What's up, Special Ed?! The NFL trade deadline came and went this week without any offensive players changing teams. This was a huge disappointment for all of us Watson and Mack fantasy owners. But most people forgot all about it by late Tuesday when Henry Ruggs committed vehicular manslaughter. But even that nearly-unprecedented happenstance had a short stay in the news cycle. On Wednesday teams' injury reports came out and like half the league got mid-week injuries and COVID. It's absolute carnage across the NFL in week 9.
Seeing as we're just half-way through Quetelcoatl Week right now, we're bracing ourselves for another wild one between now and week 10 Thursday.
Montezuma's revenge sent SEVENTEEN (17!!!!!) big-name fantasy players to the injury reports this week, and Miss Cleo's Tarot Deck is in shambles!!!!!!!!!
Now sometimes we just don't get around to writing DYM until Friday night cause we had a busy week and just don't get around to it. Sometimes there's just not much to write about and we wait til late in the week for breaking NFL news. This was not one of those weeks. Just the other day we were talkin' to The Commish about how much fuckin content we had for DYM this week, but then we just put like 15 prop bets on the Colts and didn't get a chance to publish before Thursday night. Then, just when we were wrapping up work early Friday afternoon, The NFL's reigning MVP Aaron Motherfuckin Rodgers made a surprise appearance on The Pat McAfee Show and all of a sudden Ruggs, Henry and the 16 other new injuries this week all just hit the DYM cutting room floor. We might touch on these guys' fantasy impacts in the matchups section but we got 1,000 words easy on this knucklehead right here.
Good lord. That shit was THE WILDEST!!!!! A-Rog is fuckin 10,000x crazier than Kyrie and we're gonna break it all down for you guys, but first we gotta run down the aforementioned SEVEN FUCKIN TEEN players that are on the wrong side of questionable for week nine.
Henry busted foot
Jameis busted knee
Ruggs 5 felony charges
Saquon false positive COVID + ankle
J Rob questionable foot
AJ Green COVID
Noah Fant COVID
Rob Woods foot
CeeDee ankle (mid-week)
Odell got fired
Ridley got the twisties
Mike Tom is really not tryin to play for the Saints anymore
AJ Brown knee (mid-week)
AARON RODGERS RED PILL SPECTACULAR!!!!!!!!!
We caught this joint live on SiriusXM Satellite Radio Friday afternoon, but to be honest it's way better on youtube. The entire convo is hilarious and triggering and eminently quotable, but you gotta see how pale and tired Rodgers looks when he says he's completely recovered and has no symptoms.
Then you got him flanked by McAfee with his "smart guy" glasses on and fucking rocks-for-brains AJ Hawk. It's an absolute work of art on youtube. On the radio we didn't even know Hawk was there, he has NO CLUE what they're talking about so he just keeps his fuckin mouth SHUT for the whole 45 minute interview. Now he's definitely out favorite part of the YT version. Like we're pretty sure Hawk's not vaxed cause this might be the first he's heard of the vaccine. He's way out of his element here. But we're not sure that McAfee really knew where this thing was gonna go beforehand either. He tries to get a couple words in edgewise but A-Rodg just shuts him DOWN. This is HIS SHOW NOW!
Like McAfee's just chitchatting with him at the start and all of a sudden he starts reading off a fucking prewritten speech (another nugget the radio listeners weren't privy to), and McAfee was just fuckin blindsided. The interview literally starts like this:
MCAFEE: "Hey Aaron, how's it goin? You feelin OK?"
A-RODG: "I realize I'm in the crosshairs of the woke mob right now..."
And we're off.
Rodg starts out talking about how much "research" he did on vaccines and shit and how he "spent so much time researching this, just like I do for Jeopardy ... or every week for the Packers." That's a pretty important tidbit for us fantasy players to be aware of - football is MAYBE the #3 thing he spends time thinking about.
Also we thought it was pretty funny how he talked so much about the fuckin team of internationally reknowned doctors he consulted with in the course of his "research", but ultimately took the medicines recommended to him over the phone by his "good friend Joe Rogan." Yikes. Then he talked about how he presented the findings of his research to the NFL to try to get exempted from COVID protocols. McAfee asks how the league officials responded he says "They thought I was a quack." Which is almost certainly not what they said to him cause, like, a quack is still a doctor.
A-Rodg says he's "allergic" to some "ingredients" in the mRNA vaccines; but ALSO there's a propaganda campaign and conspiracy to humiliate and disenfranchise unvaccinated people. It's a very Trumpian juxtaposition of stances. He goes on to insist that he's "not anti-vax" while also contending that the vaccine is actually quite dangerous. Weird takes.
Then he puts the real dog whistle out there talkin bout "I'm not some crazy COVID denier" and "I'm not some flat-earther" and we were like HOLD UP. I know he's not sendin subliminals at OUR GUY KYRIE?!?! Oh he fucked up. Kyrie was campaigning to get his stupid antivax I mean allergic ass paid for stayin home last year. Kyrie shoulda been his best fuckin friend.
We don't hear Kyrie crying about his ass getting conspiratorially discriminated against. He's chillin. Plus New York got a new mayor who's chill as fuck and Kyrie's coaches and teammates actually seem to like him and want him back. Maybe being a flat-earther isn't the fucking worst thing you can be? There's A LOT of scenarios right now where Kyrie plays again before Rodgers. So the "mvp" can eat a fuckin dick.
Aaron Rodgers disowned his own family so he wouldn't have to buy them christmas presents. Kyrie loves his family so much that he broke COVID protocol, and missed a month of games, so he could go to his sister's 30th birthday party. Who would you rather have on your team?
S M G D H