What's up Special Ed?!?!?!?!
Week three was a very good week for guys named Mike.
Except Mike Williams, of course, but he had 121 and a TD before his knee blew out so that's still a good fantasy week in a vacuum.
Kull, Tobin, and Mike Stanley all got big, BIG wins - all scoring over 145. Mike Evans scored a TD - like he does ever week. Michael Pittman, Michael Gallup (FA), and Michael Wilson (FA) all had over 75 yards, and Michael Thomas was just OK with 50 yards on 9 targets. -- Even Mike Fuckin White got a TD last week!!!
GREAT JOB MIKES!!!
It's so sad tho, you guys. Funny names might be dead in fantasy now. Kenneth, Christian, Justin, and various Mikes are probably the best players this year - and DYM is gonna take some 4pm Sunday naps!!!!
LETS GOOOOOOOO (back to bed)!!!!!!!!!
WU-TANG CLAN IS SOMETHING TO FUCK WIT
We used to go to a lot of rap concerts in the 2000s and 2010s. Yet, last night was only the second time ever that we had seen Nas or Wu-Tang; and we don't think there'll ever be a third for either of them.
This was one of the worst shows we've ever seen by almost any conceivable metric. Sometimes, you would think this was the first concert these folks had ever put on: The sound was horrible; One of De La Soul's mics was turned off for like three songs; and most of the rappers cuffed the mic and alternated between shouting and mumbling off-beat so it was impossible to follow along. We've seen better karaoke renditions of most of these songs.
And the crowd was NOT feelin it. this was like maybe one level up from a Disney Broadway show in terms of audience rowdiness.
Play this video -->
Listen to this pathetic attempt at crowd work by Nas and DJ Green Lantern. SMGDH. They never had a chance.
We wanna give them the benefit of the doubt because they're all over 50 and they've been performing 5-nights a week since May. That's gotta be tough. But they were clearly just going through the motions last night, and it's still hard to forgive the overt laziness. We didn't get a RZA verse until over an hour in and we think he only did like 3 or four songs total - and he SUCKED. It's like, OK, we get it - it was a Wednseday night, everybody was drunk - but it's times like this when the RZA and the GZA need to lead by example. ODB's kid is great, sure, but you can't expect him to carry the whole set.
There were a few highlights tho:
Method Man showed up and did the whole Wu-Tang set and a solo set. That's big because he's shooting a movie right now (locally) so he hasn't actually been on the tour thus far. Meth was good, he always brings the energy.
Raekwon, who we've long contended is the best rapper in the Wu, is a consummate professional and still a very very good rapper. Also, big shout out to Inspectah Deck, he's a fucking professional rapper too.
NY State of Mind Tour Power Rankings:
1 Method Man
3 Inspectah Deck
4 Pharaoh Monch
7 Biggie's verse on 'The What'
9 Little Dirty
10 Talib kwali
13 De La Soul (DNP)
FOOD BEEF 2023:
CHICKEN SANDWICHES - SPICY DIVISION!!!!
Wingstop - Morristown
According to wikipedia: "Between 2014 and 2016, Wingstop was the third-fastest-growing restaurant chain in the US as measured by both system-wide sales and unit growth." Cool!
The very first Summit-metro-area Wingstop just opened this past year. It's OK, but it's a welcome addition to the local chicken variety since it's pretty cheap (~$1 per wing), and very easy to get (delivery to the DYM Home Office), and it's a lot better than Cluck-U.
Overall the judges were underwhelmed. The chicken was a bit too heavily breaded and there weren't enough pickles for a satisfying crunch. But the sauce ("classic hot") was pretty good. It burned all the way down the gullet and gave us a nice little sweat.
DYM - 7
THE WIFE - 6
(+1 bonus point for buy-one-get-one coupon)
WINGSTOP SANDWICH SCORE - 7.5
A 7.5 is about right we think. We wouldn't mind eating this sandwich again but we think they'll be hard pressed to stay in the playoff hunt.
FUN FACT - Rick Ross owns 30 Wingstops, but not the Morristown one. That's good because last year he got sued by the federal government for not paying his Wingstop employees. Also, while we were researching this we found Rick Ross's LinkedIn page!
HA!!!!! LinkedIn sucks, yo!!!
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!
FISTO KIDDS vs 🧨 WEEK 5 FÚTBOLS
It's DO OR DIE in week four!!!!
We used to say that if a team goes 0-3 they are officially FUCKED. But now that the regular season is one week longer, 0-3 teams making the playoffs is more mathematically possible than ever before!!! Check out what we found on the internets today:
20%?!?! That's not bad!!! In theory!!!!!
Of course this hypothetical 20% chance is operating under the assumption that the hypothetical 0-3 team in question is not total trash -- And its very possible (over 20%) that both these teams are in fact trash.
We've been looking around for trade options this week and we gotta say - Doug and Dave's rosters are probably the least trade-withable in this league. We feel like Doug is probably the most likely team to willingly take Najee from us but we don't want to get any of his guys back. At all. Like, maybe Najee<>Tucker? or maybe Johnathan Taylor? Taylor doesn't really have over a 20% chance of being a league winner this year does he?
Dave's team is a hot mess too. It looks like they're gonna bench 2022 Special Ed Champ Trevor Lawrence for a Thursday night Goff.
Zack Moss is literally their best player right now. Thats crazy. Moss could not get shit done on the Bills, and now he's Johnathan Taylor (and somehow Latavius fucking Murray on the Bills is useful now). We did not saw that coming.
Oh maybe we could get Moss<>Najee? That's pretty nuts. Moss might lose his job next week anyway (maybe?). Our only other tip for Dave is it might be time for a team name change. May we suggest - LETS GO GOFFING🏌️♂️!!!
FISTO KIDDS - 138.82
🧨 WEEK 5 FÚTBOLS - 119.22
FISTO KIDDS WINS!!!!
SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs DUMB BUT PRETTY
UNDEFEATED TEAMS BATTLE FOR RIGHT TO BE NAMED MIKE!!!! LETS GOOOO!!!!!!! This one is the real game of the week obviously.
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!
LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️♂️ vs PUAL'S PHENOMENAL TEAM
We're probably both benching our guys in the 9am Toy Story game. We really don't know what to expect from that shit, but we think it's a good idea to show as little of the London crowd as possible. We're not really mad at the weirdos who wear other teams' jerseys to the Jaguars games but, to be honest, it's pretty distracting for us American viewers. Plus, maybe Slinky Dog and Forky and 'em can be fucking quiet when the offense it on the field.
LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️♂️WINS!!!!
HANBURGLARS vs ERIN ERTZ
You guys. Adam "i before e" Thielen is the #10 WR in .5PPR fantasy. SMGDH. The boring name era is truly upon us.
The rest of Rob's squad is a little too cute for 2023 tho - Rhamondre, Tyreek, and Isaiah Pacheco don't have a chance against Gabriel and Kenneth. There's a few funny names on Kull's team, but two of them are named DeAndre so that makes the whole squad that much more boring.
I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA vs I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING
Big shout out to Matt for fading Wu-Tang/Nas. It would definitely have not been worth the trip. Just catch em at the Vermont State Fair in 2025.
We still haven't watched this video that Kull posted on the text chain yet, but we think Matt and Luca should. Not that they need the advice - they're way ahead of the Cardinals fade, as we documented last week. But it's always nice to see some fantasy advice that confirms your prior assumptions.
In our experience "Fantasy Football Research" is about 75% an attempt to satisfy our confirmation bias. Pretty much everybody has their own private preconceived expectations for players and their own pet theories. Then we just seek out stats and analysis that supports those preconceptions.
It sounds dumb, but it's not wrong. Fantasy football is, ultimately, a 'being right about football' contest. We all make a bunch of complicated, loosely contingent predictions, and at the end of the year whoever's predictions were the most right wins. That's how the game works.
If you're hedging and adjusting your priors -- if you do objective research every week and every season -- then you're a fraud in our book. You're not really playing fantasy. You're doing math. And math can eat a fucking dick.
I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA WINS!!!!