DEFEND YOUR MOVES OFF-SEASON 2022 #9!!!!!!!!!


HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, SPECIAL ED!!!!!!!!!


The first weekend of the summer is finally here, you guys!!! The sun is hot, weed is legal, we got rookies in our mock drafts AND a NEW motherfuckin STAR WAR!!!!!


L E T S G O O O O O O !!!!!!!!!


We gotta tell you guys, these summer activities could not have come soon enough. We spent the last week digging into some of our favorite wikipedia rabbit holes - as we do - but this time we mighta dug too far.


DYM Off-Season has been inundated with politricks and conspiracy theories lately but maybe not all of you guys know that before we broke into the Fantasy Football Blogging game we used to be professional political activists.

During the George W Bush administration we worked with a community organizing and direct-action political group in Florida called ACORN. It's work we've always been proud of, (it's even on our LinkedIn page!) even though they went outta business in 2010 amid a litany of scandals. On paper we were employed by a shell company that ACORN set up to let them launder money into an actual 501(c)(3) called American Institute for Social Justice that group is so defunct now they don't even have a wikipedia page and all mentions of them on ACORN's wiki have been scrubbed. In retrospect these are all pretty big red-flags.


Anyways, if you traffic in dark-web conspiracy theories (or watch Fox News) like we do then you've probably heard of this fella named George Soros.

He's the Jewish boogie-man dujour said to be the head of the entire network of liberal/globalist/gay conspiracies world-wide. According to wikipedia:

Since 1993 Soros has contributed over $30 Billion to The Open Societies Foundation, an organization that awards grants to "civil society groups around the world, with a stated aim of advancing justice, education, public health and independent media." The high level details of all this are right there on Open Society's webpage, along with its aspirations for open borders and world-government.


That's pretty much exactly the way Tucker Carlson describes it as well, only he uses the scary voice. Yesterday we checked out Tucker's new documentary "Hungary VS George Soros". It's only 25 minutes but we don't recommend watching it. It's mostly just an advertisement for Hungary's burgeoning nationalist dictatorship and its explicitly racist Prime Minister, Viktor Orban. There's only a few passing mentions of Soros and his network of NGO's that somehow manipulate public opinion and policy worldwide. The conspiracy references were way more vague than we had hoped.


We've always been kinda dubious of Soros conspiracy theories cause the actual mechanism is never explained very explicitly.

Especially vis-a-vis the so-called "Antifa" these days. Nobody seems to have a clear explanation for how or why it's supposed to work. Like, he just pays protesters to fly around the country to fuck with cops and corporations? And that changes laws somehow? We were hoping Tucker would dig deep on that shit, but alas.

Back in our day, ACORN was constantly under federal investigation and targeted by ring-wing conspiracy theorists because we were trying to enact progressive policies in conservative places. It was an uphill battle that we eventually lost. So when Tucker talks about these slick jet-setting Antifa operatives, and how Biden supposedly has their backs, it's a little confusing.


Then we remembered these weirdo activists we met in Oakland last week. The East Bay is one of the weirdest places in America, but these guys particularly creeped us out cause they just didn't really act like activists.

Their thing was passing out Fentanyl test strips that you could use to check if your coke was laced with opioids. We talked to em for a minute cause we fuckin HATE fentanyl. A friend of ours once OD'd on a fentanyl patch that was prescribed to him. Our stance is fentanyl is the fuckin worst and we dont fuck with it AT ALL. But these cats were real wishy washy on the issue, like "eh, there's some good medical uses, ya know, some people like it."

We were like "Dog, what?" Plus the whole time we were talking they never asked us, or anyone else, for money. That's how we knew FOR SURE that these cats were spooks. Either that or they're just the worst organizers of all time (possible, cause Oakland) - Organizers ALWAYS ask for money.

So we're thinkin - "OK maybe that's what a Soros spook looks like. They just take that billionaire money and run around Oakland passing out nanobot tracking devices to drug users. We get it."


So after we watched the Tucker flick we started sifting through Open Society's website to see if they fund any "harm reduction" programs in the Bay Area. FentCheck wasn't on the list but there were some similar projects they funded in Baltimore. We surfed over to baltimore harm reduction dot org where we found very little about fentanyl or those cocaine-pregnancy-tests, but a ton of tactical political advocacy: MD state legislative agenda, outreach to congress people, bill tracking, press releases, etc... The exact same shit we did back in the day at ACORN.

Now we're sitting there, reading the blog of a known Soros-funded spook organization, and absolutely vibing with it. We're like "This is the shit! Those fuckin losers in Oakland are fuckin up!" ... ... "wait" ... ... "OH SHIT!!!!!"


Obviously the American Institute for Social Justice (AISJ) is not mentioned by name in Open Society's historical grants database (cause we were real fuckin spooks).

But a quick google search got us the story about one of Soros' partners donating $1 Million to ACORN after our former president was fired for embezzling a milli. We also found a shout out to AISJ in an old pdf document from 2009 on open society dot org - "for providing staff and leadership training, technical assistance, research, and strategy support on issues relevant to this group."

riiiiiiiiiiiight.


SO, this is PEAK mid-life crisis, you guys. We reached the bottom of the fuckin rabbit hole and found out that the rabbit is us.

And it's probably the last time we're going conspiracy hunting for a while. We got it now. There is a global neoliberal conspiracy. We were there. We know exactly how it works. We're all about it.

  • Are voter registration drives really just fundraising for campaigns to house immigrants? Yes.

  • Do they want to "cancel" all conservative voices? Yes.

  • Are Jews from the northeast moving to red states to instigate unrest and impose liberal policies? Yes.

  • Really? Jews? Like, it's all Jews? Yes. 100% Jews.


 

NEW STAR WAR!!!!!!!!!

Our seven-year-old caught wind of this new Obi-Wan Kenobi show on Disney+ this morning. We had to give a hard "maybe" on him watching it later this weekend. After previewing the first episode by ourselves this afternoon, it looks like we're gonna have to watch Chip 'n Dale with the kid instead. This joint is definitely PG-13.


The opening scene was a reenactment of perhaps Star Wars' very darkest moment - the little baby Jedis gettin murked in the temple during Order 66. Then, it just got darker from there when they had two of the youngest characters in the show get kidnapped in the creepiest possible ways. The shit is very not kid friendly.

The real highlight of Ep 1 was this short scene where Obi-Wan has a nightmare and wakes up hearing the voice of The Greatest Jedi of All Time - Qui-Gon Jinn. DYM Readers know we've been waiting for the triumphant return of Liam Neesons to SW for 23 years. The only confirmed sightings of Qui-Gon's ghostly visage since Phantom Menace were in the "Mortis" episodes of Clone Wars (season 3 eps. 15-17). But that doesn't count cause it's possible that everything that happened in those episodes was actually all in Anakin's imagination -- it's an open question. Liam Neesons did the voice of QG in the cartoons, but just the voice isn't REAL Liam Neesons, so we got our hopes WAY up for the rest of the series.

Episode 2 was a bit more of a romp. In the opening scene Obi-Wan gets approached by fentanyl activists. Then he finds the Indian guy from Franklin & Bash pretending to be a Jedi to scam tourists. Then there was a new Star Wars alien species that we've never seen before, and it was named after our favorite Central American dish!!!!!

This episode wasn't any more kid friendly but a much more entertaining watch.


So far we're tentatively all-in on Disney's Obi-Wan Kenobi. The first two episodes were an excellent Star War. It bridged a lot of gaps between the movies and gave us a live-action look at a bunch of scenes and characters that had here-to-fore only existed in SW comic books and novels. Shit like Uncle Owen being a dick, little Leia being cute and precocious, and Vader being a wrinkly-faced bubble boy.

This show has EVERYTHING!!!


 

HAVE A GREAT MEMORIAL DAY EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!




BEST OF DYM