KYLO MURRAY DAYS TIL STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!
Episode IX premiered on Monday night in LA.
After midnight EST the real-deal spoilers hit the internets, and they did NOT go over well. EVERYBODY on the internet reading these spoilers are HATING THEM. Star Wars twitter is immolating itself, saying the movie they haven’t seen yet is definitively the worst Star Wars ever.
This was not entirely unexpected. Ever since Disney took over there’s been a factional split in Star Wars fandom –conservative fans who bemoan the way the OT heroes have changed, and liberal fans who celebrate the sequels’ embrace of the feminine gaze. Over the last couple years the two sides have developed two parallel universes of expectations for Episode IX. But these post-premier tidbits have managed to severely disappoint both sides.
According to the DYM Twitter echo chamber:
All characters have been assassinated. All dreams have been shattered. Everything that should have happened did not. Everybody’s favorite characters have done the worst thing they could have possibly done. It’s human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together... mass hysteria.
And the wildest thing about it right now is that it doesn’t even look like the Russian trolls have jumped in yet. In 2015 the #fandomMenace was largely troll-driven. Now they don’t even have to say shit. The Reylos are just gaslighting themselves out here and, like we said up top, they haven’t even seen the movie yet.
Late Monday night we got ahold of some of these purported recaps AND a few blurry cell phone pics before the leakers’ accounts got deleted.
They were JUICY.
Checked a lot of the boxes for us to be honest. Our point here is that these types of wild over-reactions on the internet are actually really good news for all us Star Wars Guys here in real life.
Everybody here in Special Ed Nation is old enough to remember the release of at least two thirds of the Star Warses. So you guys know that literally none of them have been have ever been well received at first by the “fandom.” Every one of the prequels was largely considered to be a “bad” movie for various reasons. Then, The Force Awakens gave critics a “good” movie but Old-Time Star Wars Guys criticized it for being an unoriginal knock-off of A New Hope. Then, of course, The Last Jedi was and still is the most polarizing Star Wars of all.
But Here’s The Thing:
People are fucking stupid. They don’t know what’s good.
Star Wars was popularly hated on way before there was an internet. Not to say that people in the 80's and 90’s, generally speaking, weren’t idiots, but there is a new breed of very special idiot that exists today that may have not been as visible in the past.
Nowadays, modern behavioral healthcare allows for a wide array of looneys and maniacs to manage their psychoses and live otherwise unassuming lives. We don’t sequester our crazies behind the stone walls of a sanitarium anymore.
Nowadays, we give them counseling, drugs, and internet access, then send em on their way. The funny thing that happens is these maroons probably get a lot of benefit out of counseling. Which is great, but now we got all these fruitcakes walking around thinking it’s worthwhile to talk about how they feel. Which isn’t wrong, but antisocial screwballs generally don’t have a lot of close friends so instead of having private conversations about their nutjob-ass ideas, they write those shits on the internet.
People who write shit on the internet aren’t necessarily idiots, but they’re ALL crazy.
It’s gonna be ok, you guys. Everybody’s stupid and they don’t know anything. If you guys are out there in the #trosspoilers it’s more important than ever right now to remember our cardinal rule of life:
Every Star Wars is Good, so DON’T EVER SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!
SPECIAL ED SUPERBOWL IX: THE RISE OF RUSSELL!!!!!!!!!
RUSSELL vs RUSSELL THE REMATCH!!!!!!!!!
DYM Scholars know that Russell Wilson was our guy. He led our squad to our first Championship in 2014, but hasn’t been on our roster since.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt.
Then Russell exacted the ultimate Fantasy Revenge in the 2015 Special Ed Superbowl. Deep down we never really got over it, but we’ve done our best to reconcile with the entire Russell community since then.
We know we can’t change the past. But everybody can learn from their mistakes, and we have to believe that everybody can change. For the last five years we’ve spread the good word of #RespecYoRussells in hopes of someday earning everyone’s forgiveness.
This week our reckoning is at hand. This week one Russell will become a Three Time Special Ed Champion. The other will be left to spend the off-season yelling at Star Wars fans on twitter.
But, ya know what?
We feel like Special Ed Superbowl IX is not a COMPETITION, it’s a CELEBRATION.
There really are no losers when we get a Russell/Russell Superbowl. Are there any NFL Players this year who have been more fun to watch than Russell, Julio, Lamar and C-Mac? There’s NO ONE we’d rather watch this week.
This is an event we can all rally around, when a community can come together as one.
This is Special Ed Fantasy Football on its grandest stage.
So, no matter who wins this matchup, The DYM household will be CELEBRATING this weekend!!!!!!!!!
We’re gonna gather close with friends and family and enjoy this weekend because The Bills clinched the Playoffs, our cousin Keri is in the new Star Wars, our best friend is gonna have a baby (maybe they’ll name her Russell??), and the dreidels will be SPINNIN!!!!!!!!!
It’s a beautiful time to be alive, you guys.
HAVE A HAPPY HANUKKAH EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!