DEFEND YOUR MOVES OFF-SEASON 2022 #6!!!!!!


What's up, everybody?

There's a whole lotta news this week. And we just happened to notice that a lot of today's top newsmakers just happen to be Jewish. We're not tryin' to pump any dumb c*nsp1racy th30ries, just sayin' - the diaspora is out here right now:

We got a new Jewish Catwoman, a new Jewish Jeopardy! host, a new Jewish war hero, a retiring Jewish SCOTUS judge, and lots of scandalous activity by Jewish billionaires!!!

That's why we're introducing a new department at the DYM Off-Season Newsroom:

THE JEW NEWS CREW!!!


Here they come now!


ZELENSKYY!!


This fuckin chad right here is Volodymyr Zelenskyy. He was the voice of Paddington in the Paddington movie, and he was on Ukrainian Dancing with The Stars, then he became president.


We love this guy, but it's kinda awkward cause we never wanted there to be a counterpoint to the argument that "reality TV stars shouldn't be presidents." So, while it's great that one of the few Jewish world-leaders in existence right now is also now a world-renowned badass, it maybe isn’t really a good thing - historically speaking.


We gotta say, tho, we unabashedly love how many y's there are in this guy’s name (5 total; Middle name - "Oleksandrovych"), especially the two y's at the end of "Zelenskyy". Every time we read that name it looks like someone's shouting it. Usually we like to take a minute to imagine his goyish enemies cursing his name and shaking their fists at the sky.

Also Jewish: Vitali and Wladimir Klitschko, Secretary of State Antony Blinken

LOL DOLPHINS!!!


One of the most despicable American Jews out here today is Dolphins owner Stephen Ross. About a month ago Brian Flores sued the Dolphins, Giants, and Broncos for discriminatory hiring practices.

But the funny part, to us, is this story that came out today about how the Dolphins were trying to sign Tom Brady and Sean Payton in a “package deal” that only fell through because of Flores’ lawsuit. Most of the commentary on the story has revolved around whether Brady and/or Peyton would agree to new deals with the Dolphins, largely ignoring the much more interesting question of whether the Dolphins should.


So, the Dolphins really wanted to trade Tua and Brian Flores's whole careers for a year or two with Brady and Sean Payton? And now they're stuck with the fucking Irish version of Rodney Ruxin instead. L-O-L!!!!!

Like, they had a very bad idea that might've crippled the franchise in a few years and fucked it up so bad they crippled themselves right now instead. In our opinion this whole episode is more like Raiders/Jaguars level stupid. We expect better from the Dolphins to be honest. We generally expect the Dolphins to either fuck up a good plan (like with Ricky Williams), or go all in on a really bad one (like with Ryan Tannehill). SMGDH.

Also Jewish: Dave Gettleman, Joe Schoen (probably)


---🦇NO BATMAN SPOILERS🦇---


NEW CATWOMAN!!!


It's motherfucking BATMAN WEEK here at the DYM Home Office and we are AMPED!!!!! We've been psyched about this movie since we first saw the previews like two years ago. We're finally going on Thursday night so we're avoiding all reviews and spoilers this week. In the Star Wars Sequel Era we went all-in on spoilers and leaks and we don't think it did us a lot of good, so this time around we've pretty much kept ourselves in the dark as to what's actually gonna be in this movie.

We did happen to hear a couple non-spoiler tidbits recently tho: It's 3 hours long, AND the premier reviews were 97% Fresh🍅 on RT. Fuck and Yes. Lets go.


Most importantly around here, this is a landmark event because we've got our first Jewish Catwoman!!!!!

Zoe Kravitz is half-Black and half-Jewish because both of her parents (Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet) are half-Black and half-Jewish, so that's pretty cool.


We watched this other Zoe Kravitz flick on HBO last week. Zoe plays a data analyst for a giant media company and she works from home and has blue hair.

So.

That was very in our wheelhouse. But you guys might like it too.


Also Jewish: NONE (we have not confirmed any other jews in The Batman)


 

BATMAN WEEK ON HODA & JENNA!!!!!


For people like me and Zoe Kravitz, one of the sweet things about working from home is we get to watch a lotta daytime TV. Our favorite daytime show right now is the Today Show after-show with Hoda & Jenna Bush. We watch Hoda & Jenna every morning at 10am on NBC, and we gotta tell you guys: Jenna Bush can get it. For real. We love Jenna Bush right now. She's got the thick, blonde, conservative vibe we love, and she actually seems a lot more chill than Senator Sinema.


Apparently JB is doing a Batman tribute all week long on the show:

On Monday Jenna went on air wearing this weird half-red/half-black dress that made her look like Two-Face.

Later on that episode they had trainers come on to teach Jenna and Hoda how to surf. Everybody else got changed into like gym clothes before the segment, except Jenna who kept the Two-Face dress on the whole time. It was hilarious.


On Tuesday Jenna came thru with the old-school Lee Meriwether style Catwoman dress:

Sleek, all black, high collar, no jewelry. This is probably our favorite Catwoman aesthetic.

The b-segment on this episode was drinking some kinda flavored cocktails.


We gotta figure she's saving the Joker for Friday, but, man, we can't wait to see what she rolls out the rest of the week.


 

WEDNESDAY UPDATE!!!

Jenna rocked a classic black tuxedo jacket on wednesday - an homage to the post-crisis/Mayor Cobblepot version of The Penguin.

Once again, this is probably our favorite Penguin aesthetic; And (we hope) this is the version we'll see Colin Farrell portray in The Batman. No disrespect to Danny Devito, but we like the gangster Penguin way better than the sewer-mutant Penguin.


THURSDAY UPDATE!!!

We didn't quite get the reference at first. Is that young Bruce's Gotham Academy school uniform? The Court of Owls maybe?

But then we looked closer at the patches. Each one is a clue to a complex riddle that led us on a perilous scavenger hunt all across the Summit-metro-area. When we finally deciphered the puzzle it became so clear. The patches spell out the identity of The Batman's most perplexing nemesis: "E. Nigma" - the Riddler!!!

CLASSIC!!!!!


FRIDAY UPDATE!!!

For the grand finale of Batman Week on Hoda & Jenna, JB went with another CLASSIC! We had expected to see Poison Ivy earlier in the week since it's such a slam dunk. It's way easier to pull off Ivy's green floral dress on TV than any version of Two-Face or Riddler.