DEFEND YOUR MOVES OFF-SEASON 2022 #11!!!!!!!!!!!

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What's up, Special Ed?!?!?!

There's a lotta bad news in the news again this month. But DYM's not worried, it's still not the end of the world yet - Terrence Howard got this.

Wait. Terrence Howard?

Yup, Terrence Howard.


According to news sources out of Africa, the renowned "movie actor" Terrence Howard recently visited Uganda, where he's secured the government's cooperation with a new "Hydrogen Technology Initiative". We have no idea what this means, but your boy DJay says all our problems are solved.

"I have been awarded 96 patents in science and technology and have discovered a new math. My purpose and mission is to bring balance to our planet by restoring a safe place for the animal kingdom to thrive and to bring mankind into a new era of truth, love and consciousness."

Terrence Howard also has a website where he purports to demonstrate that 1x1=2. We have no reason to doubt him, but you guys are free to check it out if you want. Just an FYI, we guess.

 

HEAT WAVE!!!!!

WOOOO BOY it was HOT outside last week!!! Too damn hot, if you ask us. We were drinking outside all week and probly got heat stroke half a dozen times.

The weather's a bit more reasonable now, so we're heading back INSIDE cause there so much HOT shit coming out on TV this next month. We might not watch one more inning of baseball this summer!!!


SUMMERSLAM

First up - This Saturday (7/30) we got WWE SUMMERSLAM on PEACOCK. It's gonna be a fucking BLOCKBUSTER EVENT!!! Roman Reigns' "Bloodline" crew has been the dominant force in pro-wrestling since 2020. Reigns has been WWE Universal Champion for about 2 years now (670 days as of this saturday), the longest consecutive streak in WWE history. His cousins The Usos, are currently the unified WWE Tag-Team Champs.

But that all comes to an end this weekend at SUMMERSLAM!!!!!


DYM's hairstyle muse Brock Lesnar is BACK to reclaim his rightful spot atop the WWE universe. Brock is the actual best wrestler that's ever been in WWE and he apparently feels no pain, so he's an absolute joy to watch in the ring. If the Beast Incarnate can't take down Reigns, nobody can.

Then, the Usos are GOING DOWN to one-time champs The Street Profits who’ve been due for a come back.

Plus the great Pat McAfee steps out from behind the mic and enters the ring against everyone's nemesis Happy Corbin. Everything McAfee does is fucking gold. WE CAN'T WAIT!!!!!


SHE-HULK

A couple weeks later (8/17), Disney+ is FINALLY releasing the series about our wife She-Hulk. As DYM Scholars mighta guessed, She-Hulk can fuckin GET IT!!!!!! We LOVE us some She-Hulk from waaay back.

She's easily the sexiest female Marvel superhero. Now she might even eclipse Garsa Fwip and Tinkerbell's brunette friend to become the new overall #1 sexiest lady on Disney+.


New Games of Thrones

Later that same week (8/21) HBO is rolling out a new Game of Thrones prequel called House of the Dragon. We're all for new pseudo-mythologies especially if they're pro-dragon. But we're only cautiously optimistic at best for this one. GoT is gonna have to earn our trust back.


New Thor

The following week we're goin back to Disney+ for the streaming release of Thor: Love & Thunder. Sure you could go see Thor in theaters right now but we don't really get to know a movie until we can watch it in 20-30 minute chunks over the course of a week or so. That should be the last week of August.


We're morbidly curious about this new Thor flick. We're not sure that Thor (the god) is supposed to age at the same rate as normal humans, but Chris Hemsworth for sure looks ten years older than he did in Thor 1.

2011 2022

It's an issue we've been thinking about a lot these days cause we just caught up with Westworld this past month. That show is on season four right now but it actually started over six years ago. That's a problem cause a lot of the actors who play robots are starting to look older. It just so happens that the biggest offender is Chris Hemsworth's older brother Luke.

2016 2022

When we started binging Westworld, the wife popped in for one episode but she said: "This show is dumb. It's so obvious which ones are the robots." We had a good laugh cause James Marsden is like the worst actor ever, so Teddy (in season 1) was the role he was born to play.

The wild thing is that at the time we had no idea that Bernard or Stubbs were robots but the wife totally called it!!!

 

STREAMERS!!! NO MATT RYAN!!!!!

There's been a stirring debate in the Special Ed group text about which streaming video service is our favorite (if any). Obviously we're partial to Disney+ and HBOMax. But since the NFL is yet to decide who will provide Sunday Ticket after DirecTV's contract ends this coming season, this is a particularly pertinent conversation right now. And of course the opinions expressed in DYM have been known to influence world events.

LETS GOOO!!!!

We set out to rank every streaming service - except netflix, cause it's trash and everyone knows it.

As always the DYM research and statistics departments employed their most subjective and unscientific techniques:

  • First we opened all the apps and tried to remember our favorite and least favorite things about each one. We wrote it all down, along with whether the apps suck in general.

  • Then we searched for "Ghosts" and "Aliens" and tallied up the number of results to see who's side they're on.

  • Some apps are really just TV channels, which is a stupid idea for an app. Except for HBO cause it's not TV, it's HBO.

  • Along the way we noticed a bunch of apps were heavily promoting original shows/movies about the military, especially Navy SEALS, which seemed like a red flag. So we'll also let you guys know which apps are producing government propaganda and which aren't.

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  • Then we assigned a numeric value to each thing we wrote down and added up their scores. CHECK IT OUT!!!


#1: DISNEY+

Disney has a pretty unfair advantage 'cause they have all the Star Wars. What put them over the top is that they DON'T make movies any about REAL wars.

We honestly would still pay for this app if it ONLY had Star Wars. All the Disney, Pixar, and Marvel stuff is just gravy. The app is very attractive and easy to use. We feel like the catalog on D+ is smaller than other apps overall, but it is expanding: They recently brought in all the old (non-disney) X-Men stuff, even the R-rated ones like Logan and Deadpool!!!

Unfortunately, they still haven't regained the rights to a lot of cool stuff that Disney distributed back in the day, like the Studio Ghibli movies, those are on HBO (for now).


What's our favorite thing on there, besides Star Wars?

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

What's the worst?

Taylor Swift: folklore the long pond studio sessions

Anything cool coming out later this summer?

SHE-motherfuckin-HULK!!! LETS GOOOO!!!!!

Does the app suck?

Nope

Is it TV?

Mostly TV

Do they produce US Military propaganda?

NOPE!!!

Aliens or ghosts?

100% GHOSTS!!!


#2: HBOMAX

Even though we watched HBO through our TV back in the day, HBO is not and has never been TV.

All of HBO's classic not-TV content is available on the HBOMAX app today (except Da Ali G Show). Much like how we woulda bought Disney+ just for the Star Wars, we would buy an HBO app just for Sopranos, The Wire, and season 1 of True Detective. And on top of all that they have a library of DC Comics shit with more content than Marvel and Star Wars combined. And DYM Readers know a lot of the DC content has been EXCELLENT.


What's our favorite thing on there, besides Batman?

Dune

What's the worst?

Robin Hood (2018) - starring Jamie Foxx

Anything cool coming out later this summer?

New Games of Thrones.

Does the app suck?

No

Is it TV?

It's not TV, it's HBO

Do they produce US Military propaganda?

Yes

Aliens or ghosts?

Both


#3: AMAZON PRIME

Last year we used to talk a lot about how there were no good pandemic movies. And this one flick on Amazon was the absolute quintessence of bad pandemic movies.