREN'T REAL (Ghosts Are Real)" After that we ran a Game of Thrones Death Pool for eight weeks. That was pretty fun and the last season of GoT was the perfect thing to tastelessly blog about. But our very most favorite thing on the entire internet in 2019 was speculation about Star Wars Episode IX. We'd always been something of an amature Star Wars prognosticator. So with the last* episode of Star Wars set to release that year we decided to push all our chips to the center of the table. 2019 was OUR TIME TO SHINE!!! During May and June we rolled out our 11,000-word pièce de résistance - THE DYM ULTIMATE STAR WARS THEORY . Here's the thesis: We do have a lotta BIG thoughts about Star Wars, and we love to talk about it, but in retrospect we think the real reason we did this is just cause we fucking hate Star Wars bloggers. Goddamn nerds. Anyway, Episode IX turned out to be an absolute piece of shit (which we'd discuss at length in Off-Season 2020 and '21). But we still think the premise of the essay ( that the same things happen in every SW movie ) was on point and as it turned out our goofiest and most specific predictions were actually the most accurate: By the start of the 2019 season we were pretty tired of Donald Trump so we opened the season with a brand new recurring segment - WOKE WEDNESDAYS with KYRIE IRVING Back in the summer of 2019 it seemed pretty important to have a conspiracy theory correspondent on the staff. AND WE WERE RIGHT!!! The next year every news channel would be talking about stolen elections and jerk-off conspiracy theorists, and DYM is proud to say we were there first!!! In fact our last two posts before COVID lockdown were Kyrie's review of The Joker and his break-down of the election 2020 conspiracy theories . So you know that when the rest of the country started losing their minds that spring ours was already LONG gone. 2020 Obviously 2020 was a challenging season for everyone. The pandemic sucked and The NFL's response (and lack thereof) probably sucked even more. We had some fire COVID jokes tho. The 2020 Off-Season was another turning point for the blog. In June, while America's cities burned, we finally admitted that there was a bad Star Wars movie. The next month Kyrie gave us the beginning of a new saga. A story even more timeless than Star Wars - CUM JESUS. The Book of Job (14:1) says: “Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble.”​ Now, obviously Jesus was "born of a woman" just like all of us, which is why he had so much troubles in life and had to eventually die. Our story posits – “What if the immaculate conception had happened to Joseph instead?” ​ It goes like this: Joseph - single guy in the year 0 - jerks himself off one night, busts in his belly button and falls asleep. The next morning Joseph wakes up to find the little baby Jesus curled up there on his stomach. Sure, being a single dad is tough, but the good news is that Cum Jesus wasn’t born of a woman, so he can live forever and have no troubles. It's a fantastic concept: It's bizarre and triggering and off-putting; It has no target audience and alienates almost everyone. Thoroughly tasteless. When Kyrie first started Cum Jesus, about two and a half years ago, he said it was gonna be a novel . Fortunately for all of you readers there's still only about 8,000 words written so far (less than 50 illustrated pages). We do have five or six more pages of story notes still, but maybe we'll just do another bullet-point FAQ or something. 2021 2021 was stupid in all the same ways that 2020 was: the pandemic raged on, flat-earthers and anti-vaxers were still coming out the woodwork, there was more new Star Wars stuff on Disney+ ... So DYM did a lotta the same stuff too - Aliens vs Ghosts part 2 ; called aaron rodgers an asshole again; Another long-form Star Wars essay ; Weird new Cum Jesus characters . Only this time we made it SEXIER!!!!! And then, for no good reason, we started doing a Miss Cleo impression on youtube - 2022 We're just glad The Commish lived long enough to read this post from March 2022 . Jews In The News and Batman Week on Hoda & Jenna were maybe the two funniest things we ever wrote - top 5 for sure. OMG. We fuckin did it you guys. TWO FUCKING HUNDRED!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FIRST TRADE OF 2022!!! Yesterday was the first day of Autumn, and like clock-work the temperature dropped about 10-15 degrees this week and the trade offers started FLYIN'!!! The first trade of the 2022 Special Ed season was an absolute BLOCKBUSTER - A swap of 2nd round draft picks (plus Joe Burrow)!!! Fantasy analysts like to say that the team that gets the best player in a trade usually "won the trade". So it's weird to us that anybody would ever want to trade Josh Allen. You literally can't ever win a Josh Allen trade because he's the best player EVER . You'd have to build a time machine and go get us like 2006 LaDanian Tomlinson for Josh. We thought about making an offer yesterday but kinda assumed Sharon was gonna want Diggs and/or Saquon back so we balked. We definitely woulda sent Lamar plus a WR (DJ Moore or Bateman?) and Lamar is actually the #1 fantasy QB after 2 weeks. Seems like we shoulda got that done - unless Sharon's still salty about getting burned on the Josh<>Lamar trade we made a couple years ago. This trade woulda been definsible on paper if it was before week one. Back then Burrow's playoff run was fresher in our memories, and everybody thought the Broncos were gonna be good. Now, after two weeks Josh has more fantasy points than Burrow and Javonte combined. And the peripherals aren't great either - The Broncos look worse than they did last year (16 points per game vs 19.7 last year), and Mel Gordon is still splitting carries, so despite Javonte's 5 yds per carry (ok, not bad!) he has the same role as Kareem Hunt or James Robinson. Burrow's first two games were even worse - 4 INTs to 3 TDs and he's been sacked 13 times (THIRTEEN!!! IN TWO GAMES WTF!!!). Yikes. Sharon Ertz is gonna be picking up Wentz and some Niners rookie RBs in a couple weeks. TRADE WINNER: MIRACLE WHIP🫙!!! FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS!!! RAUL'S EMPANADAS TOWN - Morristown, NJ Raul's is a longtime go-to for the DYM Staff. It's pretty popular in Morristown cause it's one of the only places that's still open late-night when the bars close. That's huge, cause when you're really drunk or hungover there's nothing better than a thick, meaty, greasy empanada. We have some fond (albiet fuzzy) memories of Raul's empanadas, so we had high hopes when we made them the first stop on the tour. Unfortunately Raul's day-shift crew was not up to the task this week. All the judges were pretty dissapointed. The shells were too flaky and the meat had far too little fat and no veggies, leaving the whole thing rather dry and crumbly. We tried beef and chicken, both were about the same in this regard. We also tried the papaya with cheese - it was syrupy and way too sweet. EMPANADA SCORE: 7/10 NEXT WEEK: Food Beef is going ON THE ROAD!!!! To celebrate Latin American History Month we'll be travelling to the unofficial capital city of Latin America - Miami!!!! We're gonna have TONS of empanadas and we'll be able to add at least one or two more countries to the EMPANADA WORLD CUP!!! ¡¡¡¡¡VAMOS!!!!! MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!! TREVOR LAWRENCE - u248.5 yds!!! MISS CLEO's Prop Bet Record: 2-0 AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!! PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs. MIRACLE WHIP🫙 AGOTW Prediction Record: 1-1 Two illustrious Special Ed Champions face off in week 3!!! We went to check some Josh Jacobs stats just now and made an INCREDIBLE discovery. The 2022 Raiders have FIVE running backs with alliterative names. Ameer Abdullah, Brandon Bolden, Brittain Brown, Josh Jacobs, and Jakob Johnson. It's amazing, might be the funniest-named position group in NFL history. Holy shit look at em. Zamir White needs to request a trade pronto. Elsewhere, this is an intriguing matchup between two very similar teams: We got Deebo vs Cordarrelle, Henry vs Taylor, and Hunter Renfrow vs Ceedee Lamb. It's like a living mirror!! We think PAT has the advantage at most of these position battles, and they've got the incomparable Amon Ra. But the deciding factor, obviously, is going to be the QBs. Russ was our guy for years. He is one of the greatest Special Ed champions and a first-ballot DYM Hall-of-Famer. But, with all due respec', he looks like dogshit this season. The Broncos are so fucked up - Nathanial Hackett has no fucking clue what he's doing out there. Josh on the other hand IS our guy and this is our fucking year. Josh hasn't lost to the dolphins since his rookie year, winning the last 7 straight. This week he faces a Miami D that ranks 25th in the league vs the pass. Lamar threw so many TDs in the first half last week he had to wear an elbow brace at practice on wednesday. Josh is currently 4th in passing yards and 1st in TDs this season so far, and we heard he can run a little bit too. AND just so we don't leave anything to chance we'll be rocking The Infinity Gauntlet behind the Bills bench at Hard Rock Stadium this Sunday. Josh is inevitable. PREDICTION: MIRACLE WHIP 🫙 : 127.34 PAULS AWESOME TEAM: 118.78 MIRACLE WHIP 🫙 WINS!!! SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!! MASK UP!!! vs SHARON ERTZ MASK UP!!! WINS!!! HAMBURGLARS vs FISTO KIDDS!! HOLY SHIT AMARI COOPER'S BACK LETS GOOOOO!!!!!!! FISTO KIDDS WINS!!! BRING IT ON HOME vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS This is one of the biggest mismatches you're ever gonna see this early in the season. We don't think anybody on PHP is better than anybody on BIOH. Maybe AJ Dillon>Fournette but that's about it. There's a few good matchups for Matt's guys but they're all road games (Cooks at Chicago and Henderson at Arizona). This is just not their week. Sorry, bro. BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!! FINGERBANG! vs TOBIN & THE RIPPERS At long last, James Robinson's Achilles joins the battle!!! TOBIN AND THE RIPPERS WIN!!! CUM JESUS DREAM JOURNAL PART 4 (click here for all previous episodes of Cum Jesus) CJ and Lil'Genie sat down at the table together and discussed Seahorse's plan. The two of them would join Seahorse's fantasy football league and collude with him on trades and waivers, so he could finally win a chip. Neither of them were too enthusiastic though: CJ loathed the idea of cheating at fantasy, but he felt like he owed it to Seahorse for saving his life; Lil'Genie had no interest in helping Seahorse, but she was compelled to go along with whatever CJ wanted to do. " OK, Seahorse, we're in. " CJ announced. " So when's the draft? " " Today ." said Seahorse. " So we gotta hit the road soon or we're gonna be late. " Seahorse packed up a couple bags, and CJ grabbed his magic box and Lil'Genie's jar - his only possessions. Then the three of them went down to the garage and hopped into their conch shells. " Ooooooh! " Seahorse moaned quietly as he slid into the coils of the shell " Fuckin love that, gets me everytime. " Seahorse lead them down a path leading away from the house. They came to a clearing and he pointed to a large reef in the distance. " We just have to cut through that reef right there. There's a current on the other side that'll carry us the rest of the way. Easy peasy. " Seahorse continued sailing toward the reef, CJ and Lil'Genie followed close behind. The reef seemed to grow larger and denser as they approached. Hundreds of different species of coral mingled together, flowering in hundreds of colors. The sight mesmerized CJ and Seahorse as their shells glided effortlessly toward it. As they got closer CJ could swear he heard sounds coming from the coral. Faintly at first but then growing louder and clearer, they heard voices coming from within the reef. Human voices... singing... Seahorse had fallen silent as soon as they heard it. Now his eyes were transfixed on the reef, staring straight ahead as his shell continued to glide toward the voices. Just then Lil'Genie grabbed CJ by the arm, shaking him out of the transe. " I know that sound! We gotta get outta here!! That's not a fucking reef - it's a mermaid nest. And they will fucking kill us if they catch us here!!!" CJ stopped the shell. "What? Mermaids? I always wanted to see a mermaid. They're supposed to be beautiful." "Well, yea, no shit they're beautiful they can read your mind and take whatever form you wanna see." "Like in Ghostbusters?" "Exactly. Usually they're a lotta fun but they get pretty territorial down here so let's try to go around the other way." "But what about Seahorse?! He has no idea! He's headed straight into the reef!" But it was already too late. Three mermaids that looked like the baddest porn stars from the early 2000's had already surrounded Seahorse. He seemed to be chatting them up a bit, offering the mermaids wine and cigarettes. They circled around him flirtatiously and lured him toward a shadowy, dark crevasse beneath the coral. CJ turned back to Lil'Genie. " We gotta do something! I'm going in there. " " No, master, don't!! Fuck seahorse he fucking deserves this. " " Maybe he does. But he's still my friend so I can't let him die. " CJ took off and sped toward the entrance to the cave. From the corner of his eye CJ saw three more mermaids approach. " Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. " he whispered to himself. He turned his head to glance back and saw the mermaids morph into White House Press Secretaries Kayleigh McEnany, Jen Psaki, and Karine Jean-Pierre. " DAMN! Still kinda sexy! " " Just drive, master! Don't look!! " Lil'Genie struggled to fight off the Press Secretaries as they tried to get ahold of the conch shell. CJ pushed the shell as fast as it could go. Just as they came up to the entrance of the cave a giant conch shell came tumbling out. It was Seahorse's shell, splattered with blood. " NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! " CJ cried. " SEAHORSE!!!!!!!! " The first three mermaids, still in the form of Aria Giovanni, Erica Campbell, and Anetta Keyes, slowly slithered out of the cave hissing, licking red blood off their lips. CJ and Lil'Genie frantically looked around to find an escape. " Master, there! " Lil'Genie pointed to a pod of whales approaching them on their left. CJ raced toward the biggest whale, urging the shell to go faster. All six mermaids took chase. The mermaids were incredibly fast, closing in, no matter how fast CJ drove. CJ and Lil'Genie reached up and grabbed the tail of the giant mother whale, just as the mermaids had gotten their hands on the shell. The whale swam upward causing CJ's legs and Lil'Genie's tail to pop out of the shell. The shell descended back to the seafloor along with the savage mermaids, and CJ and Lil'Genie rode the whale up to the surface, to safety. As they rode the ocean became quiet again. Curious fish swam in and out of their wake. CJ saw a huge bioluminescent cuttlefish just like the one he and seahorse had seen the day before. Tears began to well up. CJ turned to Lil'Genie with a steely, determined look in his eyes. " You know what we have to do now, right? " Lil'Genie looked back, confusedly. " What? " " Seahorse had a dream. And we are not gonna let that dream die with him. We're gonna join Seahorse's fantasy league. And we're gonna win it. " LETS GOOOOOO!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!

Good evening, and welcome to Defend Your Moves. For years now the liberal woke mob has been strangling the life out of America's favorite pastime - NFL Football. They have infiltrated every level of the league organization and they are destroying it from within. Football used to be a vital institution in this country. It was the only place our children learned valuable lessons like pain-tolerance and how to channel their violent rage. Now the liberals are giving your children participation trophies for playing FLAG football, and then clutching their pearls when your child shoots up his or her school. Don't be fooled, this is no accident. They want it this way, because they hate you. This week the NFL began its 2022 season and the liberal agenda was on full display. But we we saw this coming - all off-season our greatest football heroes were being emasculated: Aaron Rodgers, the 2-time reigning MVP, was taking psychedelics with Peruvian shamans; Jamaal Williams cried on episode 1 of Hard Knocks - the only episode anybody watches; and Deshawn Watson, the 2020 passing leader and 3x pro-bowl QB, had his private life aired on the national news AND got suspended for it. Then, the players who did get the privilege of practicing in the 100+ degree August heat were forced to wear these ridiculous astronaut helmets. "Godspeed, gentlemen." <salutes the camera sarcastically> After months of degrading, belittling, and weakening our greatest Champions the shadowy schedule-making cabal added insult to injury by placing the biggest game of the season, if not the CAREER for some QBs, on week one. The Revenge Game is dearly held tradition. It is one of the only NFL media narratives that is both embraced by players and beloved by fans. It's the game we all " circle on the calendar" , as they say. Although starting QBs rarely change teams in their prime, there were THREE starting QBs facing their former team for the first time this past week. Baker vs The Browns, Russ vs The Seahawks, and Flacco vs The Ravens were perhaps the three most talked about games of the week. The QBs had to answer interview questions about their former teams all summer. They didn't say anything interesting most of the time, because they're media-trained so they never do -- but how could they? It's week one! They had a new offense to learn and no film on their opponents!! This is an untenable situation. Football is under attack, folks. The NFL wants their players to fail, and they want to destroy the game of football as we know it. The NFL is committed to putting the worst possible product on the field. It's simple: They schedule the game-of-the-year on week 1 so everybody's watching. The players play like shit cause and get hurt because they're under-prepared for the game-of-the-year. Then all us fans have to make 100 fantasy roster moves before week 2. Then we all lock in to the week 2 games to see how our new players look. It's a grotesque and sinister downward spiral. Every single one of us will have started a 49ers rookie by week 18, and Roger Goodell will be laughing and counting his money. It's disgusting. Even the coaches are in on the con this year. Lovie Smith ADMITTED to taking a tie on purpose versus the division rival Colts. Watch this: <Lovie on the video @1:22> " there's a lotta football left to go in the season it's kinda simple as that, and I felt like a tie was better than a potential loss. " Uh, hey Lovie - a tie IS a loss. It's the most spineless and disgraceful way to end a game. No game should ever end in a tie. Teams should be forced to play forever until somebody scores, or if both teams score then they should play forever until one team gets a stop. That's how they do it in Australian Football, and then the loser has to suck the winner off in front of everybody . The way god intended it. Of course some NFL coaches managed their teams to respectably decided end-games. But Lovie wasn't the only one willing to throw away precious wins so he could get home in time for House of the Dragon. Six different coaches this week took their football team off the field at the end of the fourth quarter and put the game in the hands of a kicker - only to have their kicker predictably miss or get blocked: Rodrigo Blanketshit missed a 42 yarder wide left that would have spared us a tie. He was released. Good riddance. Randy Bullock missed from 47 as the Titans fell to the Giants. Both kickers in CIN/PIT missed in the fourth. Brandon McManus spoiled Russ' Revenge Game on Monday night. And even our dear Younghoe Koo had a potential game winner blocked, but he never should have been out there in the first place. Kickers are not football players. Most of them are immigrants who grew up playing soccer . Soccer players don't care how many kicks they miss, THEY MISS ALL THE TIME! Soccer is one of the lowest scoring games ON - THE - PLANET. Just look at last weekend's scores in the so-called "Champions" League: PSG won 3-1, Benfica won 2-1, Salzberg and Chelsea tied 1-1, Donetsk and Celtic tied 1-1, Sevilla and Copenhagen tied 0-0. You heard that right folks, ZERO to ZERO . In fact Copenhagen has only scored ONE goal in four "Champions" League matches this year. Do you think they care? They don't care. Their game was ruined by flopping generations ago. Nowadays in Europe missed kicks and ties run rampant, and all the lowlife fans are dirty and drunk and they throw banana peels at the black players. This is the future they NFL wants for us. If Roger Goodell has his way, almost every game will be a tie, the first kicker that makes a 4th quarter field goal will be the MVP, and there'll be so many bananas on the field you'll think it's a mario kart track. I don't want to live that way. I don't want my children to have to live that way. Maybe if Food Beef is reviewing empanadas we'll call one of these soccer kickers, just keep the kickers away from the football-related content. DUMPSTER DIVER OF THE WEEK!! THE HAMBURGLARS!! PICKUP OF THE WEEK: Josh Fucking Palmer The new guy Hamburglars made a splash before week one, joining the long tradition of Special Ed teams named after us. Last season’s Readers will recall the DYM Staff put together a McDonalds-themed group costume for Halloween, with yours truly as the Hamburglar himself. We’re really looking forward to Kull changing the team name to “ THANOS ” after Halloween this year. The ‘Burglars did not draft a defense or a kicker(🇺🇸) , setting themselves up for some torrid move-making in the first two weeks. They lead the league now with 10 moves, clocking seven moves over the last seven days. GREAT JOB!!!!! The most impressive thing, to us, is that six of those moves came out of only two roster spots. They kicked the tires on Curtis Samuel (later picked up by PHP), Dontrell Hilliard, and TWO Niner RBs before landing on Jaylen Warren and Josh Palmer. There’s nothing wrong with shuffling the deck in this league. It behooves a manager to bring free-agents into the team facility even if just to see if they’re gonna be a good fit with the existing locker room chemistry. The margins are thin in this 10-team wild west league, so you can’t ever be too careful. Their latest move (as of Wednesday night) was maybe their most masterful, and it’s our WEEK TWO PICKUP OF THE WEEK!! We don't care how many moves they made - There's no way we woulda named Hamburglars the DDOTW if they still had Jarvis on the roster. For his entire career, Jarvis Landry has been one of the boringest, lowest-ADOT players and he has only played for the league's very worst teams. He will turn 30 years old this November, which SHOULD now make him completely unrosterable in Special Ed. The pickup is an unheralded second year WR from Brampton, ON, Canada who we like to call Josh Fucking Palmer. This kid needs a nickname BAD. Joshua Palmer is an unfortunately boring name for anybody, but especially a third-string WR from Canada. No surprise he flew under the radar until mid-week 2. He’s gonna start tonight for hamstrung Keenan Allen and we think he might be starting for the Hamburglars too!!! In the past we have strongly recommended benching your Thursday players. DYM Readers are well aware that Thursdays have traditionally sucked for fantasy. But the NFL went out of their way to scuttle that discourse early this year. Four of the top-8 offenses from last year got scheduled in the first two Thursdays. The Bills, Rams, Chiefs, and Chargers all scored over 27 points per game in 2021. This week's game might be pretty high-scoring but don't be fooled, THURSDAYS WILL SUCK AGAIN!!! The further we get into the season the more tired and injured the teams will be. Those short weeks take a greater toll on recovery in November and December than they do in the first two weeks. And because the NFL front-loaded the Thursday slate, the competition level will be dramatically lower on Thursdays late in the season. Special Ed Players should be especially careful to avoid the PLAYOFF THURSDAYS on 12/15, 12/22, and 12/29. YUCK!!! 🤮 Spend some time with the family this holiday season, you guys. Just bench your Thursday players and watch The Grinch (2018 animated version) instead. MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!! CHRISTIAN MCCAFFREY!! o62.5 ru & o108.5 total Miss Cleo's Prop Ber Record: 1-0 FOOD BEEF 2022 COMING SOON!! EMPANADAS!! In past seasons, FOOD BEEF has tended to focus on traditional American bar food, like pizza, sandwiches, wings, and burgers. This year DYM Nation has been clamoring for some flavor. No more boring white breads and dried meats, the people want THE HEAT!!! As the demographics of our community have changed, so must we. Over the past couple years a number of new Latin restaurants have opened up in the Morris-Union Jointure area, and almost all of them serve EMPANADAS. We think The late Commish is smiling on our selection. DYM Scholars know that The Commish was always a great fan of all things LATINA (but not latin o ): ¿Chris quiere la comida latina? ¡ Sí! ¿Mujeres latinas? - Por supuesto. ¡ Sí ! ¿Musica latina? - Sí , pero NO puede hacer el baile latin o . ¿Y los deportes latinos? - ¡¿Como, el fútbol?! ¡ NO ! Nunca jamas. The empanada is a staple throughout Latin America but each country has their own particular take. They could be soft, hard, flour, corn, a wide variety of meats, veggies, and cheeses - there's breakfast empanadas, dessert empanadas - the possibilities are ENDLESS!!! We believe that diversity of styles could make this the most compelling Food Beef season yet!!! And since the Empanada Tour will coincide with the 2022 WORLD CUP , this year’s Food Beef playoffs will be an international competition. The Empanada Playoffs will pit Nation against Nation, with the pride of every New Jersey expat community at stake. Just like we do every year DYM’s Food Beef Judges will visit one of our top-8 local empanada contenders every week; followed by a 2-week, four-restaurant playoff, and the EMPANADA CHAMPIONSHIP set for week 13 - just before the Special Ed Fantasy League Playoffs kick off. iiiiiiVAMOS!!!!! Week 3: Raul's Empanadas Town (Morristown) Peru 🇵🇪 Week 4: Delikositas (Madison) Colombia 🇨🇴 Week 5: Anitas Baked Wonders (Florham Park) Argentina 🇦🇷 Week 6: Mexican Spice (Chatham) Mexico 🇲🇽 Week 7: Pan Casero Bakery (Morristown) Ecuador 🇪🇨 Week 8: Mi Casita Restaurante (North Plainfield) El Salvador 🇸🇻 Week 9: Patria Station Café (Berkeley Heights) Argentina 🇦🇷* Week 10: Cafe Y. Canela Colombian (Morristown) Colombia 🇪🇨* Week 11-12: PLAYOFFS!!! Week 13: EMPANADA CHAMPIONSHIPS!!!!! * - We had bangin' empanadas a few weeks ago at a Dominican restaurant in Vauxhall. The Dominican style ones had pineapple and lots of veggies. It was kinda crazy. If we can find another carribbean-style (Dominican or Puerto Rican) empanada spot closer to the DYM home office then one of these will likely get bumped. AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!! DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS!! AGOTW Prediction Record: 0-1 A CLASSIC DYM RIVALRY IN WEEK 2!! Polk High Panthers joined the Special Ed League in 2014, the same year that DYM took home their first Special Ed Super Bowl title. Since then PHP has made the playoffs just four times, while DYM collected four SESB championships. One might think that DYM had dominated this matchup, but they'd be wrong. The record stands at 7-6 in favor of DYM after PHP beat us twice last year. Entering 2022, DYM vs PHP is one of the league's most hotly contended rivalries. Keenan Allen will hit the PHP bench this week to make room for Yahoo!'s hottest pickup of the week - Curtis Samuel !!! There used to be a lotta hype around Samuel that he never lived up to, being overshadowed for several years by DJ Moore and Chris McCaffrey. But he's actually a really good player and it looks like the Commies have a scheme drawn up for him. We always look out for WRs who get rushing attempts because those are designed plays. When a WR carries the ball it means the team likes this guy for specific things, and they are gonna try to do some of those things most every week. Most of the time we're taking about one or two carries for guys like Kadarius Toney or Dontrell Mooney, and it's a clue that portends to greater things later in the season. But it looks like Samuel is gonna get the full Deebo treatment in Washington - he got peppered with short targets and handled four carries including at least one we saw in the red zone. This could turn out to have been a VERY smooth pickup, and a drop that the 'Burglars could regret. On the other side, the only WR who got a rushing attempt for DYM in week one just so happens to be DJ Moore himself. We were pretty amped about Carolina WRs this year (12% Terrace Marshall exposure on underDog). After week one it seems we may have had unrealistic expectations for the Baker Mayfield experience. DJ will probably be fine tho, he's found his way to 1,000 yards with worse QBs. He'll have a few splash weeks and DYM's 4xHigh-ADOT-WR lineup can cover up a lotta blemishes early in the season. Plus, the future of this squad is in our stable of rookie RBs we got stashed on the bench. And the FUTURE may be at hand for DYM!!!!! Leonard Fournette caught a flat tire on a fourth quarter run last week and left the game. Not much was made of it on Sunday since the game was out of hand, no one was surprised to see the rookie close it out. Fournette was "limited" wednesday with a hamstring and returned to regular practice today. Still, many Bucs Bloggers are urging caution with the aging veteran, hoping to get an extended look at their new rookie RB this week. The youngster has been saying all offseason that he's gonna be the starting RB for this team. We hope he's right cause we can't keep starting Cowboys much longer. PREDICTION: DEFEND YOUR MOVES - 118.54 POLK HIGH PANTHERS - 117.90 SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!! BRING IT ON HOME vs FINGERBANG! Coincidentally all the 1-0 teams are playing 0-1 teams this week so there's a chance for this league's top contenders to take an extended lead very early in the season. The defending champs have probaly the best chance to reach 2-0 as they face a battered and humiliated Fingerbang squad. Late last week on the Special Ed group-text we had so much fun laughing at Mike's real-life favorite player (Allen Robinson) we almost forgot to give him shit for starting Cam Akers, who was an even worse disaster for the Rams in week 1. FB will likely be forced to pickup a Niner RB (all of them?) to replace Cam and old brick-foot Najee. It's fucked up that he can't just start Claypool and Hurts at RB cause those guys might lead his team in rushing. BIOH WINS!! TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs. THE HAMBURLARS In the opening chapter of James Robinson's Achilles the hero was sidelined while his compatriots eeked out a narrow victory, with a little help from the fantasy gods - claiming the win with a mere 93.86 points. All the while, the starting RBs were a glaring weakness. Dalvin Cook will continue to lead the platoon but the heroes are looking for reinforcements now that Kamara has bruised ribs. Last week James Robinson's Achilles could have single handedly outscored the team's starting RBs (Hunt and Carter could have too). The rippers know they'll need more than 100 points this week so they have dispatched messengers to beg James Robinson's Achilles to forgive their disrespect and return to the field. HAMBURGLARS WIN!!! FISTO KIDDS vs RESPEC🍻 Yahoo is projecting a huge blowout for Fisto, and we have to admit Dave's team is pretty stacked with Herbert and that powerhouse WR trio (Kupp, AJ Brown, and Pittman). That's a team that's built to win NOW. Respec looks more like a cold weather team to us tho. They hoarded RBs in the draft, so they've got 4 nice starters and some fire on the bench (like C.Pat). Depth is good to have, but unfortunately for respeto, they're starting the season in a pretty deep hole FISTO KIDDS WINS!! PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs SHARON ERTZ This is a tough one to pick. It's hard to really punch any holes in Paul's roster. they're solid top-to-bottom, even with a TE. But then there's Josh Allen.. on Monday Night.. at home.. vs THE TITANS?!?!?! Brother, Josh might score a million this week. SHARON ERTZ WINS!! ' HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!