Damn, Special Ed.
The DYM squad posted the lowest score of the week. There’s gotta be a lot of Defend MY Moves in this one. Let’s get right to it.
HALL OF SHAME!!!!!!!
For us this was a particularly disappointing outing, not just for the low low score but how we got here. Some people overthink their lineups and end up out-smarting themselves by benching their best player and starting a lesser player with a better match-up. Well that's not what happened here. We knew Cohen was gonna do it to the Patriots, and we knew John Brown was gonna do it to New Orleans. THOSE WERE GOOD MATCH-UPS. But we basically out-stupided ourselves by being convinced that the guys we started are our "best players" regardless of match-up. Won't make that mistake again.
Next week we’re going to dedicate a wing of the Hall of Shame to ¡Que Lastima!’s 2018 season. They’ve been just awful. But it’s not like they’re not trying. They made some decent moves this week. We like Ito Smith as a rookie with a funny name and a sexy opportunity behind Tevin Coleman, who's efficiency has slowed every year he’s been in the league.
Losing Sony is devastating. He was just about to blow up for QL, and he could have been a core piece of this team for the second half.
But the circle of life will begin anew for Ertz's RBs. Bilal Powell's neck injury could make Crowell the full-time bell-cow; and Amari Cooper may be able to distract defenses enough to open up some running lanes for Zeke. It aint over yet.
The two hottest teams right now are both rebounding from bad stretches between weeks 2 and 5. Neither of them made major roster changes and their patience is paying off. Paul’s hot streak has coincided with the return of Joe Mixon and the emergence of Kerryon Johnson. He wont be shopping quite as hard for RBs now.
Polk High Panthers have been especially dangerous the last two weeks. Behind the newly acquired Denver Defense they’ve just had their best two games of the season. They should stay hot this week as AJ Green plays at home against Tampa plus Brady and Gronk will kick Buffalo's ass on Monday night.
The Commish and Team Meh have been the highest scoring teams since day one and it’s a bit scary now that they’re both still keeping fairly warm even after scorching hot starts. Can they keep it up? 9 more weeks is a long time to stay HOT.
The Commish will need a Hannukah miracle to keep the lamp burning through the playoffs if he has to play without Mel Gordon and James Conner.
The COLDEST two teams in our league actually have made some recent changes that could heat them up over the next few weeks. Gentrifiers added hot-shit Patrick Mahomes, but giving up James White to get him set them back for the time being. They desperately need some other RBs to get healthy and/or show up at the team facility.
Our team got the heat shut off this week for some tragic start-sit decisions. Fortunately we don’t have a very hard choice to make in the FLEX position this week. We’re locking in our newest acquisition – THE MACK!
MARLON MACK RUNNIN GAME
Some a y'all might see me, a 2-down RB on a pass-happy offense, and think “He aint shit. He aint really gettin’ all them fantasy points.”
But you got me all wrong, baby, I’m The MACK!
I see these other 2-down backs come up to the line, jumbo set, this an’ that. Everybody know they gon' run, next thing they know they got the whole defense up on the line.
See, most these RBs don’t know how to CONTROL the defense MINDS. You make a defense fall in love with that passin' game and they just GIVE you the runnin' lanes. These suckas still tryna run up in that tight packed box. Not me, baby, The Mack gotta get that box nice and soft ’fore I run up in it. I’m talkin’ Cover-2 soft. A true Mack can’t be up in here with 7, 8 other dudes all around me.
What I do? Well, when the defense see me walk up on that field, with my BIG ASS quarterback, most the time, they don’t know what we finna do. If they got 5 DBs lookin' at us all wild, I know that box get soft quick, baby, it’s automatic.
But maybe you got some stuck-up defense from the suburbs. She might try me wit' a 8 man box off jump. But ya see, baby, that's where I got that MIND CONTROL on these defenses. That bitch get uptight - my mans-an-em hit her wit' that passin' game, throw it all over her. A strong passin' game with a tight end liable to make a defense go CRAZY, they might lose they mind. We gon' give it to her til she LOVE the tight end slant. That’s how that box get soft QUICK, that’s when the Mack go to work. The Mack gon' run all up in it, baby.
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!
POLK HIGH PANTHERS vs. DEFEND YOUR MOVES!!!!!!!!
It’ll be another tilting week for DYM as we face off against all of our most hated fantasy nemeses - Brady, Gronk, AND Jarvis Landry.
Goddamn we fucking hate this team. At least they dropped Lamar Miller.
Polk High Panthers are firing on all cylinders the last few weeks. Once shaky WRs Alshon and Jarvis both came through last week. And AJ Green has reclaimed go-to WR status on the Bengals, re-relegating my guy Tyler Boyd to the seldom used check down role.
The Sony Michel injury could be bad for the Real Life Patriots but should be good for Fantasy Brady as they may eschew the running game entirely.
Our team has played like shit the last two times we started Andy Dalton. This may have to be his last start for us. I doubt we’ll hold him through the bye. Plus, if he can’t get it done against Tampa he’s dead to us. Kirk Cousins dead.
We still like our squad but they've been all over the place this year. Maybe we'll score a lot, maybe we won't, we don't know. But for us this one is gonna be all about our Fantasy Defense. We're gonna put a lot more energy into rooting against Matt's guys than rooting for our own. Shouldn't be hard - You got a couple Pats, an Eagle, maybe an R-word. All hateable teams. And if he wants to bench Alshon or Jarvis, then Sammy Watkins is sitting right there ready to be booed.
Our best chance is if Chris Thompson and Gronk sit out again and Matt is forced to dumpster dive for starters. Of course he scored 170 without them last week so that might not even be enough.
Alshon is playing Sacksonville, and it's in London, where Blake Bortles is undefeated. Could he be benched for Sammy??
Not much we can do about Gurley. He'll be a problem for us. We’re playing against him in both leagues - GO PACK GO!
Then Pats Bills is Monday Night and it is gonna be a nightmare to watch. Buffalo has given the Pats trouble at home in prime time before, but Trent Edwards ain’t walkin' through that door. For fantasy though, we want the Bills Offense to remain as inept as its been the past few weeks. That way New England takes their foot off the gas completely and grinds it out with Kenjon Barner for the last 45 minutes. That's actually a likely scenario now that we think about it.
POLK HIGH PANTHERS - 115.02
DEFEND YOUR MOVES - 127.69
SPECIAL ED MATCH-UPS
GENTRIFIERS vs IN SAQUON WE TRUST
Dave has quite the collection of inactive RBs. Most teams don't have 7 RBs on the roster, but if they did you'd think at least one would be startable. Cook, Bernard and Bell all were out last week and are questionable at best for week 8. Powell and Barber were both injured last week as well AND the two RBs who probably will play, Drake and Yeldon, may not be starters anymore on their real teams.
IN SAQUON WE TRUST WINS!!!!!!!!
RANDALL CUMMINGHAM vs HALL OF SHAME
While Dave may be regretting losing James White he can be happy about letting go of Watson at just the right time. We also have a theory that Stefon Diggs is secretly injured and they’re not gonna talk about it til the end of the year like Amari Cooper last year. Haven’t really watched him enough to say for sure. Just a theory.
RANDALL CUMMINGHAM WINS!!!!!!!!
EAT A SNICKERS BITCH vs TEAM MEH
It’s wild that Doug scored over 100 with no RBs at all. That’s impressive. We like Edelman to stay productive in NE’s expanded passing game and Odell should get at least one more squeaky wheel game out of all that yang he’s been talking. But Doug’s gonna need a more complete roster this week to take on the powerhouse Team Meh.
TEAM MEH WINS!!!!!!!!
QUE LASTIMA vs GOLDEN RICHARDS
Ertz has three starters from last week on bye or hurt. Shouldn’t be a problem though since his bench out scored the starters last week anyway. He’s still got some moves to make we’d say.
GOLDEN RICHARDS WINS!!!!!!!!
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!