What’s up, Special Ed?
Hope everybody’s enjoying their summer. It’s getting freakin hot here on the east coast. Usually we don’t have a string of 100 degree days until like late August. We’re not too concerned tho, cause Tomothy Lam says climate change is a myth. Still, this unseasonable heat is a bit disorienting. It’s making us feel like we’re way behind on fantasy football research. We’re like “Woah, it’s hot out! And we haven’t even started doing mock drafts yet!”
We gotta try to stay focused here tho. There’s still a lot of off-season left: we got new sneakers coming in the mail, gotta review this new Nas album (5 Stars), there’s a civil war in Nicaragua, there’s concentration camps in Texas AND the NBA Draft is tomorrow. LET’S GO!!!!!
NBA DAFT PREVIEW
DYM readers already know Deandre Ayton is the #1 pick in tomorrow’s draft. Most everything after that is very up in the air. Trades are guaranteed in the next 36 hours. A lot of teams are trying to move up or down; probably half the NBA is looking to improve quickly this year by grabbing a great draft prospect or shedding salary to make room to sign or trade for one of the super-stars who will be available this year or next (Lebron, Kawhi, KD, Klay, Kyrie).
The Nets got the party started early today with the LONG awaited acquisition of Dwight Howard. The Nets have been courting Dwight Howard since 2011 and they will become his seventh team in as many years. Brooklyn is definitely Kid Rock to Dwight’s Pamela Anderson here tho: spending so long pining for the guy that we’ve now seen enough of him to know he’ll be a disappointment, but we’re still happy with it. It’s a good deal just for the fact that Mozgov is much worse than Dwight and is paid much more. But this was really a cap-clearing move that should allow Brooklyn to sign one of the aforementioned super-stars, or two of them if they don’t re-sign Dwight next year and/or trade Russell.
Of course we haven’t spent this much time thinking about the Nets outside of “which D'ANGELO RUSSELL jersey are we gonna wear today?” because we are DEEP into some Star Wars this summer.
This week we will begin binge-watching Star Wars Rebels, looking to complete the series before Fantasy Draft time. We finished Clone Wars a couple weeks ago and we HIGHLY recommend it. The Clone Wars feature-length film is excellent, and gives a good-enough intro to most of the main characters who play into the rest of the cannon saga: Obi-wan, Anakin, Ahsoka, Rex, Cody, Dooku, and Assaj Ventress.
DYM Scholars know that we found the best stuff in the series toward the end and it was worth wading through many episodes to get to. But even we have to admit the series is very very long. The repetitive missions, especially any involving General Grevous, are taxing on the attention span. There’s really no need for these seasons to have been 20+ episodes long because only about 40% actually move the plot forward or are relevant to the rest of the cannon. So DYM is here with a very special service for our readers. We have watched every episode of the Clone Wars and curated the series for YOU! We’ve trimmed the original 114 total episodes down to a manageable 44 core episodes. Now DYM readers can use this handy guide to cruise through only the most ESSENTIAL episodes of the Clone Wars. We’ve eliminate all the filler, and almost all of the appearances by the show’s lamest characters including Grevous, Ziro the Hutt AND Jar-Jar Binks! Enjoy!
DYM PRESENTS: THE DYM READERS GUIDE TO THE CLONE WARS
Ep 6-7 “Fun with Droids”
R2 is abducted and Anakin gets a shitty replacement droid.
Ep 16-18 “The Blue Shadow Virus”
Jedi often seem invincible, and an army of Jedi even more so. A “virus” is a nice plot device to give the Jedi a bit of mortality. This device will be used again, but I think it’s always done effectively and adds a real danger for the Jedi, apart from the Sith.
Ep 19-21 “The Twi’leks of Ryloth”
A conflict erupts on the home planet of Star Wars’ sexiest alien species.
Later on, it turns out that the Twi’lek rebel leader Cham Syndulla is the father of Hera, Captain of the Ghost in Rebels.
Ep 5-8 “The Droid Factory”
Anakin and Ahsoka team up with Jedi Mater Luminara and her padawan Barris to destroy a droid factory. Luminara is a religious and pious Jedi, which provides a very interesting foil for Anakin. She seems to have a more spiritual connection with the force than most, and at the same time is very dogmatic about Jedi teachings and practices.
Ep 10 “The Deserter”
In this episode Obi-wan, Rex and the crew meet a former clone trooper who deserted his unit and started a family with a sexy red Twi’lek (pictured above). Philosophical conversations and ethical reckoning ensue.
Ep 12-14 “Obi-Wan’s Girlfriend”
OBI WAN HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!
Ep 17 “Bounty Hunters”
Hondo the Pirate is introduced. We love Hondo. He comes back around in Rebels too.
Ep 20-22 “Young Bobba Fett”
Bobba Fett leaves the clone training facility and forms a gang of bounty hunters.
Ep 12-14 “The Night Sisters, Part I”
The Night Sisters are witches who seem force-sensitive but have very different powers than either the Jedi or the Sith. They do not align with either “side” of the force and run afoul of both; a very interesting addition to the cannon.
Ep 15-17 “Mortis”
The Mortis episodes are absolute bat-shit crazy but also may be the single most important thing ever in the Star Wars universe.
Ep 5-6 “Fun with Droids 2”
A fun little romp with C-3P0 and R2-D2.
Ep 19-22 “Night Sisters, Part II”
Count Dooku plots his revenge on the Night Sisters ... Darth Maul lives!!
Ep 1 “Revival”
Continuation of the Season 4 finale. Darth Maul and Savage Opress embark on a campaign of terror.
Ep 10-13 “Fun with Droids 3”
R2 is recruited as a member of the special unit “Droid Squad”!
Ep 14-16 “Darth Maul Back”
Darth Maul takes control of a planet and declares himself the true Sith Lord.
This story arc was surprisingly continued in Solo.
Ep 17-20 “Finale”
Ahsoka’s faith in the Jedi order is shaken when they accuse her of a crime she did not commit.
“THE LOST MISSIONS”
Ep 11-13 “The GOAT Back”
The GOAT Jedi, Qui-Gon Jinn, contacts Yoda from beyond the grave and teaches him the secret of eternal life.
If you guys really only have a few hours to spare, there is a short list of episodes that are really the most important to the Skywalker Saga and existing Star Wars films:
If you want to know about how Darth Maul got to where is in Solo, that arc wraps up just before the finale in Season 5 ep 14-16.
If you want to know how it all turns out for Ahsoka and why she isn’t in Revenge of the Sith, just skip all the way to the end. That story is in Season 5 ep 17-20.
If you always wondered where Obi-Wan, Yoda and Luke learned how to disappear instead of dying, check out my man Qui Gon in the Lost Missions ep 11-13.
And, if you’re interested in this whole Jedi/Force mythology and you wanna see some NEXT LEVEL Star Wars shit then the “Mortis” episodes at Season 3 ep 15-17 are for you!
COMING UP ON DYM OFF-SEASON 8
We were gonna do the second annual DYM Rap Album of The Summer rankings this week (spoiler alert: Nas is gonna win) but we still have to listen to this whole stupid Jay and Beyonce album. Wish us luck.
Also, probably, SNEAKER REVIEWS!!
HAVE A GREAT SUMMER EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!