WHAT'S UP SPECIAL ED?!?!?!?!?!?!
Football is FINALLY back, and DYM could not be happier to turn the page on this unbearably long and way too hot off season. We want to apologize to DYM Nation for being so light on traditional off-season content this year. We know the dedicated DYM Readers have been checking for updates lately. We see y'all.
To be honest, it was really hard to get in the mindset for blogging this summer.
First we had to repress and/or compartmentalize a TON of memories about our dearly departed Commish. DYM could never have existed without him, and he was the intended audience for the vast majority of our blogs. We always looked forward to delving into DYM's theories and predictions with the Commish when we got together for the Thursday game.
Since he's not here we leaned in to the one thing on DYM that Chris really never liked: Miss Cleo.
We tried to explain it to him a buncha times - We'd be like "see, predicting football is a total crapshoot, so a fake psychic is just as reliable as the so-called-experts." or "see, it's ironic; like the venn diagram of people who like tarot cards and people who play fantasy football is just two separate circles."
He would always say that he "got it, but it's just not funny."
We moved Miss Cleo from youtube to TikTok this summer because they make it easier to put copyrighted music in your videos without getting DMCA'd. Chris woulda hated this, since it just so happens that, like Miss Cleo's picks, TikTok is a thing that became wildly popular on the internet last year but Chris never got down with. "Didn't the Chinese government make TikTok?" he would say. "Yea, that's the rumor," we'd reply with a shrug, "but everybody knows for a fact that facebook spies on them too so it's like, fuck it, right?"
FUTURES BETS RECAP!!!!!
This year we wanted to get the new tarot deck prepared early in the off-season so we could use it to divine some FUTURES BETS.
Over the last two months we blessed y'all with Cleo's picks for the 2022 league leaders (Herbert, Chubb, and Kelce) and six player-total props:
We felt a lot better about the Gibson under before he carjacked Brian Robinson. That one's not lookin great, but we're pretty sure the Commish woulda been riding with us on the other 5 for sure.
The DYM Research Department also identified a number of preseason props that fell outside the purview of Miss Cleo's cards. We highly recommend you guys try to get in on these lines before they close on Thursday.
MILES SANDERS - UNDER 900.5 rushing yds
In three NFL seasons, Miles Sanders has never had over 900 rushing yards. He's also missed at least four games each of the last two years, and even if he does stay healthy he's only gotten over 20 carries twice under HC Nick Siriani.
Smash this under and draft Boston Scott!!!!!
DRAKE LONDON - OVER 764.5 receiving yds
Drake has a higher line here than some of the other rookie WRs we like: Olave o/u719; Burkes o/u725. But we like this over cause unlike the Saints and Titans, the Falcons are gonna have a really shitty running game and they're gonna be losing a lotta games late and so they're gonna be throwing the ball. Drake is gonna be the #1 WR for this team (besides Pitts), and we don't even think Mariota is that bad.
DJ MOORE - OVER 1075.5 receiving yds
We RAN to place this bet as soon as we heard Baker was traded to the Panthers. DJ had over 1,100 yards each of the last three years. His quarterbacks were Kyle Allen, Teddy Bridgewater, and Sam Darnold - Baker is definitely an upgrade. If DJ plays at least 15 games (which he has never failed to do) then this over is a LOCK.
CHASE CLAYPOOL - OVER 725.5 receiving yds
We don't get why people were down-grading PIT WRs earlier this offseason. Ben was absolute garbage the last two years, almost anyone woulda been an upgrade - and Trubisky is a legitimate NFL QB. With Ben at the helm, Claypool had over 860 receiving yards in each of his first two seasons. If anything we think there'll be more targets for Claypool and less for Diontae cause Mitchell can actually reach the outside receivers.
BONUS BILLS HOMER PICKS!!!
DAWSON KNOX - OVER 590.5 receiving yds
SINGLETARY+J.COOK+J.ALLEN - OVER 1999.5 rushing yds @+200
JOSH ALLEN - 2022 NFL MVP @+750 (Lets GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!)
2022 TEAM FUTURES
The NFL is a topsy-turvy league. Every year there's a bad team that exceeds all expectations, and every year an apparently good team will flop and miss the playoffs. WHOS IT GONNA BE THIS YEAR??????
THE BEST BAD TEAMS: LIONS & EAGLES
This year, our picks for overachieving bad teams had to come from the NFC. There's a LOT of bad NFC teams this year and the QBs for the two leading contenders (Brady and A-Rodg) are also the two oldest non-kickers in the NFL.
Our favorite for bad team that makes the playoffs is the Lions. We started making Lions bets before Hard Knocks premiered, and the show only reinforced our priors so now we're all-in. We have Lions over 7.5 wins(+165), Lions to make the playoffs (+400) and Lions to win the division (+1000!!!).
The NFC Playoffs are gonna be wide open. We feel like there's a great chance that a wildcard team makes the Super Bowl this year.
Like the Lions, the Eagles are another team that sneakily got better this year while maybe every other team in their division got worse. They have a top offensive line, Hurts seemed to be improving down the stretch, they signed AJ Brown, and traded for cornerback C.J. Gardner-Johnson. DraftKings is giving them 10:1 to win the NFC which seems way too long to us.
THE WORST GOOD TEAM: PATRIOTS
The Pats are -200 (2:1) to miss the playoffs. That line seems about right - it's a little worse than the Dolphins and a little better than the Browns. So the funny thing is that we got plus-odds on Pats under 7.5 wins and under 8.5 wins. It's kinda weird that DK thinks the Pats will probly win 9+ games but not make the playoffs. Seems like a very narrow window.
MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!
Mac Jones u226.5
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!
HAMBURGLARS vs. BRING IT ON HOME!
It's The Reigning Champ VS The New Guy in week one! LETS GO!
Last year Andy drafted the best team in the league and rode it all the way to a Special Ed Super Bowl crown. This year, they earned the league's only "A" in Yahoo draft grading and it's easy to see why - Patrick Mahomes, Davante Adams, Tyreek Hill, and Christian McCaffrey have all had legendary fantasy seasons recently. But therein lies the problem for BIOH. Every one of those superstars is past their peak and in a markedly worse situation than they were just last year. Adams and Hill are on new teams with shitty QBs, Mahomes has to break in some new WRs and C-Mac has two solid backups to relieve him of enormous workload that got him hurt that last two years.
It looks to us like Andy just drafted the best team of 2021 two years in a row.
His first opponent, Mike "The Bountyhunter" Kull, is taking a very different strategy - embracing the league's volatility and the game's inherent bias toward youth.
There are 4 WRs in Kull's week 1 lineup and Waddle is the OLDEST (age: 23y 286d). Plus they got a first-year starting QB who just turned 22 - Lance has that rushing floor LOCKED IN. The keeper, DaVonta Smith (age 23), is probably their WR6 based on pre-season rankings. That's a fuckin smooth draft right there.
The starting RBs are very solid but this team is living dangerously after dropping both their bench RBs for a kicker and a D. (Baltimore D is gonna CRUSH.) Yahoo's algorithmic grading will not look kindly on them but DYM Scholars know these kinda moves are what Special Ed Championships are built on.
HAMBURGLARS - 128.63
BRING IT ON HOME - 121.02