DEFEND YOUR MOVES 2020 WEEK 12!!!!!!!!!!!!


STUNTIN ON MY FAMILY PART 2


We kicked off our holiday weekend with wall-to-wall College Basketball action on Wednesday. The other-league text chain was extra hyped and everybody had early game LOCKS.


The consensus in that group was to generally look for Unders and Underdog-Covers since some of these teams hadn't really been practicing yet. We were inclined to follow along, since one of these guys played Div. 1 hoops in college, and one of them is currently a college basketball coach so they might know something we don't. We put in first half under bets on the first four games, just to test it out. Only one hit and the Overs were going WAAAAY over.

So we switched gears real fast and emptied out the rest of our FD and DK accounts on Overs. Altogether we threw in on at least 30 games including parlays for every time slot for the rest of the day. Swear to God we only saw about 5 Unders all day.


IT WAS NUTS!!! We cleaned up. So much so that we even told our Old Lady about it. See, we never talk to her about gambling, and this is exactly why.

We told her we had just cashed out several hundred dollars and the first thing she says is "You bet on how many games?? Baby, do you think you might have a problem?"


And that really made us think, ya know.

Maybe we do have a problem.



The PROBLEM is we need some new fucking sneakers.

BLAOW!!!!

This Nike Zoom UNVRS is a unisex basketball shoe sponsored by non-playing superstar Elena Della Donne. EDD famously opted out of the 2020 bubble season, so you know this shoe is gonna be just as functional on the couch as it is on the court. It has the soft cushiony upper you need in a winter-time house shoe, and the bold flashy design that lets your whole family know that your game is unfuckwitable.

The Zoom sole is, in our opinion, Nike’s most comfortable platform. Much lighter and softer than any Air Max. Now, one might think that a mid-top basketball shoe wouldn’t be the ideal style for around-the-house wear, but Nike’s new laceless “FlyEase” technology lets you slide your foot in like a loafer, and can easily be worn with the strap loosened for a baggy, Kevin Durant style fit. 

We cannot wait to kick these bad boys up on the coffee table, right in the wife and kid’s faces. 




FOOD BEEF V: CHINESE FOOD

Ming II, Morristown, NJ

We ordered from Ming II on Thanksgiving Day and it was SLAMMIN.

The only problem is that it might be too good for this competition.


There's a place right near the home office called Blossom Asian Bistro which was excluded from the Tour despite having some of the highest quality food in town. That’s because we’re looking for regular “Chinese Food” spots - not “Asian Cuisine.” We're not writing Food Beef just to tell you guys that good restaurants are good. Just like we're not gonna compliment anybody for drafting Aaron Rodgers, we're not gonna go out of our way to review a restaurant that's actually good.


Ming II sounds like the name of a regular-ass Chinese place, and the menu has all the usual fare: Kung Po Chicken, Fried Rice, Dim Sum; And it wasn't all that expensive either.

But the tell-tale sign of an “Asian Cuisine“ restaurant is they never have chicken wings on the menu.

Fried Chicken Wings are a must-have for the Chinese Food Tour Playoffs, so Ming II will be awarded an honorary Food Beef Seal of Approval, but will not be competing for the title of BEST CHINESE FOOD.


To pair with this fine Thanksgiving's Day Feast, we picked up a couple bottles of Snoop Dogg’s signature vintage - 19 Crimes California Red.

We fully expected it to taste like shit and it did not disappoint!!! This wine is like half Carlo Rossi and half Grape-flavor Mad Dog 20/20. We didn’t finish a glass but we're still satisfied with the purchase. Gotta support the culture, you guys.


AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!

DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs THE WHITE JESUS POISON

AGoTW Prediction Record: 4-6


We still have two Ravens on the DYM roster, and we're pretty sure we won't use be using them this week. TWENTY (20) Ravens players have COVID right now, including two QBs and their top two Centers. They will be activating their ENTIRE practice squad and they still aren't going to have 53 players. If this game does get played it's gonna be uuuugly.

League officials are gonna have to keep a close eye on the Saints-Broncos game, where Denver will be bringing up a practice squad WR to play quarterback this week. Seriously. Kendall Hinton started 4 games at QB for Wake Forest in 2015 and '16 before getting injured, suspended, and then converting to WR.

If the Broncos can't put a decent football product on the field on Sunday, then we don't think they let RGIII go out there with no offensive line and no backups.


The league has preempively shut down all team facilities next Monday and Tuesday. They got their finger on the button right now, they're this close to shutting the whole thing down and giving everybody an extra bye in week 13. The league already approved this plan a few weeks ago. The first contingency is to push everything back a week and cancel the Pro Bowl. If any playoff contending teams won't be able to play every game by week 18 then they shut it all down and go to a 16 team playoff tournament. 8 teams from each conference bracket up with no bye weeks. The funny thing about that plan is there's only 6 NFC teams over .500 right now. People have been clowning the NFC East all year, but the Packers are the only NFC North team over .500 and it feels like that team could collapse at any moment.

The Ravens REEEAAALLLLY don't want to forfeit a game right now because if that 16-team tourney had started this week they'd be the 8-seed in the AFC. If they forfeit to the Steelers and the Raiders win this week they'd move down to 9th.

It's gonna be VERY INTERESTING, so even in a week without football, there'll be plenty of DYM content on deck.


DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!



TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs BRING IT ON HOME

The 16-team playoff would be fun, we'd love it, but we're still kinda hoping football gets canceled altogether so we can start writing Cum Jesus.

Chapter one is about the woefully under-funded Jerusalem police department. Frankincense and myrrh dealers control the western district and the police are at a loss as to how to stem the violence of the ongoing gang wars.

<