Big RIP shout out to the GOAT of all American Guitar Gods, EDDIE VAN HALEN!!!!
(play video with volume UP)
And a hopeful, preemptive, can’t wait to piss on your grave shout out to the WOAT of all American wannabe Joseph Goebbleses, Stephen Miller!!!!
We had ourselves a hearty chuckle when we first found out about Don and Melania’s COVIDs. But we totally get Maddow and them wishing Donny a speedy recovery. You can’t demand Trump be more civil and also cheer for him being sick.
But when we heard this fuckin piece of shit Miller got the cooties too, we had a goddamn CELEBRATION!!!!
Fuck this guy, for real. It's never a good look to root for injuries, we try to avoid it in general.
But, the Fantasy Gods have smiled upon our extreme anti-racist stance over the last few years, so we think they won’t mind some uncouth hateration on this pig face garbage person.
You guys, we honestly hope Steven Miller dies from the Rona. This isn't just a political thing, like “we don't want this guy to have power anymore”, we find this man thoroughly despicable and we would be happy if he died. The sooner the better.
DEFEND YOUR MOVES PRESENTS:
FOOD BEEF V!!!!!
(ed. note: In adherence with DYM's COVID-19 Protocols, there will be no buffets on the 2020 Chinese Food Tour)
Food Beef is BACK for the 2020 season!!!! This year we will tour the finest Chinese Food restaurants in the greater Madison NJ area.
The executive management group at Defend Your Moves have enacted a concrete set of COVID-19 related protocols this year. Therefore we will not allow our staff or any guest judges to dine-in at the weekly restaurants. The competition will be takeout or delivery ONLY - all eating and scoring will take place at the DYM Home Office or one of the Remote Satellite Facilities we have provided for our acclaimed panel of judges.
DYM Nation has been clamoring for quite some time for a Chinese Food review tour. Due to the increased demand, we have expanded the pool of guest judges for this season:
MAULBECK and MB will be returning for their 3rd Food Beef Tour in 2020. Their opinions were invaluable in our quests for Morris County's best sandwiches and bagels.
ANGELO and TAHLIA are our esteemed next door neighbors here in the Rose City. They're awesome. We party.
BERNIE and SARA are the official brother and sister-in-law of DYM and avid Chinese Food eaters. They get Chinese delivery for dinner EVERY SUNDAY. It's crazy, you cannot get them to go out to dinner on a Sunday, seriously. Now that we got the Backyard Man-Cave in FULL EFFECT we might get The Doggfather to stick around for dinner after a Bills game.
CYNTHIA and YOURS TRULY, the Co-Founders and Managing Editors of Food Beef, will of course be judging every week.
Here's how Food Beef works:
We select the 8 highest rated (Yelp and Google) Chinese Food spots within ~5 miles of the DYM Home Office.
Each week, from weeks 4 through 11, we order from one restaurant and judge their food.
For this year we're going to order a bunch of different things from each place, and we won't have any mandatory menu items for the regular season.
(Dumplings, egg foo young, and fried rice will most likely be required orders for the Playoff Rounds, but this is still under review.)
Each dish will be judged on a 1-10 scale and the dish scores will be averaged for a total restaurant score.
The top 4 scorers will compete in a single-elimination playoff tournament in weeks 12-14.
FOOD BEEF V SCHEDULE:
Week 4: Sunny Kitchen⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Week 5: Hunan Wok ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Week 6: Cottage 2⭐️⭐️⭐️½
Week 7: China Chalet⭐️⭐️⭐️½
Week 8: Bean Curd House⭐️⭐️⭐️½
Week 9: Lins Place⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Week 10: Ming II⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Week 11: Ashia ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
THIS WEEK: SUNNY KITCHEN of Hanover!!!!
This week we've got a new comer to kick things off. We've never been to Sunny Kitchen, cause it's kinda far from us, and they don't deliver right now. Took about a half hour round trip. It's on Ridgedale Ave about two miles north of rt. 10, so as far as 15 minute drives go, this is pretty easy. We will definitely be making that trip again cause this was a TREAT! The soup and the fried rice in particular set Sunny Kitchen apart, and should earn them a playoff spot.
Full disclosure: Sunny Kitchen got somewhat of an advantage because it happened to be the last thing we ate before Yom Kippur and the first thing we ate after. We literally spent the whole day thinking about that soup.
The highlight dish at Sunny Kitchen is the House Special Soup. It's a Hot & Sour with EVERYTHING in it. Talkin bout BIG veggie pieces, BIG meats, and an outstanding broth. 10/10
Pupu Platter (below) was good, not great. We liked beef curry satay a lot but the egg rolls and ribs were kinda average. 7.5/10
Pork Fried Rice was surprisingly good. They add a little tumeric, which is a very nice touch. 9/10
House Special Tofu featured a very firm delicious bean curd, but an unexciting sauce. 8.5/10
SUNNY KITCHEN TOTAL SCORE: 8.75
2020 SPECIAL ED POWER RANKINGS!!!!
When we first Power Ranked this league on the OG message board DYM in 2012 it was kind of a joke, and it was kind of funny. Because, you see, Power Rankings of real NFL teams is already an absurd and useless enterprise, and everything about Fantasy Football is even more absurd and less useful. That's the joke.
But nowadays, you can get "Power Rankings" of this here fantasy league on actual legitimate websites.
The crazy thing is not just that these exist, but that they disagree so wildly on some teams. One of these has to be very wrong. We're starting to think that maybe FantasyPros keeps putting our teams at the top of the Power Ranks so we'll keep paying for the site. Like if the site says we're doing good then we're gonna think the site is actually making us better. Like we're just gonna miss the playoffs and think it was all bad luck cause the 'Pros said we had a good team.
Couldn't be us, guys.
Anyway, just wanted to point out how fucking stupid this is right here at the top. Yahoo and the 'Pros don't have the balls to tell you this is all bullshit, but we're truth tellers first and foremost here at DYM.
Every year around week 4 we line up every WR, RB, QB and TE owned in Special Ed and JUDGE THEM.
Based on performance, reputation, and our own gut instinct, every player is put into one of four self-evident categories:
SUPERSTAR, STARTER, CAN'T CUT, and INJURED/EXPENDABLE
The DYM POWER METRICS are calculated by dividing the number of superstars on your roster by 7 and number of total starters by 7 (for the 7 starting starting positions in a Special Ed line-up) and adding the two percentages together (so that SUPERSTARS count twice)
This year we added a slight twist, because we needed a way to differentiate a few players who are currently LEGIT STARTERS but appear to be on the cusp of SUPERSTARDOM. They are designated as "LEGIT STARTER+" in the lineups below and are scored as a .5 in the SUPERSTARS column and .5 in the STARTERS.
We also deemed Alvin Kamara a "SUPERSTAR+" and scored him as 1.5 SUPERSTARS. The dude is just ballin out of control right now. He's averaging 3 points per game more than McCaffrey was this time last year (and McC did NOT have a slow start in '19).
PAUL'S AWESOME TEAM
Aaron Rodgers has returned to SUPERSTAR status and we did not see it coming. The last two years he's been the #8 and #11 QB overall; and been 10 and 12 points per game behind the #1 QB. We fully expected those numbers to continue to drop this year but they DIDN'T!! Unbeknownst to us, Aaron Rodgers is, in fact, still Aaron Rodgers.
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS
If not for the loss of Nick Chubb, this team would have been tied for first with PAT in the 2020 Power Rankings. It's a massive loss because this team only drafted 2 good RBs. Josh Kelley has a shot to move up a tier but he was in no way getting it done against the Bucs after Ekeler went down.
Calvin Ridley is THAT GUY this year though. Even with the zero in week 4, he's still the highest scoring WR this season. That's nuts. If he had put up another 25 in week four he mighta been on that Kamara+ level.
THE WHITE JESUS POISON
We are at a loss with this squad. We coulda swore they were the shit, but now James Robinson (RB - JAX) is literally their highest scoring player. Swear to God we did not know who James Robinson was until 2½ weeks ago and now he's scored more fantasy points than Matt Ryan. Fuckin' 2020 man.
Injuries hit this team where it hurts. Mike Tom almost for sure woulda been a SUPERSTAR and even Ekeler had a chance if he balled out in week 4 instead of snapping his leg off. C'est la vie.
This squad's only SUPERSTAR was picked up off waivers because I'm an idiot.
POLK HIGH PANTHERS
PHP is sitting on 3 injured guys but one could argue that this team has benefitted more than any other from the recent rash of injuries.
- Melvin Gordon has been good, not great, but after washed-ass Julio jacked his hammy again PHP became the hands-down winner of the season's first trade.
- Kamara was already a locked-in SUPERSTAR but Mike Tom's injury elevated him into a heretofore unknown tier of eliteness.
- Plus, they gotta know that annual Amari Cooper leg injury is coming right around the corner and CeeDee is ready for it.
DEFEND YOUR MOVES 🥡
We have 3 "D. Johnson"s on the squad right now and we're plotting on a trade for Diontae as we speak.
I KNOWS PANDEMICS 👾
Circle Jerick is most likely a temporary STARTER but he's undeniably getting it done for the time being.
DeAndre Hopkins, though, could be more getting it done, in our opinion. This is the second year in a row that he's entered week 5 below the statistical threshold for SUPERSTARDOM, but been granted the status on reputation. Last year he finished the season in the top 5 so he's earned another pass.
This team is pretty top heavy, they have 3 top-tier players and 9 kinda shaky guys. The RB2 spot is probably gonna be a mine-field. We thought Mark Ingram was washed 2 or 3 years ago, but even to us, he's been surprisingly unreliable this year. Theoretically either Henderson or Malcom Brown will be good most weeks, just gotta figure out which one.
BRING IT ON HOME
Our early season disrespect for this squad has borne out in the POWER RANKING metrics as well, as there are no SUPERSTARS on this team. As much as we want to love Kylo Murray, his 24pts per game ranks 6th among QBs and is a full 3pts behind Aaron Rodgers.
Thielen's 17.9 per game puts him just outside this year's SUPERSTAR threshold, but we don't like him, and we don't like the Vikings at all this year, so he did not earn the LS+ designation.
This team is down two top-tier WRs right now, and Miles Sanders has been thoroughly disappointing.
But the good news is Ben is scoring about as the same as Lamar Jackson right now. And Kareem is a borderline SUPERSTAR with unlimited upside until Chubb comes back (which might not be any time soon). He's playing with a dinged up groin, but he's a man on a mission right now. There's a very real chance Kareem gets his long awaited second NFL rushing title this year.
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!