DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2022 WEEK 9!!!!!!!!!


What's up Special Ed?!?


The Curse of WhosHotStradamus has returned. Yet another of the dumb-ass things we wrote on this blog has become reality. This time the curse has claimed one of our most beloved DYM characters - Kyrie Irving.

The very first edition of Kyrie's Woke Wednesdays (2019 week 2) referenced "the Black African Jews who are the original man..." which is apparently how Kyrie honestly identifies now.

(Guys our age who grew up in the NY-metro area are familiar with this ideology cause those African Israelites used to sell bootleg DVDs on Canal St in the 90s.)

At the time when we wrote the Kyrie character he was claiming to be Native American and also observing Ramadan, which is an odd juxtaposition, so we figured 'black jew' could also be in his wheelhouse. And, well, we were right.


So Kyrie is cancelled now. He's suspended from the Nets, Nike dropped him, and he will no longer appear on Defend Your Moves. It's a shame tho. Cause we had a really good bit about how Kyrie & KD were tanking to get Steve Nash fired; and Joe Tsai/the Chinese Government really run the NBA; and how they planted fake accusations against Ime Udoka so he'd have to leave Boston. They called it a "Tsai-op". It was really funny.


Of course, since DYM is actually run by white jews we're definitely gonna take all of Kyrie's ideas and claim them as our own. There's a ton of politricks goin on right now on the new-look-Twitter so we're scouting a new Woke Wednesdays host; Ghosts vs. Aliens III is already in the works; and Cum Jesus, the story that will never end, was originally a Kyrie joint. There's even a couple ideas from that schitzo documentary that we might revisit:

Their (brief) explanation of the origins of white jews was remarkably similar to the origins of Greek Mythology that we wrote about last year in the Ultimate Star Wars Theory Part II.

The doc also referenced an African myth that's the exact same as the Garden of Eden story except instead of a snake it's a pregnant woman that tells Adam to eat the fruit - which is basically the whole fucking thesis of that Star Wars essay. We're pretty disappointed in our research department for not surfacing that earlier.


Anyways, no matter what happens next with real life Kyrie, we'll always remember how he honestly believed he could beat Kobe 1-on-1 in 2012. That's crazy. In retrospect it mighta been a red-flag .

 

WHOS HOT?!?!?!?!

The biggest mover this week in the Heat Index ranks is Bring it On!! who fell from #3 down to #8 after a loss to Fisto Kidds. The once-mighty BIOH has been eminently beatable over the last three weeks, averaging 117.78. For the first time this year DYM has overtaken BIOH as the highest scoring team overall.


Fingerbang is still ice cold on paper, but they got a much needed win over PHP last week. They're 117.28 in week eight was somehow their highest scoring week of the year. We see FB out there making some moves this week and they still got nowhere to go but up this week.


 

FOOD BEEF: EMPANADAS

Y Canela Cafe 🇨🇴 Morristown, NJ

Cafe y Canela is our second Colombian representative on the empanada tour. The distinctive feature of Colombian empanadas is the corn shell. In general the filo dough shelled empanadas have scored better than corn so far, most because corn empanadas tend to be so much thicker and less crispy. But not anymore!!! as you can see above these shells were paper this and they were ever so crunchy. The fillings had potatoes and veg and the flavors were off the hook!!! Our kid even liked it!

We also got an order of arroz con pollo which was delicious and satisfying.


EMPANADA SCORE: 9

 

MISS CLEO'S PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Kyler Murray o261.5 pass yds.

Miss Cleo's Prop Bet Record: 9-3


 

AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK

Fisto kidds!! vs Tobin & The Rippers

AGOTW Prediction Record: 3-4

The league's hottest team has a chance to move into first place in week 9!!!!!!!!!


The byes are out of control this week. Six teams on bye the same week is TOO MANY!!!!! The schedule makes no goddamn sense. There's six teams out this week, but none in week 12 (Thanksgiving week), only two in week 13 and then SIX AGAIN in week 14. It's BULLSHIT!!! THERE'S NO FUCKING RUNNING BACKS!!!!!


The two teams least affected by bye-week-pocalypse are Fistos and Tobin. Amari Cooper and Dallas D will be the only regular starters in this matchup on bye. Dallas D is the #1 fantasy defense this year so Tobin won't be dropping them for a 1-week replacement. If we were them we'd drop Jeff Wilson - there's no need to have two Dolphin RBs on the same team if neither of them in Ricky Williams.


Tobin has won 3 weeks in a row and they're by far the hottest team in the league. But still we think the Fisto Kidds might have the juice to take them down.

We love the matchups for Fisto's RBs this week. Aaron Jones @ Detroit and Etienne at home vs The Raiders could be the top two RB plays of the day. Our Aaron Jones prop (under 1300 combined yds) is dead in the water right now cause AJ Dillon has been phased out and the Packers just stopped throwing the ball recently. Aaron Jones could get 20+ touches every week going forward.


FISTO KIDDS WINS!!!!!!!!!

 

SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!!!!

DEFEND YOUR MOVES🚬 vs The Hamburglars

Coincidentally we're also playing against Kull this week in the SHS Class of '99 league, which is our other Stefon Diggs team and his other Garrett Wilson team. AND coincidentally the Bills are playing the Jets this week and the DYM Staff will be in attendance!!! Wilson probly won't get the start in Special Ed as he'll be matched up with Tre'Davious White in his first game since week 8 last year. We're most interested in seeing how Jets rookie Sauce Gardner fairs against Diggs this week. Sauce has been money this year so far.

DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!

Bring It On Home vs miracle whip 🫙

One more thought on the Kyrie drama:

We really don't think the NBA handled this thing the right way. Like they had him do half a dozen press conferences before he was even suspended, and he was predictably defensive and argumentative and made things worse. Because that's what Kyrie always does.

Adam Silver said he wanted Kyrie to "formally apologize". Which is like, honestly, what's the point of getting him to say sorry? Our wife fuckin never says "sorry" for anything, and some people are just like that. A lotta people just don't like being criticized. They're just gonna get all fuckin defensive and deflect the blame, like every time. But maybe that's OK!!! See, if somebody's defensive or they got excuses that means they know they're wrong. They know they fucked up but they just wanna tell you why they fucked up. Some people won't ever admit that they were wrong, but the fact they're even arguing with you means they're acknowledging the same problem you are.

At the end of the day, apologies don't get the fucking dishes done. Sometimes you just gotta do em yourself, but make a lot of noise with the pans and be real passive aggressive about it.

BRING IT ON HOME WINS!!!!!!!!!


Fingerbang! vs Sharon Ertz

FB got hit bad by the super bye week. With Sutton, Najee, and Chubb out they'll have to start three guys that they just picked up this week. Palmer was a pretty smooth pickup tho. Everybody else on the Chargers is hurt so he's locked in to about 35 targets. Kenyan Drake looks like he'll be the Ravens starting RB on Monday night. Plus they could get another good Jamaal Williams game with Swift dealing with a lingering ankle.

FINGERBANG WINS!!!!!!!!!

Paul’s Awesome Team vs Polk High Panthers

This is a disgusting matchup. We got the ice cold PAT who scored a league-low 76 points last week vs the 1-7 PHP who are about 100 points behind the ninth place team in total points. All of their flexes are tight ends and backup RBs, yuck. Can they both lose?

POLK HIGH PANTHERS WINS!!!!!!!!!


 

HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!




BEST OF DYM