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What's up Special Ed?


Super Bowl's coming up. That's cool.

No disrespec' to Rihanna but we're not super hyped for SB LVII, and it's mostly because the Bills aren't in it. It was way easier to get agnostically excited about postseason games when our team wasn't competitive. When the Bills sucked we would just switch gears after week 17 and become a bandwagon Ravens or Saints fan, but nowadays it's hard to not be jealous and spiteful of the teams that actually make it to the SB.


This past month we've spent a lotta time thinking about where the Bills' playoff loses fall in Bills Simmons' old "Levels of Losing"*, trying to cathartically contextualize the experience.

The entire Bills Mafia was pretty listless for a week or so after the Bengals game. Fortunately, after the Bengals lost to KC, "NFL is rigged" became a trending twitter topic for the first week of February. That made us feel a lot better. We were really starting to think maybe the '22 Bills weren't actually that good, and we were stupid for not acknowledging their flaws earlier. But the great thing about conspiracy theories is they absolve the audience of all responsibility for their circumstances.

Conspiracy theories are soothing. They tell you you're not wrong, they tell you there's nothing that could have been done differently because Great Unseen Forces control your reality.


Tomorrow night we're gonna wrap ourselves in that warm cozy blanket of conspiracy theory and bet it all on Mahomes to win MVP.


Lets go.

 

* - The 2021 Chiefs game was a "Gut Punch" and a "Sudden Death" game; this year the Bengals was a "This Can't Be Happening" game.

 

SUPER BOWL LVII PROP BETS!!!!!!!!!!

We're almost done with the fifth Dune book and this year's Super Bowl is gonna be played in THE DESERT so you know these props are all 100%-Guaranteed DYM-Certified LOCKS!!!

🔒🔨💰

CROSS-SPORT SPECIALS

Usually we get at least one NBAxSuper Bowl prop in, but the NBA games this Sunday are pretty uninteresting (Grizzlies/Celtics and Pistons/Raptors) - and since World Cup betting is the only thing that made us any real money this year - we're going with Soccer props!!!

  • Manchester United goals>Gainwell recs (-115)

  • Eagles sacks>Man. U goals (-105)

Manchester United vs. Leeds kicks off at 9am eastern on Super Bowl Sunday. This will be the second half of a home-and-home series - they tied 2-2 at Manchester on Wednesday.

We're looking for ManU to score 2 or 3 goals in this one, which should be the sweet spot between Gainwell's 1.5 recs and the Eagles' 3.5 sacks.

Since Cristiano Ronaldo's departure from the club in December they've scored either 2 or 3 goals in 10 out of their last 11 games, and Leeds has not allowed more than 3 this year.

 

SUPER BOWL NONSENSE PROPS


  • Coin toss - Tails (+100)

  • Coin toss - Chiefs (+100)

  • Gatorade color - Clear (+750)

"Chiefs to win coin toss" will be an early test to see if this game is actually gonna be rigged.

If the Chiefs win the coin toss we'll probably double down on some Chief's bets in-game. If the Eagles win the toss we'll be a bit more cautious with the in-game betting.

  • First Score Field Goal (+170)

This is a classic Super Bowl lock. Nobody wants to go scoreless for too long in the big game. Most teams play a bit more conservative - and will "take the points" - early in the Super Bowl.

 

CHIEFS BETS


  • 1st TD Jersey Number o11.5 (+105)

  • Kelce 1st TD (+700)

We got these cause we thought Kelce had the most total TDs this year of all Eagles and Chiefs players. But then we looked it up and it turns out Hurts had 13 rushing TDs and Kelce only had 12 receiving. Woops.


Hopefully it's rigged.


  • Mahomes MVP (+120)

  • Draftkings Special Chiefs Parlay (+450)

If you like Chiefs Moneyline (+105) then you're probably gonna want to get Mahomes MVP at +120 too.

 

EAGLES BETS

  • Hurts o50.5 rushing (-115)

There were 8 total games this year where the Eagles allowed 20 points, or won by less than 4, or lost - in 7 of those games Jalen ran for more than 50 yds.

  • Eagles o12.5 1st Half (-125)

  • o24.5 total 1st Half (+100)

  • Eagles 1H ML + o24.5 1H (+260)

Both Philly and KC are first half teams, but especially Philly.

The Eagles and Chiefs are 1st and 2nd in the NFL this year in first half points at 18.2 and 15.5 respectively.

But while KC is only 3 points worse in the 2nd half (12.7; 4th in the NFL), Philly averages a middling 10.8 points in 2nd halves.

If this script holds we like Philly to win the first half and KC to come back win the game.

 

HAVE A GREAT SUPER BOWL EVERYBODY!!






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WHATS UP SPECIAL ED?!?!?!?!

Playoff football starts TODAY and DYM is fuckin AMPED!!!!!


The schedule is a little wacky this year tho. Wildcard Saturday used to be reserved for the Bengals and Titans. So we feel like the NFL kinda fucked up by not scheduling Bengals-Ravens for today. They probably thought Lamar was gonna play, which woulda made this the first interesting Bengal Wildcard game of our lifetime. But alas.

Coming into 2022 the Titans had missed the playoffs just once in the last six years, and although we're more than happy to not be watching a Titan game today, we will, unfortunately, have to watch a Dolphin game tomorrow. Fuckin hate the Dolphins, you guys.

 

CONGRATULATIONS FISTO KIDDS!!!!!!!

DYM NATION HAS SPOKEN!!!

Fisto Kidds won their first Special Ed Super Bowl this year, and became the first team to win an SESB and a DYM MVP Award (with no co-MVP(s)) in the same season.

GEAT JOB, DAVE!!!!!!


Interestingly, although PAT did not receive a single vote for MVP despite owning both the Best Pickup annd Best Draft Value award winners.

Justin Fields was the unanimous choice for BEST PICKUP.

Josh Jacobs was nearly a unanimous winner as well. Kenneth Walker III was the only other player to receive a vote for BEST DRAFT VALUE.

Big shout out to The Hamburglars who now have the #1 best keeper in the league for 2023.

 

¡¡¡FACTOS CONSPIRACIÓN!!!

We got a little update on the Teorias Conspiración we told yall about a couple weeks ago. Our homeboy Daniél was featured on the cover of a new study from National Defense University entitled "Russia's Strategic Inroads in Latin America". It's a scathing and terrifying report. This passage is on page 1:


"A key hub of Russian activity is in Nicaragua, under the protection of the Daniel Ortega/ Rosario Murillo regime. In addition to allowing a permanent presence of some 250 Russian military personnel on the ground ... Nicaragua also houses a multimillion-dollar vaccination plant that produces no vaccines, a police academy that does little of what it advertises, a cyber warfare and training center in the state telecommunications building, and a Russian Ministry of Interior building that enjoys the diplomatic status of an embassy."

In the main section on Ruso/Nica activities they discuss some of the things that we had heard about down there - like the militarization of special police forces; And also some things we hadn't considered that are way scarier - like the implementation of a state-of-the-art nationwide digital surveillance system, and plans to build intercontinental missile depots and strategic naval bases that the Russians could use to attack the USA.


The report makes these things sound very real and very threatening, but DYM is not here to fear monger.

We're personally not too worried about the web scraping operation cause the report says they only analyze Spanish-language content, and our Spanish is horrendous. We also don't think you guys should be too worried about a Nicaraguan-based invasion of the US, cause we know it takes fucking FOREVER to get shit done down there. Many other unscrupulous nations have tried to establish a strategic presence in Nicaragua and they all, without fail, have left within a few years expressing frustration with the incessant graft and logistics issues.

 

2023 is gonna be fuckin NUTS, tho. We are in a golden age of conspiracy theories.

We got sucked into a deep-ass rabbit hole this week. We found some new post-Q conspiracy theories that are beyond bat shit. We actually found that Nicaragua report by accident while we were reading about how soldiers in Vietnam saw ghosts in their night-vision goggles. And we gotta tell you guys, that's not even close to the craziest thing we read this week.

The new-look-twitter is really good at surfacing the stupidest and craziest content. Twitter is creating some of the deepest and most accessible nutjob rabbit holes that we've ever seen ... which may or may not be a part of the conspiracy itself.


Kyrie is definitely coming back next month.

 

MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK -

SUPER WILDCARD EDITION!!!

DK Metcalf u60.5!!!!!


 

DYM SUPERWILDCARD PREDICTIONS!!!!!


SEAHAWKS (+9.5) vs. NINERS

One of the consequences of the expanded playoff format is there are going to be a lot more intra-division matchups in playoff games. We're not sure that's a good thing tho. There are three intra-division games this year and they are decidedly the least competitive matchups. All three have spreads of 8.5 or more and the other three all have 3 point spreads or less.

Seattle is probably undervalued here in our opinion. The Seahawks started the season 6-3 against the spread. That drove spreads up against them the second half of the year, and they've gone 1-6 ATS since week 12.

At this point we think Seattle is a legit playoff caliber team and 9.5 is just too high for a real playoff game.

DYM PICKS: Seattle +9.5; Kittle o3.5 recs; Ken Walker TD

CLIPPERS vs. JAGUARS (+2.5)

The Chargers have maybe the worst run defense in the NFL. They allow 145.8 rush yds per game (ranked #28) and and incredible 5.4 yards-per-carry (#32). That being said, Ettienne o76.5 at -130 is a little too rich for us, but we're definitely getting Travis into ALL our DFS lineups this week.

DYM PICKS: 1st Qtr Tie (+360); 1st Half Tie (+1000); Ekeler o51.5 ru yds.; Kirk o22.5 longest rec.


BILLS (+13.5) - DOLPHINS

Fuck the dolphins, yo.

DYM PICKS: Bills +13.5; Skylar o0.5 ints; Josh o1.5 TDs


GIANTS (+3) - VIKINGS

The Vikings actually suck, so we're all over NYG +3 and probably a little Danny Dimes in DFS. But, be advised - NYG are almost as bad against the run as LAC. (5.2 per carry, 144 per game). So maybe try to get some Cook in your lineups too.

DYM PICKS: NYG +3; KJ Osborn o3.5 recs


RAVENS - BENGALS (-8.5)

Yuck. This game's gonna stink.

DYM PICK: Bengals -8.5


COWBOYS (-2.5) - BUCS

Both these teams have been listless the last couple weeks, so we have a parlay with Cowboys -2.5 and another with Bucs ML. We don't like either very much, Dallas probably gonna win by 1.

DYM PICKS: Cowboys -2.5(?); Mike Evans o23.5 longest rec.

 

HAVE A GREAT SUPER WILDCARD EVERYBODY!


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What's up,Special Ed?

Back in 2009 Carson Palmer predicted that someone, someday, would die in an NFL game. Fortunately that still hasn't happened yet - well, technically it did, but he came back to life. Anyways, the Bills-Bengals game was cancelled so we're giving Joe Burrow a do-over in week 18. He still needs 43 points to put Sharon Ertz over the top, which would be the best fantasy game of his career by far.

GOOD LUCK SHARON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 

2022 DEFEND YOUR MOVES AWARDS!!!!!!!


We went on vacation during the fantasy playoffs which is always a bad idea. Our teams all crashed and burned, but the worst part is that amidst all the holiday hubbub we TOTALLY FORGOT to announce the Annual DYM Award Nominations!!!

WOOPS!!!!! Fortunately there's still one more week before OFF-SEASON, so we can wrap up the league business right now.


BEST DRAFT VALUE:

Josh Jacobs - Round 7

- Jacobs was the second to last starting RB drafted in special Ed (only Singletary went later) and he finished as the #2 overall RB in the league.

- Scored over 120pts in 5 weeks (w9-14) leading Pauls Awesome Team to a 5-game winning streak.

Tony Pollard - Round 10

- #7 overall RB

- 200 more combined yards than Zeke.

Chris Olave - Round 9

- #2 Rookie WR

- 986 yds (so close!)

Kenneth Walker - Round 11

- Rookie got off to a slow start early in the season before a week 5 breakout. After that he racked up over 1100 yards in 12 games!!!



BEST PICKUP:

Justin Fields

Fields actually kinda sucked until week 7 but finished with the 5th most fantasy points for QBs. PAT picked up fields Nov. 1, just before his back-to-back 40 burgers in weeks 8 and 9.

Isaiah Pacheco

- NJ native and Rutgers graduate.

- Pretty useful RB for the second half of the season

Daniel Jones

- Picked up and dropped more times than any Special Ed player this year (4 adds 4 drops).

- #8 overall fantasy QB (not bad).

Garrett Wilson

- #1 Rookie WR - only rookie with over 70 recs and only rookie with 1,000 rec yds.

- Crazy that he wasn't drafted.


DYM MVP:

Hamburglars

- New Guy

- Most roster moves (50)

Pauls Awesome Team

Paul was in the bottom half of the standings all year until an incredible 5 game rally to end the regular season. Owner of Jacobs and Fields.

Fisto Kidds

If Burrow doesn't pull off a miracle this week Fay will win his first Special Ed Chip this year. That would leave Fingerbang!! as the last Original Special Ed Member (8-team era) without a chip.

Bring It On Home

- Best draft, and really the best team in the league up until last week.

- 1st place reg. season and most total points.


 

HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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