Shana Tova, Special Ed - and a Happy 5782 to you and yours!!
Today was Yom Kippur, the day of repentance.
DYM Off-Season readers know our most regrettable sin this past year was joining Doug's fantasy baseball league. Fantasy Baseball sucks.
For years now we've contended that playing fantasy baseball is detrimental to one's fantasy football acumen, and it doesn't even seem like fun. We can now confirm both of these suppositions.
We did NOT have fun this summer, and had a horrendous week 1. If we were smart we woulda cut our losses and tanked the last month of the season to avoid the playoffs. But, as it turned out, the numbers game we figured out back at the end of May has been very very effective. We've been dominating this league for the last three and a half months, so we're actually kinda invested in this baseball shit now. That's great news for everybody in Special Ed - we're gonna stay cursed for another couple weeks.
Last week in the Garbage Baseball Playoffs we were matched up with our true nemesis - The Baseball Commish. This guy's the worst. The name of the league is still "Auction H2H Points" but he somehow found the wherewithal to change the league rules during the season - TWICE!! The second rule change he made was to expand the playoffs from 4 teams to 6. He finished in sixth, obviously. But the Fantasy Gods would not let these injustices go unpunished - The baseball commish and his whole family got breakthrough COVID and dude didn't set his lineup for the whole week.
This week we're matched up with our old friend Doug R. Tacos.
He actually was smart enough to tank the Baseball playoffs to save his Special Ed season.
In an enviably crafty bit of subterfuge, Doug dropped a bunch of his starting pitchers for infielders last week and left three starters (40pts) on the bench yesterday to give Team DYM an early 60 point lead. Although we have to resec' the fact that he's making a mockery of this garbage league, a COVID infection is the only Officially acceptable excuse for not setting your lineup in the playoffs. So the pressure's on us now to avoid the Baseball Hall of Shame - The most shameful hall of them all.
We actually put a lotta effort into scouting rookie SP's and two-start-pitchers the last couple weeks. But we really coulda won these games with our eyes closed, and now we're gonna start 0-3 in Special Ed, so we guess the joke's on us.
DUMPSTER DIVER OF THE WEEK:
PICKUP OF THE WEEK:
Jameis is fuckin awesome. We have him on 2 of our 3 non-Special Ed Squads this year.
A lotta people forgot that back in April 2020 Jameis had LASIK surgery. He told Sports Illustrated - “No blurriness, and I think that’s huge ... Depth perception has increased tremendously and those are the big things." We've never played quarterback in the NFL so we don't know for sure, but we gotta imagine depth-perception is pretty essential. We're inclined to think that poor depth perception might make one prone to interceptions.
The story was pretty underreported at the time cause everybody knew he wouldn't see the field in 2020 anyway. Then, when he was "competing" for the starting QB job this summer his trainers posted some of his all-time funniest workout videos and people forgot all about the laser eyes.
We ate these workout tapes up. They were hilarious! The pitbull pass-rusher was definitely our favorite. But he also balled out in the preseason and a lotta real football people were publicly respecting the grind. He was unironically called the "hardest working QB in the league", but most people have a hard time saying that with a straight face. He does work out a lot, has for years, but will any of this shit help him not throw picks? Hell no.
But those new laser beam eyeballs just might!
MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!
MCPoTW Prop Bet Record: 0-2 | MCPoTW Special Ed Record: 1-0
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!
🌶 Kevin's Famous Chili 🌶 vs Tobin & The Rippers
AGoTW Prediction Record: 1-0
We're seriously disappointed in Doug. Can't believe he bailed on our extra starting pitcher strategy. We'd been laughing about it all summer, it's unstoppable.
We gave him shit about his lineup last week, he said they're all big time sluggers but we never heard of these guys. Adalberto Mondesi? Is that a real name? CJ Cron? Like Cron's Disease? WTF? He's got a catcher now. And either Pillar or Villar, not sure which one, but we're actively rooting against both of them this week, and we don't wanna do that. Fuckin hate baseball, you guys. So stupid.
In Special Ed, Doug's got that sub-optimal Mahomes/CEH stack so this team is gonna have a low ceiling all year long. This week he'll be starting Golladay on Thursday and hoping Josh Jacobs' broken toe doesn't keep him out on the short week. Pretty sure Kenyan Drake is available but we're not gonna check.
Tobin & The Rippers has Washington Defense which is the only action anybody should want in this game. We think Zeke is due for a squeeky-wheel bouce-back game. He'll definitely get more than 5 carries this week.
Tobin & The Rippers: 120.87
🌶 Kevin's Famous Chili 🌶: 99.01
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!
SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!
DEFEND YOUR MOVES🕵️♂️🕵🏻♂️ vs Delta Blues
The Baseball Curse has hit DYM pretty hard. We have zero viable WRs, and our best player this week is gonna be a Tight End.
We'll keep it respectable tho - Josh Allen is gonna go crazy against the Dolphins, and The Commish is probly starting a Shannahan RB. But it doesnt matter. We're cursed.
DELTA BLUES WINS!!
Bring It On Home vs No And Then!
START LEONARD FOURNETTE!!
BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!
Paul’s Awesome Team vs Polk High Panthers
Polk High Panthers was the second highest scoring team last week and they left about 15 points on the bench. This team is a powerhouse and Paul knows it. He's in full panic mode after scoring a meager 79 points in week one. He might bench Saquon tonight, which is nuts but understandable on a Turdsday. Aaron Rodgers is a way bigger problem for this squad anyway. We're really looking forward to trading Josh Allen for Saquon in a couple weeks.
POLK HIGH PANTHERS WINS!!
Pickle Ricks!! vs Sharon Ertz
Sharon Ertz really needs to get a trade done. He's got two TEs that he should be starting every week but also three RBs that he won't bench. Like maybe he could send Antonio Gibson to Tobin for AJ Brown. Just a thought.
PICKLE RICKS WINS!!