We talked to the United Nations this week. Did you see me? Great speech. Just a great speech, very well liked. People liked it a lot. They really did! Everybody had such a good time listening to me. They say I'm a pleasure to listen to. I was there telling the United Nations about how great the Special Ed league is this year, and our really great new players. I said “We have added some of the greatest fantasy players in the world. The New Guy Jeffery had one of the greatest drafts in the history of this country, and he makes so many moves…” And they just loved it! They were all smiling even laughing a little bit, just such a fun time. They ate it up! Then I said “almost every player sets a lineup every week.” Then we all had a nice little laugh together. Those UN people were just so happy and so excited to be in the same room with ME, The DONALD!!! They laughed I laughed. We laughed TOGETHER!!!! That’s an important international tradition. Lots of countries laugh at you as a sign of their deepest respect. It means they love me. Internationally.
And they love The New Guy Jeffery too! These UN guys know. Around the world Jeffery’s a very well-respected fantasy player. He’s won plenty of times. More wins, more points than anyone has ever had in all his other leagues. Huge champion. Multi-multi-multi-Champion. In the other league.
But week after week he’s being SLANDERED in the fake news media. Out of nowhere, there have been wild and untrue accusations thrown at my good friend The New Guy Jeffery. He’s never met most of these people and they’ve said the most disgusting accusations. People coming out of the woodwork to say he never made a move and he doesn’t even watch football. But it’s NOT TRUE and HE CAN PROVE IT!!! The New Guy Jeffery’s handwritten calendar from 1990 clearly shows he pulled off a huge trade in week 3 of that year. He got Vinny Testaverde and Cleveland Gary for Ernest Givens and Stephen Baker “The Touchdown Maker”. Sure Vinny had an up-and-down year, lotta picks, but Cleveland Gary was a beast in 1990! 15 TDs!!!
So clearly The New Guy Jeffery is a great fantasy football player who very much deserves to NOT be kicked out of the league. The DYMocrats are playing a high level CON GAME in their vicious effort to destroy a fine person. The Hall of Shame is so mean, and so unfair. They only want to tear this league apart. It is called the politics of destruction. Behind the scenes DYM is laughing. But not respectful international laughing. Mean-spirited laughing. Pray for New Guy Jeffery and his family!
DYM’s FOOTBALL DEEP THOUGHTS
One of the hallmarks of the “NEW NFL” is better scouting and better self-scouting. Teams have far more data on players than they would have in years past; and much of it is accumulated before the player even walks through the door. Some General Managers (like former Chiefs and current Browns GM John Dorsey) use this information to bring together unique sets of talents that complement each other and the coaches’ scheme. Elsewhere, smart Coaches (like Seans Payton and McVey) use this information to modify their schematic modus operandi; the best coaches of today craft game plans around the strengths of their best players instead of forcing them into a pre-determined system. When we look around the league we see adapted game-theory philosophies changing the way NFL management and coaches are approaching the game. Likewise we fantasy football enthusiasts will need to change our approach as well.
In 2018 we’re seeing this trend perpetuated league-wide. Now we may be able to start using this NEW NFL mindset as a lens through which we can analyze and predict nearly every team, not just the high-end outliers. It’s easy to point out the highest powered offenses and what they’re doing right. But it’s also interesting to take note of the impact that the shifts in the schematic zeitgeist have had on the less traditionally successful teams. While the Rams, Saints and Chiefs have found ways to allow their running and passing games to blend and symbiotically feed each other, crappier teams with a similar coaching philosophy have been forced to eschew large parts of their offensive playbook in order to account for of a certain singular weakness on the roster.
The Buccaneers were largely thought of as a talented offensive team entering the preseason. They have 3 gifted WRs 2 pass-catching TEs and 2 serviceable QBs to get them the ball. Without top RB talent, they had not had success running the ball last year. So when Ronald Jones was selected with the 38th overall pick many assumed he would be plugged into a high-volume role. Even after a lack-luster preseason both Jones and Peyton Barber were drafted in most fantasy leagues. But that role has not materialized because new Offensive Coordinator Todd Monken is a forward thinker who will not be wasting time forcing square pegs into round holes. Jones has not yet played an NFL snap and Barber has been utilized less than almost any starting RB. Instead they have insisted on getting the ball to their pass-catching play-makers - having Fitz throw over 37 times per game (up from his career average of 30). Fitz’s runs and passes combined make up an incredible 70% of Tampa’s offensive plays. Barber has only caught one pass. The running backs (and run-blocking) were clearly the team’s weakest links and they have been effectively removed from the scheme. That scheme has now produced over 400 passing yards in 3 straight games. Fitz seems unlikely to be benched at this point, but if Jameis takes over any time this year we can expect Monken’s Air-Raid to be useful for fantasy regardless of who’s under center.
The Cowboys offense is a mirror image of Tampa’s. They were already among the most run-heavy teams last year, but do you really take Princeton Alum Jason Garrett for a smash-mouth old-school Football Guy? Fuck no! He just knows his team very well and is playing the cards he’s been dealt. With a clear deficiency in WR talent and an offensive line that specializes in run-blocking, they will remain a run-heavy offense in all game situations this season. Like the Bucs, they did not successfully address their greatest position of weakness this off-season. Still, many people following the Cowboys this off-season seemed to be coming to contradictory projections for the team in 2018 based entirely on there being perceived room for “regression” in the running game. Some believed a bounce-back season was in store for Dak, simply because they’d “have to” throw more than they did last year. So far Dak has thrown about 29 passes per game, the exact same rate as his career average. Another faulty assumption about the Cowboys was that Zeke would “have to” catch more passes. The absence of Witten and Dez ought to have left 8+ receptions-per-game (130 total in 2017) available to the remaining Dallas pass-catchers; but Zeke has so far only grabbed 1.2 more passes-per-game this year than last. Dak has meanwhile increased his runs-per-game at the same rate, but the real difference is in the efficiency: Dak is averaging 6.1 yards per RUN and Zeke is averaging 3.4 yards per RECEPTION. Rule-changes be damned, the Cowboys are not good at passing the ball, and they know it! This team is only good at run blocking, so the only thing they “have to” do is run the ball more.
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!
AGotW Prediction Record: 2-2
IN SAQUON WE TRUST vs GOLDEN RICHARDS!!!!
Both these teams played in Barn Burner week 2 shoot-outs that went were not decided until late Monday Night. The Commish is undefeated after closing out a last minute victory over DYM, and Golden Richards fell to 1-2 in WhosHotStradamus’s upset of the week.
This week, neither of these teams have any action in the Thursday nighter and their only Week 4 byes are their respective oft-injured TEs (who they’d both probably be better off without). Most importantly, Both these teams have guys in the two hottest NFL games of the week -- Bengals/Falcons and Chiefs/Broncos are the two highest over-unders of week 4 at 52 and 55 respectively – so there are a TON of fantasy points up for grabs in this one.
The Commish should get big games from Matt Ryan and Demayrius Thomas, and a HUGE game from Saquon against New Orleans. But DeVante Adams could struggle if he gets shadow coverage from Tredavious White, who completely shut down Diggs Last week even through garbage time.
For Golden Richards, Tyreek Hill and Julio should both ball out this week after pedestrian week 3’s. Carlos Hyde and Chris Carson both had good games in week 3 but we think Hyde’s success is more sustainable. Baker Mayfield looked excellent last week, and he should be a boon to every browns fantasy player. But Carson’s Seahawks are decidedly NOT one of the smart NEW NFL teams we discussed above. Seattle continues to stubbornly force-feed their RBs on early downs despite sporting one of the league’s worst offensive lines. Sure Carson gained over 100 yards last week, but it took him 32 carries to get there (THIRTY-TWO!!!). Russell has the ability to overcome all this shittiness and carry a WR or two, but he can’t run for Carson. Carson’ll have to get his own fantasy points -- 3.1 yards at a time.
IN SAQUON WE TRUST – 151.09
GOLDEN RICHARDS – 143.28
SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!
QUE LASTIMA vs JEFFERY KAVANAUGH
QUE LASTIMA WINS!!!!
RANDALL CUMMINGHAM vs TEAM MEH
RC might have the toughest schedule in all of Special Ed. We’re shocked that Mahommes’s fantasy team is 1-2. There’s more rough road ahead for RC as they face the POWERHOUSE Meh team. Next week they’ll face the upstart Gentrifiers before matching up with the undefeated Commish in week 6.
TEAM MEH WINS!!!!
GENTRIFIERS vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS
PHP were once the favorites to win this league. Now Brady’s hot start has cooled and they’ll have two former dolphins in the starting lineup with Chris Thompson on bye.
Fay’s team is on the rise with DYM favorites Desean Watson and Juju Smith-Schuster heating up enough in the last two weeks to make up for the lack of RBs. Looks like Gentrifiers will survive until Leveon Bell gets on the field, then they could become dominant.
WE KNOW FOOTBALLS vs DEFENDYOURMOVES.COM
2015 Special Ed Super Bowl Rematch!!!! If Cook doesn’t play tonight we might start only one player we drafted (Kamara). What the fuck are we doing you guys?