There are only a few things in life that are more important than fantasy football, and one of those things is STAR WARS!!!
So, if any of you DYM Readers haven’t read our Ultimate Star Wars Theory yet, do yourself a favor and check it out right now.
Just click this link or go to the “Star Wars” tab on the top of any DYM web page.
WHAT IS UP, SPECIAL ED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The Final Star Wars Trailer aired during the game last night and WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Star Wars fever is really starting to peak right now, and anticipation for this trailer was as high as we can ever remember. But we have to say we feel bad for all the nerds that had to sit through that awful first half of football to see the SW trailer at halftime. Man, what a shitshow.
The trailer did NOT disappoint AT ALL, though.
First of all, the music BANGS. Each of the three official trailers for Rise of Skywalker has featured a new, hugely polyphonic version of a classic Star Wars motif:
The first trailer played Leia’s theme, then “the force theme” in the second, and this third one plays the main Star Wars theme (aka Luke’s theme). If all three of these are on the actual score and we get a new Reylo Love Theme then it'll be pretty safe to say the Rise of Skywalker Soundtrack will be the best music album in the history of recorded sound.
Now let’s go scene-by-scene and dig all the nuggets we can out if this Final Star Wars Trailer:
The first scene is Rey running through the woods. You know she's training here because the helmet she drops has a visor to cover your eyes (like Luke’s training helmet in episode 4).
Next, we see Lando. He’s got a hardbody crew ready to ride.
We see a few familiar faces in the crowd if we zoom in.
ROSE IN THE BUILDING!!!
Rose Tico has been conspicuously absent from all Episode IX marketing up until this point. The leading internet theory is that it’s because Rose is pregnant in this movie, and they don't wanna give away the surprise. Obviously the door’s still open since they cleverly avoided showing us her belly in this shot. Of course if she were pregnant it would be HUGE (!!!!!!) for our Big Star Wars Thesis since we already said The Last Jedi was really all about being a Mom too.
Speaking of Moms, this is Leia’s ship right here.
Its gotta be the same one cause Wookiepedia says this model was made specifically for the Royals of the planet Alderaan, so there can't be that many of em still out there, and this one has the exact same paint job. (That wookiepedia page is being updated as we speak so we’re pretty sure this one’s on point).
Check it out:
Vader’s castle was in one scene in Rogue One and we really wanna see more of it in Episode IX, but Superman’s Fortress of Solitude looks pretty dope here too.
And here’s the scene we ALL were waiting for.
This line in the trailer actually starts as we see the crew assembling on the bridge of the Millenium Falcon. But through an act of pure serendipity the captions on our TV were coming in about 4-5 seconds delayed, so we got the image above instead. It was the will of the force that we would get this screen-cap.
We want Reylo to explicitly happen, and this line being in the trailer puts us well ahead of the expected pace. This movie is a love story and we are 1000% here for it.
Aaah!!! Look at this little cutie!!!
Next, we get our first shot of Keri Russell’s character.
That gold helmet is the hottest new look.
Man, it's been a huge year for all us Russells. First D’Angelo crushed it. Now its Keri’s time to shine. If Russell Wilson wins MVP this year we’re having a party.
Keri’s character is named Zori Bliss. All we know of her back story so far is she used to hook up with Poe Dameron back in the day.
Keri appeared with Oscar Isaac in a few panels and photo shoots over the summer. Apparently Oscar is one of those Daniel Day Lewis type method actors who’s like never out of character even in his day-to-day life offset. Just look how committed to this role he is.
Respec Yo Russells, Oscar!!!
Here’s another new character. His name’s D-O, and once again we only know one thing about his back story: D-O was built by BB-8 from junk and spare parts, so basically he’s Forky from Toy Story 4.
That means BB-8 is a mom now too, so that's HUGE (!!!!!!).
If Rose and/or Rey have babies too we’re buying a keg for Russell’s MVP party.
Our last new character is this gal riding a buffalo.
Her name’s Jannah. Wookieepedia tells us she “led a tribe of brave and noble warriors on an ocean moon.” All you Off-Season DYM scholars will immediately recognize this as the Gungan/Ewok corollary we predicted in our original Episode IX preview (more on that below).
The next shot shows Rey standing in front of Palpatine’s throne in a barren dusty setting. Hard to say where this scene takes place but we have some thoughts.
The flat mysty landscape immediately reminded us of a couple scenes from Star Wars Rebels:
The site of the Sith Temple on Malachore (season 2 ep 9), and the (former) Jedi Temple on Lothal (season 4 ep 13).
When the dark side of the force is cultivated in one place for a long period of time it can kill a planet and prevent anything from growing there, which is why many Sith ruins look like this. It is also said that many of the mining planets and desert planets in Star Wars were once vibrant green places, but had at some point been imbued with the darkside.
Rey is gonna restore The Heart of Tafiti, you guys.
The last shot is of Rey. Half of her face is in the light and half in the shadow.
EPISODE IX PREDICTION SCOREBOARD!!!!!!!!!
The theory here is that every Star Wars is all the same story and the same things happen over and over.
Since our two favorite Star Wars movies thus far are The Phantom Menace and Return of the Jedi, back in May we identified 7 essential scenes that happened in both of those and suggested what the third iteration might look like.
Now that we have all the official pre-release info in hand, let’s take a look back at our old Episode IX concept art storyboard and see how many of our ideas made it in so far.
NOT TOO SHABBY!!!
We’re looking at 4 very likely hits and one “maybe” just from the trailers and magazine photos.
We don’t want to print all the BIG LEAKED SPOILERS we’ve heard recently, but if they’re even close to accurate then the other two are stone cold LOCKS. With less than two months to go until the premier, Defend Your Moves is STILL The Internets' #1 Star Wars Theorist!!!!!!!!!
Episode IX Corollaries
1 - A robed figure appears - (tbd)
2 - A hologram message - (tbd)
3 - The large, wet overlord - (tbd)
4 - Our non-human friend gets in trouble for stealing food -
This fella was introduced at Star Wars Celebration, his name is Klad, and he's Chewbacca's homeboy. That's all we know for sure but, come on, look at these guys.
We know that look, Klad definitely just ate that guy's lunch.
5 - The technologically inferior army -
Jannah’s buffalo soldiers (see above)
6 - The Magic Flight -
Desert race/chase scene, obviously.
7 - Saying goodbye -
Looks like a goodbye hug to us.
The one “maybe” we’re looking at right now is the scene from the Final Trailer with Lando and the crew.
When we zoom in we can see everybody in front of Lando is standing in a circle and gazing toward the center of it..It’s possible (maybe) that there’s a table there in front of Chewie and if there is, then it’s possible (just maybe) that there’s a hologram playing on that table.
Now the only big thing we’re still missing from all the trailers and promos so far is Broom Boy. But we’re not losing faith.
Broom Boy is gonna happen you guys.
The best possible scenario would be if they somehow tie together the "reviving of the dead planets" and the "freeing all the people" into a singularly heroic act for the FULL Moana ending.
HAVE A GREAT STAR WARS EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!