STUNTIN ON MY FAMILY PART 2
We kicked off our holiday weekend with wall-to-wall College Basketball action on Wednesday. The other-league text chain was extra hyped and everybody had early game LOCKS.
The consensus in that group was to generally look for Unders and Underdog-Covers since some of these teams hadn't really been practicing yet. We were inclined to follow along, since one of these guys played Div. 1 hoops in college, and one of them is currently a college basketball coach so they might know something we don't. We put in first half under bets on the first four games, just to test it out. Only one hit and the Overs were going WAAAAY over.
So we switched gears real fast and emptied out the rest of our FD and DK accounts on Overs. Altogether we threw in on at least 30 games including parlays for every time slot for the rest of the day. Swear to God we only saw about 5 Unders all day.
IT WAS NUTS!!! We cleaned up. So much so that we even told our Old Lady about it. See, we never talk to her about gambling, and this is exactly why.
We told her we had just cashed out several hundred dollars and the first thing she says is "You bet on how many games?? Baby, do you think you might have a problem?"
And that really made us think, ya know.
Maybe we do have a problem.
The PROBLEM is we need some new fucking sneakers.
This Nike Zoom UNVRS is a unisex basketball shoe sponsored by non-playing superstar Elena Della Donne. EDD famously opted out of the 2020 bubble season, so you know this shoe is gonna be just as functional on the couch as it is on the court. It has the soft cushiony upper you need in a winter-time house shoe, and the bold flashy design that lets your whole family know that your game is unfuckwitable.
The Zoom sole is, in our opinion, Nike’s most comfortable platform. Much lighter and softer than any Air Max. Now, one might think that a mid-top basketball shoe wouldn’t be the ideal style for around-the-house wear, but Nike’s new laceless “FlyEase” technology lets you slide your foot in like a loafer, and can easily be worn with the strap loosened for a baggy, Kevin Durant style fit.
We cannot wait to kick these bad boys up on the coffee table, right in the wife and kid’s faces.
FOOD BEEF V: CHINESE FOOD
Ming II, Morristown, NJ
We ordered from Ming II on Thanksgiving Day and it was SLAMMIN.
The only problem is that it might be too good for this competition.
There's a place right near the home office called Blossom Asian Bistro which was excluded from the Tour despite having some of the highest quality food in town. That’s because we’re looking for regular “Chinese Food” spots - not “Asian Cuisine.” We're not writing Food Beef just to tell you guys that good restaurants are good. Just like we're not gonna compliment anybody for drafting Aaron Rodgers, we're not gonna go out of our way to review a restaurant that's actually good.
Ming II sounds like the name of a regular-ass Chinese place, and the menu has all the usual fare: Kung Po Chicken, Fried Rice, Dim Sum; And it wasn't all that expensive either.
But the tell-tale sign of an “Asian Cuisine“ restaurant is they never have chicken wings on the menu.
Fried Chicken Wings are a must-have for the Chinese Food Tour Playoffs, so Ming II will be awarded an honorary Food Beef Seal of Approval, but will not be competing for the title of BEST CHINESE FOOD.
To pair with this fine Thanksgiving's Day Feast, we picked up a couple bottles of Snoop Dogg’s signature vintage - 19 Crimes California Red.
We fully expected it to taste like shit and it did not disappoint!!! This wine is like half Carlo Rossi and half Grape-flavor Mad Dog 20/20. We didn’t finish a glass but we're still satisfied with the purchase. Gotta support the culture, you guys.
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!
DEFEND YOUR MOVES vs THE WHITE JESUS POISON
AGoTW Prediction Record: 4-6
We still have two Ravens on the DYM roster, and we're pretty sure we won't use be using them this week. TWENTY (20) Ravens players have COVID right now, including two QBs and their top two Centers. They will be activating their ENTIRE practice squad and they still aren't going to have 53 players. If this game does get played it's gonna be uuuugly.
League officials are gonna have to keep a close eye on the Saints-Broncos game, where Denver will be bringing up a practice squad WR to play quarterback this week. Seriously. Kendall Hinton started 4 games at QB for Wake Forest in 2015 and '16 before getting injured, suspended, and then converting to WR.
If the Broncos can't put a decent football product on the field on Sunday, then we don't think they let RGIII go out there with no offensive line and no backups.
The league has preempively shut down all team facilities next Monday and Tuesday. They got their finger on the button right now, they're this close to shutting the whole thing down and giving everybody an extra bye in week 13. The league already approved this plan a few weeks ago. The first contingency is to push everything back a week and cancel the Pro Bowl. If any playoff contending teams won't be able to play every game by week 18 then they shut it all down and go to a 16 team playoff tournament. 8 teams from each conference bracket up with no bye weeks. The funny thing about that plan is there's only 6 NFC teams over .500 right now. People have been clowning the NFC East all year, but the Packers are the only NFC North team over .500 and it feels like that team could collapse at any moment.
The Ravens REEEAAALLLLY don't want to forfeit a game right now because if that 16-team tourney had started this week they'd be the 8-seed in the AFC. If they forfeit to the Steelers and the Raiders win this week they'd move down to 9th.
It's gonna be VERY INTERESTING, so even in a week without football, there'll be plenty of DYM content on deck.
DEFEND YOUR MOVES WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs BRING IT ON HOME
The 16-team playoff would be fun, we'd love it, but we're still kinda hoping football gets canceled altogether so we can start writing Cum Jesus.
Chapter one is about the woefully under-funded Jerusalem police department. Frankincense and myrrh dealers control the western district and the police are at a loss as to how to stem the violence of the ongoing gang wars.
They manage to arrest the leader of the westside's most powerful gang. But this only leaves a power vacuum which allows lower level dealers to step in to control portions of the district. Some are more capable, and more dangerous, than others. Avon doesn't really know who he can trust on the outside, so he calls in The Wise Men to clean up his streets for him.
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!
PICKLE RICKS vs ZOMBIE PATERNOS
The ZPs have two Steelers in the lineup as of now and they don't have great options on the bench either. Hamler is a no-go with a High School QB throwing to him. That leaves just Singletary or Josh Kelley, both of whom scored less than 2 points last week. Probably his best move would be to drop both of them for a Defense and an Eagle WR so he can at least wait until tomorrow to decide whether to bench Dionte.
PICKLE RICKS WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yet another of WhosHotStradamus' predictions came to pass this week on The Mandalorian. Back in 2018 we predicted that Ahsoka Tano from The Clone Wars would one day be brought to life in a live-action feature.
Season 2 of Mandalorian is crushing it. Mando's mission this season is to find a Jedi to take care of Baby Yoda. That Jedi was revealed this week to be the prodigal Ahsoka. We're very much looking forward to the Ahsoka series that they're spinning off here. Baby Yoda is 50 years old, so he's gonna need GENERATIONS of babysitters. Ahsoka can rock with him for a couple seasons, then maybe dump him off on a young Poe and BB-8 or maybe Ezra will show up again, maybe bring back broom boy, who know?!?! The possibilities are endless!!
There was one very curious scene this week, tho. When Ahsoka read Baby Yoda's mind, she said he'd been raised in the Jedi Temple and that she had "only ever known one being like him". One? ONE??!?!?!?!
WHAT ABOUT YADDLE???
In Episode I there were two Yodas - Yoda and Yaddle, the lady Yoda. We always had hoped to find out that Baby Yoda (real name "Grogu", btw) was Yaddle and Yoda's kid. Now it appears they're trying to erase our old girl. FUCK THAT!!! If they don't bring back Yaddle we're fucking DONE with Star Wars.
For real this time.
SHARON ERTZ WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!
PAULS AWESOME TEAM vs POLK HIGH PANTHERS
PAULS AWESOME TEAM WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!