Friday night week 7
The night is dark and cold
Week 7 is always cold but the dark overwhelms us tonight
The air is crisp but the dark is heavy
Darkness wraps around us and tells us to sleep
"rest tonight" it whispers. Let the darkness be your warmth
A big yellow moon hides behind the trees
Some nights the clouds obscure the moon but the light saturates them like a paper lantern
Tonight is clear, but the moon hides from us
Light barely peeking through the branches
It wont allow us near it tonight.
RIP PICKLE RICKS!!!!!!!
Sorry for the delay, Readers. We’re back in writer’s block city this week. For some reason we just don’t have any strong opinions on any of you guys’ teams this week. So instead we wrote a poem about when your Best Player gets injured and your whole season is dead in week 7. That's rough.
Only one Special Ed Matchup had no action last night even though we keep telling you guys that Thursday Night games suck for fantasy. Every RB sucked, Kelce sucked, in fact, only Butker and Courtland Sutton beat their Yahoo! Projections and Sutton was benched. But of course the real tragedy is the Mahomes injury.
The DYM Award winner and reigning league MVP is DONE FOR, so we might as well just cancel the rest of the season and hand it all over to the Patriots now. They’ve got this thing all wrapped up. There’ll be no need for the Gronk come-back, they won’t need AB. They probably won’t even need to play N’Keal Harry or Damien Harris so it’s like they have 9 draft picks for next year too. Goddamn that’s depressing.
FOOD BEEF PRESENTS: THE 2019 BAGEL TOUR!!!!!!!
Hot Bagels, Florham Park, NJ
This isn’t the best bagel we’ve had on this tour but it is the best bagel shop name!
These bagels tasted good and really won over the judges with the quality bread ingredients and tasty cream cheese shmeres. They didn't have capers for the lox sandwich but did include pickles which was cool. We have to say though that the texture was really not all the way there. They were much too soft for Food Beef’s liking, and the crust wasn’t crusty enough either. The other downside is it’s kinda out of the way, we don’t like going to Florham Park that much since we have to go through downtown Madison to get there, it’s a shlep and the traffic’s always bad in the morning.
There are only three bagel shops left on the tour and only one playoff spot has been clinched so far. Hot Bagels is going to get our second highest score so they are now very likely to end up in the playoffs. At this point we hope there is only one more place we like because it would be a shame to have Hot Bagels get in and Noah’s be left out. Noah's lost points for bad service and side dishes but they would SMOKE these guys in a head to head bagel-off.
BAGEL SCORE: 8
DYM: Everything with bacon, double egg, salt, pepper, hot sauce: 7
Cynthia: Sesame with lox, tomatoes, pickles, and cream cheese: 8.5
Sara: Sesame with lox, tomatoes, pickles, and cream cheese: 8
Amari: Blueberry bagel (pictured above, left)
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!
DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs SHARON ERTZ
AGoTW Prediction Record: 5-1
The cool thing about this matchup is we’ve got a ton of guys on the same teams or playing each other this week so we only have 7 or 8 games total that we have to pay attention to including our Eagles' and Bills' big division rivalry games. Lucky for us, three of those games (Eagles/Cowboys, Rams/Falcons, and Giants/Cardinals) are projected to be the highest scoring games of the week, all with over/unders of 50 or higher. Plus we have no Thursday or Monday action, so this should be a pretty fun Sunday.
Even though we both have guys on bye, we both still may have line-up choices to make. We’ll both be watching for the Cardinals to announce inactives on Sunday since both David Johnson and Christian Kirk are being called “game time decisions.” Obviously if DJ doesn’t go then Rob is fucked cause we have Chase Edmonds stashed on the bench. We’re not counting on it though, DJ seems more likely to play than Kirk right now, so we’re planning on giving Miles Sanders his first career fantasy start this week.
Rob has WR choices to make every week. This week it’s gonna be hard to sit Gallup against the Eagles, and TY vs Fuller is good process, but that leaves both Brandin Cooks and Stefon Diggs on the bench. You just know one of them is gonna outscore one of the starters. But the key for this team is of course their team captain Zach Ertz.
DID YOU KNOW that Sharon Ertz is undefeated when Zach scores 10 points or more, and winless when he scores less than 10? IT’S TRUE!!
Dallas is a green-light matchup for TEs on yahoo, so it doesn’t look good for us. But we don’t think we’ve ever picked against ourselves in Game of the Week so we’re not gonna do that now.
DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!
SAQUONS HEISMAN vs NOW KAKAROT
Davante Adams is not coming back this week leaving Doug with only one active WR. Chris is the clubhouse leader for Dumpster Diver of the week right now for scooping Adam Lazard. The ball’s in Doug’s court now, he’s got some divin to do.
THE COMMISH WINS!!!!!!!
PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs TEAM MEH
Paul already had one lineup mistake in the books this week. He left 8 points on the bench starting Phil Lindsay over Courtland Sutton. That may leave the door open just enough for Team Meh who are riding a Chris Carson hot streak.
TEAM MEH WINS!!!!!!!
PICKLE RICKS vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS
Matt only has one WR available for this week. Last week Matt went without a defense due to bye week constraints. He may be thinking that with Mahomes out of the way, maybe he can get this win anyway, even with the short line up.
But he better not be.
We swear to god if he doesn’t set his lineup this week we’re bringing back the Hall of Shame. Didn't want it to come to this.
PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!!!
BRING IT ON HOME vs ALVIN & THESHITMUNKS
Harrison Butker was the Thursday Night Fantasy MVP, but if Kyler starts then Andy’s gonna win.
BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!!!!!!
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!