DEFEND YOUR MOVES OFF-SEASON 2021 #11 - FANTASY FOOTBALL TAROT - Part I


Holy shit, Special Ed, there's only 8 weeks til FOOTBALL SEASON!!!


LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!


This past season Team DYM completed the unlikeliest of feats - The Fantasy Three-peat.

We couldn't have been prouder, it was probably the greatest personal accomplishment of our lives. The problem is every time we tell someone about it the first thing they always say is "Woah, that league must suck."


Of course, we all know that The Special Ed League does not suck. Quite the opposite in fact. But if we've heard that comment two dozen times this off-season, then we're sure some of you might have heard it once or twice as well. We don't want you guys to have to hear that, it can be upsetting, and we don't want you guys getting discouraged. The last thing this league needs is another team slipping into an Ertz-like malaise of Fantasy Apathy.

So, while we will continue to put maximum effort into winning Special Ed Super Bowl XI, we're gonna use the rest of our 2021 DYM Off-Season to give you guys a little more insight into our predraft rankings process. In the past we've been pretty cagey about what we REALLY think about players before the draft. But it's time for a change. We want you guys to be better at Fantasy Football. LETS MAKE SPECIAL ED GREAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!


Instead of just giving you guys our rankings, we'd prefer teach you all to fish, as they say. There are three essential components to the DYM off-season research process that one simply has to do for oneself:

  1. We do a ton of mock-drafts

  2. We listen to a ton of podcasts

  3. We shoot hoops outside (weather permitting)

Ideally from June until September we try to make an hour or two per day for our fantasy research and we try to do two of those three activities simultaneously.

When we shoot hoops and listen to podcasts we like to play Around-The-World. Here's our customized rules for off-season 1-man ATW basketball -


We make 7 spots around the arc, and shoot form the left baseline corner first. Make it, move on to the next spot. When we make spot #7 we get to go home.

If we miss a shot we can get the rebound and make take a shot from the place we caught the ball. If we make the rebound shot we get a do-over on the missed spot. If we miss the rebound shot, or miss the same spot twice in a row, then we gotta move back one spot.

We pretty much never get all the way around the world, but that's OK cause the point is just to kill time and keep our hands busy while we listen to podcasts - it’s not actually a basketball exercise.


2021 Top 10 Fantasy Football Podcasts:


  • ROTOUNDERWORLD RADIO!!! - RotoUnderworld with The Podfather Matt Kelley has been our favorite show for about the last 5 years. It's just the best. The most entertaining and the most accurate fantasy football show around. Also the purveyor of the unparalleled stats site PlayerProfiler.com.

  • The Action Network Podcast Mostly gambling stuff but the fantasy show on Thursdays is one of the very best.

  • The Most Accurate Podcast - We like this show, but it's actually not the most accurate podcast (that's RotoUnderworld). Their process is a bit cryptic as well since 4for4.com is subscription only (fuck that).

  • THE TAEKCAST - Another very entertaining and very smart show. We like Davis Mattek's takes a lot even though he's a millennial so his voice kinda goes up at the end of every sentence like he's asking a question.

  • PFF Fantasty Football Podcast - PFF is another site that we think might be good but we're not gonna pay money to find out.

The podcast is a great listen tho. We really like listening to Ian Hartitz talk. We think he's from Chicago and he sounds like a pretty heavy smoker. Sometimes he gets excited and talks too fast and gets himself all outta breath, which is funny.

  • A GOOD FOOTBALL SHOW - Unlike Most Accurate Podcast, this show is, in fact, A Good Football Show. Hosted by Patrick Daugherty who used to write all the player blurbs on Rotoworld, and Denny Carter who's REALLY good at Wii Golf.

  • Fantasy Points Podcast featuring THE GURU John Hansen. Also check him out on SiriusXM 7-9am!!

  • The Rant with Jeff Ratcliffe - This is the guy on xm channel 87 right after the Guru at 9am. That's a tough time for most people to listen even though this show is actually much much better than The Guru's show.

  • Living The Stream - Another Denny Carter joint. This one is just about weekly streaming QB, defense and kicker options.

  • Dynasty Crossroads- We think it's important to take in some Dynasty League talk even if we're only playing season-long. It's helpful to get yourself acquainted with rookies and sleepers before they're actually relevant in our league. Also Peter Howard is British. American football analysts with British accents are the fuckin best. Such a treat.


If you're very lazy, The Fantasy Footballers is the the #1 most popular Fantasy Football Podcast, so you know they try really hard to be funny so it's very accessible. They listen to a lot of the podcasts linked above and pretty much just say the same shit that the smart people said. To be honest that's as solid a strategy as any other, and the show is a pretty decent listen.


These Podcasts Are ALWAYS WRONG & Not Fun To Listen To

(THE DO NOT LISTEN LIST):


The worst. Might be worth listening to every now and then as a hate-listen/so-bad-it's-good kinda thing. Absolutely ludicrous takes.

  • Harris Football Show - We think Chris Harris used to work at ESPN. which probably means he was worse at fantasy and/or less entertaining than Matthew Berry and 'em, and they fuckin SUCK. Plus this guy's a nerd and hard to listen to.

  • ESPN Fantasy Focus - (see above). Also, never trust fantasy advice from a company that runs fantasy contests. They want you to lose.

  • NFL Fantasy Live - The NFL Network fantasy show (see above).

  • CBSsports.com Fantasy Football Today - (see above again).

  • FantasyPros Fantasy Football Podcast - You would think these guys would be better at this but they're not.

  • Draft Sharks - We think these guys run some of the bots that put like 1,000 entries in Fanduel contests. Fuck Draft Sharks.

  • RotoWire Fantasy Football Podcast - Chris Liss lives in Portugal but he doesn't have a cool accent. He's just a regular American jerkoff who really only pays attention to fantasy baseball until October. So, in a way he's kinda worse than The Counselor




FANTASY TAROT!!!!!!!!!!!


We know we just threw a lot at you guys. It's gonna take some time to work through those pods and knock down those corner threes. But we always knew we‘d have to give you guys a more digestible and straight-forward fantasy resource for this season, which is why we got our good friend Miss Cleo to make us a customized 2021 Fantasy Football Tarot Deck!!!!!!!!!!! The deck contains images of the 78 most archetypically significant Fantasy Football Players for this season.

Now that we're just EIGHT WEEKS away from the start of Fantasy Season we're gonna use the deck to do a division-by-division season preview.


We're starting this week with Special Ed Nation's favorite division -


THE NFC EAST!!!!!!!!!!!


The NFC East was the laughing stock of the league late last year when no team finished over .500, and the Eagles tanked week 17 to give Washington their 7th win. We think a lotta guys in this division are gonna be undervalued (except the Cowboys of course) based on that big-picture narrative of last year.

But one of DYM’s core draft strategy principals for this year is to NOT FADE any NFC East teams because none of them play any fuckin defense and they play the AFC West this year (also a lotta blow/shoot-out). Plus they get those division games during the fantasy playoffs, which gets them all a ✔️➕on our big board.


Each of these teams has at least one potential top-5 player at his position. But none of them is very deep on offense so there are no sure things, and not a lotta handcuffs. Every NFC East player is gonna have to be just as lucky as they are good to break out in 2021.

Let's see what the cards have in store for them:


THE GIANTS


SAQUON is The Empress, card #3.

In the symbolic imagery of Tarot, the Empress is the quintessence of feminine energy. It represents the Mother, so it is #3 in the cards but #1 in our hearts.

Saquon is still probably the best running back in the NFL. But the injury (first of his career) and fears of a low-octane offense (unfounded) have driven Saquon as low as 7 in our recent mock drafts. That’s absurd. We have him #3 in our ranks right now but it’s real close. We would still think about taking him #1 overall. You guys know we love C-Mac, DYM Legend, but you can’t convince us that there’s anything about McCaffrey or his situation that’s better than Saquon.

If you're wondering how Saquon (or any NFL player) exemplifies the feminine mystique, look no further than this widespread ranking injustice. Almost every fantasy analyst has extremely masculine RBs like Dalvin Cook and Derrick Henry ranked above Saquon, and we honestly don't see why.

KENNY GOLLADAY is Death, card #13.

There's lotta charlatan sooth-sayers out there slangin these Tarot Cards these days. Most of em would tell you that Death (13) is a bad luck card. But here at DYM we make our own luck - Han Solo style. So, in our opinion there aren't any bad Tarot cards, just challenging ones. Optimistic Tarot readers will say "Death always brings a re-birth" - the meaning of the rising sun on the horizon. That's nice, but for the Fantasy Tarot, we prefer to say that Death (13) need not be your own death, instead it ought to mean the death of your rivals and competition.

In this card Miss Cleo used Cowboys, Eagles, and Washingtons as the dead and dying, which would be ideal, but Golladay has also been a bane to his own teammates. The Lions drafting Kenny Golladay in 2017 spelled the beginning of the end for Detroit stalwart Golden Tate. We suspect Tate's days in NY are now numbered as well. But Tate isn't the only one on the hot seat. We're fading Darius Slayton and Evan Engram cause Golladay is a target HOG. In his two full season in Detroit he was the only player (RB or WR) with over 1,000 yards from scrimmage; both seasons he was targeted on 20% of all Lions passes and accounted for about 20% of their total offense.


DANNY DIMES is the Nine of Swords.