Good evening, and welcome to Defend Your Moves.
For years now the liberal woke mob has been strangling the life out of America's favorite pastime - NFL Football.
They have infiltrated every level of the league organization and they are destroying it from within.
Football used to be a vital institution in this country. It was the only place our children learned valuable lessons like pain-tolerance and how to channel their violent rage. Now the liberals are giving your children participation trophies for playing FLAG football, and then clutching their pearls when your child shoots up his or her school. Don't be fooled, this is no accident. They want it this way, because they hate you.
This week the NFL began its 2022 season and the liberal agenda was on full display. But we we saw this coming - all off-season our greatest football heroes were being emasculated:
Aaron Rodgers, the 2-time reigning MVP, was taking psychedelics with Peruvian shamans;
Jamaal Williams cried on episode 1 of Hard Knocks - the only episode anybody watches;
and Deshawn Watson, the 2020 passing leader and 3x pro-bowl QB, had his private life aired on the national news AND got suspended for it. Then, the players who did get the privilege of practicing in the 100+ degree August heat were forced to wear these ridiculous astronaut helmets.
<salutes the camera sarcastically>
After months of degrading, belittling, and weakening our greatest Champions the shadowy schedule-making cabal added insult to injury by placing the biggest game of the season, if not the CAREER for some QBs, on week one.
The Revenge Game is dearly held tradition. It is one of the only NFL media narratives that is both embraced by players and beloved by fans. It's the game we all "circle on the calendar", as they say.
Although starting QBs rarely change teams in their prime, there were THREE starting QBs facing their former team for the first time this past week. Baker vs The Browns, Russ vs The Seahawks, and Flacco vs The Ravens were perhaps the three most talked about games of the week. The QBs had to answer interview questions about their former teams all summer. They didn't say anything interesting most of the time, because they're media-trained so they never do -- but how could they? It's week one! They had a new offense to learn and no film on their opponents!! This is an untenable situation. Football is under attack, folks. The NFL wants their players to fail, and they want to destroy the game of football as we know it.
The NFL is committed to putting the worst possible product on the field. It's simple: They schedule the game-of-the-year on week 1 so everybody's watching. The players play like shit cause and get hurt because they're under-prepared for the game-of-the-year. Then all us fans have to make 100 fantasy roster moves before week 2. Then we all lock in to the week 2 games to see how our new players look. It's a grotesque and sinister downward spiral. Every single one of us will have started a 49ers rookie by week 18, and Roger Goodell will be laughing and counting his money. It's disgusting.
Even the coaches are in on the con this year. Lovie Smith ADMITTED to taking a tie on purpose versus the division rival Colts. Watch this:
<Lovie on the video @1:22>
"there's a lotta football left to go in the season it's kinda simple as that, and I felt like a tie was better than a potential loss."
Uh, hey Lovie - a tie IS a loss. It's the most spineless and disgraceful way to end a game. No game should ever end in a tie. Teams should be forced to play forever until somebody scores, or if both teams score then they should play forever until one team gets a stop. That's how they do it in Australian Football, and then the loser has to suck the winner off in front of everybody. The way god intended it.
Of course some NFL coaches managed their teams to respectably decided end-games. But Lovie wasn't the only one willing to throw away precious wins so he could get home in time for House of the Dragon.
Six different coaches this week took their football team off the field at the end of the fourth quarter and put the game in the hands of a kicker - only to have their kicker predictably miss or get blocked:
Rodrigo Blanketshit missed a 42 yarder wide left that would have spared us a tie. He was released. Good riddance. Randy Bullock missed from 47 as the Titans fell to the Giants. Both kickers in CIN/PIT missed in the fourth. Brandon McManus spoiled Russ' Revenge Game on Monday night. And even our dear Younghoe Koo had a potential game winner blocked, but he never should have been out there in the first place.
Kickers are not football players.
Most of them are immigrants who grew up playing soccer. Soccer players don't care how many kicks they miss, THEY MISS ALL THE TIME!
Soccer is one of the lowest scoring games ON - THE - PLANET. Just look at last weekend's scores in the so-called "Champions" League: PSG won 3-1, Benfica won 2-1, Salzberg and Chelsea tied 1-1, Donetsk and Celtic tied 1-1, Sevilla and Copenhagen tied 0-0. You heard that right folks, ZERO to ZERO. In fact Copenhagen has only scored ONE goal in four "Champions" League matches this year.
Do you think they care? They don't care. Their game was ruined by flopping generations ago. Nowadays in Europe missed kicks and ties run rampant, and all the lowlife fans are dirty and drunk and they throw banana peels at the black players.
This is the future they NFL wants for us. If Roger Goodell has his way, almost every game will be a tie, the first kicker that makes a 4th quarter field goal will be the MVP, and there'll be so many bananas on the field you'll think it's a mario kart track. I don't want to live that way. I don't want my children to have to live that way. Maybe if Food Beef is reviewing empanadas we'll call one of these soccer kickers, just keep the kickers away from the football-related content.
DUMPSTER DIVER OF THE WEEK!!
PICKUP OF THE WEEK: Josh Fucking Palmer
The new guy Hamburglars made a splash before week one, joining the long tradition of Special Ed teams named after us. Last season’s Readers will recall the DYM Staff put together a McDonalds-themed group costume for Halloween, with yours truly as the Hamburglar himself. We’re really looking forward to Kull changing the team name to “THANOS” after Halloween this year.
The ‘Burglars did not draft a defense or a kicker(🇺🇸) , setting themselves up for some torrid move-making in the first two weeks. They lead the league now with 10 moves, clocking seven moves over the last seven days.
The most impressive thing, to us, is that six of those moves came out of only two roster spots. They kicked the tires on Curtis Samuel (later picked up by PHP), Dontrell Hilliard, and TWO Niner RBs before landing on Jaylen Warren and Josh Palmer. There’s nothing wrong with shuffling the deck in this league. It behooves a manager to bring free-agents into the team facility even if just to see if they’re gonna be a good fit with the existing locker room chemistry. The margins are thin in this 10-team wild west league, so you can’t ever be too careful.
Their latest move (as of Wednesday night) was maybe their most masterful, and it’s our WEEK TWO PICKUP OF THE WEEK!!
We don't care how many moves they made - There's no way we woulda named Hamburglars the DDOTW if they still had Jarvis on the roster.
For his entire career, Jarvis Landry has been one of the boringest, lowest-ADOT players and he has only played for the league's very worst teams. He will turn 30 years old this November, which SHOULD now make him completely unrosterable in Special Ed.
The pickup is an unheralded second year WR from Brampton, ON, Canada who we like to call Josh Fucking Palmer. This kid needs a nickname BAD. Joshua Palmer is an unfortunately boring name for anybody, but especially a third-string WR from Canada. No surprise he flew under the radar until mid-week 2. He’s gonna start tonight for hamstrung Keenan Allen and we think he might be starting for the Hamburglars too!!!
In the past we have strongly recommended benching your Thursday players. DYM Readers are well aware that Thursdays have traditionally sucked for fantasy. But the NFL went out of their way to scuttle that discourse early this year. Four of the top-8 offenses from last year got scheduled in the first two Thursdays. The Bills, Rams, Chiefs, and Chargers all scored over 27 points per game in 2021.
This week's game might be pretty high-scoring but don't be fooled, THURSDAYS WILL SUCK AGAIN!!!
The further we get into the season the more tired and injured the teams will be. Those short weeks take a greater toll on recovery in November and December than they do in the first two weeks. And because the NFL front-loaded the Thursday slate, the competition level will be dramatically lower on Thursdays late in the season. Special Ed Players should be especially careful to avoid the PLAYOFF THURSDAYS on 12/15, 12/22, and 12/29.
Spend some time with the family this holiday season, you guys. Just bench your Thursday players and watch The Grinch (2018 animated version) instead.
MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!
CHRISTIAN MCCAFFREY!! o62.5 ru & o108.5 total
Miss Cleo's Prop Ber Record: 1-0
FOOD BEEF 2022 COMING SOON!!
In past seasons, FOOD BEEF has tended to focus on traditional American bar food, like pizza, sandwiches, wings, and burgers. This year DYM Nation has been clamoring for some flavor. No more boring white breads and dried meats, the people want THE HEAT!!!
As the demographics of our community have changed, so must we. Over the past couple years a number of new Latin restaurants have opened up in the Morris-Union Jointure area, and almost all of them serve EMPANADAS.
We think The late Commish is smiling on our selection. DYM Scholars know that The Commish was always a great fan of all things LATINA (but not latino):
¿Chris quiere la comida latina? ¡Sí!
¿Mujeres latinas? - Por supuesto. ¡Sí!
¿Musica latina? - Sí, pero NO puede hacer el baile latino.
¿Y los deportes latinos? - ¡¿Como, el fútbol?! ¡NO! Nunca jamas.
The empanada is a staple throughout Latin America but each country has their own particular take. They could be soft, hard, flour, corn, a wide variety of meats, veggies, and cheeses - there's breakfast empanadas, dessert empanadas - the possibilities are ENDLESS!!! We believe that diversity of styles could make this the most compelling Food Beef season yet!!! And since the Empanada Tour will coincide with the 2022 WORLD CUP, this year’s Food Beef playoffs will be an international competition. The Empanada Playoffs will pit Nation against Nation, with the pride of every New Jersey expat community at stake.
Just like we do every year DYM’s Food Beef Judges will visit one of our top-8 local empanada contenders every week; followed by a 2-week, four-restaurant playoff, and the EMPANADA CHAMPIONSHIP set for week 13 - just before the Special Ed Fantasy League Playoffs kick off.