DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2022 WEEK 5!!!!!


What's up Special Ed?!?!?!

Can't believe it's already week 5, this season is flying by!!!

That special edition DYM #200 was invigorating, but we got a lotta shit to catch up on now. Since our last regular DYM: we went to Miami, ate about a million empanadas, saw about a million NFL injuries - including 2 top-10 RBs and 2 Giants QBs, the Mets got swept, there were a couple dozen moves made in Special Ed, and whichever fantasy team Josh Allen is on keeps losing!!!!!

But, most importantly -

WE GOT A NEW STAR WAR!!!!!

ANDOR is a pretty good show, but it might be the least sexy Star War of the entire cannon. Just look at all those mid-grade caucasian shitbags.


There's only one busted-ass droid (in maybe 2 episodes) and NO ALIENS, not even one, swear to god. When Disney started publishing Star Wars stories like ten years ago one of the first things they retconned was they made the Empire explicitly racist, so it was no accident that only white-human-men were officers. But the rebellion was supposed to be a lot more diverse, or so we thought. Whatever, maybe it's cause this crew is going "undercover" so they're just "disguised" as a bunch of ugly white people.


We're five episodes into what will be a 24-episode arc. so There's definitely still a chance for Andor to redeem itself. Especially since the first couple episodes started out WAAAY HOTTER!!!

Episodes 1-3 of Andor featured a supporting character by the name of BIX CALEEN. You might remember this actress, Adria Ajona, from the laughably terrible movie MORBIUS with Jared Leto (netflix garbage, obv). She plays a scientist who works with Jared Leto's titular Dr. Morbius, and she's stupid hot. Like, she's way out of Jared Leto's league and he's already unrealistically sexy for a scientist.


Now, she is undoubtedly the sexiest human female in the entire Star Wars galaxy.

That's a hot take, sure, but we took some time to think about this one and we're positive Bix is actually finer than Padme, Jyn Erso, and even Q'ira.

We pulled up a bunch of pictures of Adria Ajona off IMDB and the wife walked by the desk and said "Damn, who is that?!"

We said "It's this chick from the new Star Wars. Name's Adria Ajona, she's Puerto Rican I think. Might be the hottest chick ever in Star Wars." She said "No doubt. Wait. Arjona... like Ricardo Arjona?"

"Yea that's her dad."

"Oh shit!!!" she said "That's my jam, I love that guy. He's way uglier than her tho."


True story. Her dad is a famous Spanish singer from the 90s. We're really hoping Cassian can wrap up this bullshit spy mission he's on and get back to Ferrix to check in on Bix again before the season ends.


SHE-HULK CAN STILL GET IT THO!!!!!

She-Hulk Attorney at Law is moving along as well. There's only two episodes left and we've enjoyed it so far. We dig these low stakes, off season type MCU shows on Disney+. Like, we loved the Hawkeye show cause it was really just about Christmas and there was no sensible way to ever tie that story into the fucking stupid ass MCU Multiverse.


Anyway these first seven episodes have been relatively low-key sexy.

We're big fans of the human version of Jen Walters. She can get it.

We think it's real fucked up that Josh turned out to be a bad guy cause it seemed like somebody was finally gonna love her for who she is, and she deserves it!!!


But did you know that when they film the She-Hulk scenes, there's an actual 6'5" lady-giant model on set that plays She-Hulk?!?!?


It's true!!!!! Her name's Malia Arrayah and, in case you were wondering, she DOES have feet pics on her onlyfans.

Good lord. 🥵


NEW GAME OF THRONES!!!!!

The new GoT is tight. Somehow one of the main characters in this show was also in Jared Leto's Morbius (Matt Smith). That's weird cause this show is good, and Andor is good, but Morbius fuckin suuuuucked bad.


We almost checked out last week tho. We were bummed when they recasted the princess and the queen after episode 5; and their kids all turned out useless, boring, and variously-autistic. We're not even a little bit invested in their success.


Fortunately the second half of episode 7 really turned shit around. One of those asshat kids stole a dragon, then got beat down by all the other kids and he lost an eye. That was refreshing. Dragons and kids-getting-mutilated is Game of Thrones' bread and butter. With all the bullshit going on at HBO these days they gotta just stick to what works. Give the people what they want, ya know?

 

FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS!!!!!

WEEK 3: Cafe Versailles 🇨🇺 (Miami, FL)

Shout out to the Sunshine State. We highly recommend taking in a game in Miami. Hard Rock Stadium is really nice, and Miami has gotta be the best NFL city to be disappointed in. Your team loses and you just go straight back to the beach.

Like, after Tua got double-concussed in Cincinnati we were slightly concerned when we heard that he was flying back to Miami with the team. It didn't seem like a prudent medical decision, but we TOTALLY get it. After a rough game like that, we know Tua couldn't wait to get himself a margarita and slip into that infinity pool - that shit'll make your troubles just drift away.


Now obviously there's plenty of Latin food to be had in Miami, and we went out of our way to only eat really good food down there. So it was very surprising that the best empanada we found was an the airport on the way out.

These empanadas were fucking DELICIOUS!!!!! Cafe Versailles at Terminal E had some interesting varieties (like the "Cuban" style ham and cheese), but the classic beef and chicken ones were the best, they had veggies and potatoes mixed in -- the chicken ones had olives too, which really put the flavors over the top. All the judges agreed that this might end up being the best empanada we eat all year.

The crust was immaculate. Look how thin and crispy it is!!! You can practically see through it!!! And look at all those crispy fried blisters!!! You know it was crunchy!!!


EMPANADA SCORE: 9


WEEK 4: Delikositas 🇨🇴 (Madison, NJ)

Delikositas' empanadas are OK. They're very greasy and very thick so they put a dent in your stomach. On the plus-side they have an outstandingly diverse and consistent variety. We loved getting the baked corn shell, baked flour shell, and the fried style. We also liked that the fillings had soft, stringy pulled meats (not the dry minced meat like at Raul's) and they added potato which gave them a shepherd's pie type of texture.


They also have some EXCELLENT side dishes. We're not sure if Delikositas is gonna make the playoffs, but it's worth going just for the chicharones and chorizo.


Colombian-style chicharon is actually a big ass slab of pork belly, fried hard with all the skin and all the fat intact. It's fucking decedent. Jesus, look at that skin. Fried to perfection. The skin gets sooo crispy and the fat just melts in your mouth.


Delikositas' empanadas got a 8 from our judges and we're adding a bonus .5 for the slammin side dishes.


EMPANADA SCORE: 8.5

 

MISS CLEO'S PLAYERS OF THE WEEK!!!!!

Christian McCaffrey - o52.5 ru/o92.5 combined

Matt Ryan - u231.5 pa/u1.5 TDs


 

AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!

SHARON ERTZ vs. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS!!!!!

AGOTW Prediction Record: 1-2

The only Special Ed Matchup with NO THURSDAY PLAYERS!!!!!

Lets GOOOOO!!!!!


Tonight we got Colts vs Broncos and it's gonna SUCK!!!!! We're pretty sure that when they made the schedule the league thought this was gonna be one of the "good" Thursday night games. Indy and Denver were among the most anticipated up-and-coming teams in the already loaded AFC. As it turns out these two have been maybe the two biggest disappointments of the early season. With only 6 TDs each in four weeks, these are the two lowest scoring teams in the NFL. For comparison, Josh Allen has scored 12 TDs this year and Lamar has 14. This game is gonna be disgusting.


The most disappointing team in Special Ed has gotta be The Rippers. Last week they had their highest score of the year with 115.94. That's not great. It was also the first time all year they'd outscored their Yahoo! projection. Coming into week 1 this squad looked like it had superstars at every position. But so far Kyler is scoring about 4 points per game less than Jared Goff (pick him up?!), Ja'Marr Chase isn't the best WR on the Bengals, and Dalvin Cook and Kamara are both outside the top 25 RBs. Yuck!!!

The sexiest player on this team is rookie Chris Olave. Olave is 10th in receiving yards over four weeks (83.8 ypg) and is commanding a ridiculous 18.7 ADOT. That's the highest depth of target for any WR with over 20 targets. Olave is gonna be a super-DUPER-star.


On the other side, Sharon Ertz has their own rookie diamond in the rough - Dameon Pierce. After being relegated to Burkhead-backup in week 1, Pierce seems to be getting stronger every week since. In week 4 the young man took 14 carries for 131 yards - that's 9.4 yards per carry. Holy Shit!!! It sucks that this team lost Javonte, but Pierce mighta been their best RB all along anyway. And he might be the best player overall in this highly-mediocre matchup.


This week Pierce has a smooth matchup against Jacksonville, and Joe Burrow could have a nice bounce-back game against Baltimore (maybe the worst pass-rushing defense in the NFL).

Tobin's guys have some good matchup spots too - like Kamara vs Seattle, Cook vs Chicago, and Kyler in a shootout vs Philly - but even so, we just don't trust these guys to get it done.


PREDICTION:

Sharon Ertz - 127.68

Tobin & The Rippers - 101.52


SHARON ERTZ WINS!!!!!

 

SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!

Fingerbang! vs. Miracle Whip 🫙

Fingerbang! might be our favorite team name in the league this year. Everytime we look at the league page we get that song stuck in our head and we fuckin love it!!!

Also, FB has a pretty big advantage on us all this week since, as Western-Pennsylavians, they're the only Special Ed team who's favorite baseball team did not make the playoffs.

We can tell Doug is already pretty distracted cause he picked up Isaiah McKenzie who's still in concussion protocol. The correct Bills WR for this week is Kahlil Shakir. The rookie out of Boise State was DYNAMITE in the pre-season. He was originally gonna be the backup slot WR, but the kid showed great vision and great hands, and made big plays out of every WR position. He could play a ton this week with Crowder, McKenzie, and Davis all banged up.


FINGERBANG WINS!!!!!


FISTO KIDDS vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS

Both these teams have Thursday guys in the flex right now. But they&#x