DEFEND YOUR MOVES OFF-SEASON 2022 #1!


CONGRATULATIONS to the SESB XI CHAMPIONS -

BRING IT ON HOME!!!!!

 

I"M BAAAAAACK!!!!!!

CANCEL CULTURE can't hold me down y'all. Your today boy Kyrie is BACK on DYM and BACK on the court!!!!!


The NBA tried to cancel me a few months ago. Which we were actually fine with.

I wasn't tryina more than 20-30 games this year anyway.


But the REAL BULLSHIT that got me heated was when DYM published a new chapter of MY Cum Jesus story and didn't give me credit.

Check out DefendYourMoves.com/C-J. That's MY PICTURE up top, not that stupid blue-haired weirdo. ME!! KY-fuckin-RIE!!!

Man, we better not find out DYM's been doing tarot readings without Miss Cleo. I swear to god, me and Cleo will just go get our own fuckin blog, we don't need this shit. STAY IN YOUR LANE, DYM!!! Stick to fuckin Star Wars!!!


So, tonight I'm gettin' UNCANCELED by The Association - gonna finally get back on the court in the FREE COUNTRY of Indiana. They're saying I still can't play any home games in New York, but my old friend Antonio Brown came up with a great plan.

Homie was in town this weekend to play the Jets. When he hit me up before the game and I figured he was tryina hook me up with a fake vaxx card. But, man, AB is crazy as fuck, he's on the other other level. He says, since he already has a vaxx card, why not let HIM play the home games for me?


I'm like, dog, you already have a job. You really tryina work two jobs like fuckin Deion? This isn't the 80's, bro, you're rich!!

AB says "Fuck football. I'm tryina hoop. I got you, doggy." Then he hangs up the phone.


I was like what the fuck, for real. But then I turn on the game, and he really just quit the fuckin Bucs!!

Fuckin GENIUS, yo. AB always brings chess pieces to the checkers game, know what I mean?


Then Monday night he came through Brooklyn to chop it up with me and the team. Obviously Coach Nash wasn't feelin our idea. He says we're still just one game out of 1st place, plus he don't trust AB around the training staff.

But sucks for him cause guess who's got two thumbs and he's the VP of the NBA Players Union! THIS GUY!!!

woops that's not a thumb.


See, this is the shit I been talkin about for the last two years. In 2020 it was just about athletes that don't wanna play sports so much. But this year, me and AB are gonna take this thing to the moon! In just the last two months we've made incredible strides toward pro athletes being able to do literally whatever the fuck we want without consequence.


Say you're an NFL wide receiver, and you hate your QB.

NO PROBLEM!!!

Long as your dad has a twitter account and he's good at making Sad Music Highlight videos, you'll be catching TD's in the California sunshine in NO TIME!!!


Just this weekend, Kevin Porter Jr. got tired of being yelled at by the Rockets coaches and he just bounced at halftime. Fuck yea.


Even college kids are getting in on the action. Caleb Williams said he wasn't feeling the love (💰) from Oklahoma, so he's just gonna leave! Fuckin kids these days, right?! HA!!!!


And check out our guy A-Rodg:

A couple months ago he was a laughing stock. Talking all that anti-vaxx yangyang on the podcasts and shit. People said he was crazier than me!!!

And look at him now! He's gonna be the fuckin MVP!!!


Yesterday this one guy from Chicago said he's not gonna vote for Rodgers for MVP - cause Rodgers acted like a dickhole all year - and the guy is getting KILLED FOR IT!!!!

HA!!! These guys fuckin HATED A-Rodg like 5 weeks ago, but throw a few touchdowns and all is forgiven. What a world!!!!


 

NEW STAR WAR!!!!!


The Book of Boba Fett started last week on Disney+. It's pretty cool.

Boba Fett is the favorite character of a certain sub-set of Star Wars Guys. But we feel like, for the most part, the dudes that have been clamoring for Boba Fett content are the same ones that hate everything Disney makes - so we're not so sure how well this is gonna go - but DYM is on board as always.


The first episode was mostly about how Boba escaped from the Sarlacc and what happened to him in the desert.

Almost immediately after he climbs out of the sand he passes out. Then some Jawas come by at night and strip off all his armor. That shit was funny cause for the rest of the episode he just rocks long-johns like Napoleon in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.


Of course there's plenty of classic SW call-backs in this show just like there are in every SW. There's plenty of visual references to the characters and scenes we saw on Tatooine in episodes I, IV, and VI. And we liked how they had Boba and the Sand People reenact that train heist from Solo (which itself was a remake of the train heist scene from Fast Five).


The cool thing from episode 1 that the internets were talkin about last week was the gal from Flashdance showed up as a super sexy Twi'lek Madam.

So hot.


From a very young age, we've always been turned on by Twi'leks. So we were relieved to see that Jon Favreau decided not to give his Twi'leks weird pointy teeth like Bib Fortuna had back in the day. There was a vampire-style Twi'lek chick in The Mandalorian tho, we loved her purple skin but the sharp teeth totally ruined our fantasies.

Giving Twi'leks normal teeth is probably our favorite ret-con of the Disney Star Wars era, and probably the biggest mistake they made in the otherwise excellent Mando series.

In episode 2 Boba goes back to holler at the Twi'lek Madam again but just when he was starting to get that weird boner, he senses something even sexier approaching outside. Boba and his two Gamorrean fuckboys run out and look around the street. First he sees a werewolf in a bikini, which was weird, but doesn't really do it for him. Then he sees them off in the distance - not one but TWO fully nude Hutts.

The sexual tension in this scene is absolutely off the charts. Woody Allen couldn't have done it any better. At this point Boba's dick is aching and he's just glad he never got his cod-piece back from the Jawas.


 

NEW SHENSEEA!!!!!



HAVE A GREAT OFF-SEASON EVERYBODY!


BEST OF DYM