DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2022 WEEK 7!!!!!!!


What's up Special Ed?!?!?!?


Next week our guy John Fetterman is finally gonna bring his big Pittsburgh vibe to the debate stage against TV's Dr. Oz. This race has been morbidly fascinating to us for a long time now. Even in this post-Trump political era we were still genuinely surprised to see these two win their respective primaries. THEY'RE BOTH NUTS!!!!!

Usually when one party nominates an amateur/psychopath for national office the other party will roll out their most inoffensive career politician - pitting "the establishment" against a "radical" outsider. In that way the races in Ohio and Georgia are much more traditionally compelling (with psycho/amateurs JD Vance & Herschel Walker vs. incumbent congressman Tim Ryan & Raphael Warnock). But this Pennsylvania race is an unprecedented disaster:

We got a fucking fake TV doctor and a guy who dresses like the Wu-Tang Clan before they were rich.


For the most part we tend to support inexperienced leftist idealogues - we need some fresh liberal voices on the national stage. But something about Fetterman kinda rubs us the wrong way.


A lotta people are getting turned on to Fetterman's white-collar background these days: He used to be an insurance underwriter for Chubb (his dad owns an insurance company); he has two masters degrees ($$) one from Harvard ($$$$).


But if you can't compartmentalize that then you gotta just stop voting for Senators.


Plus, DYM was way ahead of that narrative. We knew Fetterman was secretly rich as soon as we saw those Carhartt sweatshirts.

That's a fucking $70 sweatshirt you guys. This motherfucker isn't gonna be relatable to us unless he's rocking some fuckin Champion, some Russell Athletic, some fuckin AMAZON BASICS!!!!! Bernie's suits look cheaper than Fetterman's sweats.


Fetterman's sartorial choices caught our eye early on because we happen to know a guy from high school who dresses like that - expensive sweatshirts, shorts all through the winter - and he's NUTS!!! This is the guy we told y'all about who had a traumatic brain injury then got red-pilled and turned into one of the most prolific MAGA facebookers. His dad owns an insurance company too, for what it's worth.


Of course, Fetterman's brain problems are front-and-center right now cause he had a stroke in May. But it's important to remember that those pics of him wearing shorts in the winter were BEFORE the stroke.


The thing a lotta people DON'T know about Fetterman is he played Offensive Tackle at Albright College (D-III).

DYM Scholars are always on the lookout for politicians who played College Football (especially lineman and tight ends) since we told y'all a few years ago that brain injuries are known to impair the social judgments and beliefs of players later in life. That study showed brain injury victims had difficulty identifying and mitigating "radical" political opinions, and were unwittingly attracted to more radical positions.

That's super interesting considering Fetterman grew up in a rich white community with parents he called "conservative Republicans", and now represents the most radically left-leaning policies of any 2022 senate candidate. It's ALSO super interesting considering Fetterman had a stroke a few months ago and this new study found that even minor TBIs result in an increased risk of stroke later in life.


That being said, we still like scrambled eggs Fetterman way better than Dr. Oz, cause at least he didn't murder a bunch of dogs!!!


 

DYM PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

McDONALDS BOO BUCKETS ARE BACK!!!!!!!

Right now at McDonalds you can get a Happy Meal served in an old school 80's style halloween bucket!!!!!!! We used to love these buckets when we were kids. They make great beach toys in the summer time too!!! GET YOURS NOW WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!!!!!

 

WHO'S HOT?!?!?!?

At week 7 we are over a third of the way through the season. We have all endured the proverbial road-of-trials and we've likely learned something about our teams that we may not have known before the draft.

From here on our pre-draft analyses will fade into memory. Ever-changing opportunities, usage, and matchups will become far more important than prior talent evaluation.


Every week it will matter less and less who is "good", and matter more and more who is "HOT". That's why we use a DYM proprietary algorithm to calculate the exact “Heat Index” of every Special Ed team. The calculation is deviously simple: We just divide your last three weeks’ average score by your season average and boom, that’s your HEAT INDEX.


The Heat Index is the most predictive measure for fantasy success in the industry today. Who's Hot?! Rankings have correctly predicted the winner of 6 of the last 7 Special Ed Superbowls.


So without further to do -- let's find out WHO'S HOT?!?

Last week Tobin defeated DYM in a classic tortoise vs hare scenario:

DYM🧊 came flying out the gates with three straight 130+ scores in weeks 1-3 (and we still have the 2nd highest season average). But we completely ran out of gas after the Miami trip. Since then we've just been awful - two sub 90 scores and even those teams had precious few points available on the bench.


Tobin🌶 on the other hand started slow - they didn't score over 105 until week 4 - and they haven't gone over 120 yet. But we think they're on their way to some big BIG scores. They've steadily improved over the last month scoring 112% over their yearly average, which proved enough to overcome the ice cold DYM in week 6.


Bring It On Home🏜 in 2nd on the Heat Index is very scary. They were already the highest scoring team in week one, and have gotten even BETTER since. Plus now they got a way better offensive line for McCaffrey. They might be unstoppable.

 

MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!

TREVOR LAWRENCE o229.5

Miss Cleo's Prediction Record: 7-2


 

FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS!!!!!!!

Mexican Spice 🇲🇽 (Chatham, NJ)


Mexican Spice is known for their tacos but they're like the third best taco place in town. So it's somewhat unsurprising that they ran into a similar problem as we found with Maria's last week: taco-flavored-empanadas. This time we can confirm that the beef empanadas do in fact have the exact same fillings as the beef empanadas.

To their credit, the ingredients and flavor profile here was actually closer to what we would want from an empanada than from a taco (potatoes, peas etc), but we were still pretty disappointed with their lack of imagination. And as you can see in the first photo above, the shells were hard, overcooked, barely stuck together. The ends were thick and crusty like a flavorless fortune cookie.

Empanada Score: 7

 

AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!

HAMBURGLARS vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS

ITS A FANTASY REVENGE GAME IN WEEK 7!!!!!!!


Sure, Tom Brady hasn't been that good for the last couple weeks but this week he's gonna go crazy. Nobody holds a grudge like Tom Brady. So when The Hamburglars picked him up a few weeks ago we know he circled this week on his calendar. PHP have flatly disrespected the GOAT twice this season - first by keeping Brandin Cooks over him and then by dropping him after week 2. We think Brady takes out the last few weeks of pent up frustration on the Carolina and Polk High Panthers.


PHP are the only team in this league averaging less than 100 points per game on the season and still averaging under 100 over the last three games. They are 1-5 and have had the lowest score in the league 3 of the last 6 weeks.

Yahoo! is projecting 105 for this squad which would be their highest score since week 1. AND IT'S NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION!!!

Right now they're on a one-game-winning streak and they're undefeated in the Geno Era.

For this week they get Keenan Allen back, an all-time smash matchup for Kelce, and Godwin is coming off his best game of the season.


We think PHP has enough juice to break 100 this week, and keep moving up the WHOS HOT?! charts. But we don't think it'll be quite enough to take down the Burglars.


PREDICTION:

Polk High Panthers - 105.01

Hamburglars - 118.52


 

SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!!

BRING IT ON HOME vs. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS

Ya gotta love this McCaffrey trade for the Niners. Everybody's been saying the 49ers are just an RB away from a championship... smgdh.

We're a little bit salty cause we had hoped C-Mac would end up on the Bills. On the other hand we're OK with not giving up 4 draft picks for him after we already drafted Cook this year. Whatever. RBs Dont Matter.


Bring It On Home Wins!!!!!!!


FISTO KIDDS vs. BIG PITT ENERGY👷‍♂️

Here's another Fetterman Fun Fact:

He went to Harvard's Kennedy School of Government in the early 2000's. His classmates there included future Presidents and Prime Ministers of six countries (Somalia, Mexico, Mongolia, Bhutan, Zimbabwe, Tanzania).

Kinda interesting considering the US is engaged in a war in Somalia as we speak.


PITTSBURGH VIBE👷‍♂️ WINS!!!!!!!


SHARON ERTZ vs. MIRACLE WHIP🫙

It just so happens Dr. Oz went to Harvard too, and he was their starting safety.

True Story.

MIRACLE WHIP🫙 WINS!!!!!!!


PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs. FINGERBANG!

Paul is screwed for the second straight week cause he benched his Thursday running back AGAIN!!! If we said it once, we said it a thousand times - Always start your Thursday guys, Thursdays RULE!!!!!


FINGERBANG! WINS!!!!!!!

 


HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!