WOKE WEDNESDAYS WITH KYRIE IRVING
What's up, Special Ed?
I know you guys were hoping for more Cum Jesus this month. It's coming along, but I'm still in the ideation phase to be honest. That’s ok, though, since I got a lotta work to do at the job right now.
This could be a banner year in my non-basketball-playing career. We’re 30 games into the season now and me and KD have each only played about 20. KD has the sweet setup this year 'cause of that clutch achilles surgery. I think he’s not playing any back-to-backs OR road games, it’s the best! I tried to get that schedule too but Coach Steve wasn’t tryina hear it. So, instead, I decided to just play the first month then take a month off to party for my sister’s birthday. I needed that break, and KD and ‘em held it down too! They went 6-2 while I was gone, but old man Nash couldn't just let me chill. Blowin' up my phone everyday. So now I’m like - “Damn. I really don’t feel like goin' back to work anyway but now I KNOW when I get there Nash's gonna be all in my face tryin' to talk about “point guard” shit. Fuck that!”
So that’s when I had the GENIUS idea.
Man, that shit could not have worked out better. It was too fuckin easy. Everybody knew that our guy James fuckin' hated playing with Russ’ try-hard ass in Houston. He used to tell us that shit all the time. Any time he saw Russ play he'd say some shit like - “It is too damn hot in Texas for a man to be runnin' around like that.” HAHAHA!! Fuck Russ, yo!!! Jay loves playin' with us. We don;t give a fuck, we're gonna let him take all the damn shots he wants, and we’re NEVER gonna tell him to hustle. He's happy as a clam!
His first 8 games here we let him get 3 triple doubles and 7 double doubles. Then I got one of my boys to start talking to him about breaking J-Kidd’s records and shit, next thing you know HE’S the fuckin' point guard!!!
We played that motherfucker like Huckleberry fuckin' Finn. Classic.
Me and KD are gonna sit out this whole west coast road trip. Straight chillin. Kev said: "If Jay wanted to get outta Houston so bad, let him deal with the fuckin' jet lag." HA!!
DYM is kinda busy too, I guess. They wanted me to come through this month cause they said they’re "trying to do more reading than writing these days." 🤷♂️
Ever since they won that SESB with Josh Allen they’ve been obsessed with the number 17. “Hero’s Journey blah blah blah...” They won't shut up about it. Last month the Research Dept guys got into reading about Pythagoras. They said they’re tryin' to figure out why people are afraid of prime numbers, or something. I never totally got it. But, then - once they found out there was gonna be a “Big 3” in Brooklyn and the three of us all picked new jersey numbers and they’re 7, 11, and 13 - the whole Home Office kinda lost it. It's fuckin' nutso if you ask me. I can’t even get em to read the new Star Wars novel. They’re down in the Home Office Basement flipping those old ass, sepia lookin' book pages, gettin' all those paper cuts, and the new SW is just sitting there on their kindle. Idk. I might have to take over the DYM Off-Season for another few months, but at least I don’t have to run Mike D'Antoni's fuckin' offense any more.
DYM hasn’t gone off the deep end just yet, but they’re right near the edge. Even I don’t know where they’re going with all this Ancient Greek shit. Fuckin' white devil Pythagoras stole all that shit from the Egyptians anyway. I keep tryina tell 'em. They're gonna come around tho. We’re excited honestly, 'cause DYM’s big off-season think pieces are some of my favorite shits on the internets.
One of their most controversial, and my personal favorite, is DYMOS 2019 #1:
"Aliens aren't real. But if Earth is the only planet with life, then it’s also the only planet with GHOSTS."
That take was right in my wheelhouse. As an environmentalist, I'm not too concerned with space travel and shit like that. We got big enough problems on this planet. I just can't be bothered with aliens anymore.
Anyways. Rush Limbaugh died on Wednesday, which got me thinkin' about ghosts again. Most people these days spend a lot more time thinking about aliens than ghosts, and they got it all wrong!
WOKE WEDNESDAYS WITH KYRIE PRESENTS: ALIENS vs. GHOSTS Pt. 2!!
ALIENS STILL AREN'T REAL
I used to be into aliens and shit when I was a kid. It's fun to think about, but once you learn a little bit about the true nature of the universe the whole theory falls apart pretty quickly. I think DYM did a nice job demonstrating that. But still, these days, it seems like EVERYBODY believes this ET/UFO garbage.
Back in my day the whole point of believing in aliens was because the government told us NOT to. Now we got regular squares out here thinkin' aliens are real cause the "Navy" released some "pictures". SMGDH. But it's not just the herbs gettin' scammed nowadays, even the heartiest denizens of the internets are falling for this "UFO" propaganda.
From what I understand, a big part of the QAnon theory is that the Democrats are supposed to be some sorta reptilian aliens. And that they drink kids' blood so they can live forever. Something like that. That's the elevator pitch.
I don't fuck with QAnon much 'cause I heard this podcast where the guy really broke it all down and it totally opened my eyes:
"First of all, there are no aliens. They're fallen angels. And if you do any research into it you know that that's true. What are known as "benevolent aliens," according to UFO culture, are Nordics who have Scadinavian characteristics. Many people equate them with good angels..."
but they're not.
Obama and Pelosi and 'em are neither alien, nor reptilian, nor angel. They're human, but they're genetically engineered hybrids of ancient royal bloodlines.
Makes a lot more sense when you think about it.
The really crazy part to me isn't the Q theory itself - on paper it's pretty standard fare - I just can't believe people followed that shit for so long! It's the most obvious false flag psy-op of the last 20 years... I mean Biden won, the Ds won the Senate, AND they got like 1,000 proud boys to tell on themselves on twitter so they could arrest 'em later. Isn't it obvious who's benefiting from this campaign? It's so transparent.
You ever noticed how easy it is to find out all about Q? How it seems like it's everywhere? The REAL conspiracy theorists I fuck with are gettin' canceled into oblivion, and Anderson Cooper's talking about UFOs and Q right there on goddamn CNN!!! They WANT you to talk about aliens! Just like they wanted those "insurrectionists" to talk about Q. It's a set up. There’s a lot of theories out there about fake conspiracies, but Q is a fake conspiracy theory.
I BELIEVE IN GHOSTS
AND YOU SHOULD TOO
The nature of the afterlife is, by definition, unknowable. Yet mankind has always vainly craved the opportunity to see behind the veil, if only just to know what lies there, and then return to life. This is the apple that Adam was told not to eat, and it’s now our curse.
As a sociological construct, the basic function of organized religion, is just that: to organize. It groups people around that one singular common interest, and then places the new community into a hierarchical power structure. The vehicle that uniquely enables this function for a religion is the supposition that the elders of the faith hold some mysterious knowledge (eg knowledge of the afterlife) and provide a path for their adherents to enter the mysteries as well. From an economic perspective, the literal unknowability of the mysteries is what makes them infinitely valuable.
But the modern era changed the way people interacted with their religious rites and scriptures. Pre-modern people had been told that the truth lay in the scripture, and until then the scripture was only found in the temple. The advent of the printing press and translation of the bible took the scripture out of the church and into the hands and homes of the people. Suddenly the church elders were not the sole keepers of the mystery knowledge, and people began to build their own paths.
Today there are over 30,000 separate denominations of Christianity and the most popular churches in the US are just called "churches". It's safe to say that democracy and liberal education have severely diluted the social capital of organized religion in the western world. But anyone familiar with this country's history of Conspiracy FACTS is well aware that the eroding of religious institutions did not ever really leave a sociological power vacuum.
Our communities are not defined along the same lines they once were, but they still reside within the same hierarchical power structures; and our leaders still control the symbols of the mysteries.
Once again, as in times of old, the elders themselves are also a mystery. Today our leaders live in the shadow of a far off hilltop, and the common people have never seen their secret scripture. Just as our forefathers cowered under the primordial power of life and death, we are painfully aware of what the levers of power are, although we may never see who pulls them. Education and the democratization of political and economic opportunity - once the forces that disrupted oppressive power structures - have now become the means by which we are oppressed. Money, status, and legal protection have effectively replaced food, shelter, and clothing as our most basic needs. These tokens of sustenance are then meted out in a strategically unequal manner such that opportunity itself becomes the goal for the majority of the population. The old adedge "the only sure things in life are death and taxes" is a testament to the fact that the levers of social power are literally as ubiquitous to us as our own life and death. Thereby the people's entire worldview and their very sense of self do not extend beyond the realms controlled by our new world elders. Few are chosen for admission to the mysteries of capitalism, so in order to keep the rest of us rapt they send disciples who acknowledge the mysteries even if only to beg us not to talk about them.
This is why every red blooded, freedom loving patriot MUST believe in ghosts. Because they have sanctioned UFO talk we must now refuse it. If they refuse to talk about ghosts we must demand it!!! If there is any true power to be had in this world it is self determination. Believing in ghosts is a declaration of your own independence!!!
Given that our modes of interaction with the scriptures have transformed yet again, just during our lifetimes, we might expect the ways the mysteries present themselves to us in the 21st century to be novel as well.
Rush Limbaugh's immortal soul now resides among the stars of the night sky. Although, it's still entirely likely that an apparition of Rush could appear before us here on Earth.
If the elders of our culture were to appropriate Rush Limbaugh's visage as a symbol of the great mystery, what form would they choose?
Certainly not terrestrial radio. Listeners who tuned in to Rush's daily radio show on Thursday heard a touching obituary and selected inspirational clips from the late host. BUT for listeners of the Rush