AHSOKA FINALE RECAP!!!!!
Ahsoka is the Justin Fields of Star Wars. The first few weeks of the season are so fucking bad they'll make you question all your life choices cause you can't believe you ever thought it would be good in the first place. Then, right when you're about to stop watching the motherfucker, they put up four touchdowns against Washington on a Thursday night.
The last episode of Ahsoka was AWESOME. They packed all the weirdest aliens, all the coolest magic, and all of Ahsoka's sexiest tank tops in to this finale.
Unfortunately our girl Hera wasn't in it until the last scene - but of course she did walk away from the camera in that scene and her ass looked amazing.
Our heroes spent most of this episode fighting against a witch and a bunch of zombie stormtroopers. The zombie troopers were cool. A platoon of regular stormtroopers usually aren't much of an obstacle for a Jedi, but the zombie troopers don't go down when you stab em and the Jedis can't cut all of their heads off cause it's PG-13.
The witches - called the Nightsisters - first appeared in The Clone Wars cartoon show, and they are among the very weirdest motherfuckers in all of Star Wars. They have all the same basic force powers that Jedi and Sith do but they also have a lot of freakier magic powers too - like bringing people back from the dead (zombie troopers) and making swords out of literally nothing. We lost it when they made the Sword of Talzin. So cool. It's way better than a lightsaber, as this episode clearly demonstrated: Lightsabers are made out of rocks by children and robots, and The Sword of Talzin is made out of magical aether by freaky-ass witches.
We think it's important to note that although Ahsoka defeated the witch, she lost one of her lightsabers in the process and had to use the Sword of Talzin to take the witch out.
The season ends with Ezra hitching a ride back to the regular galaxy on Thrawn's ship, leaving Ahsoka and Sabine alone together in the weird other galaxy. Ahsoka and Sabine are 1000% gonna hook up out there. No doubt. The only question is if they can get sexy ass Shin Hati to ditch the zombies and join their party.
The ending sets up perfectly for a remake of the classic SW Legends novel Heir to the Empire. It's mostly about Thrawn being sneaky and having red eyes. Luke Skywalker runs a Jedi montessori school - just like the one Ahsoka took Baby Yoda to. There's no witches in the book, but Trawn does get an undead zombie Jedi on his team, so there's that that.
So a lotta people are gonna be talking about whether they should recast Luke or keep doing that CGI thing that makes him look extra gay. We're not sure if we care that much either way to be honest. CGI Luke is bad, but the original Luke was kind of a doofus anyway. As long as there's sassy robots and lesbian aliens, we're in.
FOOD BEEF 2023: CHICKEN SANDWICHES!!!!!
Marie's Chicken Joint
We had a schedule change cause Sterling Tavern was closed today for a "private event", so we went to Marie's Chicken Joint and we'll move Stirling back to week 7.
Marie's is pretty good. They were on an episode of Triple D several years ago, and Guy Fieri has never given a restaurant a bad review. We hadn't been there in a while so we were happy to see they had added "Southern Fried Chicken Sandwiches" to the menu this year.
They have four chicken sandwich offerings which are all actually the same thing but with different sauces - Original, Nashville hot (Buffalo sauce), Kansas City BBQ, and Carolina BBQ. We got the original and the wife got the Nashville. Both were very good.
The meat was tender and delicious, and both of the sauces were plenty tasty. And they have TATER TOTS!!! Fucking love tater tots, you guys.
The only real problem is that the chicken is pounded thin so it feels kinda wimpy in your hand and we ate it real fast.
MARIE'S CHICKEN SANDWICH SCORE: 8.5
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!
I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA vs 🧨 I-R-F00TBOLS!!! 🏈🤕
We have a couple general rules when it comes to writing about Special Ed matchups. (1) We generally won't ever put a team in AGoTW two weeks in a row, and (2) we generally never write about Doug's team at all because they're a disgrace - again.
But we're breaking both those rules this week because that Thursday night game was weird as hell for fantasy. There were 60 real life points in that game and only two players scored more than 10 fantasy points in Special Ed - and they're playing against each other. DJ Moore and Justin Fields each scored more points last night than they had in weeks 1-3 combined. And there's a few more choice matchups on the slate for Chicago - they have Vikings, Raiders, and Clippers the next three weeks. So it's still possible for Doug and/or Luca to put together a little run here -- but of course one of them will be 0-5 after this week anyway, so...
Luca's team probably shouldn't be 0-4, but they've played some terrible fantasy defense.
They're sixth in points scored, but first in points against by A LOT. They've allowed 660 fantasy points in 4 weeks. That's crazy. Team DYM is the second most scored-on team and we've allowed 546 points.
Their stream-against-Arizona plan hit a speed bump this week with the Cardinals facing the eminently unstartable Joe Burrow.
They have Purdy in the lineup right now but he's got a very tough matchup against the Cowboys. If we were them we'd pick up Zack Wilson. Denver is horrible, everybody kills Denver. We're gonna start Zack over Trevor Lawrence (vs Buffalo) in the Class of '99 league. Of course Josh Dobbs himself is a hilarious and sneaky-serviceable option this week too. Dobbs scored 22 points in two of the last three games, which is more than Purdy has had in any game in his NFL career. And he's good for about 30-40 rushing yards a week which is not bad. The good thing about Purdy tho is he never throws picks and he's never scored less than 10 fantasy points in a start. But we think Luca's gotta swing for the fences this week to avoid a fifth straight loss.
Doug's team is absolutely moribund. They've scored just 311 points in four weeks, that's 130 points less than the second lowest scoring team (Team DYM). We're not sure we could reliably score less than 80 a week if we tried. Somehow Doug is setting his lineup every week, and every week he comes up with garbage. It's just incredible.
But of course this is the week they've been waiting for -- It looks like Johnathan Taylor and Kooper Cupp are both gonna play this week, so they can finally bench Jackson Smith-Njigba and Josh Reynolds. They still have a TE in the lineup which is not ideal, but we're very confident that Doug's gonna turn this thing around and post their first 85+point game of the year.
I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA - 135.32
🧨 I-R-F00TBOLS!!! 🏈🤕 - 111.77
I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA WINS!!!!!
SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs. PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM
Paul had one of the biggest weeks in Special Ed history with 193.4 last week. But they're on pace for about half that this week. They've got two stinkers in the books already with Brian Robinson and Kahlil Herbert scoring 13.9 combined on Thursday, and three guys in the London game Sunday morning.
Tobin is looking to bounce-back from a horrible week four where only two of their guys scored more than 10. They have some much better matchups this week with Waddle and Mostert at home vs the Giants. We're not sure why they're benching Mark Andrews tho.
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!
LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️♂️ vs. HAMBURGLARS
We tried to watch the new Loki but it was tough. We think we liked season one - We definitely liked the alligator Loki, and the girl Loki. That was cool. But a lotta shit musta happened at the end of the last season that we didn't really pay attention to cause we had NO CLUE what was going on in this new episode.
They just jumped right into an action sequence right at the start, followed by a couple scenes of people yelling at each other about time travel. It's too much, honestly.
It's like, Ahsoka had five whole episodes of exposition, and this show had literally zero. We're not tryina Goldilocks this shit but there's gotta be something in between. Disney+ is schizophrenic right now
LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️♂️ WINS!!!!!
DUMB BUT PRETTY vs. I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING
Andy's in a tough spot. Davante Adams hasn't practiced all week and the Raiders play the Packers on Monday night, so he's just gotta wait it out. If Adams doesn't play (and Stanley has a lead heading into Monday), then they're gonna have to dumpster dive for Musgrave or Dontayvion Wicks. That would be amazing actually.
IAWTGG also has a QB on bye so they picked up Dak. He might wanna consider Dobbs or Zack Wilson too. Denver sucks bad.
I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING WINS!!!!!
BLANK SPACE vs. ERIN ERTZ
Dave's team had their best week on the year so far thanks to a much needed team name change. It's a pretty good name too. Nuanced.
A lot of people are saying there's been too much Taylor Swift in their NFL product the last couple weeks. Some are even calling the Travlor phenomenon a "marketing stunt" and concocting wild conspiracy theories.
Not us, of course.
The fact is - Taylor Swift is very easy on the eyes. We're not huge fans of her music but if she wants to just be on our TV screen and not sing or talk, that's just fine with us. No complaints here.
BLANK SPACE WINS!!!!!