Hi guys! It's summer and the Mets are so bad I can't even talk about it!
So, I went through the archives to re-create some of last-season's finest moments.
This 2016 Greatest hits package includes all the fan favorites:
Week 3 - "Way Down in the Hole"
Week 7 - "Jeremy Kerley"
Week 8 - "Candidate Trump"
Week 10 - "Election Night"
Week 15 - "Alternative Fantasies"
Week 16 - "2008 NBA Finals"
As we all know now, Yahoo! no longer supports images in message boards and Yahoo! is the worst. That means I had to reconstruct these masterpieces by hand, All the original typos remain but unfortunately I was not able to recover all the images because fuck you, Yahoo! Goddamnit. Anyway, these posts are the absolute best of the best of DYM 2016 and they are now DEFENDYOURMOVES.COM exclusives!
DEFEND YOUR MOVES!!!
Sep 20 10:14 am
Wow what a rollercoaster of a week 2!!
The best teams of week 1 (Paul, Rob, me) all clocked sub-100 scores, while underdogs like Fay, Ertz, and even Mike had dominant performances this week.
WAY DOWN IN THE HOLE
When I'm having a shitty football week sometimes I'll throw on a random episode of The Wire and recap it for you guys.
S2E2 - Collateral Damage
This episode starts out with an always welcome Avon scene. Avon was always the man, but I think he got even cooler in jail.
He really has settled in nicely, he's even got that Good Fellas style food hookup.
"Get in on this shit"
Meanwhile, DeAngelo is doing coke with randos. Hes about as safe in there as Nazir Khan. He's on thin ice.
Elsewhere, this was a romp of an episode. B Russell finds 13 dead Russian hookers in a shipping container, and nobody wants to work the case! Ha!
Then McNulty does 14 shots of Jameson.
WEEKLY WILL FULLER UPDATE
Week 2 - 104yds - 0 TDs
YTD - 211 yds - 1 TD
Another week another C-note for The Full House.
How did such a consistent fantasy asset fall to the final round of the draft you ask?
Julio Jones,Dez Bryant, Odell Beckham Jr., Sammy Watkins, Amari Cooper. What do all of these receivers have in common? All first round NFL draft picks and All have funny names.
When it comes to young NFL WR's funny names are preeminent in fantasy, just as dreadlocks and jersey numbers 10-19 are to the player success in real life football. It's no coincidence that Fuller wears 15 and has his dreads half bleached Brent Holmes style. That is a savvy way to compensate for a name that's 40% L's.
Looking at this year's group of rookie WRs I obviously had Laquan Treadwell and Corey Coleman ahead of Will Fuller. I even loved later round NFL draftees Tajae Sharpe and Leonte Carroo only because they have all time great funny names.
I believe this is the same reason Steve Smith and Antonio Brown were under-rated early in their careers - not because they're short, cause their name are not that funny. Honestly, I regret drafting Allen Robinson. I'll entertain any low-ball offers for him in the next couple weeks.
Man, that is the most boring name ever. Only polish linebackers are allowed to have cool names at Penn State everybody else is Deon Butler's and Michael Robinson's.
It's important for our WRs to look cool. It's the only way these guys are ever gonna get that NBA money
HOBOKEN TRAIN STATION FOOD COURT
In keeping with my masochistic trend this week I helped myself to a pair of the worst slices of pizza you can get anywhere for more than $2.
It tasted almost exactly like friday school lunches. Nuggets are still better.
Pretty sure it was cooked on a 7-11 hotdog roller.
Bonus point cause I was really hungry so I ate it fast
AMERICA'S GAME OF THE WEEK
Two of our league's champions meet in the only matchup between teams who escaped the first 2 weeks with no injured players.
Our current champ is the league's 7th highest scorer. He tallied 2 unlikely victories despite having basically no TE and the most unlikely QB controversy of all time (I told you he'd bench Rodgers tho).
Our second leading scorer is 1-1 after a huge upset loss to iQue Lastima! who fielded 3 100 yd WRs. I doubt he'll face that kind of buzz saw again, but the early loss makes Paul the favorite to offer me a low-ball offer for Watkins (yuck) or Robinson (zzzzzz).
Golden Richards - 109.00
Respec Yo Baldwins - 108.99
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!
Christopher (Highlanders) Sep 20 11:51 am
You did say any lowball offers.
Paul (Golden Richards) Sep 20 12:18 pm
And I quote Russ - " Victor Cruz is the coolest name " bring him home Russ
Jeff (¡Que Lástima!) Sep 20 12:21 pm
I wouldn't be surprised by anything at this point. I mean, DYI puts Qué Lastima as an underdog!?! Like my boy Omar says, "How you expect to run with the wolves come night when you spend all day sparring with the puppies?"
DEFEND YOUR MOVES DOT COM (Defend Your Denims) Sep 22 5:37 pm
Donte Moncrief is a funny name that's hard to replace but the colts have a lot of depth at the position
DEFEND YOUR MOVES!!!!!!!
Oct 18 6:59 am
Oh shit you guys, the Buffalo Bills are 4-2!!!!!!! No way they lose to the Dolphins, but after that, the collapse is going to be epic.
Let's get to the DYM!
THIS DAY IN SPECIAL ED HISTORY
October 18 2012: the first time Josh Gordon was picked up (by me obv).
Gone too soon.
I smoked a fatty before work today for Josh. Gotta pay tribute.
He fell asleep at a Taco Bell drive-thru once. True story.
Generally we try not to talk about our own team too much on Defend YOUR Moves. But the unprecedented sadsackitude of our 2016 season has been the best story in the league so far, so it demanded coverage.
Fortunately, The WAREWOLVES got our first W so DYM can turn it's attention to:
More often than not, the biggest losers of the week are those impacted by players being injured or voluntarily entering rehab. This was actually a very pleasant week overall, as there were no voluntary rehabs and hardly any injuries except for one Big one.
7's lost meniscus impacts two teams in huge ways:
Russ = Whiny Bitch
Jesse James was a nice pickup for this team - backup QBs always love a TE dump-off. But really losing Jordan Reed may have even been addition by subtraction, because the most important thing is keeping the Western PA Dream Team alive....In fact it's probably not too late to trade for Allen Robinson.....
Still tho, it's sad cause Roethlisburger was a keystone of this team. Get it?
One thing I know about owning Antonio Brown is that it's way less fun when Landry Jones is his QB.
Meanwhile, Demayrius Thomas has an uncertain QB situation of his own, and Jordan Matthews is still on the Eagles, leaving this WR corp, once the strength of the team, suddenly looking very thin. Good thing he's got all that RB depth....Oh wait... My bad.
Maybe extreme couponing in the draft wasn't the best strategy. There could be a reason those Broncos looked like "Value Picks"...