Whats up, Special Ed?!?!?!
The news is fuckin wild these days. To be honest we really shoulda had more than one DYM this past month cause there is some fuckin shit goin on. All the DYM Off-Season staples have made headlines recently: NBA trades, Politricks, conspiracy facts, third-world countries in chaos, internet weirdos, Jews, idiots, mummies, ghosts, mermaids, UFOs (not aliens), ALL THAT SHIT!!!
We're gonna break it all down real fast here so we can focus on Hoops Tourneys and finally go see Cocaine Bear this month.
POLITRICKS!!!
The Democrats are on their bullshit again.
Mayor Pete and Merrick Garland went on the news shows this morning talking about how they're gonna stop JetBlue from acquiring Spirit Airlines. Their claim is that Spirit's "unique" and "disruptive" business model fills a necessary niche in the competitive airline market.
But during the announcement it became abundantly clear that neither of these clowns had ever flown Spirit before. Everybody who flies Spirit will, at some point, wish that they hadn't flown Spirit; and they would NEVER defend it's unique/disruptive business model. SPIRIT IS GARBAGE!!!!! Motherfucker really said "allowing the merger would significantly harm consumers", which is fucking ridiculous because nobody does more harm to Spirit Airlines' customers than Spirit Airlines.
Spirit fucking BLOWS. They charge extra for fucking everything, they get delayed all the fucking time, and even if you get all the upgrades you're still gonna get seats that are mad small, mad old, and have bare-minimum amenities. They just put wifi on some of their planes last year!!!
The last time we flew Spirit they sold us wifi, then the plane lost satellite service when we flew over the ocean🤦.
On the other hand, JetBlue fucking RULES. Every JetBlue flight we've been on recently has been silky smooth. The seats are roomy, clean, and have cool interactive screens, and chargers and all kindsa good shit. Everytime we fly somewhere our kid asks if it's gonna be JetBlue - it's just the coolest.
Fuck this anti-trust bullshit. JetBlue should be the only airline.
MORE POLITRICKS!!!
Ron Desantis is a cuntrag. Total piece of shit.
There's a bill on the docket for the upcoming Florida legislative session requiring bloggers to register with the state when they write about Desantis or other florida politicians. Of course DYM's not going for that shit cause it's probably unconstitutional, and cause Ron Desantis sucks pig dicks.
This is just one of many proposed Florida laws that, according to MotherJones.com, are modelled off the policies of Hungary's Viktor Orban.
Basically, Desantis is trying to turn Florida into a Catholic Ethnostate:
HB 7: Prohibiting abortion and travel to other states for abortion
HB 29: Tax exemption for diapers and incontinence products
CS/SB 52: Prohibit and prevent students from accessing social media
HB 91: Prohibits any releasing of balloons
SB 1223: Restricts the use of gendered pronouns in schools
SB 78: Designating the Florida scrub-jay as the official state bird (replaces mockingbird)
HB 999: Bans Gender Studies, Critical Race Theory, and Intersectionality at state universities
SB 932: Prohibit drivers from allowing dogs to stick their heads out of the window
WTF!!! Dogs love sticking their heads out the window!!! Fuck you, Ron!!!!!
NEW STAR WAR!!!
Mandalorian Season 3 just came out. It's aight.
The first episode was corny and the story didn't make a lotta sense -- but it seemed like most of the awkwardly written scenes were just there to shoehorn in weird alien characters and sassy droids, and our girl Starbuck is back, so we're cool with it so far.
The continuity police on twitter are losing their minds tho. Jon Favreau said on a podcast recently that Mandalorian takes place "over several years" which makes no fucking sense, for a lotta reasons. They definitely don't have this whole storyline ironed out yet cause as of today (3/7/23) wookiepedia.com still says that all three seasons of Mando and the whole Boba Fett show take place in the same year - 9 ABY.
We've always suspected that The Mandalorian show only existed as a platform from which they could spin-off other shows like Ahsoka and Boba Fett. But now there are two more SW shows in the works after Ahsoka - "Skeleton Crew" and "Rangers of the New Republic" - and wookiepedia says they're also set in the year 9 ABY. We fully expect to see tie-ins to these shows sometime over the next season or two of Mando. Hopefully Favreau won't have too heavy a hand in those new joints cause he's a fucking cornball. We can't stay mad at him tho.
¡¡¡BEISBOL!!!
The World Baseball Classic starts tonight and DYM is here for it!!!!
We were pretty tuned out of baseball last year - what with all of deGrom's bullshit. We weren't particularly looking forward to baseball this year either, but we do love us some international competitions. Plus it's March, and we're in the mood for Tourneys anyway, so why not? LETS GO!!!
There's six Mets playing in the WBC:
Alonso, McNeil, and Adam Ottavino are on Team USA.
Lindor and Timmy Trumpets are playing for Puerto Rico.
Mark Vientos is playing for Nicaragua
The team to watch this year, obviously, is Team Nicaragua. They're the Cinderellas of this ball. Nicaragua does not produce much MLB talent but they have a fairly competitive professional league and it's the most popular sport in the country. Mark Vientos (3B) has been in the Mets minor league system since 2017. He played like 6 games or so in the majors in '22 - which is more than any other position player on the Nicaraguan team (they have 2 major league relief pitchers).
They played their asses off in the qualifiers tho - going 3-0 and outscoring their opponents by a combined score of 23-6.
The bad news for Nicaragua is they got slotted in the same group with Puerto Rico and Dominican Republic. Nicaragua plays Puerto Rico on Saturday and D.R. on Monday (both at noon eastern).
That's fuckin rough, but we still think Nica's being undervalued right now at Draftkings Sportsbook. We just got +5000 odds on Nicaragua to qualify (top two in the group). That's by far the longest odds in Group D, and second longest in the whole tourney. If they lose to P.R., they'll be underdogs against Israel on Sunday, which is absurd (Israel +1200 to qualify). There's definitely gonna be value on Nicaragua spreads every day, and we think they have the potential for a Morocco-like run.
¡¡¡VAMOS!!!
GHOSTS IN THE NEWS!!!
-NOT ALIENS IN THE NEWS-
Quote-unquote UFO's were all over the news last month, but nobody was talking about aliens!!!
Even famed alien enthusiast (and known illuminatus) Steven Spielberg is starting to walk back his previously held beliefs on extraterrestrials. Spielberg went on Stephen Colbert Show last week and posited an alternative UFO theory that DYM's been pumping for a few years now:
"What if they’re not from an advanced civilization 300 million lightyears from here? What if it’s us, 500,000 years in the future, that is coming back to document the second half of the 20th century and into the 21st century because they’re anthropologists?"
Boom. Fuck aliens.
GHOSTS are what's really poppin in these streets right now.
MURDAUGH GHOSTS!!!
This goddamn Murdaugh trial got an outrageous amount of coverage from every news outlet in this country. We were pretty turned off by it -- the entire True Crime genre is kinda distasteful in our opinion.
On Friday morning the sentencing hearing was broadcast live on every local network and cable news channel, they even interrupted our girls Hoda & Jenna!!! We were pissed for just a second but then the judge just real casually started talking about GHOSTS right there on national TV.
And we were like WHAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!
My man said:
"And I know you have to see Paul and Maggie during the nighttime... I'm sure they come and visit you ... and they will continue to do so."
Look at the bailiff, man. He knows what's up. This is some deep ass shit for him, he's really taking it in.
👻🍴DYM's Favorite 2023 Met: KODAI SENGA!!!!!👻🍴
Kodai was a dominant force in the Japanese League: 5x champ, 3x all-star, 2x Gold Glove winner, 2x league leader in ERA and strikeouts (2019 and 2020).
But his true claim to fame is a pitch he invented called
The Ghost Fork 👻🍴.
It's a disgusting pitch. Totally unfair.
Unfortunately Kodai won't be appearing in the World Baseball Classic this month, so we don't get to see the full speed Kodai filth until opening day.
For now the Kodai youtube highlights are pretty fucking nasty.
Fuck with Kodai, you guys.
¡¡¡NOVIA ESPIRITUAL!!!
OK, last one.
So this guy in Peru was drinking in the desert. The cops pick him up and find an 800-year-old mummy in a DoorDash bag. It's not totally clear if the guy got arrested cause a news crew interviewed him right there on the scene and he's not handcuffed.
Homeboy says he's had the mummy for years. He named it "Juanita", and he keeps her right next to his bead at home. He considers Juanita to be his - "novia espiritual" - ghost girlfriend.
Peru is one of the craziest and most haunted places on earth. There's mummies and ghosts everywhere and drugs just grow out of the ground all over the place. So, we would think this is probably a pretty common occurrence down there.
Incidentally, scientists have said Juanita is actually a male skeleton - so don't tell Ron Desantis!!! 🤫
