What's up Special Ed?
It's raining today. They say it's gonna rain all weekend - for like the fifth week in a row. Weekend rain is bullshit. Kids get all antsy, wife finds chores for us to do, and we gotta smoke in the basement like we're in fucking high school. The weather's generally been nice during the week but it's really hard to get 18 holes in on a weekday. So we got a couple new hobbies -
The first is FREE MOVIES ON YOUTUBE. As you might imagine most of the movies available for free on youtube are BAD MOVIES. Which makes them perfect rainy day watches. It's pretty much the 21st century version of WPIX Saturday afternoon movies from the 80s and 90s.
There's been free movies on youtube since 2018, but there weren't all that many until recently. In March 2023 youtube added 1,500 movies and 100 TV shows to the FREE collection - but with a fun twist:
You can't find them!!! You can't just browse the entire free collection. Instead the "FREE" section on YouTube Movies only shows you a few hundred titles at a time, hand-selected just for you by Al G. Rhythm himself. "YouTube is personalized to users, so instead of seeing the entire library at once in the links, users see personalized selections for them. Once users begin watching or when new titles cycle in or out, the makeup of the selection in the shelves will change."
Everybody here on the DYM Staff are huge algorithm guys. We love a good algorithm.
It's always been fun to surf for bad movies, it's such a crap shoot - Sometimes bad movies are the best, but obviously sometimes they're unwatchable. But now, not only do we have to avoid those landmine movies, but we also have to make sure we don't interact with any content that might lead to other landmine recommendations. For instance, we're getting close to being bored enough to watch all three Twilight movies, but we're definitely NOT gonna do it on youtube. And then we're not even letting our mouse hover over any of these flicks here cause we get enough government propaganda watching CNN:
On the other hand we immediately opened all of these flicks in new tabs. Even if we don't watch em right away, we gotta get those clicks logged in the algo:
The first free movie we watched was the cult classic Equilibrium. That one was wild. The plot is fucking swiss cheese, but its got that Gun-Kata which was truly groundbreaking. Its awesome that guys like Liam Neesens and Christian Bale exist. They are legitimate very good actors, but they just don't give a fuck how bad their movies are. They are a gift.
Next, we watched Guy Ritchie's King Arthur: Legend of the Sword.
We almost didn't get through it. You know it's at least mostly bad cause it stars Charlie Hunnam in the titular role, and he's probably in the bottom 5th percentile of working actors today, but he gets to speak in an English accent in this so he's tolerable. Hunnam just eats shit for like the first hour-twenty. It took three days but we stuck with it cause it's got Jude Law and Blood Diamond and like half the cast of Game of Thrones.
We watched the last 40 minutes today and holy shit. It was awesome. Soon as Hunnam finally gets that magic sword workin, he fucks shit the fuck up crazy. Lightsabers are trash, magic swords rule.
Also there's this one scene where Jude Law hangs out with some octopus-mermaids, which, as you know, is the #1 sexiest mythical creature of all time.
It's too bad nobody went to see this movie back in 2017 cause at one point Warner Bros had a plan for a 7-film "Arthurian Extended Universe" which could have been crazy bad and also crazy sexy. Missed opportunity for sure.
Right now we're watching 2017's Sunshine. It's an ASTRONAUT MOVIE!!!
"In the year 2057, Earth's last hope lies with a spacecraft whose mission is to deliver a nuclear device designed to reignite our fading sun."
The astronaut crew includes Captain America, the bride from Bridesmaids, The Scarecrow, Wong from Dr. Strange, and that gangster with the mustache from Training Day. It's a whos-who of "that guy from that thing" actors, but we're not sure any of them are convincing astronauts. Danny Boyle is an Oscar winning director (Slumdog Millionaire), but in this flick it's like he's trying to do a pastiche of Stanley Kubrick, and it's kinda hard to follow so far. We'll let yall know if it gets better.
Our other new hobby is something we're not sure we should talk about too much online. We can follow up on this in the group text if you're interested - We definitely wanna hear some feedback on this from Andy and Dave and the other math guys on the chain.
It's called "N3gat!ve Č0rrel@tiön S@me-g@me-p@rl@ys" -- Don't google it!!! We really don't want Al G. to find out that we're doing this.
It's pretty simple. You just build a p@rl@y, and then add a pick that has a n3g@tive
č0rrel@tion with your other picks.
In the example below we have Arizona (dog) and two TD scorers. Logically, any set of 2 TDs are more likely to happen in a game with more than 44.5 points than a game with less than 44.5. So, when we pair those TDs with the over, we get 5% better odds, but if we go with the game under we get an over 300% bump.
Even though there's worse odds on the under, it still blows up the p@rl@y. So it's clear that the book is calculating the č0rr3l@tion somehow. It makes sense for the book to deflate the odds for pô$!tively č0rr3l@ted legs - as you can see between the original SGP and the "with OVER" - because it's more likely to happen... But is it really 60x more likely? Probably not.
In our experience NFL OU's are a pretty tight market, where those lines are very often within 3 of the actual result -- and a 3-point NFL game is a coin flip. But the thing is that the pô$!tively č0rr3l@ted b3ts are also the ones that square-ass public b3ttors are more likely to take. So the book has to reduce their stake in that scenario by deflating the odds drastically. The upshot is that the odds get skewed just as badly on the n3g@tive č0rrel@tion side as they do on the pô$!tive. So that's where we're trying to be at.
If you pick dodgy TD scorers (like a D/ST or a backup TE) then it gets really crazy. We had one on Sunday night with Giants+Hodgins+Bellinger+Under that was paying 1,250:1. For real. $15 for $18K seems like a good investment.
And it doesn't have to be unders, of course, it works the other way too - with, say, QB yards or passing TD unders and an OVER for the game - that's definitely in play for PSU-OSU tomorrow. Lets go.
We're gonna be rich, you guys.
FOOD BEEF 2023: CHICKEN SANDWICHES!!!!!!!
HANGRY JOE'S - Florham Park, NJ (hot)
We got Hangry Joe's regular sandwich - "The Chicken Sando" - and it was ridiculous. It just seemed poorly thought out. They put a whole-ass chicken breast on a little round potato roll. Then there was a shit load of coleslaw on the sandwich end, and it had like no flavor. The slaw had a rough texture too that really only served to make the bread even more crumbly.
It was extremely cumbersome. Almost impossible to operate, like we were trying to drive a backhoe drunk. By the time we got a couple bites into the bread part it was a total mess. We would have needed a spoon to finish it, so we eventually gave up.
HANGRY JOES SANDWICH SCORE - 6
TONY'S BOYS SANDWICH SHOP - Madison, NJ (regular)
The chicken sandwich is Tony Boy's signature. But we have to point out that although the chicken is fried this is technically a Chicken Cutlet sandwich, not a traditional fried chicken sandwich. That being said, this is an AMAZING chicken cutlet sandwich. The bread is soft and gluten-y and the chicken is delicious - as are all the optional toppings.
The editor-in-chief got bacon, avocado, swiss; and the wife got roasted red peppers, mutz, and balsamic. Both were delicious, and the sub-style sandwiches were a very welcome change-of-pace after the disaster that was Hangry Joe's.
Auntie Cynthula: 9.5
(minus .5 for not being a "traditional" chicken sandwich)
TONY BOY'S SANDWICH SCORE: 8.75
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!
HAMBURGLARS vs. BLANK SPACE
A record-setting Special Ed team is on UPSET ALERT in week 7!!!!!!!
Just two weeks ago The Hamburglars had the highest scoring game in Special Ed history, putting up 213.66 against Team DYM. But now, thanks to a confluence of injuries and byes, only THREE of the eight players on that juggernaut team will play in week 7 against Blank Space - and it's not the good ones. Gabe Davis has no hands, and he's already had his one good game for the month. D'Andre Swift is good, but he's gonna score exactly 14 points every game, no more no less. The best matchup for this squad, on paper, is Hurts vs Miami. But Miami's points-against-QB numbers are not what they seem -- Josh Allen blew them out and no other QB has really done shit against them. Also, we don't think Deebo plays, so we're looking forward to Kull picking up Rondale Moore on Sunday morning.
It's a big opportunity for Team Pfizer. They've scored 120 on average the last two weeks but lost them both and now sit at 1-5. They need to start stringing some wins together, and we think that starts this week. We feel like the bye weeks will just make the choices simpler for Dave, and may even be addition-by-subtraction. He's left a lot of points on the bench, mostly due to a few dud weeks from Tee Higgins and Derrick Henry - who are both on bye this week. This team has missed out on the biggest games from Pickens, Amari, and Jakobi Meyers, so we like that he's being forced to start them all. There's no superstars on either of these teams, but Dave's squad is solid and we think Sam Howell has a big one against the Giants.
It's go time for this squad.
BLANK SPACE: 131.39
BLANK SPACE WINS!!!!!!!
SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!!
I ❤️ AUNTIE CYNTHULA vs. LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️♂️
It's wild that Josh Jacobs didn't get busted for PEDs this past off-season. 2022 Josh Jacobs was the most juiced person since Sammy Sosa. He was clocking a steady 85-100 yards per game for three years, then outta nowhere he breaks off 2,053 last year (120 per game) -- And now he's right back to that 85 per game again.
Yea. OK, Josh.
LETS GO GOLFING!!!🏌️♂️ WINS!!!!!!!
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS vs. 🧨 I-R-f00tbols!!! 🏈🤕
We finished Sunshine. Do not recommend. We have no idea what that movie was even about, it was very confusing visually.
But, yo, check this out - They got both Nicolas Cage Ghost Rider movies on YouTube Free!!!! That's awesome. Those flicks sucked bad! We remember hearing there was gonna be a third one, but Nic Cage quit cause they were so terrible.
TOBIN & THE RIPPERS WINS!!!!!!!
DUMB BUT PRETTY vs. ERIN ERTZ
It's looking like a pretty light week around the NFL. Lotta byes, lotta injuries, and a lotta weird matchups (like Raiders-Bears, that shit might be a 0-0 tie). There's only two good games with OUs above 46: Miami/Philly and Clippers/Chiefs. Somehow Rob has a double-game stack with 5 players in those two games. Kinda unfair.
ERIN ERTZ WINS!!!!!!!
I ALSO WANT TO GO GOLFING vs. PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM
Andy got a big Kamara game last night, and he's gonna need it cause Eli Moore, Jaleel O'Laughlin, and Davante Adams all might be DOA this week. We don't like how this team starts both Lockett and DK but at least its against Arizona this week.
Paul doesn't have great matchups this week (but who does?), but we don't think they have any duds either. So we're gonna keep riding Team Puka.
PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM WINS!!!!!!!